Rage-a-Thon August 2019 - 90% less rage, 10% more dull

[Wurstbrot]

With courtesy by Popsicolo

As some form of torment to life itself, Phil announced and vaguely prepares his next Fake-a-Ton for the vaguely date of 3rd or 4th week of August.
UPDATE: "Scheduled to take place on August 29th".


Even more vaguely known how many games he will actually tackle, which plays in his favors as he can execute his own decisions as usual (which is anticipated anyway, the winning games might lose just again).
UPDATE: He will play the top 5 voted games.

Because Phil is a lazy cunt who will never lift a single finger to prevent his own downfall, he let his audience and patrons decide the games which ended in the poll. Phail Burninhell already eliminated the options "which made no sense", however he still kept some slow as fuck (or actually not really rage inducing) games, which somehow seems to make more sense (???). As the length of his moneython is still unknown but predictable, he most certainly won't reach most anger inducing moments in any of those lengthier games.

The forecast:
The three big Bs. Bad, Boring, Bullshit.

Spoiler: Phase 1: Lazy Bum

Because Phil loves to sound smart he demands not only suggestions, but attaches non-restrictive restrictions. I guess he means: Don't put me in the effort of installing DOSbox or any way too complicated crap, I just wanna play games, have fun and have no interest in any effort for my actual business.

Spoiler: Phase 2: Fake Relevancy of Fan Votes

Shoutout to @DankSydePhil for the screens. Those interim results are from August 14 (if I would correctly calculate the timezones. But I won't).

Spoiler: My thoughts on the games

Knights of the old Republic - Ass slow and not difficult. Especially if you only manage to play it for a few hours.

Furi - Legit. Especially if he jumps in after a long break from the game and more difficult bosses are in his front.

World of Warcraft - Huh? The game in itself is the slowest grinding thing ever. If nobody trolls him, nothing will happen. So will he expect to be trolled, but then complains he gets trolled? This sounds like the most fake bullshit ever. I hope it wins the poll.

Fortnite - Even if he hates Fortnite, that's all there is. He still walks around, camps in bathrooms, occasionaly shouts "Those cheating mentally ill kids build gimmick walls because they are easy to impress by bullshit features" and "Seeeee, this is why I hate Fortnite" while he dies from the exact same stuff he dies in any other Battle Royal. Fake and boring.

Gears of War 1 (insane difficulty) - Quote: "Insane is the hardest of the 3 difficulties in Gears of War and the 4 difficulties in all the following games (except Gears of War 4 which added the Inconcievable difficulty after an update) and can only be unlocked after first completing the campaign on either the Casual, Normal, or Hardcore difficulties, although in Gears of War 4 it's available from the start. " I have no idea if he played the original GoW and can actually unlock this option, and quite frank I don't care. He shoots, he dies, he complains, he tries again, dies from the exact same, never learns, repeat ad absurdum. Boring.

F-Zero GX: Seems legit.

Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind - Nothing says more "RAGE" and "HATE" than a slow ass easy RPG which he plays for 2 or 4 hours and he will absolutely take his time and avoid any confrontations, because this is the Phil-way. Maybe I'm missing the point as I never played Morrowind.

Ninja Gaiden Black - Probably legit, but also really predictable commentary with a lot of dead air. This kind of game will quickly be called "boring" (as in "I'm too bad at this and I dunno how to entertain an audience, where is my money").

Celeste - The start isn't hard at all, but maybe his incompetence will do the trick. It's I who will probably rage at him for faking madness at this cute game.

Crash Team Racing - Probably legit, but he cuts away the Online Mode. So all we get is the same usual commentary as in the playthrough not long ago. Sarcastic wuppi.

Street Fighter V - It's a fighting game, he fights and nothing he could do, uuuh, I blahked dood, I pressed the button. We know the drill, this is just boring and predictable.

All in all, mostly horrible choices.

Spoiler: Phase 3: The results

Just again, thanks to @DankSydePhil for the screens. Those are the final results. Charge your phone, dood.

Phil already told us he won't play WoW Classic as it costs $30-40, when in reality it's just $15. If you are not aware, classic is a new service by Blizzard.
UPDATE: Now he plays Classic, of course.



The audience decided their 5 games:

(1) 12,74% Cash Team Raging
(2) 11,38% Wrath for Wardog
(3) 11,11% Street Beggar 5
(4) 10,57% The Elders Pay: Everything
(5) 10,03% Ninja's Guidance Blows

The Phase 4 for the solution of his stream will be added as soon as anyone cares to make a shortened version of it. Or you read this thread.
Tl;dr: The marathon was a dud, painfully boring (possibly by intend) and Phil made "Meme owning"-emotes.

 

[ZB 584]

Morrowind in a rage-a-thon? Lulwut?

Do his weirdo cucks really think that a slow paced RPG would be rage inducing?

 

[DankSydePhil]

KOTOR is not a rage full game, not even close. This shits so rigged. We all know Marrowind is gonna turn into a whole playthrough like GTA4, thats my theory anyways since Phils NightBot said vote for it 2 weeks before the polls even started. Really the only 2 games i see being even close to raging is Street Fighter cause Phil we get his ass handed to him and bitch and whoa wait WOW is on this list? I thought Phil said he cant play computer games. Funny how that slips into the list, the game that Phil had to play offline because people made him rage quit on stream.

Its so obvious whitch games on this list are just gonna get passed on even if they become the top vote. Cant wait till next week when Phil says the trolls rigged the voting system so we can't play this game even thou it won. Calling it now because it always happens.

 

[DoubleBored]

Morrowind in a rage-a-thon? Lulwut?

Do his weirdo cucks really think that a slow paced RPG would be rage inducing?

for the viewers... the entire point is to make money while making others rage from excessive boredom.

 

[Pargon]

Yeah, the push for Morrowind is clearly his next step into Twitch Pays To Play (Insert Game Here). Minecraft is getting stale and has diminishing returns so now he needs to latch on to another title beloved by a group of autists in hopes of tapping a new vein. I have no doubt he did some research on games that take an extremely (comparatively) long time to complete and cross referenced that with games that still have rabid fans. I'm very positive he's expecting another Papavera to drop in every stream and tip quarters to tell him what buttons to push and when.

I think where he's fucked up is that unlike Minecraft, Morrowind is not lauded for its gameplay. I've seen people express their love for it but admit that the combat is a mess, and that why they love it is because it challenges the player right from the beginning, that the difficulty gives a sense of accomplishment and growth from overcoming obstacles, and that the narrative is strong. Phil might have the first two covered if MorrowindFan328 decides to help him out, but he'll risk losing that help as soon as he decides to start bitching about the story, which he will because in his ten-plus year legacy DSP has never once appreciated a video game's story. He may have claimed to have done so, but the titles he's complimented for their writing and the depth he's gone into regarding their plots or characterization make it obvious that he doesn't pay attention and only parrots what prevailing reviews have stated. He praised Gone Hole and Life is Strange, for fuck's sake.

All this to say, I don't think his scheme will work. Minecraft fans are Lego-obsessed retards or people who just enjoy fucking around in a game that is open to lots of modifications. Morrowind fans are would-be erudite D&D spergs who will turn on Phil the second he starts confusing Bosmer and Dunmer.

EDIT: I meant "Gone Home" but given that game's story and that the mistake appears to be a hilarious nod to it, I'm keeping it in. Curious that both of those games prominently feature same-sex relationships between two young women. Hmm.

 

[Salubrious]

Is there any way we can get him to play Minesweeper for 2 hours?

That's bullshit dood! How was I supposed to know there was a bomb there! The game didn't tell me that!

What the hell is the point of putting a RPG in a "rage-a-thon" if he isn't going to play long enough to get past the tutorial?

And if I wanted to see a rage-a-thon, apparently he was raging about trolls all night last night.

 

[Marsaudiac]

Morrowind in a rage-a-thon? Lulwut?

Do his weirdo cucks really think that a slow paced RPG would be rage inducing?

It actually has potential. There are no quest markers and quest descriptions actually require some ability to infer from the environment (street signs, asking characters for directions. etc). Actually, my bad. It would have potential if it wasn't obvious that he'd just figure everything out after a conveniently timed bathroom break.

 

[Sparkletor]

Here's something that would legitimately get Phil to rage and would met him tons of money

1. Enable text to speech for $10
2. Force Kat to sit next to him
3. Rake in the dough as trolls pay him hundreds of dollars to make fun of him and his wife
4. Divorce

 

[Comma]

Only a "slow" stream would be able to cause genuine rage at some point. But we all know people will have their wallets on stand-by if the stream shows signs of becoming a failure, so I expect him to go full clown mode for most games, overreacting in his typical way, because he'll feel just fine as long as he's getting his cash injections.

 

[OneDaySon]

Why cant we nominate a "slow" stream with "not a lot of interaction" because thats what gets the best rage out of him.

 

[Wurstbrot]

Here's something that would legitimately get Phil to rage and would met him tons of money

1. Enable text to speech for $10
2. Force Kat to sit next to him
3. Rake in the dough as trolls pay him hundreds of dollars to make fun of him and his wife
4. Divorce

5. Create polls & dismiss them
6. Tevin and Tutankhamun rage
7. Read chat, not cheers
8. Super Ultra BETRAYAL Retrospective (hint: everyone)
9. Podcast for Early Games Shills (PEGS)
10. Talk to a human being, behind his back
11. No Donations Extravaganza

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

If by god Morrowind somehow makes it, how is he going to play it? I haven't kept up with the times so maybe he can somehow play that shit on his next gen consoles, otherwise he's going straight to PC for that. Which includes all the planning of taking 20 minutes to do a set up while doing jumping jacks between his wobbly chair and his smelly couch.

He's going to have to make some investment here with some of these games so this feels like some half-assed last minute prep work.

Personally I would like to see F-Zero GX because that game is fucking tough as balls, and it's a racing game on top of that. Furi is also a good contender. Glad CTR is getting up there. Would also like SFV. There Phil, I just did all the work for your shitty marathon for you.

Run some F-Zero out the gate, get your shit pushed in for 2 hours, switch to CTR and do the same thing. Take your shit break, Play Furi until you run dry of tips, and fill the rest of your shit-a-thon with SFV until you feel like hitting the gin.

 

[Pargon]

Play Furi until you run dry of tips

He wants to pick up where he left off on that game, too, which was the sniper. That means he has a grand total of three bosses after that one, assuming he doesn't try the bonus boss (he won't). What fucking retard nominated that he play the last fourth of a game?

 

[Raven'sChild]

He wants to pick up where he left off on that game, too, which was the sniper. That means he has a grand total of three bosses after that one, assuming he doesn't try the bonus boss (he won't). What fucking exceptional individual nominated that he play the last fourth of a game?

...the same person who started a thread on TKoH forums where they encouraged others to use an app to change D$P into a female and post the results.

Spoiler

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

He wants to pick up where he left off on that game, too, which was the sniper. That means he has a grand total of three bosses after that one, assuming he doesn't try the bonus boss (he won't). What fucking exceptional individual nominated that he play the last fourth of a game?

Well he could always start over to relearn the game. If he's such a pro gaymer he would be able to get up to the sniper in no time. Otherwise he could get his shit pushed in for a bit to get the feel of the game again in the middle of his last playthrough.

Wouldn't be surprised if he already deleted the game though.

 

[HomeAloneTwo]

I can tell you for a fact if phil doesn't stream classic WoW when it releases like every other streamer for easy dollars, then he's a lost cause.

 

[Pargon]

I can tell you for a fact if phil doesn't stream classic WoW when it releases like every other streamer for easy dollars, then he's a lost cause.

Why would he? He's not good enough to solo any MMO (at least not to the extent he'd make progress) and he's far too paranoid to collaborate with others. I guarantee you his last venture with WoW is still fresh in his mind since it was a complete shitshow made entirely possible by the mechanics of the game, and if he's not still smarting from it then he soon will be because da trollz will be kind enough to give him a reminder five minutes after he logs in.

 

[PieceofShet]

He just had a small rant on people who "doesnt understand what makes him rage" or something... according to him, people should not vote for SF5, but games like mario maker2. Im sorry dsp but your mario maker2 video not beating the stage for 2 hours was fukin pathetic, boring.

BTW, he is save state cheating in mario currently. Raging.

EDIT: Exactly

 

[DankSydePhil]

Man there are some really salty fans mad that some games made the list and some didnt. The best part is most are blaming the trolls Really? Its was you the fans and Phil who picks these games. Anyways whoever made this one account to actually troll the comments hats off to you, it made me laugh.

 

[Comma]

He just had a small rant on people who "doesnt understand what makes him rage" or something... according to him, people should not vote for SF5, but games like mario maker2.

Here's the clip of him complaining about it, for archival purposes:

TL;DW
- peepul don't know what a rage-a-thon is supposed to be
- they don't know which games make him rage
- they did the same thing last time and never learn
- Morrowind is new to him so that won't cause him to rage
- he doesn't care about Street Fighter V so he won't care about losing


Well, at least he already knows who he can blame when the rage-a-thon fails to be whatever he considers a success.

-edit- Also:

doesn't care about Street Fighter V so he won't care about losing

Yeah, just like you didn't rage at SFV last year, right, you retconning nudnik?

Quick, sloppy montage:

(footage taken from his own video on DSPGaming: Rage-A-Thon Event! August 2018 pt2 - Street Fighter V)