Ralph the Fitness Expert - fit'n this dick

[Null]

ralph swam three laps in an olympic swimming pool at 0.75 feet / second and walked my daily grocery run

he's going with the cardio workout so he can slim down to that femboy physique may wants


some vintage gunt fitness advice:




"How I lost 50 pounds in 2 months"

https://theralphretort.com/how-i-lost-50-pounds-in-two-months-7024015/

https://archive.md/HswwL

His secret was he stopped drinking.

 

[themasterlurker]

 

[MeltyTW]

he's going with the cardio workout so he can slim down to that femboy physique may wants

You may be joking but way too many pieces are lining up

 

[Thank you Estrogen]

i would love to be able to understand Ethan's thought process. How brain damaged do you have to consider that a workout?

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

View attachment 1927282

ralph swam three laps in an olympic swimming pool at 0.75 feet / second and walked my daily grocery run

he's going with the cardio workout so he can slim down to that femboy physique may wants

An average walking pace is a mile in 15 minutes. He went for a bumble for 20 minutes and counted that as a workout?

Using his distance, pace, activity, time and calories burnt it may be possible to figure out his weight.

 

[garakfan69]

Wow, that's like 3 shots of Maker's Mark you burned off there, Ralph.

 

[Gangster Talk]

This is something hilarious fat people do, they'll do the bare minimum of physical activity and consider it an accomplishment, not understanding it's something you have to do regularly. Fat retard probably celebrated waddling a mile with a "treat".

 

[Gold Star Commissar]

Every time I think Ralph’s lack of self awareness couldn’t be any worse and then I find out he wrote an article on weight loss.

 

[Cucktry Roads]

I don't think exercise nor proper eating will shrink the parasite entity that is his Gunt.

 

[UnLimiTed-Lbs]

Ralph starting Operation Punt The Gunt is a go.
now, we need Gator to start punting his gunt.

 

[FakeNewsAnchor]

walked my daily grocery run

Daily grocery run... uh oh lads, Jersh is becoming a Eurofag.

 

[ClipBitch]

Ralph wants in on Amberlynn's weight loss grift.

 

[Vetti]

How I Lost 50 lbs in Two Months:
First off, as Mike Cernovich said yesterday, if you stop drinking your calories, you will lose weight. Give up sodas and even dairy, if you can manage it.

You heard it here first. It's drinking dairy that's bad for Ralph's health.

 

[Not Even Twice]

There is no way he burned that amount of calories swimming at that speed. He's basically just floating along with whatever current the filter provides the pool.

 

[dirtydeanna96]

Lol Ralph quoted Mike Cernovich. "Self help" shit is for losers.

 

[NynchLiggers]

Why Gunt is even Verified on twatter? could be a fed situation like AF?

 

[Tapeduck76]

i would love to be able to understand Ethan's thought process. How brain damaged do you have to consider that a workout?

He thinks that when something shows up on his fitbit it means that he accomplished something. he's one of those people that rapidly refreshes their fitbit's step counts so that he can see the little ticker move up and up. when it moves a quarter of a micrometer, he is fatigued and says "that's good enough".
It's fat logic.

Daily grocery run... uh oh lads, Jersh is becoming a Eurofag.

>not going to the local farmers market to support local businesses daily
NGMI

Ralph wants in on Amberlynn's weight loss grift.

He will never be as... uh.. successful..... as she is with her grift. he's far too flakey to do it

 

[Heavy Rainfall]

Only had time for one mile my ass. You barely do any show prep and show up late all the time. Also the You're Gonna Carry That Gunt is extra funny ITT

 

[Trappin in the Trap]

It's almost like Ralph is at the point where anything besides drinking and flapping his jowls will cause him to lose weight. Bets on Ralph actually getting in shape within the next 3 years? I think he'll peak at a fatter version of Alex Jones.

 

[Pale Empress]

Why Gunt is even Verified on twatter? could be a fed situation like AF?

Twitter was much more liberal with their policies regarding checkmarks, I remember Ralph mentioning he submitted his application for it with no expectations and was surprised that he qualified. Bear in mind this was back when Goobergrape was still relevant and The Ralph Retort was something people actually read (or at least pretended to read).