Ralph's Health - Take bets on how long he has to live

[Aum]

Alcoholism and drug addiction are long and slow deaths.
We can catalog Ralph's deteriorating health in this thread for posterity.
According to sunshine behavioral health, here are the warning signs of dying from alcoholism:

Early warning signs:

• Mental confusion
• Extremely low body temperature
• Pale or blue skin
• Clammy skin
• No gag reflex
• Choking
• Dulled responses to stimuli
• Irregular or slow breathing
• Slow heart rate
• Seizures
• Vomiting
• Inability to wake up
• Losing consciousness

Late warning signs:

• Hallucinations
• Loss of appetite
• Severe headaches
• Dilated pupils
• Seizures
• Swelling in the hands and feet
• Abnormal bleeding
• Coma
• Severe memory loss or impairment
• Unsteady gait or difficulty with balance
• Personality changes
• Drooping eyelids
• Vision changes
• Dizziness or fainting
• Shortness of breath
• Weak or irregular pulse
• Jaundice (yellowing) of the skin or the whites of the eyes
• Red palms
• Testicle shrinkage
• Bruising
• Violent outbursts
• Frequent respiratory infections
• Pancreatitis
• Hepatitis
• Cirrhosis of the liver
• Heart failure
• Brain damage

 

[RichardRApe]

This one's dark. There's the obvious cirrhosis, kidney failure or diabetic coma but I'm feeling pill OD after getting cancer diagnosis in 1 year.

 

[Angry Shoes]

Willing to bet he'll be significantly more yellow by this time next year.

 

[Insane In The Membrane]

Given that he's been in multiple Covid hot spots with no mask and has developed a bit of a coof, I suspect he's had his first dance with Corona-chan and the Tampa event will end up turning into a super spreader. And since Ralph doesn't have health insurance and given his stubbornness he won't take proper medication for it unless it's xanex and qualudes. I don't know how long he has left but I doubt he's making it to 40.

 

[WeWuzFinns]

I'm giving him five years. This is a conservative estimate based on shooting from the hip.

 

[Covfefe]

His body may yet die, but the Ralphamale bloodline shall endure forever. In a way, The Gunt will outlive us all.

In another way, The Gunt will probably have a pillstream that brings his life to a gaseous, greasy end in the next 5 years.

 

[PhoBingas]

I'm giving him five years. This is a conservative estimate based on shooting from the hip.

That's a liberal estimate. I'll put all of my CoachCoin down on him not making it to see who is elected president in 2024.

 

[Aum]

I'm giving him five years. This is a conservative estimate based on shooting from the hip.

That's a liberal estimate. I'll put all of my CoachCoin down on him not making it to see who is elected president in 2024.

According to the NCBI:
The average life expectancy for a male alcoholic is 57-53. It approximates that alcoholism takes 24-25 years off your life.
Ralph is 34? 35? He could have as much as 20 years left.

 

[SargonF00t]

Ralph could easily end up sucking a shotgun in a year or two.

It's not hard to imagine him getting the boot from Twitter, Patreon and Subscribe Star, which would hurt his bottom line and ability to market the show, plus unless he can make a go of it as an IRL streamer, I also suspect his lemon collection for the Killstream is on a downward trajectory and won't be improving, any time soon.

A trigger like his mother dying, along with a clearly deteriorating financial position could be enough for Ralph to end it all.

I'm not cheering this on, I just think it is a real possibility.

 

[Enne]

How can we know for sure if his unsteady gait is attributed to his alcoholic tendencies, obesity or a combination of the two? A real mystery of the ages if you ask me.

 

[PhoBingas]

According to the NCBI:
The average life expectancy for a male alcoholic is 57-53. It approximates that alcoholism takes 24-25 years off your life.
Ralph is 34? 35? He could have as much as 20 years left.

That's just counting the booze. Not counting the street opioids and benzos he's getting. He could be getting HRT laced xanax, or or fentanyl masquerading as dilaudid. Look at those hag-like benzo-abusing thots that look in their 50's at 22.

 

[kosher bath salts]

• Extremely low body temperature

This is a worrisome sign that there's something very wrong with Ralph's health, I recall he was wearing a puffy pullover with long sleeves in the middle of summer.
He always wears lots of clothing, some of my fellow alogs argued that this to hide his gunt and balding, perhaps that motivates it, but Ralph body temperature seems to be low as fuck. Perhaps it comes and goes, around a week ago, while he was in the pool with Pantsu, the pedo tranny weeb, he didn't seem to have any problem with it.

Regardless, he's a walking cadaver. I feel somewhat pitty towards him, sad even, considering how is body is a mirror of his pathetic existence, but then I remember how much of an absolute piece of shit he is.
You get what you fucking deserve, guntlord.

 

[PhoBingas]

This is a worrisome sign that there's something very wrong with Ralph's health, I recall he was wearing a puffy pullover with long sleeves in the middle of summer.
He always wears lots of clothing, some of my fellow alogs argued that this to hide his gunt and balding, perhaps that motivates it, but Ralph body temperature seems to be low as fuck.

I feel somewhat pitty towards him, sad even, considering how is body is a mirror of his pathetic existence, but then I remember how much of an absolute piece of shit he is.
You get what you fucking deserve, guntlord.

My tinfoil hat take is he was wearing long sleeves to cover track marks. I'm sure he's built up enough of a resistance to opioids he has to shoot up half of a 40mg pill to get to "normal" (not going through opioid withdrawl) and the other half to catch a slight buzz.

 

[Aum]

My tinfoil hat take is he was wearing long sleeves to cover track marks. I'm sure he's built up enough of a resistance to opioids he has to shoot up half of a 40mg pill to get to "normal" (not going through opioid withdrawl) and the other half to catch a slight buzz.

Now I have to autistically look at his forearms for signs of trackmarks in addition to autistically checking for jaundice.

 

[Fish-Eyed Fool]

I'm going with 20 years. As shit as his health is, as unhealthy his addictions, as shot as his liver and kidneys no doubt are and will be, how pickled his brain is, you'd be amazed how many people still manage to cling on to life a long time while treating their bodies that poorly. Trash like that usually does in fact.

 

[kosher bath salts]

My tinfoil hat take is he was wearing long sleeves to cover track marks. I'm sure he's built up enough of a resistance to opioids he has to shoot up half of a 40mg pill to get to "normal" (not going through opioid withdrawl) and the other half to catch a slight buzz.

It's not that tinfoil as it may seem.
I firmly believe that Ralph was mixing painkillers like oxycotin with benzos during pillstreams, this is actually quite common among the most reckless junkies, benzos and design opiods like oxycotin or codeine are synergetic, that's to say, they multiply the effects of each other.

 

[The Demon Baby]

This is a worrisome sign that there's something very wrong with Ralph's health, I recall he was wearing a puffy pullover with long sleeves in the middle of summer.

He's just extremely embarrassed about his body. It's hard to find t-shirts that will cover that gunt, but hoodies will get the job done.

 

[High Tea]

I thought he wore long sleeves because people here were making fun of his T-Rex arms

 

[TwoDollarPeePeePooPoo]

Ralph has exactly 7 years, 4 months and 19 days left to live. Saturday April 28th 2028 will be the day Ethan Ralph's liver finally kills him. Screencap this post for his headstone.

 

[ElAbominacion]

I'm giving him five years. This is a conservative estimate based on shooting from the hip.

I am seconding this, unless he does something stupid in Tampa and gets hit hard in the liver or the kidney. Due to the fact his insides will be shaken, I think that would expedite his death and he would pass away in 4 months after spending the rest of his savings in dialysis.