Containment Random Chris Updates -

If you really had to who would you sex?


  • Total voters
    2,362

muh_moobs

Lord of mspaint shitposts
kiwifarms.net
When you get right down to it, Chris is still a young child mentally. Everything Chris enjoys is geared towards small children by being very simple with clear, obvious themes with absolutely no ambiguity. Transformers, MLP, Sonic, etc. all feature essentially the same story beats and structure: bad guys hatch evil plan, good guys discover evil plan, good guys confront bad guys, bad guys are defeated and good guys monologue about how crime doesn't pay. There's no complexity, no ambiguity, no gray areas. Everything is clearly and concisely spelled out so the children will easily understand the message and be able to recount the story later with their toys. Anything more complex would only confuse and upset Chris, so he avoids those kinds of stories.
Welcome to page 1488 mother fuckers!
 

The Un-Clit

After the Dimensional Merge, pussy eats YOU!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I mean who among us isn't guilty of indulging ourselves with the corona Cash? But at least most people do that after taking care of what they need not before.
I took my first round of Tru-Dough (in Canada we can claim up to 4 months of Corona Job-loss at $2000 per month, $8k total, about $7400usd) and set aside about $150 of it to spoil myself with. I chose to purchase the following:

A Raspberry Pi Zero W ($10 for a fully functional computer with a Broadcomm 1GHz CPU and 1080p 60fps video, 512mb RAM and wifi + USB connectivity) An ultimate Pi Starterkit stuffed full of electronic components and breadboards along with tiny Pi camera and a full beginner's tutorial system into learning DYI electronics as a hobby, a few tools and a wireless mini keyboard/mouse and some adapters and a 3.5in screen with the eventual goal of making my own RetroPi handheld gaming rig while learning some completely new and useful skills. Cost me about $100 total. (already had a dremel and solder gun.) The rest of my tru-dough will go to living expenses as my job relies on face to face contact and has been completely gutted by TEH COOF.

Chris spends close to $1000USD on a top end JesusTablet and some subscription drawing software. Gives up on it after a single attempt, and either sells at a huge loss or just buries it in the Toyland subsection of the 14 Branchland Court Hoard. He will now proceed to shit himself and do nothing.

I know it kinda sounds like trollshielding to say all that, but FUCK'S SAKE does it drive me insane to see him just throw his economic stimulus Trumpbux on something so utterly ill thought out and ultimately wasted like that. Probably a couple Bengali kids dropped dead from the pollution created while fabbing the round of JesusPhones/tabs his came from.

Getting MOTI, time for some Canadian Club and Pepsi.
 

Tikbalang

Wear your shirt inwards out
kiwifarms.net
I took my first round of Tru-Dough (in Canada we can claim up to 4 months of Corona Job-loss at $2000 per month, $8k total, about $7400usd) and set aside about $150 of it to spoil myself with. I chose to purchase the following:

A Raspberry Pi Zero W ($10 for a fully functional computer with a Broadcomm 1GHz CPU and 1080p 60fps video, 512mb RAM and wifi + USB connectivity) An ultimate Pi Starterkit stuffed full of electronic components and breadboards along with tiny Pi camera and a full beginner's tutorial system into learning DYI electronics as a hobby, a few tools and a wireless mini keyboard/mouse and some adapters and a 3.5in screen with the eventual goal of making my own RetroPi handheld gaming rig while learning some completely new and useful skills. Cost me about $100 total. (already had a dremel and solder gun.) The rest of my tru-dough will go to living expenses as my job relies on face to face contact and has been completely gutted by TEH COOF.

Chris spends close to $1000USD on a top end JesusTablet and some subscription drawing software. Gives up on it after a single attempt, and either sells at a huge loss or just buries it in the Toyland subsection of the 14 Branchland Court Hoard. He will now proceed to shit himself and do nothing.

I know it kinda sounds like trollshielding to say all that, but FUCK'S SAKE does it drive me insane to see him just throw his economic stimulus Trumpbux on something so utterly ill thought out and ultimately wasted like that. Probably a couple Bengali kids dropped dead from the pollution created while fabbing the round of JesusPhones/tabs his came from.

Getting MOTI, time for some Canadian Club and Pepsi.
Chris mistaken for apple (electronics) to apple (fruit).
 

Second Missing Primarch

Guilliman/el'Jonson 2020: Vote or Die, Heretics
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Chris must be a snake oil salesman’s dream. I wonder if someone could reasonably sell him repackaged mayonnaise and convince him that it’s magical vagina growth cream.
Considering he used to listen to those binaural beat videos that claimed they'd cure his autism and give him superpowers, a phat booty, and odorless farts, and he actually believed they were working? Yeah, I'm pretty sure you could peel the label off a jar of Hellmann's, slap on a new one proclaiming it to be Dr. Nigel West Dickens' Feminine Miracle-Gro™️ (faux old-timey font optional), and make a killing off Chris.
 

DeeCeeBees

kiwifarms.net
Considering he used to listen to those binaural beat videos that claimed they'd cure his autism and give him superpowers, a phat booty, and odorless farts, and he actually believed they were working? Yeah, I'm pretty sure you could peel the label off a jar of Hellmann's, slap on a new one proclaiming it to be Dr. Nigel West Dickens' Feminine Miracle-Gro™️ (faux old-timey font optional), and make a killing off Chris.
Props for using a RDR reference tho.
 

PootisMan

Prohet of Pootis #ProtectSection230
kiwifarms.net
When you get right down to it, Chris is still a young child mentally. Everything Chris enjoys is geared towards small children by being very simple with clear, obvious themes with absolutely no ambiguity. Transformers, MLP, Sonic, etc. all feature essentially the same story beats and structure: bad guys hatch evil plan, good guys discover evil plan, good guys confront bad guys, bad guys are defeated and good guys monologue about how crime doesn't pay. There's no complexity, no ambiguity, no gray areas. Everything is clearly and concisely spelled out so the children will easily understand the message and be able to recount the story later with their toys. Anything more complex would only confuse and upset Chris, so he avoids those kinds of stories.
I usually prefer it when a story has both the protagonist and villain are seemly both in the right, like if it seems they are both fighting for their people; but they can't live to together because (insert reason here).
 

BigTubboWithLittleChina

Aqua Teenatic Jerkop
kiwifarms.net
Well, yeah, anyone who has a basic appreciation of decent story-telling will agree, but Chris ain't no such animal. His idea of a story boils down to 'Chris is super-awesome and always right'. Even when he has his self-insert ostensibly laugh at him/herself, he'll still be trying to show them as kawaii and cool. He doesn't want to understand grey-shaded antagonists: he wants his side to be noble and perfect and the other side to be ugly, stupid, evil shites.
 

Opleak

kiwifarms.net
I don't know if that's the right place to post this, but long-anticipated 4chan fangame Pokémon Clover was released a few weeks ago and it features a boss fight against Chris.
You find him inside a cave in a location called Lake Virgin, just before battling the legendary Pokémon Demiwaifu. It's quite well done and his team is very fitting IMHO :
 

Argh My Cigar

Knoxville World's Fair 1983
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Well, yeah, anyone who has a basic appreciation of decent story-telling will agree, but Chris ain't no such animal. His idea of a story boils down to 'Chris is super-awesome and always right'. Even when he has his self-insert ostensibly laugh at him/herself, he'll still be trying to show them as kawaii and cool. He doesn't want to understand grey-shaded antagonists: he wants his side to be noble and perfect and the other side to be ugly, stupid, evil shites.
Having the protagonist self-desecrate is a common thing in television because they’re meant to be so pathetic that anyone feel superior by comparison. Chris doesn’t get that though. In his mind: protagonist = good, antagonist = bad. Even in shows where there aren’t any moral conflicts. I mean, fuck, he tried watching Evangelion and the only things he liked was being able to relate to Shinji and seeing him fuck Asuka, with him completely overlooking how fucked up Shinji becomes by the ending.
 

Truthboi

The True and Honest Man
kiwifarms.net
Well, yeah, anyone who has a basic appreciation of decent story-telling will agree, but Chris ain't no such animal. His idea of a story boils down to 'Chris is super-awesome and always right'. Even when he has his self-insert ostensibly laugh at him/herself, he'll still be trying to show them as kawaii and cool. He doesn't want to understand grey-shaded antagonists: he wants his side to be noble and perfect and the other side to be ugly, stupid, evil shites.
That's what honestly make Sonichu perfect for me because it's so hilarious how much lack of self awareness Chris has compared to the reality of the situation.