Containment Random Chris Updates - (since April 15 2020, Chris has been role-playing as Sonichu)

Tiger Tanaka

In Japan, man comes first
If only he'd go back on the Love Quest he might someday share similar news.
Lets be real here. Even a face hugger would bag up with a condom if it jumped on Christopher's face.

yeah no. Don't introduce Chris to SAO. Please don't. Please please don't. His brain is already way too rotten.
Given Ideas Guy convinced him Pitohui / Kanzaki Elsa was killing the residents of Cwcville, and Chris was punching himself in the head and pissing in his bedroom on a live stream to make her stop, whilst also fucking a pillow to All Star... I think it's safe to say he'll react in a bad way to SAO

What’s his platform? “Further well-communication with your OCs!”?!

Ngl: Classic Chris would have had my vote any day of the week.

And also seemed to have some original policy platforms: Straight re-Education camps for gaybians, increased federal funding for a homo-cure, decade in jail for alcohol smuggling.

2020-Chris though? Meh... Bland and uninspired.

The Presidential Saga.

It has a nice ring to it.
Would fucking love to see Chris nominate MagiChan as foreign secretary.

And all the world leaders would be terrified of upsetting the weird manchild who has a nuclear button, and would just play along: “We had a very productive meeting with MagiChan, who clearly understand where we stand in regards to the issues!” *Pauses, pretends to shake hands with an invisible MagiChan for the cameras.*
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A State of the Union address punctuated by ponies, mad rants about the merge, complaints about how Russia and the Middle East are trolling him, finished off maybe three minutes later by a stress sigh and yet another complaint about how this is stressing him out and how his mind can't keep up, so the goddess needs to rest and 'meditate' by watching yet more ponies and buying more presidential Legos.

It might be the greatest speech ever given by any American president.


I try so hard and got so far


Blood must never enter my alcohol stream.
In Jojo Part 6 there’s a stand called “Bohemian Rhapsody” which allows you to bring characters and elements from fictional worlds into the real world. Basically the power Chris wishes/thinks he has.
I always thought chris would have something like Hey-Ya, it just whispers in his ear telling him he's the greatest at everything and is just constantly feeding his ego, and shifting the blame when reality doesn't line up with what it says. it can't fight, cause damage, doesn't grant powers. It just feeds chris's ego.

If two babies, a dead cat, and a dead clown can have a stand, I'm sure chris could muster something.
Ironically in the chandler house there is one big baby dressed like a clown, a old woman who'll soon be dead, and several dead cats lost in the hoard.