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Xochi

But in the stone age...!
kiwifarms.net
A classic from the character reference sheets thread. Spud's fursuit can't be other than a crustier version of this.
God, imagine becoming a fairly decent artist and then ending up doing this shit. Like, it looks like the guy can draw pretty well but he uses his ability to draw radioactive dogs with ass piercings and latex underwear.

Also, I just noticed the hammer and sickle on the belt buckle. Top fuckin' kek.
 

Xochi

But in the stone age...!
kiwifarms.net
Or unitology or goner religion. Perhaps unironic pastafarian.
Phil's religion is Phil. A priest in the Capitalist Church of Haskins-Delici. A Daddy Rape Day Adventist. An Ass-idic Jew. A Shi'its-in-his-pants Muslim. A lifelong devotee of the ancient tradition of living a lie.

That is to say, he worships an idealised version of himself. His entire apartment is a shrine to himself.
 

UselessRubberKeyboard

Mergin' n' spergin'
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I wonder if he's still obsessively checking the Farms to "see what my enemies are saying about me right the fuck now"?

He just gets to rage to an ever-decreasing closed group of friends instead of the general internet (which will help his friendships no end, I'm sure).

He'll be back when the aint'ifa tards stop giving him money, food and attention (which won't be long - Phile always wears out his welcome quickly because he's selfish and just on the take). He'll need somewhere to "request financial solidarity" and to rage about how shitty his aint'ifa ex-"comrades" are.

Still won't have a flat of his own any more, though, the idiot.
 

Coldgrip

Dragon Kick your ass into the Milky Way.
kiwifarms.net
I wonder if he's still obsessively checking the Farms to "see what my enemies are saying about me right the fuck now"?
You can bet he is. Either he hopes that we'll stop talking about him, which will cause him to make a post about how he finally beat the Kiwi Fash, or he thinks that he's torturing us by withholding content and hoping to make us beg.

He'll never realize that he's just one of many cows and we are a patient lot. Be it days, weeks, months, or years we can play the long game better than he or any other cow ever will.

818815
 

UselessRubberKeyboard

Mergin' n' spergin'
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Kiwi operatives have Phil under constant surveillance.

There's a big Fash march in PDX tomorrow but Phil is too much of a pussy to actually crawl out of his hole to stand up to them.
He'll watch a livestream of it, or at most, watch from a safe distance where there's no chance he'll get noticed. Then he'll spend the next week posturing on the internet as if he were the leader of antifa in the USA.
 

The Un-Clit

Can you find it? come on in, look closer!
kiwifarms.net
He'll watch a livestream of it, or at most, watch from a safe distance where there's no chance he'll get noticed. Then he'll spend the next week posturing on the internet as if he were the leader of antifa in the USA.
He damn well better go out to it but find a safe, quiet spot to observe! As we all know, the success or lack of success of Project Kancho requires the target to be outdoors and semi-isolated so that Agent Slapnuts can yank his pants and drawers down and Agent Choade take a few pics so it can be proved once and for all that the target never got his balls scooped out and pecker converted into a stinkditch.

use standard Kiwi 1024-bit encryption key to decode this message. I can't believe some of you dumbasses are posting in the clear about the subject of this mission!
 

Mogambo

stung by a scorpion
kiwifarms.net
Anyone remember when Phil basically confessed that he wanted to be Jewish only because that was like the gayest religion he could think of?
Phil basically chose Judaism at that point because he viewed it as a "gay friendly religion," mostly because (like everything else in life) Phil operates out of lazy stereotyped generalizations about how people think. Essentially he was enamoured with the whole "gay" identity and decided he had to be "oppressed" by Christians given the general stereotypes about Christians in the US and their attitude towards homosexuality. Granted there indeed are plenty of homophobic Christian bigots and they tend to be loud and annoying, but Phil was raised in a New England suburb in the 90s, not the Deep South in the 1950s, and didn't "discover he was gay" until the end of high school. I doubt anyone gave a fuck, especially as he didn't seem to have a real social group anyway. At most he was probably just viewed as the weird kid who rode the short bus. But, I will concede that Phil's mom seemed to be involved in some sort of generic Protestant or Evangelical church so it's possible Phil was exposed to some anti-gay rhetoric. Mean words are hardly the same as experiencing oppression though.

Whatever the case, Phil chose to become "Jewish" at around the same time he chose to become "gay" because like most Americans, he views Jews as "liberal." And yes, to a certain extent American Jews do tend to be politically (and culturally) liberal for a variety of reasons, but that doesn't make Judaism pro-homosexuality, it's just that a significant chunk of Jews don't really care what someone else does, especially random goyim. There certainly are some haredi communities in both the US and Israel that are pretty vehemently anti-gay and will act on it, though they are much, much more socially isolated here in the US. I doubt Phil ever interacted with the Jewish community enough to even encounter Haredim.

Ah yes, speaking of Israel, that was also part of the power fantasy for Phil. He REALLY liked Israel, and especially the Israeli military. Once again he loves national stereotypes (hence why he dove straight into that Hetalia shit) and it made him feel tough and like a bad ass. At one point he even fetishized the idea of Australatina segregating straight citizens into ghettos and compared it to Israel's mistreatment of the Palestinians. It's easy to see why even a colossal re.tard like Phil wouldn't voice that opinion in lefty circles today though, but the internet never forgets.

It's also kind of funny because Phil apparently leaned Republican in high school, and of course Republicans are known for their interest and support in Israel, despite a large chunk of the party being Christian. It wouldn't shock me if some of how Phil came to focus on Israel in particular was leftover from his days as a right winger. Naturally the politics of it go over his head, he just knows he's "supposed to" feel a certain way on things, so he goes overboard like the autist he is in trying to fit in. A lot of Phil's leftist re.tard cosplay essentially reads like a Fox News parody of what right wingers THINK liberals act like. And of course, it really is about trying to shock daddy, so of course it will read as shallow and stereotypical. Instead of actually reading or being involved in any of the ideologies he claims to support, he just dresses up in bondage gear, claims he's a gay Communist and then draws maps all day.

Was he utterly unaware of the Unitarians?!
I think he may have flirted with Unitarianism at some point. He did glom onto the Lutheran church for a while because he found a local church that was pretty liberal (as most American Lutherans are) and had a soup kitchen or something. Naturally Phil and free food. I suppose we should be glad he hasn't found out about the Sikhs because he'd probably abuse the hell out of their langar and they don't deserve that, especially after all the shit they've gotten in this country since 9/11. Then again Phil is scared of "brown people" and doesn't eat ethnic food so they're probably safe, thank God. But Phil has at various times tried to be Atheist (so edgy!), Wiccan (equally edgy!) and even a Buddhist for a while, the latter mostly because he's a weeb and associated being Buddhist with being Japanese. That was around the time he got confrontation with a woman at the temple, poured his tranny pills in their water and made a culturally appropriative sign saying "Buddha was Trans." I'm sure Buddhists and Asian Americans appreciated this bullshit, especially as there is a long history of racists in America trying to depict Asian men as feminine and un-masculine. I suspect the fact that most Asian Americans don't play with Phil's identity politics bullshit, especially in their houses of worship, is what ultimately drove Phil away from that. Not that I blame them for not wanting a fat, sweaty gaijin in bondage gear and bad makeup lurking around their temple!

Incidentally, a lot of this crap is why Phil (thankfully) still hasn't converted to Islam and likely never will. I mean aside from the obvious fact that Islam would be a terrible choice of a religion for an insane leftist slob who lacks basic hygiene and discipline, Phil is a lazy racist who thinks in terms of stereotypes. While he is afraid of confrontation, he's still bold enough to try bullying older Jewish or Asian American parishioners. But Islam is different. Islam is scarier for him. He doesn't like interacting with "brown people" and Islam is still seen as "foreign" by many Americans. "Foreign" and "violent" or "dangerous." Even Phil would probably think twice about waddling into the nearest masjid decked out in bondage gear and rainbow flag t-shirts, though in reality it's more likely he'd have the police called on him for being a suspicious white dude carrying a backpack into the mosque (unless he somehow found a Nation of Islam place, then he might get his ass kicked, but that's less likely in someplace as white as Portland).

There's also a strong possibility he'd get called out for "cultural appropriation," because even though most Muslims don't give a fuck about who converts to our religion (and indeed, we welcome converts of any racial background), there's no shortage of white people who want, no need to feel offended on our behalf. While Phil has been surprisingly lucky at avoiding falling on the wrong side of SJW issues thus far, I wouldn't be shocked if someone ultimately did try to take him down a few pegs for acting out of line. Alternatively, he just saw that it didn't earn Kengle any extra attention or asspats so he won't try it and instead will find some other story about being translatinx, Beothuk or Soviet Jew from Kaliningrad so he can pretend to be Israeli, Nazi and Commie at the same time. Or just be Canadian. He hasn't done that one since he was in community college iirc.
 

Mogambo

stung by a scorpion
kiwifarms.net
So, has Diabetes claimed one of Phil's feet yet? Because he's been boring as fuck lately.
Phil is usually quite boring. Most lolcows are, actually, but Phil is exceptionally dull in real life because he doesn't really have a life, and as he gets older he's probably just going to become increasingly sad and isolated from the world around him, especially the youth culture that he's so enamoured with yet doesn't actually understand or relate to. His best material came from when he first was discovered when he started out in community college, then his increasingly goofy antics with cosplay, pretending to be gay and homelessness. Most of it though has just been him sitting alone and drawing maps or posting shit on social media that nobody else reads or cares about. He's a literal embodiment of all the jokes about shut ins living in their parents' basements... except he just lives in ta.rd housing instead. Ironically at least his mongoloid brother actually has someone else to care for him. Phil can't even wipe his own arse, which is probably why he doesn't actually have any friends. LOL.

I expect Phil's life is reaching something of a crescendo. To be fair, given his abysmal health and hygiene, I would be genuinely amazed if he made it another decade. Diabetes is probably the least of his problems, especially if he's going to actually go ahead and do the homeless act 2, electric boogaloo. He certainly wouldn't be the first lolcow to die on us, but he may well be the most pathetic of the lot. He fucked up his whole life just for the sake of asspats and fitting in with some weird social justice trend. I mean, sure he wasn't going to accomplish much in life anyway, but I doubt even his mother had high expectations. He could have been happy as a special needs bag boy at Wawa and gone home to his mom's every night and watched anime or some shit, maybe even have friends. Instead he got into all that weird gender shit and wanted to cosplay as Sasuke. How'd that work out for you Phil? Guess he really showed us Kiwifarms chauvanists!

I suspect when Phil finally does kick the bucket, we'll have weeks of radio silence from him and nobody will particularly notice until long after the fact. Assuming of course that anyone even bothers to write an obit for him. At least Chris Chan has people autistically following him and documenting his every move. Phil doesn't even have that much.
 

Coldgrip

Dragon Kick your ass into the Milky Way.
kiwifarms.net
I suspect when Phil finally does kick the bucket, we'll have weeks of radio silence from him and nobody will particularly notice until long after the fact. Assuming of course that anyone even bothers to write an obit for him. At least Chris Chan has people autistically following him and documenting his every move. Phil doesn't even have that much.
Even in death, Phil isn't as good as Chris.
 

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