Trainwreck Raven Sparks -

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MirnaMinkoff

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Future MI5 agent Raven is now employing the risky double bluff technique for Samsung Boost Bradley. She added this text to her lenswhatever video description.

Pay no attention to the baby "video" playing in the background. There's no "real" baby, so there's no need to keep spying and trying to get information to call CPS 😂 I mean, right? 👶🏻 Don't worry, I'll be sure that's the last time I make a video while my "fake" baby is awake or around. Move along, now 😘
But she can’t even commit to a real bluff and instead uses scare quotes on “fake” and makes it obvious she’s trying to be sarcastic because the baby is deffo totes real. I guess this is for the two idiots online who think she had a baby? Idk.

I guess the story is now that she’s just going to hide little Samsung Boost due to haters calling CPS. No one called CPS, no one believes there is a baby, but Raven thinks this is a good cover story. This obviously means she is going to commit to this farce for awhile - which is great news for us.

I can’t even fathom her end game for a fake baby. Obviously the six or seven past fake pregnancy/miscarriage sagas have been to manipulate her current love of her life/victim. I’d believe she has convinced Josh of two miscarriages at this point, but little Samsung Boost is solely for the online audience. Apart from the obvious creating drama angle, I can only guess it has something to do with goading Dorian and Logan or maybe some former BFF speds she got assblasted with online in the past year. Has that goth YT girl (Emily blue?) that Raven copied so hardcore had kids? I could see her even being driven to fake a baby to copy even that.

Amusing to see how many “final goodbye” videos this dumb bint has done in the last six years. She’s kind enough to keep many of her “goodbye forever” videos on her channel. Unlike “fake baby”, putting Raven’s “goodbye forever” video titles in scare quotes is proper usage.
 
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melty

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Not going to watch the whole thing, but the tldr is that three days after the show, she went to get laser eye surgery. She makes a really big deal about what a huge change in her life this is going to be, as though nobody else has bad vision and this is a unique problem. She mentions again the nice neighbor who takes care of the house. I didn't hear anything about little Samsung Boost but I skipped around the video because she's so fucking boring. I've heard the YouTube algorithm favors videos around the 22 minute mark, why does she put out these videos that are twice that and there's fucking nothing in them?
 

MirnaMinkoff

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46 mins of narc waffle for those who dare.

My last huge update of the year
lol her exciting huge announcement was that she got lasik surgery? Big whoop. Her life has to be incredibly dull if she believes lasik surgery is worthy of hype and a 40 min video.

It’s almost like there’s a huge empty void in her boring ass existence not being filled by precious Samsung Boost.

I’d like to point out KF was giving Raven way more credit than she deserved. We were guessing her announcement would at least be some paid product review or awful collaboration with a gross middle aged goth YTer.
 

Karl_der_Grosse

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Raven's laser eye surgery story was boring, so I'm going to go ahead and tell my laser eye surgery story. When I was a younger lad, I had terrible eyesight, just really bad. Glasses sucked. contacts kept scratching my cornea, going without meant I couldn't recognize my best friend at thirty feet. Enter laser eye surgery. What a great idea! So I went ahead and scheduled with one of the very few doctors in my area that offered it at the time. The doctor's a nice guy, very soothing and confident, how reassuring! Just one small kink in my peace of mind.

My little brother was the technician who'd be running the laser machine. They got me in that chair and all I could think about was all the times I'd tickled him until he peed, or the multiple times I stripped him naked and locked him out of the house, or the time I encouraged him to jump off the garage roof, assuring him that I'd absolutely catch him (Narrator: He didn't). They offered me valium to relax me. Oh yes, please! 20 minutes go by, are you relaxed yet? No, I think you guys better hit me with that valium again. And make it a double. By the time I was relaxed enough for them to go ahead I was hearing really interesting bongo sound effects and didn't really remember that I had a brother, much less that he'd be shooting a fucking LASER in my EYEBALLS.

Does this story have an interesting ending? Not really, everything went perfectly fine. They had to wheelchair me out of there, though. It's still a way more interesting story than anything Gravy had to say.
 

Toasty

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Tldr; series of videos in the car, no Samsung boost it in sight, or sound, super excited for lasic! Gets lasic, still can't see a good bit of the time a month later. Oops. This is the most interesting part.
At one point says when she can see, she thinks her makeup looks like shit the way she's been doing it. No kidding. You couldn't see that in all your glamour shots you no doubt flick it to. Ffs.
It's probably healed up and she's seeing just fine, but raven isn't raven without malingering and having something to bitch about.
She never said one thing about seeing her baby clearly, although she said plenty about seeing herself and body clearly.
 
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MirnaMinkoff

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Tldr; series of videos in the car, no Samsung boost it in sight, or sound, super excited for lasic! Gets lasic, still can't see a good bit of the time a month later. Oops. This is the most interesting part.
At one point says when she can see, she thinks her makeup looks like shit the way she's been doing it. No kidding. You couldn't see that in all your glamour shots you no doubt flick it to. Ffs.
It's probably healed up and she's seeing just fine, but raven isn't raven without malingering and having something to bitch about.
She never said one thing about seeing her baby clearly, although she said plenty about seeing herself and body clearly.
She can’t judge her make-up from selfies because they are totally detached from any reality. Akin to trying to judge your makeup based on an abstract painting someone did of you.
 
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Barbarella

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Surgeon hopes to revoke FDA approval for LASIK:

linky

One can only hope Raven gets what she deserves. Not sure somebody in their 40s should get it anyway as it won’t help for long.20s, sure. But when you are about to need reading glasses? Why?Wonder who paid for this.
 

Suzuki Beane

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Surgeon hopes to revoke FDA approval for LASIK:

linky

One can only hope Raven gets what she deserves. Not sure somebody in their 40s should get it anyway as it won’t help for long.20s, sure. But when you are about to need reading glasses? Why?Wonder who paid for this.
Yikes, that article is eye-openeen...

I have been wondering about where the money for this risky business came from as well. Are credit cards still easy to come by? That's my guess, maxing out a line of credit they got from somewhere.

I didn't watch the whole thing, but I did notice that she's complaining quite a lot about how not great her vision is post procedure, each time qualifying it with 'but it's still the best thing ever' type statements. Which she then contradicts with another complaint. Her vision isn't great now (how will she ever manage to take care of her baby?) and of course she can't just put her glasses back on because her prescription is fucked and will be until her vision settles into whatever it's going to be until, as you point out Barbarella, the aging process changes it for her.

During my skim of this long nonsense I learned how much she hates her 'little Asian eyes.' She said it more than once, and explained that's why she tries to disguise them as 'panda eyes' with makeup. That sounds exhausting.

There was one other interesting point I heard as I skipped around. The staff at the eye clinic were so nice to her! They remembered her from , like, a whole year ago, even though she says she looks completely different!

That at least is inarguable, though not in the way she's implying. She no doubt looks completely different from anyone those people (whose job it literally is to be nice to the clients) have ever seen.
 

MirnaMinkoff

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Surgeon hopes to revoke FDA approval for LASIK:

linky

One can only hope Raven gets what she deserves. Not sure somebody in their 40s should get it anyway as it won’t help for long.20s, sure. But when you are about to need reading glasses? Why?Wonder who paid for this.
If she was near sighted its particularly dumb because nearsightedness tends to be a plus when it comes to presbyopia. Nearsighted ppl usually don’t need reading glasses as soon as people with normal vision or who are far sighted.

Either way at her age it was dumb.

Yikes, that article is eye-openeen...

I have been wondering about where the money for this risky business came from as well. Are credit cards still easy to come by? That's my guess, maxing out a line of credit they got from somewhere.

I didn't watch the whole thing, but I did notice that she's complaining quite a lot about how not great her vision is post procedure, each time qualifying it with 'but it's still the best thing ever' type statements. Which she then contradicts with another complaint. Her vision isn't great now (how will she ever manage to take care of her baby?) and of course she can't just put her glasses back on because her prescription is fucked and will be until her vision settles into whatever it's going to be until, as you point out Barbarella, the aging process changes it for her.

During my skim of this long nonsense I learned how much she hates her 'little Asian eyes.' She said it more than once, and explained that's why she tries to disguise them as 'panda eyes' with makeup. That sounds exhausting.

There was one other interesting point I heard as I skipped around. The staff at the eye clinic were so nice to her! They remembered her from , like, a whole year ago, even though she says she looks completely different!

That at least is inarguable, though not in the way she's implying. She no doubt looks completely different from anyone those people (whose job it literally is to be nice to the clients) have ever seen.
There’s really shady financing available for procedures like lasik. I could totally see her convincing Josh making $30 payments a month was easier than coming up with $250 for new glasses and buying contacts. These healthcare financing places will finance anyone employed and charge sky high interest. The bar is much lower than even typical high interest CC.

Josh and Raven are your typical rent-a-Center using furniture schmucks.

It would seem Raven wore contacts a lot so I can only imagine how it fucked with her eyes given the raccoon level of eye make-up she wears. She’d certainly take eye infections over her eyes looking small and Asian
 
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Barbarella

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I didn’t have time to listen to her ramble for an hour so I don’t know what her reasoning was.

There are daily wear contacts which are fine with makeup. Wear a pair, coat your eyes with primer, kohl, mascara, glitter, false lash glue, then throw them away at night, and put a fresh pair in the morning, good as new. You won’t get eye infections with them as long as you don’t sleep in them. They aren’t exactly cheap though.

I can see her wanting the kind you sleep in, which, while much safer now than they used to be, don’t do well with makeup caked on them. In fact, it’s why I gave them up and I don’t wear makeup like she does. The point of the newer ones is they let more air through the contacts to your eyeballs, causing fewer problems and chances for infection. Cover them up with microscopic black particles you can’t really get off and the point is gone.

Seems like her eyes couldn’t have been that bad because she frequently wore the costume type, and those don’t come with correction. A lot of contact wearers can’t drive, recognize people, walk down the street or really, do anything safely without correction, and those people are usually the ones who consider surgery. If your eyes are 20/40 or something it wouldn’t be worth it. Even 20/100 would be workable. 20/1000 could be surgery-worthy- if you want to take a chance on your vision. (In other words, -2.5. you can still function, -7 is pretty blind). I guess it’s the persons perspective though.

If Raven thinks her eyes will settle, she’s wrong. Unless she did her video the day she got the surgery, she’s probably stuck with what she’s got. They heal super fast. Couldn’t happen to a nicer person.
 

Toasty

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Agreed. She said her eyes were at a -6. I know plenty of people who are around that. I've never really understood Raven's obsession with her bad vision as being such a damn Injustice. Unless you are running water directly in your eyes, showering in contacts is not an issue. Some people opt for lasic, sure, but it seems to have been falling off after the initial rush when it was shiny 20 years ago, as those who didn't jump on the bandwagon saw those who did wind up with poor night vision, and STILL need readers when they hit 40 or so. She most likely was not a good candidate, due to age, and the strength of the nearsightedness with astigmatism. Not that they would have told her that at the office. She'll either A: keep pretending all is perfect, just like when anything in her life blows up in her face, or B: bitch constantly how she can't see, make. Captain caveman wait on her even more, contributing to the inevitable compassion fatigue. In any case she only had one pair of eyes, and she went and let someone cut them up with lasers. GG raven! As usual, you fucked yourself.
 

Man vs persistent rat

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In which many things are explained

Maybe a notable video finally. "Dorian has reached out to me".

It's very hard to listen to this as she promises "not to make this about myself" then proceeds to say how much she hates him. Promises to make it short and it's 45 mins long again (what is with this bitch and this time? Is it the max her phone can record or something?). She's scripted the entire thing, and she's gaslighting the fuck out of him so far.

I'm sorry but don't have the time/patience to synopsise this one.
 
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MirnaMinkoff

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In which many things are explained

Maybe a notable video finally. "Dorian has reached out to me".

It's very hard to listen to this as she promises "not to make this about myself" then proceeds to say how much she hates him. Promises to make it short and it's 45 mins long again (what is with this bitch and this time? Is it the max her phone can record or something?). She's scripted the entire thing, and she's gaslighting the fuck out of him so far.
LOL Raven is incapable, even upon pain of death, of not making everything entirely about herself.

I can barely read recaps of her inane babble, so no fucking way I can listen to a 45 min video. I’d say 45 min is her shitty wi-fi or phones limit for upload processing - probably shits the bed after that mark.

Raven obviously has no friends and Josh is sick of listening to her. She makes videos the way you would expect this dingy cunt to ramble on the phone to some idiot she met on FB.

I’ll be curious after one brave soul suffers through her narcissistic blathering to know if she ever mentions precious little Samsung Boost Mobile.

Dorian reconnecting with her is, sadly, not surprising. He was an emotionally abused kid and knows no other blood family other than Raven (shudder).

He got married very young to another abusive BPD headcase and that’s bound to end in divorce soon - which will leave him adrift and alone. He could stay in NZ, and while that’s probably the best thing for him, the drama of the break up will probably make him want to move back to the USA. (His mother taught him throughout his childhood that when problems arise running away from them via moving is the solution)
 

Barbarella

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I listened to it. Surprisingly, it’s a personal army request for Dorian.

so here’s how it goes:
Dorian reaches out to her. She knew it would happen but not this soon.

She has feels. Ready to hate him but doesn’t. During make up convo she tells Dorian many excuses about why she was a bad mom but it’s mostly the fault of the hate sites who wouldn’t let her vent. More excuses: she had a bad mom. She loved Dorian and wanted to be his friend, which also made her a mean mom. No dad in picture, no money, it’s hard to be a mom!

She wanted to be the best mom, had dreams about it, knew she could, but according to the internet, she did it all wrong. She vented online when a mother shouldn’t have and she knows that now, she shouldn’t have made those posts and videos.

Oh, this video? Dorian requested it.
She’s not right in the head She knows, but the Internet expects too much! He wants her to tell this story about what a Ugly Girlfriend did in the hopes we’ll go after her.

As we know, Dorian got a girlfriend, Isla or something. Raven liked Ugly Girlfriend. Ugly Girlfriend wanted to sleep with other men. Dorian told Raven. Raven told Dorian to talk to her about expectations. Ugly Girlfriend gets mad at Raven for interfering and relationship goes off rails. They decide whose going to the US, Dorian says he’s staying, Raven blows up at girlfriend. Fights fights fights. Raven regrets fights but also has to stand up for herself.

Dorian married ugly girlfriend, but UG still hates Raven. Is also obsessed. She goes online to hate sites and trashed Raven, but Dorian didn’t know about it. She lied. Then she’s into Logan. Makes Dorian watch them together, Dorian is so beat down by women he just goes along. Logan turns female, UG turns male, Dorian kicked out of marriage. He considers suicide. But then reconnects with mom. Job going well and promotion is coming so he’s staying there.

They want hate sits to turn on ugly girlfriend or at least know the truth. Ugly girlfriend is scared of hate sites. Raven loves Dorian, is glad they reconnected, he’s doing well in his job so doesn’t want him to move. Won’t nag him to, even though the US is best. Wishes his first marriage was better but she will be a better mom from now on.

fin