Really basic things you can't do or didn't know -

tasty murder burger

If moths had eyes, would they be happier?
kiwifarms.net
I can roll my tongue and just about tie my shoes but I can't ride a bike, whistle or snap my fingers. We had to do a cycling proficiency test at primary school and whilst everyone else in my year took part I had to help out in the younger classes. I can't apply eye makeup at all because my eyes go mad when something goes near them. I struggled to cut my own nails/toenails until I was a teen and had to get my parents to help me :cringe:. Basically anything requiring coordination I cannot do - however, I am shit hot at folding clothes somehow, my only skill requiring coordination. I've never needed to drive but I don't think I would be any good at it.

I struggle to spell received yet I have to write it numerous times at day at work. Even then I had to autocorrect it.
 

Patagon101

kiwifarms.net
Can't whistle or snap my fingers. In elementary, they barely made any attempt to teach us cursive and then never bothered with sticking to it so I never properly learned so my cursive writing is a complete disaster and is about as legible as chicken scratch. It took me until I was 16 to learn to tie my shoes and I only figured it out after watching a YouTube tutorial.
 

Slappy McGherkin

Let me introduce you to coulrophobia.
kiwifarms.net
I'm really amazed at how many can't drive or ride a bike. No diss or anything, riding a bike was a baby step towards freedom for me. Driving a car was like making the Great Escape.

Although I can read and write cursive perfectly, I always print when I'm writing or taking notes. I have no idea why.
 

Smaug's Smokey Hole

don't step on me
kiwifarms.net
I learned to tie my shoes before I started first grade, then at school I tried to brag and show off how it was done to a couple of my new classmates, with a shoe on a desk I slowly explained and did the steps/folds/loops involved using the mnemonic used to teach kids that I didn't really remember that well. Halfway through the process I had gotten lost, so I started from scratch and tried to reason my way out of it, how can you create a bow with shoe laces... with that I accidentally "overwrote" how to tie a shoe and it took 3-6 months until I re-learned it. It left a deep scar in me, to this day I unconsciously try not to look at the shoes when tying them, just in case I get confused again.

can't braid hair
A thing I can't do and I have tried is something I saw a woman do on a commuter train one time. I was sitting at the window on the right side of the car, she was at the window on the left, we were the only ones in it. I looked over and saw something I will never forget. Her left elbow was on the window sill and her chin was resting in her left hand while looking out the window, very relaxed. Her right hand, only using the index, middle and ring finger, separated the hair into three "threads" and with such ease made thick, soft braids in the classical style that was then unraveled and remade again, over and over, during a 40 minute train ride. From a bit above the ear and down to her shoulder it took 2-3 seconds to braid and under a second to flick the hair out to normal before it repeated.

It was so casually and nimbly done that over the next few years I sometimes sat down and tried to figure out how to do it. I'm not going to go so far as to say I'm the one that can't do it, I don't think it's actually possible to do it, despite what I saw.
 

The Shadow

Pulp Enthusiast
kiwifarms.net
I can’t go within 200 yards of any member of Little Mix or their immediate families.
Is this a furry thing?

I'm really amazed at how many can't drive or ride a bike. No diss or anything, riding a bike was a baby step towards freedom for me. Driving a car was like making the Great Escape.

Although I can read and write cursive perfectly, I always print when I'm writing or taking notes. I have no idea why.
I feel the same way about biking and driving. I hate riding bicycles (due mostly to the seats always hurting my butt) but am able if I need to. Driving a car...that's was seen as the magic gateway. Getting a job, getting laid, all the important stuff is greatly helped by having a car.
 

Philosophy Zombie

that fat kid who smells like axe
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I can't read cursive. I can write it, but trying to read it takes way too long as I literally have to read a word at a time for most papers.
I can't read that either because whoever wrote it writes a lot of words weird
I'm really amazed at how many can't drive or ride a bike. No diss or anything, riding a bike was a baby step towards freedom for me. Driving a car was like making the Great Escape.

Although I can read and write cursive perfectly, I always print when I'm writing or taking notes. I have no idea why.
I can't really drive because I'm Asian and the people who tried to teach me how to drive are also Asians who very barely know how to drive themselves.

Seriously, whenever I got a mandatory in-car driving session with an instructor at 16 they would scold me for doing the exact same things my parents taught me to do and then when I got home they would get mad when I told them that's not how it's supposed to be done and I need to do it their way, I regress, get another in-car, repeat ad nauseam. Eventually I gave up.
 

Slappy McGherkin

Let me introduce you to coulrophobia.
kiwifarms.net
I can't really drive because I'm Asian and the people who tried to teach me how to drive are also Asians who very barely know how to drive themselves.

Seriously, whenever I got a mandatory in-car driving session with an instructor at 16 they would scold me for doing the exact same things my parents taught me to do and then when I got home they would get mad when I told them that's not how it's supposed to be done and I need to do it their way, I regress, get another in-car, repeat ad nauseam. Eventually I gave up.
Fear = Asian driving a minivan! ? (kidding ya, but still scary true at times)

I'd teach ya to drive if I could. Guess I was fortunate. I grew up in the country and worked on farms. Was driving mowers, tractors, farm equipment, trucks from the time I could see over the steering wheel. Bought my first car before I even had my drivers license. Love doing road trips. Would rather drive cross-country than fly.

ON EDIT: How many farmers can't drive a stick shift? Kind of curious.
 
  • Like
Reactions: quatchi55

Tragi-Chan

Godmaster Reverend
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I can’t dance. Or rather, someone will teach me a dance, I’ll pick it up, then I’ll forget it the moment I leave the floor.

I also can’t drive. But I’ve always lived in cities, so I’ve never needed to. Oddly enough, I can drive a steam train,
 

BrunoMattei

Vincent Dawn
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I was 18 before somebody told me you've got to open your mouth when you blow your nose.
Can't whistle. I can however blow smoke rings if I try and I very occasionally have a cigar.

I'm bad at math. I do about average in basic math unless the problem is worded like a riddle (I E Sam eats 10 pounds of shit and Max eats 50 pounds of shit then how much did jax eat?). Leading to... I'm horrible at riddles, crossword puzzles, the Rubix Cube, etc. If I were given the puzzle vox in Hell raiser I'd never get it open.

I also can't cum with a condom on. I just don't feel anything. On the plus side, I can just keep going.
 

Sprig of Parsley

kiwifarms.net
Can't eat an orange without gagging. I love the taste but the pulp is just too much. Strangely I have no issue with any other citrus fruit.
 

purpleboy

Exceptional the Individualhog
kiwifarms.net
Snapping, I know the motion and have pulled it off a few times, but it’s still difficult and usually gives me sore fingers
 

lurk_moar

Million year sentence. Brad, I'm so honored.
kiwifarms.net
I sometimes have to look at my hands to tell the difference between left and right, but on the other hand I can point to all four directions.
 
Tags
None

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

We are on the Brave BAT program. Consider using Brave as your Browser. It's like Chrome but doesn't tell Google what you masturbate to.

BTC: 1EiZnCKCb6Dc4biuto2gJyivwgPRM2YMEQ
BTC+SW: bc1qwv5fzv9u6arksw6ytf79gfvce078vprtc0m55s
ETH: 0xc1071c60ae27c8cc3c834e11289205f8f9c78ca5
LTC: LcDkAj4XxtoPWP5ucw75JadMcDfurwupet
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino