Reptiles, arachnids, and other creepy critters thread - Because I know I'm not the only Kiwi into that shit

Android raptor

"an honest-to-God BPD womanchild misanthrope"
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I love rat snakes. I live in a place where snakes are common wildlife, but where most people have the “snakes are vermin and should be killed on sight” mentality. I feel like 75% of the time someone asks about the identity of a local snake it’s a rat snake. 20% of the time it’s a garter. I also see blind snakes that crawl into my house and die from dehydration. Poor buggers. They’re so tiny you’d think they were worms.

I too love rats, but couldn’t bring myself to have them as pets due to having snakes. I have chickens but I never feed my snakes fowl so I’m not worried about them smelling it on me and thinking “food!” Hopefully.

Plus my chicks are starting to get too big for my breeds of snake to eat. One of them bites more than any snake I know, I swear. I like the part about earning trust. It’s like having a bunch of two year olds.
Yeah my cockatiel is always biting me, way worse than my balls. I hear rabbits are the worst though, like they can just about maul you. Prey animals do not fuck around.

Where I'm at dekays, Midland water snakes, and rat snakes seem to be the most common. Lots of Kings too. And yeah they're all heavily persecuted. Copperheads are the most common venomous ones but sadly they've been extirperated locally in many places.
 

Ribbit

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XYZpdq

fbi most wanted sskealeaton
True & Honest Fan
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it's like that old rhyme "red on yellow kill a fellow, red on black just stay the fuck away from wild snakes, dumbass"
I hear rabbits are the worst though, like they can just about maul you. Prey animals do not fuck around.
yeah I found it noticeable as a kid that my cat would constantly fuck with our german shepard, like straight up bitch-slapping the dog whenever the opportunity presented itself, but stayed waaaaaaaaaaay the fuck away from the rabbit
 

Android raptor

"an honest-to-God BPD womanchild misanthrope"
kiwifarms.net
it's like that old rhyme "red on yellow kill a fellow, red on black just stay the fuck away from wild snakes, dumbass"
The rhyme actually is useless outside the US because in other places the coral snake species look completely different. And even in the US you sometimes get snakes with atypical colors and patterns.

The best thing is to learn how to identify the particular venomous species native to your area and if you aren't sure just leave all wild snakes alone. That said even most venomous species aren't very aggressive so as long as you stay at least a couple feet away from them you should be fine.

Coral snakes are pretty skittish and are usually long gone before you can find them, I've never seen one in the wild but I hope I do some day.
 

XYZpdq

fbi most wanted sskealeaton
True & Honest Fan
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Coral snakes are pretty skittish and are usually long gone before you can find them, I've never seen one in the wild but I hope I do some day.
I saw one once at a highway rest stop. Opened the door to the stall and he was just chilling in there, as there was a venting grate leading outside next to the toilet.
My immediate plan was to nope the fuck out and go to another stall, then I noticed he was Red On Yellow and I went to the furthest stall possible.
But yeah all my experiences with IRL snakes is that they just want to be left the fuck alone if you're not of edible size.
 

Taylor Swift's Ghostwrite

2016 Oppression Olympics Bronze Medalist
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So this one isn't as brightly colored as they usually are, ripped it off of wikipedia.

They are the giant desert centipede and I hate them more than anything I've ever hated in my entire life. I don't give a shit what wikipedia or whatever says about them, they are very venomous and it'll ruin an adult human's day but will kill dogs and cats. No clue how it impacts children. They can get around a foot long (30.48 cm for those of you not in the US) and the main part of the body is bright red. I don't see them horribly often, but 3 have gotten into my house over the last decade and I contemplated shooting them each time because I can't stand how they move.

I see tarantulas twice a year when they come out to breed (I think thats why they're coming out anyway) but they're pretty chill dudes. Just run around doing spider shit and being peaceful.
 

Oddjob OTP

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Gila Monsters are pretty, and make fairly good pets once you get around their mild venomousness, unfortunately for me Florida (atypically for Florida) actually has some of the strictest laws on Reptile keeping and you need to have your Gilas in a room with a double door and venomous lizard signs and God knows what else making them a pain to keep.
 

SIGSEGV

All statements made by this account are fiction.
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TIFU by raping a spider to death

This happened this morning so it's all pretty fresh.

So I'll be honest right off the bat: I have a cum rag which I use to masturbate. I'm circumsized so it's the only thing (besides lotion) that I can use to not make my dick hurt.

However, in this post I'll refrain from calling it a cum rag since it's kinda demeaning. I shall call it the "the cum blanket" from now on.

It's this utterly soft blanket and when it's on my dick it's just the best feeling. Is it better than a vagina? Not really. But it does the job.

I live together with my girlfriend so letting the cum blanket just laying around wouldn't be wise. She knows I masturbate (she does it too, duh) but she doesn't know that I do it with a cum blanket.

So after I masturbate I take the cum blanket and put it under my side of our shared bed. She never looks under there and even if she did, she wouldn't see all the stains because after I'm done I gently roll the cum blanket up so all the sperm is on the inside of the cum blanket roll. She never touches or even acknowledges it so I'm in the clear.

So anyways my girlfriend is currently home sick and she's staying up all night recently. Today, when I woke up for work around 5am she was still up. I could hear her talking to friends online in her office next to our bedroom.

I don't really know why but I got extremely horny all the sudden. I had a look at my alarm clock and I still had about 10 minutes to spare and my GF was still busy. So I took my cum blanket and got ready for a good time.

I placed a soft part of the cum blanket over my dick and got my phone. I put in some ear plugs and loaded up some nice porn (because why not).

While I was searching for a good video I felt this weird tingling sensation around the shaft region of my dick. It felt kinda weird so I wanted to check but the second the tingling started I found a nice video.

The tingling also stopped so I didn't bother any further.

I fapped for about 7 minutes. It felt pretty nice if that's worth something.

After I was done I'd do the usual routine. I'd have a look at the mess down there; to see what I had to clean up with my cum blanket.

But when I turned my nightstand lamp on and had a look down there I just couldn't believe what I saw. I almost couldn't make it out, my eyes were still adjusting but I was horrified.

In the midst of all the cum was a gigantic spider; or rather what was left of it. It was fucking disgusting, it was this green/yellow-ish slime mixed with cum. Remains of an utterly dismembered arachnid, that poor thing. You could make out it's upper torso and some legs. Jesus, the hairs man. They were everywhere. How do these things have so many hairs??? And the legs, they were the only thing that was remotely intact.

I don't know how it got in my rolled up cum blanket, it must've thought it'd make a great home or something. Maybe it was just looking for protection. Oh dear god.

And it wasn't just some regular house spider. It was a huge, HUGE motherfucking monster. Turns out that tingling feeling was probably the spider trying to escape it's impending doom.

The thing was almost as big as the palm of my hand. At least that's what I could make out by looking at it's dismembered remains.

I felt so terrible about what I had done. I instantly rushed to the bathroom with my cum blanket and cleansed it of all spider remains.

I just can't get that out of my head, that poor animal on my dick getting crushed, torn apart and then soaked in cum.

It didn't deserve to die like this. For all it's worth, I hope its life ended quick.

I hope the spider can forgive me. I didn't mean to.. I'm sorry.

Anyways, thank you so much for reading. I just had to let this out.

TL;DR: I got real horny and didn't realize I was raping an innocent spider which was hiding in my cum rag to death. May it rest in peace.

For anyone wondering, that's the spider species: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_house_spider
 

YoungHustle

💊 edgy 🏳️‍🌈 gay 🧠 not okay
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[PL] I live in the south [/PL] and am constantly running into one or another “Australia-lite” critters around here. I was camping with some friends not terribly long ago and just about stepped on a sleeping diamond back. I pissed a little, no shame.

That said, snakes always seem super cuddly to me, most reptiles actually. I know it’s them leeching warmth but it feels nice :)
 

Niggernerd

Hiya pops, long time no post.
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Praying mantis seem like awesome pets to have. Especially those big niggas like the devil flower mantis. They're like a little franky from One Piece
idolomantis-diabolica-weibchen-drohend.jpg628174766c32cf1c1afe53041cbf8bf5.jpg
SUUUUUUPPPPPEEEERRR
 

XYZpdq

fbi most wanted sskealeaton
True & Honest Fan
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Gila Monsters are pretty, and make fairly good pets once you get around their mild venomousness, unfortunately for me Florida (atypically for Florida) actually has some of the strictest laws on Reptile keeping and you need to have your Gilas in a room with a double door and venomous lizard signs and God knows what else making them a pain to keep.
afaik one of the reasons Florida is strict about herp (and getting stricter) is because it's soooooooooooooooo fucking easy for shit to thrive and become an invasive species when it gets out because of the climate
in most areas the unfortunate solution of "winter / dry and then it dies" resolves a lot of loose reptile issues in most places, but Florida still hasn't upgraded its biomes since dinosaur times
 

Niggernerd

Hiya pops, long time no post.
True & Honest Fan
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afaik one of the reasons Florida is strict about herp (and getting stricter) is because it's soooooooooooooooo fucking easy for shit to thrive and become an invasive species when it gets out because of the climate
in most areas the unfortunate solution of "winter / dry and then it dies" resolves a lot of loose reptile issues in most places, but Florida still hasn't upgraded its biomes since dinosaur times
Giant lizard bodies crush helpless Cubans as winter continues more at 11
 
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