Inactive Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka - Deadbeat (emphasis on "Dead") founder of Something Awful, forced out of his own community, on his second divorce, stuck his dick in crazy, "Birth Giver"

[JustStopDude]

Uwe Boll wins bros.

I think you mean he wins again.

 

[deepFriedBaka]

Enter LOWTAX

LOWTAX
To pay, or not to pay, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The Tax and Payments of outrageous alimony,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of Goons,
And by opposing ban them: to ban, to post
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The deadbeat, and the thousand Gacha games
My mind is heir to? 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be dead. To waste, to live,
To live, perchance to Die; aye, there's the truth,
For in that bout of alimony, what lies may come,
When I walk myself off this mortal coil,
Must give me pause.

There's the self-repugnance
That makes Troons of so long users:
For who would bear the Bans and Probes of forums,
The Jannies be wrong, the proud man's Banhammer,
The agony of hedonism, the Money's delay,
The virtue of Laziness, and the spurns
That load-bearing slurs of th'unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Forum make
With a bare Server? What would Jeffrey bear,
To grunt and sweat under old PHP,
But that the dread of arcane code,
The undiscovered exploits, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those Tenbux we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of?

vBulletin does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of Hedonism
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale glow of Streams,
And enterprises of great lulz and sperging,
With this regard their Accounts turn awry,
And lose the name of $10. Awake you now,
the devil Ashli? Woman, in thy nightmares
Be all my sins avowed.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

 

[IAmNotAlpharius]

Imagine the last thing you hear is a shmorkified "Hello Richard!".

Then silence.

I can’t unsee that scene now, thanks.

Imagine being dead in 2022.

What a goof troop.

I heard Richard thought about it and it blew his mind.

• Love of Tranny prostitutes.

He’s more than qualified.

 

[eternal dog mongler]

I'm not sure what kind of job he could have secured with his skills and resume that could have contended with his court-ordered obligations.

He should've just fled the country.

Pattaya has a lot of things that cater to goon tastes.

 

[veeeeeeeee]

haven't checked this thread in a while, is he still dead

 

[Never Scored]

haven't checked this thread in a while, is he still dead

No, they managed to revive him by holding a Goldbelly Pie under his nose.

 

[deepFriedBaka]

haven't checked this thread in a while, is he still dead

No, he's not dead.
He's just pining for the fjords.

 

[Pissmaster]

haven't checked this thread in a while, is he still dead

According to official documents, Lowtax's previous location was:
Lee's Summit, MO, USA

His current location is:
Hell

 

[deepFriedBaka]

His current location is:
Hell

Until we can update locations through the database, inspect element is the best solution, I'm afraid.


I whipped this up in MS Paint because I've been on a bit of a creative/poem spree recently.

 

[Ghostse]

Giant "Dear Richard" letter as a 20 ton marble monolith over his tombstone

 

[Maude Snew]

Giant "Dear Richard" letter as a 20 ton marble monolith over his tombstone

Would be more fitting to burry him underneath that shitty limestone meme obelisk 9gag made a while back.

 

[Dusty Old Bones]

Would be more fitting to burry him underneath that shitty limestone meme obelisk 9gag made a while back.

I met a surfer from Web 1.5, Who said
— “Two vast and footless toes of stone
Stand in the frontpage. . . . Near them, on the forums,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose drunken slurs,
And smirking lip, and sneer of cold indifference,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the pies that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Lowtax, King of Irony;
Look on my Works, yon Gooftroop, and lmfao!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal hugbox, witless and seething
The lone and lumpy troons stretch far away.”

 

[AmpleApricots]

Titan won't ever be a thing at this rate.

 

[BALLZ-BROKEN]

There was once a man named Rich
Whose doting mother was quite the bitch
He died for a forum
None of us mourned
Except troon groomers on twitch

 

[Joe Shmo]

Some haikus for your morning coffee...

Lowtax dead and gay
Ran out of paypig money
Gaming Garbage sucked

Rich blew his brains out
Too bad he didn't stream it
Sweaty toes twitching

Father of the Year
Could not afford child support
So vindicated

No more pies for you
Goldbelly's best customer
Past expiration

 

[BALLZ-BROKEN]

I got a couple more...

There was a lad named Rich
Foot jobs scratched that itch
Goonettes came around
They saw he was a clown
Now he's lying dead in a ditch

There was a young gal named Mandy
In vinyl pants she was quite the dandy
She dated the Shmork
Hopped on his dork
Now she's a dude named Andy

There was a man named Lowtax
His favorite treat was Toe Snax
He jerked off on a beaker
Thought it was a sneaker
And now his brains are quite lax

 

[deepFriedBaka]

... god, I feel old. I wonder if that's the face Rich made before he finally ended it all.

 

[Maude Snew]

View attachment 3568590
... god, I feel old. I wonder if that's the face Rich made before he finally ended it all.

He just came in that pool.

 

[deepFriedBaka]

He just came in that pool.

Your avatar makes this even better.

 

[moonman1488]

So, now that the dust has settled has anyone attempted to FOIA the police department for the reports and maybe even a body cam? I want to know what he was wearing when he blew his head off and how much garbage was all over his basement.