Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, coping poorly

What's next for Bob Chipman?


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Yuuichirou Kumada

Second chaddest simp in anime
I’m going to try not to wander into MATI territory here, but the absolute state of that house is even worse when you consider that at least one of their children is autistic. External order is essential for inner calm in most people, autistic or not, but especially for children. Raising neurotypical kids in chaos is bad enough. Pumping an autistic child full of meds while neglecting her basic care and sense of safety at home is fucking abuse. If anyone comes close to being subhuman, it’s Robert’s brother and his wife. And I guarantee Robert hasn’t done shit to try to improve conditions for his niece, either.
And remember, these are people who consider Trump supporters, Republicans and self-professed conservatives a bunch of backwards-ass retards who can't make a good decision to save their lives.

If you want to feed the homeless on Thanksgiving, take your fat Masshole ass down to a goddamn soup kitchen, shelter, or church, and volunteer to cook and serve. Preening about tossing your garbage to the beggars like you're some kind of medieval aristocrat is repulsive.
That takes effort, and it is a natural enemy of the Chipmans. Why go to a place farther than a couple of steps from your front porch if you can feel good about yourself with a couple of tweets.
 

Karl der Grosse

Currently being sued by a cousin-fucker.
True & Honest Fan
What is this lolcow thing about lying about giving leftovers to the homeless? Who the fuck seriously thinks even homeless people want someone else's gnawed on garbage? If they want that there are dumpsters behind grocery stores where they can get shit still in packages. This is the kind of shit people who have never even talked to a homeless person would say.

Let's be real here, we've seen the size of Chris and Sarah. They're big people. Those leftovers aren't going to the homeless, they're going to be consumed. I'd be surprised if there's much left in a couple of days. Much quicker if Bob comes by to visit.
 

Water-T

ONISION GOT DEMONETIZED!
True & Honest Fan
*looks at how the turkey started out, FACEDESK FOREVER*
Oh for the love of pete. Now that I see how it started out, I know exactly what went wrong.

For starters: butter goes UNDER the skin. Sure you can rub some over top, but NOT leave it as square pats when you do that. It's actually better to NOT butter the top of the skin, but have it all under the skin instead. It's easy enough to slide a dull dinner knife between the breast and the skin at the cavity opening and wiggle it around to create a pocket on each side of the breast for the butter (maybe mixed with some sage and thyme or poultry seasoning), then stuff the butter under that. Any turkey-cavity fat that I have, I place in after to hold the butter in place because that takes longer to melt. It's also possible to loosen the skin around the thigh/drumstick and stick butter between the skin and meat there. Heck, sometimes I go whole hog and make pockets in the loose skin of the wings. Plus I always go under the skin of the back of the turkey from the neck side and put saged butter up in there, too.

God I HOPE that's pepper on the top of the bird and on the butter... (AND WHY IN THE FUCK IS DEEP WOODS OFF IN THE DAMN KITCHEN ON THE COUNTER WHERE PEOPLE COOK?)

Who taught these spergs how to sew a turkey shut? Not only is that a safety hazard the way the tips of the skewers are exposed, but since they're so incredibly poorly anchored it's no wonder it didn't stay together. The most effective way is to have the ends of the skewers buried into the actual meat. I go one step further and use the skewer itself to hold the skin of the breast and the bottom skin together as if I was sewing (but using the skewer as the thread) instead of bothering with fucking twine and then jamming the pointy end into the lower part of the breast as far as I can make it go to hold it secure AND IT FUCKING WORKS. In this way I can close off a turkey cavity with only two skewers, but I don't even bother stuffing it anyway as my purpose is instead to close off the skin of the breast at the cavity opening so all the butter doesn't drain out. I do pretty much the same with the neck side on the back of the turkey, although up there I'll put any giblets (except the neck) that came with the turkey in the cavity above the breast, along with more butter as this keeps the breast moist. I can just do dressing in a separate pan or stovetop stuffing on.........hear me out...... a pot on the stove.

Also LOL at the one lone feather bit sticking out of the wing.
I'm not surprised that the Simper Hornio Bros have no idea of what to do with breasts, despite Blob owning a pair since childhood.

The DeepWoods OFF is the Chimpman family secret for the perfect Thanksgiving turkey....and creating children with deformed faces like Blob.
 
Let's be real here, we've seen the size of Chris and Sarah. They're big people. Those leftovers aren't going to the homeless, they're going to be consumed. I'd be surprised if there's much left in a couple of days. Much quicker if Bob comes by to visit.

to be fair they're probably not fat because they eat these disgusting turkeys. I wouldn't be surprised if they did give away/throw out that food and then go to mcdonalds the next day
 

John Andrews Stan

901-922-9912
Even Chris’s idea of an “organized” fridge has the two produce drawers stuffed full of a chaotic jumble of random shit, food and medicine and cans of beer, everything just thrown in there haphazardly.

These are broken people who will never get their shit together. Chris will always spend zero time cleaning his fucking house and continue to spend more time in front of screens, creating content no one wants (including selfies of his ugly-ass face, like a teenage girl). At this rate, our descendants will be ITT discussing the antics of the Chipman progeny for generations to come.
 
Even Chris’s idea of an “organized” fridge has the two produce drawers stuffed full of a chaotic jumble of random shit, food and medicine and cans of beer, everything just thrown in there haphazardly.

These are broken people who will never get their shit together. Chris will always spend zero time cleaning his fucking house and continue to spend more time in front of screens, creating content no one wants (including selfies of his ugly-ass face, like a teenage girl). At this rate, our descendants will be ITT discussing the antics of the Chipman progeny for generations to come.
how many multigenerational lolcows are there? finally they get to be first at something
 

Mola Ram

Self Righteous Ego Bastard Asshole
True & Honest Fan
It’s a tie between their cooking and their squalor for me. Imagine being proud of living in trash, wallowing in filth and consuming vast quantities of garbage that in no universe can possibly taste good.

I could put up with all of that if not for the fact they present themselves as superior, enlightened, morally smug beings when they're one step above trolls living under a bridge.
 

BubbleButt

President of the Ugly Fat Bitch Alma Smego Fanclub
Honest question as long as we’re all being turkeyspergs.
Would putting butter on at the start of roasting even accomplish anything? If I want to brown up the skin with something like an orange rosemary butter rub, I’m doing it with an hour or two to go.
Yes, an herb butter does keep the skin from drying out and allows it to crisp up once most of the moisture is gone.

Not THAT much butter, mind you, and you don't dot the fucking bird with butter, you rub it into the skin and on the meat under the skin of the breast. Doing it the way this fucking retard did all of it will slide off the second it gets to the melting point and slide to the bottom of the pan with the drippings. Then you just have two sticks of butter in your gravy.
 
I know I'm really late with this one, but I had to make this.
Movieblob Mario.png
 

Koby_Fish

The advice of the GALACTICALLY STUPID
True & Honest Fan
Yes, an herb butter does keep the skin from drying out and allows it to crisp up once most of the moisture is gone.

Not THAT much butter, mind you, and you don't dot the fucking bird with butter, you rub it into the skin and on the meat under the skin of the breast. Doing it the way this fucking retard did all of it will slide off the second it gets to the melting point and slide to the bottom of the pan with the drippings. Then you just have two sticks of butter in your gravy.
Last time I made turkey I just said eff it, seasoned the outside of the bird after stuffing under the skin with butter and patting the skin as dry as possible, and it actually worked out decent. The butter bubbled under the skin during cooking (breast side down for the first 2/3 of cooking then flipped over) and it pretty much basted itself. Crispy turkey skin is like crack to me so it was awesome. If you do grease the outside of the bird (which I do with melted butter so that it sticks), the skin does take a bit longer to crisp up, and I don't want that because I don't want overcooked turkey. The bonus part of greasing up the skin ( NOT "dotting with butter"), however, is any exterior powdered seasoning adheres better.
 
I’m going to try not to wander into MATI territory here, but the absolute state of that house is even worse when you consider that at least one of their children is autistic. External order is essential for inner calm in most people, autistic or not, but especially for children. Raising neurotypical kids in chaos is bad enough. Pumping an autistic child full of meds while neglecting her basic care and sense of safety at home is fucking abuse. If anyone comes close to being subhuman, it’s Robert’s brother and his wife. And I guarantee Robert hasn’t done shit to try to improve conditions for his niece, either.
I’m still not over that countertop. Who the fuck keeps tiles and grout like that, anymore?
 

Hogar Grupal

Chris Needs Me
It's weird that since their both e-celebs, that there was an opportunity to collaborate like many other celebs do. Maybe Bob brought this up to Lindsay when they met at that con or via DMs and she said no, but Bob didn't get the hint.

Either way, this came as a shock as most of these progressives tend to flock together, but I did chuckle when Ellis called Bob out on it.
 
I’m still not over that countertop. Who the fuck keeps tiles and grout like that, anymore?
Someone who genuinely doesn't understand that it's not good.

Listen, I know what it's like to raise kids, things are going to be unorganised and dirty especially when they're that young, so you have to keep on top of the cleaning constantly otherwise it piles up very quickly. And it's a lot easier when you stay organised, making sure everything is in its place and cleaning right after you cook. But we've seen Chris brag about being clean while the place is still filthy.

Considering they had three kids and probably dual incomes, I'm betting the Chipman household wasn't cleaned regularly due to lack of time and energy. So Bob and Chris are probably used to living in this environment and so see it as acceptable. Clean is when the toys are off the floor and the vacuum has been run over it once. Organized is when everything is in the closet instead of on the floor. Hygienic is when you took a shower that week. Good food is when it's edible so shut up about it looking gross and stick it in your mouth. Sarah might have grown up in a similar situation, or maybe it's a Boston thing and that's just how everyone grows up there.
 
Film Robert if you see this let me explain to why Tenet went to theaters and Godzilla vs King Kong won't.

Before Tenet Nolan made Dinkirk and it made 526.90 million on a 100 to 150 million dollar budget (Before Advertising) and it was a fucking WWII movie about a battle that most Americans never heard of and with a nonlinear story.

Godzilla King of Monsters a film that's part of a 70 year old franchise with huge name recognition made 356.30 million on a 170 to 200 million dollar budget (Before Advertising) and the only reason Godzilla vs King Kong got made after that failure was because it was already in production.

So you see Nolan gets a theater release based off merit. Oh and Tenet made 356.30 million dollars just 30 million less than Godzilla King of Monsters and that was during a God Damn World Wide Pandemic.

Oh and your Turkey looked like shit.
 

John Andrews Stan

901-922-9912
In line with what @Arthur Morgan posted, if you see Chris’s frequently tagged members of Sarah’s family, the Desmonds, it’s clear these people don’t put a premium on hygiene or presenting themselves well. Robert looks like shit because he doesn’t know how to dress himself (and refuses to accept how large he really is, resulting in bursting buttons, highwaters and other sartorial crimes he should have left in kindergarten). But at least he tries. Chris, Sarah, and her extended family don’t even bother. Those poor kids don’t stand a chance.
 
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