Cultcow Russell Greer / @officialinstaofrussellgreer - Swift-Obsessed Sex Pest, Magical Star Buddy

AbraCadaver

Member of the SUIT YOURSELF Army
kiwifarms.net
Aight, lemme see what I can do for y'all.

"You Won't Get Her" By Tailor Swifly

Sitting in the amtrack bus
and making such an awful fuss
a man i have lately come to know
His face is slack as if in death
and i smell his fetid, rotten breath
as he leans across the seat into my row

"Mish, can you shpare the time"
he slurs and spits and drips with grime
I frown and slump down deeper in my seat
"My name ish Russh, please could you
help with what i's goin through"
and I sigh and raise my hands up in defeat

Said "sir i'm not sure i can help"
and i jump and loose a mighty yelp
as on my thigh his fingers start to scrape
"i'm shorry to have bothered you
but talk is all i wanna do"
he says as i look for any escape

[Russell listen to me now
it's time for you to take a bow
your 15 minutes came and then they went
I know just what you've got in mind
and I'm only saying it one time
Russ, You'll Never Get Taylor Swift
You look like a melted doll
and smell like a bathroom stall
you reek of sweat, expired m'ilk and fear
it's hard to understand i know
but Taylor's not a glory hole
and you will never get her, Russell Greer]

with no way out, I just sit still
my face a mask of blankness till
he slobbers out his worn out pickup line
"Ish that a shirt for Taylor Shwift?"
and I sense an awful shift
as he turns from sad to angry on a dime

"She really hurt my feeling sho
I thought that you might like to know
She'sh nothin 'ut a low down dirty snake"
He turns redder'n a greyhounds cock
his body seems to fuckin' lock
and i kid you not he starts to whine and shake

I knew that he was faking it
but man i've never seen a fit
thrown by a grown man on a public bus
it put me into quite a state
and I cannot articulate
the horror that is riding next to Russ

[chorus]

eventually he stopped his shit
and I sat, flabbergasted
that he would try such a tasteless stunt
He stared me in the chest and said
"I'm shorry miss, the doctor shaid
my PTSD makes me shake and grunt"

"Shee, Taylor Shwift rejected me
shpat on my face and thatsh the tea
she'sh evil and she hates disabled men"
I sat there with my mouth agape
lookin' like a stunted ape
trying to absorb just what he meant

"I wrote her sush a lovely shong
a proshesh that wash two yearsh long
an' she didn't even shuck my heckin cock!
I took her to court lasht year
her lawyer really kicked my rear
the bias judge didnt even let me talk!"

just then the bus rolled to a stop
and out the seat I tried to hop
but Russ had latched his hands onto my gown
his face was pale and shined with sweat
and he gave me an empty threat
of court if I didn't sit back down

I shook him off and left the bus
and let me leave this note for Russ
girls do not respond to lawsuits well
I'll never ride the bus again
and i might even swear off men
because of Russ's wild ride from hell

[chorus x2]

(I have very little skill I'm mostly a poet)
I was going to demand a rap song called “My Plights” but now I want the title to be “Shuck My Heckin Cock (Shuck It ‘Ight)”.
 

AbraCadaver

Member of the SUIT YOURSELF Army
kiwifarms.net
Well since we have a copy of the full thing I guess he must have, but he's burying it now because we got a copy and it didn't catch fire immediately.
He is the world’s biggest idiot. I’ve seen church bake sales more successfully hyped and rolled out than this. It’s incredible how he can consistently fuck up every single step of releasing a song. It’s like watching someone step on a rake and have it clock them in the gob, except he’s standing in a field of rakes and walking in circles.
 

Annie

Fire-Bear Cyberbully Girl
kiwifarms.net
He is the world’s biggest idiot. I’ve seen church bake sales more successfully hyped and rolled out than this. It’s incredible how he can consistently fuck up every single step of releasing a song. It’s like watching someone step on a rake and have it clock them in the gob, except he’s standing in a field of rakes and walking in circles.
Don't you dare compare Sideshow Bob to Russ... Don't want to be thinking of our Star Buddy here watching a show that was at one point produced by people with 1000x Russ's talent.
 

Bamanda

kiwifarms.net
Great idea for someone who can’t look sideways without moving his head. His career as a jouster will be as successful as his careers in songwriting, scriptwriting, motivational speaking, being a pimp, being a paralegal, mailroom boy, janitor, and his short but definitely real career as Attorney General of Utah.

Fuck knows what’s going on with his song man. His whole life is just a series of false starts and taking things back to tweak them until he gets the reaction he wants, which never happens, so he ends up just deleting the shit and pretending like it never happened.
 

AbraCadaver

Member of the SUIT YOURSELF Army
kiwifarms.net
In case you thought he'd forgotten Katy:

View attachment 727713

Guess there's no drink that can wash the taste of crap burgers out of your mouth.

And for archival purposes, here's the absolutely massive Songwriters FB thread with a bunch of new comments since last time:
Goddammit Russ the answer to that question is always “a cab ride home.” You’re the worst.
 

MistressCaridad

Got my "PoC Card" Revoked
kiwifarms.net
I'm wondering how Russ will make the Notre Dame fire about him now. Probably something to do with Quasimodo...
Yeah, he wouldn’t give a shit about the destruction of a historical building, that doesn’t make his life better at all.

Russhole being Russhole, he’d probably reeeeeeeeee about how in the Disney version (probably the only one he knows) the guy with the weird face was discriminated against when the hot 10 ended up with the Chad at the end instead of sucking the disabled guy’s him his penis.

If you think about it, it’s actually quite funny because Russ hypothetically might try to compare himself to the good hearted, put upon Quasimodo but in reality he is more like a weaker, ineffectual form of Frollo... except instead of his lust fueled rage causing him to burn down a city, he’s just burning down his own life. Typical Russhole, can’t even succeed at being a villain.
 

Manly-Chicken

Laughs at Tards
kiwifarms.net
On one hand... what?
On the other hand, it does fit him: View attachment 727695

That's our Russ, master social media manipulator. Knows that it's always a good look to "like" your own posts (and be the only one doing it) while you post nonsense as your cover photo. Can't wait for the next "press release!"
Russ uses social media like a middle aged housewife.
 

ducktales4gameboy

git push -a -m "fixed #221 (goddammit unity)"
kiwifarms.net
That song reminds me of the parodies they throw into bojack horseman as incidental music to convey particular time periods. "Generic 2000s pop song, oh yeah~" etc. The incoming meltdown over it is gonna be great.

Ok, eight more lines. I have a bug and no dignity currently.

His skull is completely clear
Of ability to steer
His penis into the rear

Of a whore who loves to sneer
Nobody will shed a tear
Of the plights he speaks of here

So we all want him to hear
We don’t get you, Russel Greer
My brain automatically tried to cram this into the meter of If I Only Had A Brain from wizard of oz and I think it has potential.
 

lamp shade

DON’T GET I YOU, TAYLOR SWIFT
kiwifarms.net
After following Russ a few years, I am fairly confident this is what is happening:

After the massive amount of negative feedback from other “songwriters,” he is violently raging inside. His NPD ego took a huge hit and he took everything down, but it’s only temporary. He is currently shaking with fury as he cleans toilets and is actively rewriting history in his head. He will rage for probably a few days, then explode on social media again, claiming the trolls infiltrated the group, no one gets his pain, or about how shitty everyone is for not supporting him against big mean Taylor. He isn’t done with this shitheap of a song. He got no positive feedback from the first and still sperged about it for years, filed lawsuits, etc. I’m not sure a lawsuit will come of this, because I think Russ is too broke to keep that up, but I will never feel completely confident in that statement because deep down Russ is a wannabe lawyer on top of his other shit endeavors.
 

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