Cultcow Russell Greer / @theofficialinstaofrussellgreer - Swift-Obsessed Sex Pest, Magical Star Buddy

Biggest failure of Russell's career?

  • Rejected from America's Got Talent

    Votes: 21 7.1%
  • Suing Taylor Swift (the first time)

    Votes: 39 13.3%
  • Suing Taylor Swift (the second time)

    Votes: 44 15.0%
  • Suing Ariana Grande

    Votes: 38 12.9%
  • Failing to DMCA Kiwi Farms (any of the times)

    Votes: 42 14.3%
  • Spending $4000 to be friendzoned by a hooker at Olive Garden

    Votes: 232 78.9%
  • Making his parents sad

    Votes: 46 15.6%
  • Catfished by a I HAVE AUTISM PLEASE LAUGH AT ME

    Votes: 38 12.9%
  • "Katy Perry, You Won't Ever Have To Write Another Sad Song"

    Votes: 22 7.5%
  • "I Get You, Taylor Swift"

    Votes: 23 7.8%
  • "I Don't Get You, Taylor Swift"

    Votes: 43 14.6%
  • "Safari Ride"

    Votes: 20 6.8%
  • Stripper didn't want his flowers

    Votes: 27 9.2%

  • Total voters
    294
  • Poll closed .

TheGreatCitracett

Greerotica Ghostwriter
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I'm a bit of a musician/singer/parodist myself, and for a while I've been kicking around grabbing a karaoke backing track and doing a Russ version of "Shake It Off" called "(She wouldn't) Suck Me Off" about the whole ongoing Taylor thing just for fun.

But now, I'm tempted to fire up PowerPoint and slap together a slideshow video for this new song featuring all the nasty things he's said about Taylor, her mom, cancer kids, etc.

Also I've been thinking of trying to find a way to grab the songs from soundcloud somehow and make lyric videos for them, or maybe a long track with all the songs, sort of like an album so people can hear them all in one place.

I'll have to dig up the best quotes when I get some free time.
 

cogsworth

Satan made me Racist
kiwifarms.net
Aight, lemme see what I can do for y'all.

"You Won't Get Her" By Tailor Swifly

Sitting in the amtrack bus
and making such an awful fuss
a man i have lately come to know
His face is slack as if in death
and i smell his fetid, rotten breath
as he leans across the seat into my row

"Mish, can you shpare the time"
he slurs and spits and drips with grime
I frown and slump down deeper in my seat
"My name ish Russh, please could you
help with what i's goin through"
and I sigh and raise my hands up in defeat

Said "sir i'm not sure i can help"
and i jump and loose a mighty yelp
as on my thigh his fingers start to scrape
"i'm shorry to have bothered you
but talk is all i wanna do"
he says as i look for any escape

[Russell listen to me now
it's time for you to take a bow
your 15 minutes came and then they went
I know just what you've got in mind
and I'm only saying it one time
Russ, You'll Never Get Taylor Swift
You look like a melted doll
and smell like a bathroom stall
you reek of sweat, expired m'ilk and fear
it's hard to understand i know
but Taylor's not a glory hole
and you will never get her, Russell Greer]

with no way out, I just sit still
my face a mask of blankness till
he slobbers out his worn out pickup line
"Ish that a shirt for Taylor Shwift?"
and I sense an awful shift
as he turns from sad to angry on a dime

"She really hurt my feeling sho
I thought that you might like to know
She'sh nothin 'ut a low down dirty snake"
He turns redder'n a greyhounds cock
his body seems to fuckin' lock
and i kid you not he starts to whine and shake

I knew that he was faking it
but man i've never seen a fit
thrown by a grown man on a public bus
it put me into quite a state
and I cannot articulate
the horror that is riding next to Russ

[chorus]

eventually he stopped his shit
and I sat, flabbergasted
that he would try such a tasteless stunt
He stared me in the chest and said
"I'm shorry miss, the doctor shaid
my PTSD makes me shake and grunt"

"Shee, Taylor Shwift rejected me
shpat on my face and thatsh the tea
she'sh evil and she hates disabled men"
I sat there with my mouth agape
lookin' like a stunted ape
trying to absorb just what he meant

"I wrote her sush a lovely shong
a proshesh that wash two yearsh long
an' she didn't even shuck my heckin cock!
I took her to court lasht year
her lawyer really kicked my rear
the bias judge didnt even let me talk!"

just then the bus rolled to a stop
and out the seat I tried to hop
but Russ had latched his hands onto my gown
his face was pale and shined with sweat
and he gave me an empty threat
of court if I didn't sit back down

I shook him off and left the bus
and let me leave this note for Russ
girls do not respond to lawsuits well
I'll never ride the bus again
and i might even swear off men
because of Russ's wild ride from hell

[chorus x2]

(I have very little skill I'm mostly a poet)
 
Last edited:

CWCissey

Charming Man
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Momma gave me up very quickly
I was born with a saggy face you see
She took my twin sister, and off she ran
And that's how my story, humbly began

Picked up by Mormons, I was promised a better life
Job, car, house, kids but especially a wife
Got no attention from the girlies in the tribe
Kill lists in the bog? I was that scribe

CHORUS
Suck me my dick, suck suck me my dick
Now come and listen to my plights.
Suck me my dick, suck suck me my dick
Else you're infringing on my rights

Got no time for young victims of terror
Security really made a Grande error
Discrimination claims and attention begs
Ignored because I still have my legs

CHORUS

BRIDGE
And this is where we are now
Called Taylor's mom a big fat cow
But one day she will be all mine
At the Mile High Neon I shall recline

CHORUS X2

Are ya proud of me mummeh?
 

AbraCadaver

Member of the SUIT YOURSELF Army
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Aight, lemme see what I can do for y'all.

"You Won't Get Her" By Tailor Swifly

Sitting in the amtrack bus
and making such an awful fuss
a man i have lately come to know
His face is slack as if in death
and i smell his fetid, rotten breath
as he leans across the seat into my row

"Mish, can you shpare the time"
he slurs and spits and drips with grime
I frown and slump down deeper in my seat
"My name ish Russh, please could you
help with what i's goin through"
and I sigh and raise my hands up in defeat

Said "sir i'm not sure i can help"
and i jump and loose a mighty yelp
as on my thigh his fingers start to scrape
"i'm shorry to have bothered you
but talk is all i wanna do"
he says as i look for any escape

[Russell listen to me now
it's time for you to take a bow
your 15 minutes came and then they went
I know just what you've got in mind
and I'm only saying it one time
Russ, You'll Never Get Taylor Swift
You look like a melted doll
and smell like a bathroom stall
you reek of sweat, expired m'ilk and fear
it's hard to understand i know
but Taylor's not a glory hole
and you will never get her, Russell Greer]

with no way out, I just sit still
my face a mask of blankness till
he slobbers out his worn out pickup line
"Ish that a shirt for Taylor Shwift?"
and I sense an awful shift
as he turns from sad to angry on a dime

"She really hurt my feeling sho
I thought that you might like to know
She'sh nothin 'ut a low down dirty snake"
He turns redder'n a greyhounds cock
his body seems to fuckin' lock
and i kid you not he starts to whine and shake

I knew that he was faking it
but man i've never seen a fit
thrown by a grown man on a public bus
it put me into quite a state
and I cannot articulate
the horror that is riding next to Russ

[chorus]

eventually he stopped his shit
and I sat, flabbergasted
that he would try such a tasteless stunt
He stared me in the chest and said
"I'm shorry miss, the doctor shaid
my PTSD makes me shake and grunt"

"Shee, Taylor Shwift rejected me
shpat on my face and thatsh the tea
she'sh evil and she hates disabled men"
I sat there with my mouth agape
lookin' like a stunted ape
trying to absorb just what he meant

"I wrote her sush a lovely shong
a proshesh that wash two yearsh long
an' she didn't even shuck my heckin cock!
I took her to court lasht year
her lawyer really kicked my rear
the bias judge didnt even let me talk!"

just then the bus rolled to a stop
and out the seat I tried to hop
but Russ had latched his hands onto my gown
his face was pale and shined with sweat
and he gave me an empty threat
of court if I didn't sit back down

I shook him off and left the bus
and let me leave this note for Russ
girls do not respond to lawsuits well
I'll never ride the bus again
and i might even swear off men
because of Russ's wild ride from hell

[chorus x2]

(I have very little skill I'm mostly a poet)
I was going to demand a rap song called “My Plights” but now I want the title to be “Shuck My Heckin Cock (Shuck It ‘Ight)”.
 

AbraCadaver

Member of the SUIT YOURSELF Army
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Well since we have a copy of the full thing I guess he must have, but he's burying it now because we got a copy and it didn't catch fire immediately.
He is the world’s biggest idiot. I’ve seen church bake sales more successfully hyped and rolled out than this. It’s incredible how he can consistently fuck up every single step of releasing a song. It’s like watching someone step on a rake and have it clock them in the gob, except he’s standing in a field of rakes and walking in circles.
 

Annie

Fire-Bear Cyberbully Girl
kiwifarms.net
He is the world’s biggest idiot. I’ve seen church bake sales more successfully hyped and rolled out than this. It’s incredible how he can consistently fuck up every single step of releasing a song. It’s like watching someone step on a rake and have it clock them in the gob, except he’s standing in a field of rakes and walking in circles.
Don't you dare compare Sideshow Bob to Russ... Don't want to be thinking of our Star Buddy here watching a show that was at one point produced by people with 1000x Russ's talent.
 

Bamanda

The hammer has got to drop
kiwifarms.net
Great idea for someone who can’t look sideways without moving his head. His career as a jouster will be as successful as his careers in songwriting, scriptwriting, motivational speaking, being a pimp, being a paralegal, mailroom boy, janitor, and his short but definitely real career as Attorney General of Utah.

Fuck knows what’s going on with his song man. His whole life is just a series of false starts and taking things back to tweak them until he gets the reaction he wants, which never happens, so he ends up just deleting the shit and pretending like it never happened.
 

AbraCadaver

Member of the SUIT YOURSELF Army
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
In case you thought he'd forgotten Katy:

View attachment 727713

Guess there's no drink that can wash the taste of crap burgers out of your mouth.

And for archival purposes, here's the absolutely massive Songwriters FB thread with a bunch of new comments since last time:
Goddammit Russ the answer to that question is always “a cab ride home.” You’re the worst.
 

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