Weeb Slinger
kiwifarms.net
A common pathway into the litigious world of Russell Greer is bewilderment as to why a man with some form of severe facial paralysis stirs so much vitriol in people. This is usually followed by a horrifying journey of discovery where, one by one, the veils fall away and Russell is slowly revealed as a monster, whose mangled soul is many multitudes more disfigured than his ghoulish visage.
Imagine a world where he appears on America's Got Talent early in the season. He doesn't rise any further through the heats but he gets some exposure. The presenters softball their criticism and instead patronisingly compliment him on his bravery and tenacity, and encourage him to keep working on his songs. "Never give up on your dream," he is told, by a lesser member of the Black Eyed Peas.
Russell, of course, regards any form of flattery that he receives from a female member of the panel as an open invitation to have sex. Perhaps he attempts to flirt with the female judges only to be loudly but gently let down - "If I didn't already have a boyfriend..." remarks a future recipient of one of Russell's sketchy lawsuits. Another female judge foolishly makes some asinine, self-aggrandising comment about "seeing inner beauty" that will eventually come back around and bite her on her $50,000 buttock implants. Russell bridles whenever one of the male judges appears to be getting too friendly with one of his new girlfriends, but manages to keep his shit together. Maybe backstage he comes on a bit stronger to one of the girls. Security are called when he gets stroppy. Russell's red jacket is torn in a light skirmish and it is an all round bad scene. Eventually matters are settled in private. Russell signs an NDA but continues to allude to problems backstage in his social media posts and names those who he feels were responsible.
The public response to Russell is polarised. Some cruelly mock him, or attempt to expose his past behaviour. Others leap to his defence on the basis that he is disabled and therefore a victim. #IStandWithRussell trends on Twitter. A disturbing new fanbase who call themselves 'Greerwives' begin to carve out a niche for themselves on the former Kiwi Farms forum, which Russell won as part of a lawsuit settlement.
Poised on the brink of success, dear old thick as mince Russell can't stop fucking up. He turns down sex with perfectly good looking women, who only want to sit on his face, and amps-up his stalking of unobtainable celebrities. He makes ignorant comments and dispenses wrong-headed legal advice on social media. He goes on Oprah where he won't stop talking about brothels. His supporters, who have invested too much moral capital defending him, continue to look the other way. His numerous victims are advised by their agents to give diplomatic, non-committal answers to any questions they are posed regarding Russell. Taylor Swift, having been told by her manager that she can no longer avoid a tête-à-tête with Russell, agrees to a conversation, via video-link, during the aforementioned Oprah interview. Russell, bearing a red rose, gets down on one knee and proposes to her in front of the cooing audience while Taylor visibly squirms...
I just want to say to the version of me who inhabits this superior, lolcow-centric alternate timeline that, if you want to swap places then I'm game, as long as you don't inhabit the reality where I am married to Jonathan Yaniv.
we are dedicated Russtorians!
