Secret Gamer Girl / SecretGamerGrrl / Googleshng / "Violet Hargrave" / Jacob Lawrence (Jake) Alley / Violet Cassandra Ocean - Delusional Zoe Quinn Stalker, Libelous Tweeter, Thirsty Gnome, Faux-Tranny Neckbeard Incel, Micropenis, "Known Troubled Person", Creator of "Massive vs the Masses", Self-Described "Noise Making Thing"; Lives in Niantic, CT

Chan the Wizard

My Gemsona is autistic
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I forget the source but supposedly it is to make it hard for "Nazis" to quote him. The fact that it makes it completely unintelligible for anyone else who might be masochistic enough to want to read a Googleshng eludes him.

I think it's just that he's lazy and literally shits himself in the middle of his dumb rants and can't go on any more, or is watching Kamen Rider, or masturbating, or some other shit.
No, I mean I understand his autistic reason for ending in the middle of a sentence. I want to know why it takes him 15 minutes or more to finish the sentence. Why do these rambling, incoherent screeds take him hours to tweet?
 
  • Agree
Reactions: seizure-san

Ryker

Broken, dissolute, misanthropic scum...but lovely!
kiwifarms.net
No, Jake, I can think of many things that you might well be "tagged" with and "Terrorism Expert" is not something that readily springs to mind. "Failure", yes; "fool", definitely; "of no consequence", decidedly; "internet bully", certainly; "liar", of course; "dangerously obese", without a doubt...many, many terms and phrases are fitting as descriptors for you. But I'll leave you with one you will undoubtedly appreciate: "MALE".


Someone got up early today. The Jakesplanation machine is already fired up for some gnomesplaining.

"I'm saying that as someone who would most likely be tagged with "Terrorism Expert" if anyone were ever inclined to interview me."
View attachment 1027708
 

AirdropShitposts

Jake Alley is @SecretGamerGrrl's glandular problem
kiwifarms.net
Actually, stranger than the pauses is that he'll often come back from them and blast out like six tweets almost immediately. So he's pre-writing them, but not using the automatic additional tweets function on the website, he still sends each tweet separately.

There's really no reason for him to do the Googleshng's the way he does other than it's how he's always done them and he's entirely inflexible. (In more ways than one amirite.) The way he talks about the hotkeys so often it's like he really does just mash away at it almost in a manic onehanded fury.

The primary way you can tell he's actually truly done is when he goes back to retweeting.

The fucker actually wrote "Anyway, point is" and added a BONUS ROUND:
1574912627828.png

1574912650906.png
 

AnOminous

Really?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
No, I mean I understand his autistic reason for ending in the middle of a sentence. I want to know why it takes him 15 minutes or more to finish the sentence. Why do these rambling, incoherent screeds take him hours to tweet?
That's what I meant. He deliberately leaves off in the middle of a sentence so people can't quote-tweet him or whatever. That way he leaves it for hours that way, too.
 

Water-T

I MEANT TO FILE CHARGES AGAINST THE WRONG CHRIS!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Why is there always such a long gap between tweets when he purposefully ends in the middle of a sentence?
Heating up Hot Pockets and tendies? Taking a dump? Watching Kamen Rider? Jostling his girl dick over CHELSAY!?
 

GleamingTheQ-Bert

Christian Slaterkin
kiwifarms.net
"...if you have plans that involve interacting with my vagina..."

BZZZT! Error! Slang Chip Not Detected!



Seriously, this is "I humbly request you deign to partake of nutrient reuptake within the grounds of my traditional domicile" -levels of artificial. Does he TRY to sound this wooden and stilted?

WHY is it so hard for Jake to talk like people?

Edit: I like how he worked in a "but you can still totally asks me out..." (Bats gnomelashes)
 

Water-T

I MEANT TO FILE CHARGES AGAINST THE WRONG CHRIS!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
edit: checked back in our gnome, yep, the "quick thread" is still going... and he's talking about "my vagina"
1574918564884.png
LOL. You don't have a vagina, Jake. You're just so obese that your dick is engulfed by fat folds.

But sure, feel free to give out trans sex tips when you haven't even had cis sex. No, flogging your "little gnome" over Chelsea doesn't count.

I think Jake implying that men have asked him out thinking he is a True and Honest Woman and getting a pickle surprise like in the Crying Game is the funniest thing he's said yet. And we all know from the way he talked about it last time that he never watched the damn movie.
 

Tragi-Chan

A thousand years old
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
"...if you have plans that involve interacting with my vagina..."

BZZZT! Error! Slang Chip Not Detected!



Seriously, this is "I humbly request you deign to partake of nutrient reuptake within the grounds of my traditional domicile" -levels of artificial. Does he TRY to sound this wooden and stilted?

WHY is it so hard for Jake to talk like people?
In this case, I guess it’s because he’s obsessed with sex, like all incels, but is trying to be cute about it. He seems to reach his most “how does you do fellow humans” when dealing with anything related to emotions. It’s the online equivalent of hover-hand.

I sometimes think I’d like to buy Jake an hour with a hooker, just to see what happens. I know an hour is optimistic for a 38-year-old virgin, but we have to factor in crying time.
 

Apteryx Owenii

formerly a jerkop, wants to avoid merge
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
The idea that a man approaching 40 (or a woman if you want to play that way Jake, whatever) can speak intelligently about anything to do with dating, relationships or sex after he has never been on a date is pretty rich.

I sometimes think I’d like to buy Jake an hour with a hooker, just to see what happens. I know an hour is optimistic for a 38-year-old virgin, but we have to factor in crying time.
I'm certainly he would be unable to 'perform' for numerous reasons. I'm guessing as 'dates' go it wouldn't be too bad for the hooker. An hour of crying and mumbling is probably better than some of the shit she has to deal with (cough Russ Greer).
 

lecher

ur fucking nuts man log off
kiwifarms.net
I imagine naive or inexperienced troons entering a Googleshng with high hopes, and becoming increasingly confused as his bizarre, vague references and insinuations add up and coherency drops to zero.
I imagine inexperienced Kiwi's entering Jake's thread with high hopes (so many pages!) and becoming increasingly confused at the utter lack of character development, the painfully obvious futility of Jake's efforts to dress up the same couple of lies in threadbare fabrications, raised to the power of Googleshng.

We are lucky that every so often people like @Hellfire and @AirdropShitposts come around, shrewd observers who help us fully appreciate the significance of this uncompromisingly meaningless, absurdist performance. "Waiting for the Gnome" is a challenging and ultimately bracing tonic for the present cultural moment.
 

Wallace

Cram it in me, baby!
kiwifarms.net
You're lonely and depressed because you drove away your wife and all of your RL friends and family when you decided being a Twitter sperg was more important, Arthur. And probably also Jake too.
 

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

BTC: 1DgS5RfHw7xA82Yxa5BtgZL65ngwSk6bmm
ETH: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
LTC: LSZsFCLUreXAZ9oyc9JRUiRwbhkLCsFi4q
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino