Secret Gamer Girl / SecretGamerGrrl / Googleshng / "Violet Hargrave" / Jacob Lawrence (Jake) Alley / Violet Cassandra Ocean - Delusional Zoe Quinn Stalker, Libelous Tweeter, Thirsty Gnome, Faux-Tranny Neckbeard Incel, Micropenis, "Known Troubled Person", Creator of "Massive vs the Masses", Self-Described "Noise Making Thing"; Lives in Niantic, CT

Tragi-Chan

Godmaster Reverend
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
He still can't figure out that the reason he gets sympathy for "having to" block hundreds of people a day is that people find this to be at least sort of plausible given the general dumpster fire that is Twitter, but that they tune out as soon as he talks about walking away from his career and social circle and how people are openly plotting his assassination because they realize he's a crazy person.

He doesn't realize that this is an indication he's told too big a whopper, something most kids prone to fabulism would have figured out by age 8. When you tell a lie for sympathy and everyone coughs and excuses themselves and can't wait to get away, it doesn't mean they ran out of empathy, just credulity.
I’m amazed at how bad his lying is, and I can only put it down to poor socialisation and a lack of real life experience with people. I don’t get how a grown man of nearly 40 can’t see how insane his tales of hitmen, terrorists and conspiracies are. Especially when he claims these things are tied to bullshit like Kiwi Farms and Gamergate. He sounds exactly like a crazed hobo ranting on the subway. And looks like it.
 

Konstantin Romanov

kiwifarms.net
JAKE: I’m being targeted by terrorists! 8chan are terrorists! KF is a terrorist organisation! Glinner is a terrorist!

ALSO JAKE: People keep making baseless claims about me being a terrorist! I can’t believe they’re doing that!

It highlights how little imagination this gnome has. None of these people are terrorists. Nobody thinks he’s a terrorist. It’s just that that’s his current “bad thing.”

I guess the idea is that he convinces people that the reason no one likes him is because they think he’s a terrorist, but clearly he isn’t. But compared to that, being clingy and demanding is nothing, right? So you have to be his friend.
Baby Eating (Baby Raping).png
Some tumblr refugees called him a pedo when he defended clawshrimpy, I wonder when we're going to see that pulled back out of the vault of ridiculous reasons Jake thinks he's ostracized?
Here's some I found:

Someone baselessly accused him of calling an indian "Rakshasa" and that definitely didn't happen stop linking to the archive
SohaIsRakshasa.png
Nazis told a whisper network he kills puppies and the whisper network continues to repeat it to this day
PuppyGrindAltRightWhisperNet.png
Nazis said he was talking about a specific person who people like when he vagueposted about nazis and everyone believed it (I think, this one's a little abstract)
SlanderedSomeone(Soha)WhisperNet.png
He eats a lot of babies
Baby Eating.png
Eats Babies.png
And of course, an unnamed former friend keeps warning everyone that you're a creepy neckbeard pretending to be a pretty princess to get close to them
CHELSAAAAAAAAAY.png

Bonus I found while looking: Jake's mom told him he was only trooning out because his friends were all doing it.
ComingOutForcefully.png
 

An Ghost

Beta Israel best Israel
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Nobody reasonable would believe such claims that there would somehow be magic money out of some ludicrous nonprofit that somehow existed to take calls from people complaining that someone called them fat and that this could feed and house a bunch of troons.
It worked for translifeline.
Did I miss sassy Jake this time around? This kind of pity seeking is usually preceded by Jake waffling about his voluptuous new body and getting hit on by men who can't tell he's trans. I don't recall seeing that part of the cycle this time.
We’re in the total pity party post holiday winter mode.
 

AirdropShitposts

Jake Alley is @SecretGamerGrrl's glandular problem
kiwifarms.net
Did I miss sassy Jake this time around? This kind of pity seeking is usually preceded by Jake waffling about his voluptuous new body and getting hit on by men who can't tell he's trans. I don't recall seeing that part of the cycle this time.
Huh, you know what else has been sorta missing lately, the begging and Patreon shilling. I guess it was a good holiday season.

Other than that person who really should know better who misgendered which I still can't believe they did. Amazing.
 

Smaug's Smokey Hole

the black goat of yule
kiwifarms.net
Huh, you know what else has been sorta missing lately, the begging and Patreon shilling. I guess it was a good holiday season.

Other than that person who really should know better who misgendered which I still can't believe they did. Amazing.
How could he shill his patreon if he can't be bothered to update it and this screenshot of his patreon page is not even a minute old:
FORFUCKSAKEJAKE.JPG


Remember how he whined about that and did absolutely nothing to correct it?
 

Kane Lives

Peace through power
kiwifarms.net
How could he shill his patreon if he can't be bothered to update it and this screenshot of his patreon page is not even a minute old:
View attachment 1098721

Remember how he whined about that and did absolutely nothing to correct it?
I will never not cease to be amazed that he still gets $700+ for doing absolutely nothing of import.

Troon welfare is real and it's fucking infuriating.
 

AirdropShitposts

Jake Alley is @SecretGamerGrrl's glandular problem
kiwifarms.net
Jake's Patreon page is really an epic socioeconomic experiment. Sapphixy, who I thought was the Ur Beggar, started their own a month ago and they make like $5 on it. That random YouTube guy who made a KiwiFarms video had like 50 tiers on his starting at $1 of simple stuff like messages or shoutouts or whatever. But Jake's basically says "I might do something, maybe, on a dead website, but I'm not changing after nearly 40 years so it's unlikely, gimmie $1000 a month or I will be upset" and he almost nearly pulls it off somehow. Maybe I'm way too optimistic that at least half of those nearly 100 people know he's Jake Alley.

He doesn't even post shitty selfies or have a pedobait avatar anymore! The troon roleplaying isn't even there! How is there not a multi-billion dollar federal research project about this which I can skim money from without consequence? Is this what the MMT people's "economic theory" based on?
 

Kosher Dill

Potato Chips
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Let's Learn Gnomish
Lesson 5: Pull My Trigger

In the rarefied reaches of Gnomish society, it is simply not done to quietly withdraw from a conversation that annoys you. Much like the belles of the antebellum South coming down with "the vapors" and fainting, a dainty gnomish lass will typically be "triggered by PTSD" when conversation takes an unpleasant turn. What contexts can this be used in? Data scientists drilled down on results for "ptsd" in the feed of one gnotable gnome, and discovered:

8/1/2015​
Prospectively from Gamergate
2/6/2016​
Gamergate
5/23/2016​
Gamergate
1/17/2017​
Gamergate
10/3/2017​
Abandoned by friends
2/10/2018​
Seeing people engage with "nazis"
2/13/2018​
Having "genocidal hate speech" directed at him
4/1/2018​
"Recently" seeing CHELSAY publicly support Randi Lee Harper
6/3/2018​
"Dealing with bizarre and dangerous stuff" online
7/6/2018​
Seeing some sort of inside joke (now deleted) shared between two of his friends
7/3/2018​
A "harassment campaign" from two specific ringleaders, Ian Miles Cheong (@stillgray) and @FakeRobotGamer
7/12/2018​
Seeing CHELSAY mentioned in an opinion piece on The Verge
9/8/2018​
Getting blowback from the kerfuffle over Soha the gaming rakshasa
10/20/2018​
Seeing Jesse Singal "abuse people"
11/3/2018​
Seeing Candace Owens' name mentioned, since she apparently forced Randi Lee Harper to betray the trans community (???)
11/6/2018​
Seeing articles about the abusers at Riot Games, because of the Soha kerfuffle
1/13/2019​
The contents of his Twitter feed on January 13, 2019 (apparently Jesse Singal drama)
2/6/2019​
Seeing Nora Reed drama on Twitter
2/20/2019​
Seeing tabletop RPG internet drama surrounding Mike Mearls, Zak S, and RPGPundit
3/31/2019​
"Mass shunning and blacklists"
6/8/2019​
Events on around June 8, 2019 (likely Cathy Brennan assaulting Julie Bindel), and a "scary situation tomorrow" (never elaborated)
6/14/2019​
Being shunned by his "friends"
6/24/2019​
Unspecified trigger
7/1/2019​
Seeing Ian Miles Cheong's face
7/8/2019​
Seeing friends socialize with "stalkers" (seems to be a continuation of 7/1's Cheong meltdown)
7/23/2019​
"Five different triggers at once"
8/2/2019​
"Everything I have PTSD over" at once due to recent Twitter activity
8/14/2019​
Seeing people promote his enemies' stuff
11/7/2019​
Unspecified trigger (possibly seeing Jesse Singal mentioned)
12/8/2019​
Memories of Decembers past
1/13/2020​
Recalling the days when he worked with CHELSAY in CON

Remarkably, despite the above, in Jake's own retelling all of his PTSD triggers date from 2014 to 2016:

Another amusing thing our journalists came across while researching this piece: despite Jake's claims of having a micropenis bordering on vestigial, he (supposedly) worries about having a "visible bulge" when he's out cross-dressing.
 
Last edited:

Apteryx Owenii

formerly a jerkop, wants to avoid merge
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Thought I'd put together a compilation of all the times Jake's not been okay.
1579063082432.png
Would someone please get this gnome either some weed or a rope?
I will never not cease to be amazed that he still gets $700+ for doing absolutely nothing of import.

Troon welfare is real and it's fucking infuriating.
At least some of it is entirely a troon-based economy with patreon just skimming off the top as lolcows pay each other back and forth to try and make it look like they're important. Hey, I'll support your patreon if you support mine and we'll prime the pump so that others chip in! Nevermind that we're losing 5%-15% off the top every month...
 

AirdropShitposts

Jake Alley is @SecretGamerGrrl's glandular problem
kiwifarms.net
1579066370557.png


1579063428898.png


Another amusing thing our journalists came across while researching this piece: despite Jake's claims of having a micropenis bordering on vestigial, he (supposedly) worries about having a "visible bulge" when he's out cross-dressing.
Also why she's afraid of airports:
1579063569435.png
1579063585958.png
1579063599649.png
1579063633313.png
1579063648826.png
1579063679941.png


Really, it was um... investigating... Jake's micropenis writings that led me to realize that he understands genitals at the level of like a three year old or something. A penis is just an outside vagina, all that other stuff is the same on both, ignore why only women get pregnant as pregnant is gross anyway ugh babies, so you just need "help" to get your bits back inside where they belong through THE SURGERY. (His recent desperate acceptance after years of thinking the body would do this automatically after the glandular/hormone correction.) He's been... um, educated... about all this beyond it, probably through sex ed and porn and stuff but like he just resists it being true or it causes some kind of cognitive dissonance so he dismisses it when fantasizing.
 
Last edited:

Positron

What I say is incompatible with human dignity
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
"I personally turned back into a pumpkin when I can't get to my local pharmacy every 30 days."
So Jake is the carriage who brought Cinderella to the ball? Or does he think that the always-passing, never-misgendered woman will poof! turns back to a bald bearded noise-making thing once he pisses the last molecule of estradiol out of his system?
 
Last edited:

Kosher Dill

Potato Chips
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Oh, one more thing. Is anyone keeping a list of people who have met Jake in person? I stumbled across a handful of them who apparently met Jake at Gen Con in 2016:

Athena Hollow (@athenahollow) - Tabletop game writer. Married, and Jake met her family (!!)
Amanda Hamon (@amandahamon) - Paizo managing developer, co-created "Starfinder".
Jessica Price (@Delafina777) - worked at Paizo at the time she met Jake. Notoriously toxic.
Crystal Frazier (@AmazonChique) - Troon, Paizo game developer.
Arthur Chu (@arthur_affect) - Lolcow.

Unrelated: did you all know that Jake is a disgusting pig who let a "rather large vole" (I assume a rat) live with him in the attic for months?
 

Tragi-Chan

Godmaster Reverend
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
"I personally turned back into a pumpkin when I can't get to my local pharmacy every 30 days."
So Jake is the carriage who bought Cinderella to the ball? Or does he think that the always-passing, never-misgendered woman will poof! turns back to a bald bearded noise-making thing once the estrogen is out of his system?
I think the latter, given the beliefs he’s otherwise expressed re hormones being a magical transformation potion. He may well be counting on it, in fact, should he ever need to meet someone IRL. “Terrorists prevented me getting to the pharmacy yesterday and now I look like this!”
 

Next Task

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
>$500 per month for what is basically a commission to write shitty conspiratard fanfic
It's baffling why he thinks his googleshnging writing is worth this much.
I'm not really sure how Patreon works for failure to deliver, so anyone know what would happen if you subscribed to Jake for the $500, asked him to write something, and he didn't do it - either because he's very lazy, or because you asked him to write something like, 'Jake Alley = Violet Hargrave: An Investigation by an Investigative Journalist.' ? Is it like GoFundMe and has a certain amount of 'Buyer Beware' attached to it, or could you actually get your funds back and/or get his Patreon canceled for failure to deliver?


At least some of it is entirely a troon-based economy with patreon just skimming off the top as lolcows pay each other back and forth to try and make it look like they're important. Hey, I'll support your patreon if you support mine and we'll prime the pump so that others chip in! Nevermind that we're losing 5%-15% off the top every month...
Patreon was going to make it that every transaction had a cost associated with it, but all the dangerhairs and 'hard-working small-time artists' REEEEEEEEEd at them until they caved. It would have decimated the circle-jerk of mutual Patreon follows because they would have been losing money with each transaction. It's a shame they canceled it, not because I feel strongly about the decision but because exactly all the right people were upset about it that I would have liked it to go through.
 

Haramburger

kiwifarms.net
Jake's Patreon page is really an epic socioeconomic experiment. Sapphixy, who I thought was the Ur Beggar, started their own a month ago and they make like $5 on it. That random YouTube guy who made a KiwiFarms video had like 50 tiers on his starting at $1 of simple stuff like messages or shoutouts or whatever. But Jake's basically says "I might do something, maybe, on a dead website, but I'm not changing after nearly 40 years so it's unlikely, gimmie $1000 a month or I will be upset" and he almost nearly pulls it off somehow. Maybe I'm way too optimistic that at least half of those nearly 100 people know he's Jake Alley.

He doesn't even post shitty selfies or have a pedobait avatar anymore! The troon roleplaying isn't even there! How is there not a multi-billion dollar federal research project about this which I can skim money from without consequence? Is this what the MMT people's "economic theory" based on?
I like to think that since twitter is literally his entire life, he's making 30 cents or so per tweet. Who buys this commodity or why is anybody's guess though.
 

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

BTC: 1DgS5RfHw7xA82Yxa5BtgZL65ngwSk6bmm
ETH: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
LTC: LSZsFCLUreXAZ9oyc9JRUiRwbhkLCsFi4q
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino