Secret Gamer Girl / SecretGamerGrrl / Googleshng / "Violet Hargrave" / Jacob Lawrence (Jake) Alley / Violet Cassandra Ocean - Delusional Zoe Quinn Stalker, Libelous Tweeter, Thirsty Gnome, Faux-Tranny Neckbeard Incel, Micropenis, "Known Troubled Person", Creator of "Massive vs the Masses", Self-Described "Noise Making Thing"; Lives in New London, CT

How will Disembodicon end?

  • Jake forgets about it in a week

    Votes: 41 7.3%
  • Jake spergs about it for weeks, but it's 'too much effort' to do and he cancels it

    Votes: 91 16.2%
  • Someone else does the same thing but competent, Jake rages for years

    Votes: 54 9.6%
  • Jake cancels it due to paranoia

    Votes: 21 3.7%
  • Jake holds it, no one shows up

    Votes: 21 3.7%
  • Jake holds it, only 5 gross troons show up, spend entire time getting googleshng'd at

    Votes: 43 7.6%
  • Jake holds it, bans everyone for being 'secret nazi agents'

    Votes: 20 3.6%
  • Jake uses it as a scam for the next few weeks, then cancels it

    Votes: 53 9.4%
  • Jake holds it and it becomes a great success and makes Chelasy love him (lol)

    Votes: 17 3.0%
  • Jake dies of Coronavirus

    Votes: 202 35.9%

  • Total voters
    563

Jet Fuel Johnny

Full Metal Sperg
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Gee if only there were a way to determine what on earth the salary at such a job, which Jake is sure can't be lived on, would be.

View attachment 1599243

Yeah what a pauper's wage. Surely not even a bachelor could make it work on such a meager allowance in Renton! Why, one's rent should total no more than 25% of one's salary!

View attachment 1599246

Oh. Looks like a Senior Game Designer at WotC could pretty easily afford, on their own, a 2 bedroom apartment in Renton in walking distance to work.

Jake is utterly convinced no one in the industry makes any money, certainly not a "livable wage," even while he's ekeing out an existence in Connecticut on a burger-slinger's wage. He puts more barriers up in front of himself than any other person has ever put in front of him ... and yet he never considers for an instant that the qualifications are what would put this job out of reach. He's sure he's the most qualified person in the history of applications, and that the big reason to worry about applying is that they'd throw his application out of the pile out of extreme misogyny or wouldn't pay him enough for it to be worth his time to leave New London.
Jake has no idea how much money really is worth.

Personally, I wouldn't want that job, because I hate other people so much that 100K wouldn't be enough, much less the kind of people who work at WotC (Back in the 1990's, when they did an open hiring call, dudes showed up in fucking Star Trek uniforms to fucking job interviews, or wore their dad's suits, or wore fucking sweats. There were very few people who showed up on the day I know about in any kind of even slightly professional work clothing) nowadays, which is apparently a bunch of dangerhairs that even that kneeling cuck Mike Mearls couldn't survive without being eaten.

Jake couldn't do ANY of the requirements of the job, much less even manage to survive outside the job itself.

Picture Jake trying to do any of this:

Rent an apartment/house with no credit/bad credit
Trying to network with people in the area
Trying to get a driver's license or walking to work or taking public transit
Scouting out the local stores for where he can buy the things he wants (On 100+K/yr he can't shop at Wal-Mart any more)
Buying furniture that other people will be seeing
Having guests over
Figuring out which caterers he can trust for when guests are over
Figuring out what night life he wants to engage in.
Meeting with and interacting with his neighbors (part of networking)
Flying or driving to Washington State
Picking out a wardrobe that is professional
Shifting to new doctors for his troony fantasies
Getting involved with PNW troon groups while avoiding the real poison ones

Then, hand him, say, $10K a month and watch him totally fuck up. We'll say he pulls in 120K/year. He's single and a troon, so he'll lose 35% in federal taxes. That'll drop him to, oh, say $6,500.

But that isn't how he'll remember it. It'll be stuck in his head "I MAKE 10K A MONTH!" not "I bring home $6,500 after taxes and shit".

See, I've seen this shit before. You give someone like Jake 10K/mo and he'll be worse than bankrupt inside of 2 years and unemployed.

First, he'll be able to go boozing with his coworkers. He's got no experience with work parties and after-work parties, so who knows how long till he picks up a drug or alcohol habit
He'll buy too expensive furniture
He'll try to open credit accounts
He'll get the 'place he deserves' at probably 3-4K (30% of his paycheck) a month
He'll have to hire Uber for everything (that racks up quick)
Because he doesn't know how to cook, he'll order everything

Now, he'll start on the low end, because he's used to the poor people stuff. Then he'll see his coworkers (most of them with seniority and getting paid better) ordering from the high priced places and he'll do the same. He won't be aware that they don't order every fucking meal from these places.

Not to mention how much he'll start paying for his troony hobby. New titty skittles, more laser hair removal, more dresses and troon bullshit.

He'll be one of those fucking people that you know pulling down 120K/yr who is fucking absolutely broke and is buying $2000/mo in scented candles.

And that's before the Troon League of Extraordinary Grifters comes to call. You can bet suddenly Chelsea will remember his number. Ever fucking Troon he's so much as said hi to will come slithering out of the woodwork.

Of course, it'll never happen, because Jake doesn't have any of the skills or experience necessary to get that particular job, and he doesn't have the work ethic, skills, people skills, or raw talent to hold the position for longer than a week or two it'll take to figure out how to rid of his troon ass without provoking a lawsuit.
 

Tragi-Chan

A thousand years old
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Jake has no idea how much money really is worth.

Personally, I wouldn't want that job, because I hate other people so much that 100K wouldn't be enough, much less the kind of people who work at WotC (Back in the 1990's, when they did an open hiring call, dudes showed up in fucking Star Trek uniforms to fucking job interviews, or wore their dad's suits, or wore fucking sweats. There were very few people who showed up on the day I know about in any kind of even slightly professional work clothing) nowadays, which is apparently a bunch of dangerhairs that even that kneeling cuck Mike Mearls couldn't survive without being eaten.

Jake couldn't do ANY of the requirements of the job, much less even manage to survive outside the job itself.

Picture Jake trying to do any of this:

Rent an apartment/house with no credit/bad credit
Trying to network with people in the area
Trying to get a driver's license or walking to work or taking public transit
Scouting out the local stores for where he can buy the things he wants (On 100+K/yr he can't shop at Wal-Mart any more)
Buying furniture that other people will be seeing
Having guests over
Figuring out which caterers he can trust for when guests are over
Figuring out what night life he wants to engage in.
Meeting with and interacting with his neighbors (part of networking)
Flying or driving to Washington State
Picking out a wardrobe that is professional
Shifting to new doctors for his troony fantasies
Getting involved with PNW troon groups while avoiding the real poison ones

Then, hand him, say, $10K a month and watch him totally fuck up. We'll say he pulls in 120K/year. He's single and a troon, so he'll lose 35% in federal taxes. That'll drop him to, oh, say $6,500.

But that isn't how he'll remember it. It'll be stuck in his head "I MAKE 10K A MONTH!" not "I bring home $6,500 after taxes and shit".

See, I've seen this shit before. You give someone like Jake 10K/mo and he'll be worse than bankrupt inside of 2 years and unemployed.

First, he'll be able to go boozing with his coworkers. He's got no experience with work parties and after-work parties, so who knows how long till he picks up a drug or alcohol habit
He'll buy too expensive furniture
He'll try to open credit accounts
He'll get the 'place he deserves' at probably 3-4K (30% of his paycheck) a month
He'll have to hire Uber for everything (that racks up quick)
Because he doesn't know how to cook, he'll order everything

Now, he'll start on the low end, because he's used to the poor people stuff. Then he'll see his coworkers (most of them with seniority and getting paid better) ordering from the high priced places and he'll do the same. He won't be aware that they don't order every fucking meal from these places.

Not to mention how much he'll start paying for his troony hobby. New titty skittles, more laser hair removal, more dresses and troon bullshit.

He'll be one of those fucking people that you know pulling down 120K/yr who is fucking absolutely broke and is buying $2000/mo in scented candles.

And that's before the Troon League of Extraordinary Grifters comes to call. You can bet suddenly Chelsea will remember his number. Ever fucking Troon he's so much as said hi to will come slithering out of the woodwork.

Of course, it'll never happen, because Jake doesn't have any of the skills or experience necessary to get that particular job, and he doesn't have the work ethic, skills, people skills, or raw talent to hold the position for longer than a week or two it'll take to figure out how to rid of his troon ass without provoking a lawsuit.
Jake doesn’t strike me as the drugs/alcohol type, given how much of a snob he was about his mom’s friends having a few glasses of wine. If he was going to develop an expensive habit, other than consumerism, I reckon it would be hookers.
 

Haramburger

kiwifarms.net
Jake probably thinks that his problems will be over when his mum dies and he inherits her house. He has no idea of the costs involved in home ownership and maintenance.
I think he accepts monthly payments as a "the way life in this country works" kind of thing and just wants to get far enough ahead to not think about it. He'd probably let a realtor sell her house at an undervalued rate just to get a little nest egg in his bank account that he'd utterly squander in 2-3 years. That's if he can even inherit it; who knows if Mama Alley refinances it for medical costs in her twilight years & the bank takes it, or if it's left to a more responsible cousin that will landlord Jake in a worst-case scenario of George & Lennie, Mice-and-Men style.
 

A Random

All aboard the Loco Express!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
He isn't, at all. He's the kind of nerd that finds booze somewhere between distasteful and terrifying. Has never taken a drink.

See, for instance, Jake's description of his ideal convention:

View attachment 1600223
What kind of con would replace the entertainment with safe space rooms in the amounts required for hundreds if not thousands of people, most of these actually requiring alone time [so not sharing with other people who just had a breakdown] or clinical support [so each room needing at least some people always ready to help who'll be overstressed and shit]?

That means way less room for the people who use cons to make money and it'll reduce the amout of booths available as well, meaning that... well, what is going to be available there? Guest speakers?
 

Haramburger

kiwifarms.net
He isn't, at all. He's the kind of nerd that finds booze somewhere between distasteful and terrifying. Has never taken a drink.

See, for instance, Jake's description of his ideal convention:

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I love it when trannies or tranny pretenders accidentally admit they're a largely mentally unstable group. Sure, let's give a bunch of unhinged and sexually confused strangers lots of little unsupervised spaces to rock back and forth wheezing, that couldn't possibly lead to anyone getting abused, taken advantage of, or killing themselves!
 

kaien

kiwifarms.net
What kind of con would replace the entertainment with safe space rooms in the amounts required for hundreds if not thousands of people, most of these actually requiring alone time [so not sharing with other people who just had a breakdown] or clinical support [so each room needing at least some people always ready to help who'll be overstressed and shit]?
You can follow this line of inquiry all the way down to the root of what has always made nerd conventions so bizarre: they are social occasions for people with no social skills.
 

Imago

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Jake's Patreon remains the most frustrating mystery in this thread. Gamergate was six year ago, most of the beneficiaries of gamergate victimbucks have been on a steady downhill trend since the highs of 2015-2016. Zoe Quinn for example:

ZQ lifetime earnings.PNG


or Wu:

1600270226400.png


When this thread started in September 2016 Jake was taking in $42. In September 2018 he was up to $280 a month. This time last year he was making $670 a month. He is up to $1000 today, with an additional donation of $500 made in August. As this chart shows his success came long after his falling out with Zoe and CON.

SGG lifetime earnings.PNG


(Source: https://graphtreon.com/creator/secretgamergirl)

I don't think we have enough information to solve this mystery definitively , but it's so fundamental to his existence, it needs to be said: pateron is what allows Jake to be Jake. He can point to this income stream whenever his mom/caseworker gets on him about getting a job. So who is paying him, and why?

Some things that stand out, can you see what I'm missing?:

1. His patreon has been growing steady, but really took off in late summer 2018. Oddly, this lines up with the publication of this article calling out his harassment of Soha. He is gnomus non grata among the old CON group, so if circular donations were happening his totals should have gone down when they cut ties.

2. He is unafraid of neglecting his patrons. Most people thank their supporters constantly. Jake doesn't sound grateful, he hasn't updated his page in years and still has a link to his dead storify. People are not donating because of his content, he doesn't produce any.

3. Jake's CV is laughably thin for a professional game designer. Look at the other gnome on the missile command project. He has 13 items published in 2019. That is what I would expect from somebody doing design full time. Jake's body of work is too small and inconsistent to generate a fan base.

4. His googleshng word vomit doesn't get much engagement, but his sanctimonious social justice tweets do. He has 7346 followers on twitter. If 1.35% of his twitter followers gave $10 a month it would match what we see.

5. He has whales. Look at the chart on graphtreon. Several times a single person will donate > $100. The median donation will be much lower then the average.

Conclusion:

Jake gets his patrons on twitter. Tweeting is literally his job. He doesn't need to update his patreon profile because his paypigs are supporting his twitter 'activism' convinced that tweeting like a lunatic is a making a difference.

Jake is a living monument to the bigger sucker rule. He's learned to mimic the paranoid ranting of people like Wu and Bex to present himself as a martyr. He never intended to apply for that job, or any job. He's just holding up the image of himself as a highly capable, but unjustly blacklisted minority to people who have as little life experience as he does.

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The other possibility is that Jake has an entirely separate identity somewhere like discord or roll20 where he does produce content. He could thank his supporters directly rather then posting on patreon and letting us in on his secret. I find it hard to believe that Jake had a sudden attack of competence after living his whole life symptom free. But, I'd like to hear if anyone else has a theory.
 

Attachments

An Ghost

Spectral distancing
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Now now, he's played them all on Twitch in alphabetical order for at least a few minutes each!

I'd say we should add up how much all those games cost, but it's probably too much of a pain to untangle with all the bundle promotions on Steam.
I wonder if Jake bought that "50000 Furry Dating Sims For Racial Justice" package that was burning up the interweb recently.
Steamdb does it. Before jake went private i ran it on his profile.
Here's a steam calculator scan of his profile. Steam actually records how much you paid for a given game vs the actual full retail price. As everybody probably knows, steam has a crazy number of $1 sales and humble bundles can give you like 10 games for a dollar. Scan your own steam profile. The results... may surprise you.
View attachment 212153
Getting 1000 steam games for a few bucks isnt especially hard but remember he ranted and raves against humble bundle when they partner with developers he doesnt like.
Jake has made an extremely silly little “professional website.” Can someone archive? I’m on mobile.

This is such a perfect little bit of his writing. It hits all the Jakeisms. Its almost parody. Shout out to the part where he says he cant link to his other tabletop projects because theyre under the name Jake Alley.
 

Abortions4All

Chicago Deep Dish Tampons
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
The way he talks "around" what he actually wants instead of being direct is one of the things he associates with femininity. He thinks it's cute to do this as a "secret gamer grrl" even though it's evidence of failure as a man.

What he hasn't yet realized is that while the "hee hee I kinda did something I'm proud of" is something some women do, those women are like 22 years old and fresh out of school. Women who are Jake's age, nearly 40, aren't "cute" when they get coy about their own accomplishments. It'd just be fucking weird.
 

DopeaddictKitten

Teaching my bird to be my cyberbully sidekick
kiwifarms.net
The way he talks "around" what he actually wants instead of being direct is one of the things he associates with femininity. He thinks it's cute to do this as a "secret gamer grrl" even though it's evidence of failure as a man.

What he hasn't yet realized is that while the "hee hee I kinda did something I'm proud of" is something some women do, those women are like 22 years old and fresh out of school. Women who are Jake's age, nearly 40, aren't "cute" when they get coy about their own accomplishments. It'd just be fucking weird.
I've seen an unnerving amount of 'trans women' that seem to prefer to pretend to be 'trans girls' and I've even seen some justify it by saying shit like, "Well we lost out on our girlhood cause we had to grow up hiding our true selves!!!!!1!!111!" But I mean, a lot of people have fucked up childhoods and they don't all try to spend the rest of their lives trying to recreate it by buying plushies/toys, acting immature and avoiding anything that resembles behaving as an adult. It's just creepy.
 

Apteryx Owenii

formerly a jerkop, wants to avoid merge
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I mean, a lot of people have fucked up childhoods and they don't all try to spend the rest of their lives trying to recreate it by buying plushies/toys, acting immature and avoiding anything that resembles behaving as an adult. It's just creepy.
I feel like there is some file drawer effect going on here. The people who decide to take titty skittles, wear a wig and go to work at the credit union on time and go back to their 5 cats at home aren't going to come to kiwifarms attention. It's the Jakes of the world- the people who had a childhood but never left it.
 

Water-T

I'm too sexy for my apartment...
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Can you imagine if Jake got hired to design MTG cards?

Something simple as, "tap Island for blue mana" would become, "slide card in sideways position so that you possibly gain mana for which you can use on blue magics, like perhaps I can recommend Thoughtseize? I might have previously suggested Time Spiral, but due to Nazi whisper networks, it would be preferable to use Opt, maybe? Of course, I think choosing Green mama would have been a better idea, because green is also the color of Kamen Rider's uniform, and is there anyone out there who would like to watch it with me? If so, then, um....hi?""
 

Abortions4All

Chicago Deep Dish Tampons
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I've seen an unnerving amount of 'trans women' that seem to prefer to pretend to be 'trans girls' and I've even seen some justify it by saying shit like, "Well we lost out on our girlhood cause we had to grow up hiding our true selves!!!!!1!!111!" But I mean, a lot of people have fucked up childhoods and they don't all try to spend the rest of their lives trying to recreate it by buying plushies/toys, acting immature and avoiding anything that resembles behaving as an adult. It's just creepy.
This would be a way more believable stance from the AGP crowd if a typical "girlhood reliver" did that as a phase for 18 months and then felt suitably embarrassed. Women I know who legitimately "missed out" on major parts of childhood actually did a bit of that regressive stuff in their college years but not forever like these pervs.