Jake has zero ambition. It’s easier for him to continue living with his mom, rent free, and reeeeeing on twatter all day than it would be to go outside and get an education to be self sufficient.
Secret Gamer Girl / SecretGamerGrrl / Googleshng / "Violet Hargrave" / Jacob Lawrence (Jake) Alley / Violet Cassandra Ocean - Delusional Zoe Quinn Stalker, Libelous Tweeter, Thirsty Gnome, Faux-Tranny Neckbeard Incel, Micropenis, "Known Troubled Person", Creator of "Massive vs the Masses", Self-Described "Noise Making Thing"; Lives in New London, CT
- Thread starter chimpburgers
- Start date
flipper
kiwifarms.net
That would require a volume of paperwork that would send him into psychological collapse.
He also hates school, even though for him it would have served as a tool towards independence and freedom. But independence and freedom are things he simply claims to value. Given his actions, he obviously doesn't value those things.
As much as he REEEs about abusive homes and abusive mothers and being on the verge of homelessness at any moment At this point I'm convinced it's all just for show and he has no intention whatsoever to get his own place. He might not "enjoy" it but on some level he probably knows that he'll never be able to live as comfortably as he does now. If you have to pay your own rent and bills just taking a day off to play vidya/watch movies to renew your energy isn't going to fly because you'll be out of a job sooner rather than later. Hot pockets don't appear in your fridge by magic. Zoe still won't stop by to check out your suave troon pad.
I think he does want one, when his mommy does horribly abusive things like tell him to shower. But I think if you presented him with a list of everything involved in renting an apartment , he’d go right back to bleating about how his shockingly abusive mother forces him to stay.
I'm intensely curious how he became this way. Like, what was he like in his early twenties?
"And now, we go live to the scene with brave transwoman Violet Hargrave. Violet, can you tell us a little bit about what the conditions are like for trans women in America today?"
"Well, uh...as you can see, we're in one of these -gate scandals, the worst I've ever seen! The transphobia here is intense, with gangs of neo-Nazis stalking me and a wait of over 2 years to get my documentation, during which I've been unable to move away from an abusive home or shav..."
(Cue other people in the background obtaining their documentation easily by following well-documented laws, walking around presenting as their preferred gender, and getting entry-level jobs.)
We have his archived website from his early twenties. Not much has changed, really, apart from him deciding he's a woman. He'd already decided way back then that college and menial jobs were useless and would only take time away from his real vocations of writing and game design.
Also, is the process of applying for a US passport difficult once you've collected your documentation? Jake maintains that by the time he collected the documentation there was no-one to help him, but here it's getting together the documentation which can be a pain - once you've got that together the rest is easy.
- Highlight
- #12,288
Jake isn't even a fake tranny. I know he keeps saying it and people buy into it sort of, but being a girl isn't even the crux of his magical transformation fetish. Jake doesn't care if he turns into a woman. All he wants is to turn into anything that isn't Jake Alley. He's dumb enough to look at HRT AS a magical potion a la DnD that can turn him into NotJake but if he had found something that would make him a svelt chad who ran a board game company with a single drink he would have jumped on that instead. He's a pathetic loser that knows he's a pathetic loser and hopes beyond hope that one day he can wake up as a successful something who isn't a velcro shoe sped who has to have his mom drive him everywhere at nearly forty.
Confirmation that Jake has met Amazon Chique in person and so she can be added to the list of people maintaining the lie that SGG is not Jake Alley.
https://twitter.com/SecretGamerGrrl/status/1041097664060956672
http://archive.fo/UOmCO
https://twitter.com/SecretGamerGrrl/status/1041097664060956672
http://archive.fo/UOmCO
What really poisoned him for life was getting that taste of e-fame on RPGamer just by writing a column full of googleshngery every goddamn day till he became a fixture. That's really what he's been trying to replicate ever since - show up, turn the crank, get famous, sleep with Zoe.
I wonder if he even has step #1, a government-issued ID card of any kind.
:powerlevel: As a teen, it was a pain to get my first photo ID, because my mom had """lost""" all my documents. I'm sure that's not unique. If he even made a real attempt for the passport, he would need a DL/photo ID first, and to get that he would need a SS card, birth certificate, and recent business mail to confirm residence.
I doubt he even attempted it, but I wouldn't blame his mom if she refused to take off work to drive him to either the DMV to an ID, or the main post office for a passport. Both probably close at 4-5 PM. He's not going to use them to get a job, so why even bother.
Wouldn't he already need a lot of that same documentation for his healthcare and his financial institution accounts, though? Pretty much everything here requires 100 points of ID (and what you can use to establish that is getting tougher) and more and more places require you to re-verify your identity periodically so it's wise to always have them available because you usually only have 2-3 weeks to provide them if you're asked to re-verify (and it costs a fortune to get them on an urgent basis).
Jake's daily dose of SOHA! RIOT! KIA! KATHERINE CROSS!
"What the hell do I have to do for the people around me to start caring as much about my safety and sources of trauma as they do for those of everyone else they know?" https://archive.fo/yVcdM
"What the hell do I have to do for the people around me to start caring as much about my safety and sources of trauma as they do for those of everyone else they know?" https://archive.fo/yVcdM
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Try some bleach Jake. They like their martyrs dead and gone and not sporting inappropriate beards and creepy desired. That will get you the caring you want.
I'm honestly not sure about those. He claimed to not even have a bank account. I don't know if Medicaid verifies anything in person when processing applications, although some clinics definitely want to see an ID in addition to the insurance card. I get the feeling his mom files all the applications, schedules, and pays for everything.
I really wish someone who has cut contact with him would very publicly state why they don't support him any more and why others shouldn't either.
His "what about me" shit is pathetic, as is him continuing to post the "two nights ago" link multiple times daily.
He has a PayPal account, and you need to verify your identity for that.
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TheMonkeyMan
kiwifarms.net
"What about me? What about Raven?"
- Highlight
- #12,298
(OP Note: This isn't the original OP, it was added in long after the thread was created, you can find the original OP preserved as the 2nd post in the thread.)
Thanks to @Hellfire, @Jaimas, @D.Va and @CyrusKissFanClub for their invaluable help in creating this OP.
Jake Lawrence Alley / Secret Gamer Girl / Violet Hargrave / Googleshng
"For clarification. I am a woman."
1) An Introduction
2014 was a particularly rich year for lolcowdom, in no small part due to Gamergate. While the hashtag itself is long since dead, having wrapped up around October 2015, the consumer revolt is still generating more salt and exposing more lolcows at a phenomenally unmatched rate. One of those lolcows is a Twitter user by the moniker of Secret Gamer Girl (@SecretGamerGrrl), who had gained notoriety through orbiting other personalities in the same sphere of influence, especially with the likes of Zoe Quinn and Randi Lee Harper.
As the cowfight went along, Zoe Quinn gathered herself a personal army of what turned out to be lolcows, including Secret Gamer Girl. Colluding in secret over chat programs such as IRC, Skype, and Google Hangouts, Zoe Quinn eventually felt the need to organize her coalition of attack dogs into a collective that's both presentable to the press and monetizable, thus, Crash Override Network, frequently (and fittingly) abbreviated as CON was born.
Within the confines of the CON group, Zoe and her cohorts managed and coordinated their online maneuvers, including but not limited to:
This anonymous, decidedly paranoid individual, recognizable from their creepy avatar of a black-and-white stock photo of a schoolgirl, became notable for writing long-ass tweet chains vilifying Gamergate and being extremely willing to to sink to any depth if it accomplishes CON's aims, even stating that they are "'dropping everything in his life' to dedicate themselves to the Gamergate struggle. I think it will be more effective to let their own mission statement speak for them here (source):
Worth noting, that all of these people hadn't done anything that's criminally actionable, just defied CON somehow or pissed off its members in some way or another—Chobitcoin getting flak for insulting Nyberg, for instance. Several, like Mike Cernovich are not only assholes, but outright cows, but some of them had innocent, even noble aims. For example, TFYC were only trying to save their own project after Zoe Quinn tried to destroy it. Soon after, the CON Trello Log Leaks would also be exposed, further cementing that CON had been involved in everything it was blaming on GG.
Our own @GethN7 quickly identified SGG as the Charles Colson of this story, concurrently, several Kiwis began digging, mainly because while GG had died off entirely by the time the logs leaked, SGG was still a constant presence online, consistently white knighting other members of the clique and supporting the insane and abusive Nora Reed. In short, SGG had to be a great cow, who not only provided great content, but who had also gone to great lengths to to cover their own tracks, so learning their powerword couldn't possibly not result in comic gold.
And no one had any fucking idea of how lucrative and hilarious said comic goldmine would turn out to be..
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2) Uncovering the Gnome Inside:
Secret Gamer Girl's online antics, coupled with their rants about this site led to Kiwis taking interest in this mysterious individual, it was quickly surmised from their tweet history that not only was SGG a brand-new identity created specifically for GG interference (as indicated by their very 1st tweet!), this lead to the immediate realization that there must be an actual and old web trail this identity was supposed to hide, so our valiant Kiwis went to work on finding as many details on this spergy individual as possible, @Portajohn summed up a lot of info on this then-mysterious sperg, which I have further annotated with links, because I am a helpful person:
In less than a week since the creation of this thread, Secret Gamer Girl was fully doxed, revealing "her" to be Jake Lawrence Alley of Niantic, Connecticut, an obese, long-bearded male NEET in his late 30s:
Despite Jake's meticulous OP-SEC work, this discovery was made due to a simple mistake, you see, in his greed to monetize his internet LARPing and mi'ladying of Zoe Quinn and co., Jake created a Patreon page under his Secret Gamer Girl identity, but to do that, he had to enter the email address he uses for his personal PayPal account, this proved disastrous when the October 2015 Patreon database hack happened.
Now bear with me because this will get a bit technical.. As demonstrated in this post (LINK), making a query for "secretgamergirl" in the hack database results in the below results:
Not only does it showcase Jake's public Hushmail address and tumblr, confirming the connection between this query result and Jake's existing SGG footprint, note the UserID under the "Key" column: 812299.
Now we query this UserID in the tblusers table:
Note the same hushmail address appears under the email column, re-confirming the relationship between the UserID and Jake's public SGG persona.
Now we look at the tblusersextra table to see the associated payment system details:
In the screenshot above, you can clearly see Jake's real email address (jakealley@gmail.com) under the "PaypalEmail" column. And if we google that email, we get this page in the 1st page of results:
We also get this page too (archive), which gives us a definite connection to what is clearly Jake's original online handle: Googleshng. This page, along with the previous screencap also neatly match up with SGG's statement of having dabbled in prototyping and playtesting various tabletop games of their own making (archive).
Now we get to Jake's 3rd and most recent internet alias, Violet Hargrave. Jake had to come up with a female-sounding pen name to enable his pitiful writing career, as most publications will not accept submissions from random internet handles. Jake started openly tweeting about this alias in December 2016 (archive), which serves as an explicit confirmation that SGG = Violet Hargrave (and by extension, Jake Alley).
A further link between Jake's Violet Hargrave persona and his old Googleshng handle lies in his Steam profile archives, you can clearly see the snapshots detailing the change of his Steam name from Googleshng to "Violet" (Archive listing).
Now, Jake has been adamantly denying that he has been doxed, mainly via referencing an image that was taken from Jake's personal website and initially thought to have been a photo of Jake himself in the first few days after his thread was created (the mistake was swiftly realized and corrected, and diggers discovered photos and even a video of Jake himself). While most who made throwaway accounts for Gamergate treated them as exactly that, Jake has refused to move on and continues to use the persona he crafted for Gamergate, this pitiful show of denial has only resulted in many more slip-ups that only serve to confirm our dox:
Gee, I wonder why..?
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3) The Massive vs. Real Life:
The very womanly true form of SecretGamerGirl
Now that we've conclusively and exhaustively proven that Jake Alley is the true gnome hiding behind the creepy shushing girl avatar, it's time to delve into what Jake's true life is like.
As mentioned previously, Jake is a massively obese, gnome-bearded NEET in his late 30's who lives with his unfortunate mother, Rachel. Despite being old enough to be your dad, Jake is, by his own admission, an emotional and financial burden on all the people around him, as he remains unemployed and is seemingly content to sit at home consuming resources while doing nothing of use.
As befitting of a NEET with zero life experience, Jake's mind houses a number of strange beliefs and delusions, but my pick of the litter has to be his beliefs on Gender. You see, Jake believes that transpeople in fact suffer from a glandular disorder, and if said disorder is cured, they will magically transform into their desired gender:
In fact, he even wrote an essay about it, here's a post by @CyrusKissFanClub that systematically contrasts Jake's retardation with what actual science says. Needless to say, Jake knows jack shit about biology. We will go further into his other delusions in the next part, which will deal with his online life, but for now let's continue with his home life.
18-year old Jake, with a solitary chin appearance. (1999)
A lot of Jake's photos and personal descriptions of his life honestly show him to be a completely pathetic retard that's hated by his family, the man originally wasn't invited to his cousin's wedding, and when he found out, he invited himself despite his family asking him not to go, and when he did,proved them absolutely correct by attending the wedding ceremony in a red T-shirt and dirty jeans, and then showed up at the post-wedding picnic wearing dirty cargo shorts, a T-shirt, and a coolie hat, an outfit that would be in bad taste in any wedding but was rendered even more tone-deaf due to Jake's cousin marrying a Chinese woman.
Jake is so useless that he publicly pines for someone to actually accompany him, a man in his late 30s, to help him buy clothes like a little kid. He describes himself as an asexual person, yet in the very same week, he immediately recognizes gender bender hentai manga from a single glance. He frequently mentions that he is poor and has nothing to his name, and incessantly makes "will you please buy me stuff from my wishlist?"-type tweets, only to fill said wishlist with frivolous toys and vidya. His Patreon is all about begging for money with zero benefits for his patrons (which in itself consists of fellow Rat King members artificially inflating each other's Patreon totals), which honestly makes Chris look like a really functional member of society, I mean at least he sends you Sonichu books every blue moon or fifteen.
Origin picture of the now-legendary beard (~early 2000s)
In so far as we know, Jake does not appear to own a smartphone; thus, all his Tweets are tagged with the Twitter Web Client user agent, meaning that he lives up to his NEET status and spends all day on his computer. Speaking of which, Jake has pretended on several occasions that his computer is old and can't run anything (presumably in hopes of getting people to give him internet bucks). But we know he spends a lot of time playing Overwatch (having played recent-ish heroes) and various other video games on both console and PC.
Poor Mama Alley, treating her ungrateful son to a nice sushi meal.
Additionally, Jake has made countless complaints of home abuse, claiming on several different occasions to have "come out" to his mother, who he claims responded by saying that he isn't trans because she knows him better than himself, to threaten to take away his internet and toys (IMO, she should have just gone with this tbh, very effective parenting technique against sniveling children), reminding him of his hairy self, and citing his love of Transformers to prove that he is in fact a male. Through reading his tweets, you can clearly tell that Jake is cherrypicking (if not outright inventing) embarrassing moments to make his mother look bad for worthless asspats from internet degenerates, because he almost never says what his part of the conversations is (though we can guess, the man lives to tweet).
This leads me to think that the far likelier alternative is that Jake's mother sees his situation for what it really is: That he was persistently gaslit by a cult-like group of troons into believing he is trans himself (how they couldn't persuade him to shave his hobo beard is beyond me), his response to this is to perpetually shit-talk her on his social media for asspats (1, 2, 3), while at the same time devouring the tendies she makes for him with no hint of self awareness or shame. Not just that, he also frequently creates tension at family gatherings by being his emotionally parasitic self and seemingly insisting on talking about nothing else but trans issues and the delusions he has surrounding them. As such, not only has he been made to see a therapist of his family's choosing, but his extended family was warned against giving him money, it is worthy to mention that he also shittalks said therapist on a regular basis too (1, 2, 3). it seems that subtweeting is truly a way of life for Jake.
Jakey-boy in his best formal attire. Note the Massive vs the Masses game on the table.
Having spent his 20's immersed in geekdom, Jake frequently attended anime and tabletop gaming conventions, this eventually lead him to take his fandom of Tabletop gaming a step further and attempting to create his own tabletop gaming company, World Domination LLC, in order to publish and promote his self-designed games.
The business saga came to a dramatic end in 2008, in which Jake attempted to utilize his own Tabletop game company, World Domination LLC, in order to promote his self-designed games under its umbrella. As things often tend to go with cows, Jake's first game, titled The Massive vs. The Masses (BoardGameGeek listing), was a total and utter failure, with Jake admitting that he still has hundreds of copies collecting dust and acting as makeshift insulation, not to mention landing him in tens of thousands of dollars in debt (20,000~30,000).
Now Jake's turnaround plan was based on making a low-cost card game called Red Shirt, and using its proceeds to pay off a portion of his credit card debt. Not a bad plan, but it would require a quick turnaround time for it to work, and in typical NEET fashion, he took over 2 years since his initial announced release date without actually getting off his ass and making the game, instead weakly asking online for playtesters to fine-tune the game (this is a trend with Jake's life, as we'll see later on). Capitalism never sleeps though, and in 2012, another company went ahead with a similar game while Jake was busy playing vidya, as expected, Jake sperged out that they stole his idea just when he was going to make it (without even playing the game, mind you) and 2 years later, hinted at suspecting an artist he initially approached with the idea of betraying him.
For more on Jake's Tabletop industry adventures, check out the amazingly detailed post @Hellfire made here. I also highly recommend reading @Jaimas's excellent post about Jake's inclinations as an RPG player, I personally think it accurately describes his lazy, defeatist approach to life.
Jake has attended events such as GaymerX and Gen Con as a speaker, the 1st mainly sponsored by his CON associates, entering under his real name to be on panels covering inclusivity in tabletop games. What a coincidence that @SecretGamerGrrl was at these events too!
Conveniently enough, these talks were never filmed (he has reportedly asked in the past for these not to be recorded), but we have enough pics of him shielding his she/her pronoun badge:
From the left: Jake Alley in his finest pair of dirty sweatpants, Tanya DePass and CON's Katherine Cross (GX East).
From the left: CON's Dina Abou Karam (of MN9 infamy), Tanya DePass, and Jake Alley's larger-than-life pot belly (GX East)
However, judging by his subsequent Twitterstorms, It appears that after tolerating Jake for a while, his CON/Anti-GG associates have finally cut him off, possibly due to his now-clear lack of interest in actually transitioning from the smelly gnome NEET he is into the transwoman he always claims to be.
Jake claims to have a pet cat that has stopped him from killing himself on several occasions. Jake watchers have taken to calling it Suicide Prevention Cat. That cat is the true hero that Kiwis root for in this pathetic tale, for it plays a key role in prolonging Jake's life, giving us more content.
Not just that, the cat even provided dox on him
. That cat is truly a Kiwi that's worthy of serving in the commander's elite forces. 
Oh, and before we go on, Jake has all but admitted that he has a micro-penis, thankfully, we have no picture proof.. yet. (Post)
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4) A Gnome on The Internet
Much like this balloon, Jake's online handles do nothing to hide the incel gnome that lurks within.
Given that he spends most of his time on God's Green earth in there, it is only apt to give Jake's online activities the attention they deserve, said activities are mainly under the the umbrella of three aforementioned identities: Googleshng, Secret Gamer Girl & Violet Hargrave, in chronological order.
Before we start, it is important to note that Jake displays a huge incel mentality in almost everything he does, and that extends to his online faggotry, he has been observed mansplaining to people on several occasions (1, 2, 3, 4, 5), he frequently displays some weird "standards" in choosing which people to accept help and support from, largely rejecting kind words of support from unpopular people such as Dmol, this last part is just hilarious to me, because no one with any kind of standards would want anything to do with him in any situation.
Now with that out of the way, let's get on with the show:
Googleshng has been Jake's alias for two decades. He has used this name on almost all of his pre-SGG web footprint, this includes user IDs on sites like GameFAQs, Steam, RPGamer (being a noted contributor to their Q&A column as far back as 1999) and GitHub among many others. However, the site where he accumulated the most notoriety was by far the Talking-Time forums, where he accumulated over 16,000 posts(!), there, Jake quickly established a mostly negative reputation as being a tiresome individual known for making incredibly bloated and rambling posts peppered with some esoteric language, such as frequent usage of the word "yon", this particular habit of his continues to mark many of Jake's posts with his other identity (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7). To this day, he still continues to use his account on Talking-Time to talk about whatever movie or restaurant his mother took him to.
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A beautiful Transwoman is a Glandular Treatment away from replacing this gnome
Secret Gamer Girl is Jake's primary means of culture warring (usually through targetted harassment of people that pissed off whatever clique he is trying to cozy up to), and despite his claims otherwise, it was expressly made for Gamergate sperging, see his 1st tweet for confirmation.
Ironically, Jake went on to actually be part of a "nefarious scheme", funny how life works (archive).
More importantly, it's the identity Jake uses to LARP as the bizarre oppressed transwomyn character he created, and when I say bizarre, I say it in both absolute and relative-to-Rat-King terms, what this means is that this identity is our primary source of lulz, mainly because Jake has and still makes some hilariously bewildering claims and stories that not only showcase how out-of-touch he is with normal human life, but also show us how retarded he really is, for visual effect, imagine meing at the end of each of the following bullet points, I am sure you will too:
Similarly to his first internet identity, Jake's writing is incredible long-winded and tedious to read, made even more excruciating by Twitter's character limits, if you've clicked on any link of the above, you've seen a sample of what kind of output you should expect from Jake's Secret Gamer Girl account (we call them googleshngs btw), you've seen the kind of inane droning Jake's followers get on an hourly basis, so can you imagine having all this shit appear on your timeline?
Me neither. And apparently many of Jake's former CON allies thought the same, this compounded with his participation with multiple bouts of Nora Reed's own insanity, culminated in Based Blue herself adding Jake and the entire Norasphere to her GG Autoblocker, a blocklist that has been used by many of the C~Z-List blue checkmarks that Jake desperately wants to suck up to, this pretty much spelled the end of the majority of whatever social capital Jake built up during GG, and consigned him to orbiting the lesser members of the cow hierarchy, such as Nora herself, SF The Wolf or Becca Hernandez, all while constantly whining and wailing about this "traumatic" event, to the point of claiming that people blocking him on Twitter is a "New McCarthyism". Essentially ranting about how EVERYONE BETRAY ME!
Other than that, Jake's continual, never ending tweets are perpetually alternating between pleas for someone to talk to him (while again, being incredibly selective over who gets the privilege of DMing a gnome NEET about.. stuff), tarding into random industry people's mentions for the express purpose of sliding into their DMs, wailing about the loss of his GG friends, begging for money from his inactive followers (seriously, the nigga gets almost zero retweets or likes for nearly anything he writes, and rarely gets replies), and writing incredibly long, impossibly boring and patently ridiculous rants on what his internet adversaries are up to.
Jake's latest identity, Violet Hargrave is an auxiliary identity tied to the @SecretGamerGrrl persona. It primarily exists because Jake had to come up with a female-sounding pen name to enable his pitiful writing career, as most publications/developers will not accept submissions from random internet handles. The genesis and work product of this alias perfectly showcase Jake's incredible laziness and stupidity, which are downright legendary, even compared to some of our most famous lolcows.
The earliest known instance of Jake openly mentioning the idea of taking up a pen name is in May 2015 (archive), it took him SIX MONTHS to get off his fat gnome ass and start brainstorming for a pen name, and even then, he wanted others to come and do the work for him, this was in November 2015 (archive), now you might think this is the end of this saga, but you're mistaken, it took Jake just under a year since then to start talking about even having a pen name in October 2016 (archive), and a further 2 months to start going openly with this alias on Twitter in December 2016 (archive).
I can only marvel at this tale of remarkable laziness and cowardice, no wonder he is a NEET.
If you're wondering what got Jake off his ass, it was a shot at writing for a Pathfinder magazine, which I presume he submitted sometime around October 2016 (archive), and was later published in Jan 2017 (Jake's tweet, archived Paizo listing).
Just like Jake Alley, Violet Hargrave is coincidentally a "professional board game designer" who contributes stories for Pathfinder. Jake used the Violet Hargrave identity in the credits for Atari's Missile Command, another board game with approximately one sale. Most amusingly, Jake uses the Violet Hargrave identity as a pen name for his online Journalism non-career, have a gander at one of the pieces he wrote, which he later decried VICE for turning down, calling them "unprofessional" for it:
Now I am not a drinker by any means, but if you take a shot for every instance you roll your eyes while reading that drivel, I triple-guarantee that you will get alcohol poisoning in less than 3 minutes.
The piece is a retarded rehash of Jake's conspiracy theories that incorporate every entity his uneducated NEET brain perceives to be the main supporters of GG (4chan, 8chan, Nazis, Kiwi Farms..etc), you would be amazed that this basement dweller claims to have over 20 years of experience in investigative journalism, despite selling zero pieces to any kind of press outlet with real clout, I think being a NEET who by his own admission rarely leaves home is more than enough to refute that particular lie..
Matter of fact, Jake's life is a neverending series of lies that only serve to dig him deeper and deeper into shit, mainly due to Jake's insistence on continuing the now long-in-the-tooth SGG charade, an act that resulted in countless wasted IRL job opportunities and networking. Consider that by the end of this year, Jake will have spent four years on culture war bullshit, with an almost nonexistent return on investment, I imagine this is the complete opposite of what he originally envisioned when he started LARPing as a transwoman on the internet, but we can't complain, because that is precisely what brings endless laughs right to our doorstep.
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DLC Season Pass: Tales from the Gnome's Cave
Now, I would like to take this opportunity to announce our upcoming DLC season pass, which will gradually add more episodes to this OP, we promise those parts will be rich and full of content, not to mention FREE! (CD Projekt has nothing on us!) the parts will include:
Thanks to @Hellfire, @Jaimas, @D.Va and @CyrusKissFanClub for their invaluable help in creating this OP.
Jake Lawrence Alley / Secret Gamer Girl / Violet Hargrave / Googleshng
"For clarification. I am a woman."
1) An Introduction
2014 was a particularly rich year for lolcowdom, in no small part due to Gamergate. While the hashtag itself is long since dead, having wrapped up around October 2015, the consumer revolt is still generating more salt and exposing more lolcows at a phenomenally unmatched rate. One of those lolcows is a Twitter user by the moniker of Secret Gamer Girl (@SecretGamerGrrl), who had gained notoriety through orbiting other personalities in the same sphere of influence, especially with the likes of Zoe Quinn and Randi Lee Harper.
As the cowfight went along, Zoe Quinn gathered herself a personal army of what turned out to be lolcows, including Secret Gamer Girl. Colluding in secret over chat programs such as IRC, Skype, and Google Hangouts, Zoe Quinn eventually felt the need to organize her coalition of attack dogs into a collective that's both presentable to the press and monetizable, thus, Crash Override Network, frequently (and fittingly) abbreviated as CON was born.
Within the confines of the CON group, Zoe and her cohorts managed and coordinated their online maneuvers, including but not limited to:
- Whiteknighting and performing damage control maneuvers on behalf of one of their members, Nick/Sarah Nyberg, an admitted pedophile who creeped on his young cousin on his sites.
- Coordinating attacks on, and doxing their perceived enemies.
- Planning operations against opposing sites (such as 8chan), including discussions on defunding them and even proposals of planting child porn on them for defamation purposes.
This anonymous, decidedly paranoid individual, recognizable from their creepy avatar of a black-and-white stock photo of a schoolgirl, became notable for writing long-ass tweet chains vilifying Gamergate and being extremely willing to to sink to any depth if it accomplishes CON's aims, even stating that they are "'dropping everything in his life' to dedicate themselves to the Gamergate struggle. I think it will be more effective to let their own mission statement speak for them here (source):
Secret Gamer Girl (source: CON Leaks) said:
Worth noting, that all of these people hadn't done anything that's criminally actionable, just defied CON somehow or pissed off its members in some way or another—Chobitcoin getting flak for insulting Nyberg, for instance. Several, like Mike Cernovich are not only assholes, but outright cows, but some of them had innocent, even noble aims. For example, TFYC were only trying to save their own project after Zoe Quinn tried to destroy it. Soon after, the CON Trello Log Leaks would also be exposed, further cementing that CON had been involved in everything it was blaming on GG.
Our own @GethN7 quickly identified SGG as the Charles Colson of this story, concurrently, several Kiwis began digging, mainly because while GG had died off entirely by the time the logs leaked, SGG was still a constant presence online, consistently white knighting other members of the clique and supporting the insane and abusive Nora Reed. In short, SGG had to be a great cow, who not only provided great content, but who had also gone to great lengths to to cover their own tracks, so learning their powerword couldn't possibly not result in comic gold.
And no one had any fucking idea of how lucrative and hilarious said comic goldmine would turn out to be..
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2) Uncovering the Gnome Inside:
Secret Gamer Girl's online antics, coupled with their rants about this site led to Kiwis taking interest in this mysterious individual, it was quickly surmised from their tweet history that not only was SGG a brand-new identity created specifically for GG interference (as indicated by their very 1st tweet!), this lead to the immediate realization that there must be an actual and old web trail this identity was supposed to hide, so our valiant Kiwis went to work on finding as many details on this spergy individual as possible, @Portajohn summed up a lot of info on this then-mysterious sperg, which I have further annotated with links, because I am a helpful person:
Portajohn said:
In less than a week since the creation of this thread, Secret Gamer Girl was fully doxed, revealing "her" to be Jake Lawrence Alley of Niantic, Connecticut, an obese, long-bearded male NEET in his late 30s:
Despite Jake's meticulous OP-SEC work, this discovery was made due to a simple mistake, you see, in his greed to monetize his internet LARPing and mi'ladying of Zoe Quinn and co., Jake created a Patreon page under his Secret Gamer Girl identity, but to do that, he had to enter the email address he uses for his personal PayPal account, this proved disastrous when the October 2015 Patreon database hack happened.
Now bear with me because this will get a bit technical.. As demonstrated in this post (LINK), making a query for "secretgamergirl" in the hack database results in the below results:
Now we query this UserID in the tblusers table:
Note the same hushmail address appears under the email column, re-confirming the relationship between the UserID and Jake's public SGG persona.
Now we look at the tblusersextra table to see the associated payment system details:
Now we get to Jake's 3rd and most recent internet alias, Violet Hargrave. Jake had to come up with a female-sounding pen name to enable his pitiful writing career, as most publications will not accept submissions from random internet handles. Jake started openly tweeting about this alias in December 2016 (archive), which serves as an explicit confirmation that SGG = Violet Hargrave (and by extension, Jake Alley).
A further link between Jake's Violet Hargrave persona and his old Googleshng handle lies in his Steam profile archives, you can clearly see the snapshots detailing the change of his Steam name from Googleshng to "Violet" (Archive listing).
Now, Jake has been adamantly denying that he has been doxed, mainly via referencing an image that was taken from Jake's personal website and initially thought to have been a photo of Jake himself in the first few days after his thread was created (the mistake was swiftly realized and corrected, and diggers discovered photos and even a video of Jake himself). While most who made throwaway accounts for Gamergate treated them as exactly that, Jake has refused to move on and continues to use the persona he crafted for Gamergate, this pitiful show of denial has only resulted in many more slip-ups that only serve to confirm our dox:
- Less than a month since the thread's inception, @SecretGamerGrrl let slip that they're keeping their beard to hide their masculine features until they get on HRT, coincidentally enough, we will see that Jake Alley has a massive lumberjack beard, I assume for more hiding.
- @SecretGamerGrrl has referenced a petting zoo/bookstore combo which he assumed was more commonplace, but doesn't really exist outside of his home town of Niantic.
- Both Googleshng and @SecretGamerGrrl have a tendency to write large tl;drs which nobody wants to read, and they really love tabletop games and RPGs.
- Both Googleshng and @SecretGamerGrrl have a tendency to use the old English term "yon" frequently, to the point where it was complained about by his associates on the Talking-Time forums.
- Katherine Cross, one of Jake's CON associates, has reviewed Jake's board game. Coincidentally enough, @SecretGamerGrrl couldn't help liking every single Tweet she mentioned about it.
- @SecretGamerGirl recently mentioned contacting a Connecticut senator, Sen. Richard Blumenthal, to get him to do something about the possibility of a Trump-selected Supreme Justice, confirming that 'she' lives in Connecticut state, which is the same state Jake Alley lives in.
Gee, I wonder why..?
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3) The Massive vs. Real Life:
The very womanly true form of SecretGamerGirl
Now that we've conclusively and exhaustively proven that Jake Alley is the true gnome hiding behind the creepy shushing girl avatar, it's time to delve into what Jake's true life is like.
As mentioned previously, Jake is a massively obese, gnome-bearded NEET in his late 30's who lives with his unfortunate mother, Rachel. Despite being old enough to be your dad, Jake is, by his own admission, an emotional and financial burden on all the people around him, as he remains unemployed and is seemingly content to sit at home consuming resources while doing nothing of use.
As befitting of a NEET with zero life experience, Jake's mind houses a number of strange beliefs and delusions, but my pick of the litter has to be his beliefs on Gender. You see, Jake believes that transpeople in fact suffer from a glandular disorder, and if said disorder is cured, they will magically transform into their desired gender:
In fact, he even wrote an essay about it, here's a post by @CyrusKissFanClub that systematically contrasts Jake's retardation with what actual science says. Needless to say, Jake knows jack shit about biology. We will go further into his other delusions in the next part, which will deal with his online life, but for now let's continue with his home life.
18-year old Jake, with a solitary chin appearance. (1999)
A lot of Jake's photos and personal descriptions of his life honestly show him to be a completely pathetic retard that's hated by his family, the man originally wasn't invited to his cousin's wedding, and when he found out, he invited himself despite his family asking him not to go, and when he did,proved them absolutely correct by attending the wedding ceremony in a red T-shirt and dirty jeans, and then showed up at the post-wedding picnic wearing dirty cargo shorts, a T-shirt, and a coolie hat, an outfit that would be in bad taste in any wedding but was rendered even more tone-deaf due to Jake's cousin marrying a Chinese woman.
Jake is so useless that he publicly pines for someone to actually accompany him, a man in his late 30s, to help him buy clothes like a little kid. He describes himself as an asexual person, yet in the very same week, he immediately recognizes gender bender hentai manga from a single glance. He frequently mentions that he is poor and has nothing to his name, and incessantly makes "will you please buy me stuff from my wishlist?"-type tweets, only to fill said wishlist with frivolous toys and vidya. His Patreon is all about begging for money with zero benefits for his patrons (which in itself consists of fellow Rat King members artificially inflating each other's Patreon totals), which honestly makes Chris look like a really functional member of society, I mean at least he sends you Sonichu books every blue moon or fifteen.
Origin picture of the now-legendary beard (~early 2000s)
In so far as we know, Jake does not appear to own a smartphone; thus, all his Tweets are tagged with the Twitter Web Client user agent, meaning that he lives up to his NEET status and spends all day on his computer. Speaking of which, Jake has pretended on several occasions that his computer is old and can't run anything (presumably in hopes of getting people to give him internet bucks). But we know he spends a lot of time playing Overwatch (having played recent-ish heroes) and various other video games on both console and PC.
Poor Mama Alley, treating her ungrateful son to a nice sushi meal.
Additionally, Jake has made countless complaints of home abuse, claiming on several different occasions to have "come out" to his mother, who he claims responded by saying that he isn't trans because she knows him better than himself, to threaten to take away his internet and toys (IMO, she should have just gone with this tbh, very effective parenting technique against sniveling children), reminding him of his hairy self, and citing his love of Transformers to prove that he is in fact a male. Through reading his tweets, you can clearly tell that Jake is cherrypicking (if not outright inventing) embarrassing moments to make his mother look bad for worthless asspats from internet degenerates, because he almost never says what his part of the conversations is (though we can guess, the man lives to tweet).
This leads me to think that the far likelier alternative is that Jake's mother sees his situation for what it really is: That he was persistently gaslit by a cult-like group of troons into believing he is trans himself (how they couldn't persuade him to shave his hobo beard is beyond me), his response to this is to perpetually shit-talk her on his social media for asspats (1, 2, 3), while at the same time devouring the tendies she makes for him with no hint of self awareness or shame. Not just that, he also frequently creates tension at family gatherings by being his emotionally parasitic self and seemingly insisting on talking about nothing else but trans issues and the delusions he has surrounding them. As such, not only has he been made to see a therapist of his family's choosing, but his extended family was warned against giving him money, it is worthy to mention that he also shittalks said therapist on a regular basis too (1, 2, 3). it seems that subtweeting is truly a way of life for Jake.
Jakey-boy in his best formal attire. Note the Massive vs the Masses game on the table.
Having spent his 20's immersed in geekdom, Jake frequently attended anime and tabletop gaming conventions, this eventually lead him to take his fandom of Tabletop gaming a step further and attempting to create his own tabletop gaming company, World Domination LLC, in order to publish and promote his self-designed games.
The business saga came to a dramatic end in 2008, in which Jake attempted to utilize his own Tabletop game company, World Domination LLC, in order to promote his self-designed games under its umbrella. As things often tend to go with cows, Jake's first game, titled The Massive vs. The Masses (BoardGameGeek listing), was a total and utter failure, with Jake admitting that he still has hundreds of copies collecting dust and acting as makeshift insulation, not to mention landing him in tens of thousands of dollars in debt (20,000~30,000).
And in true Lolcow fashion, Jake immediately went on to blame others for his own failure instead of finding his faults and correcting them, in this case, he latched on to another game with a similar aesthetic, Privateer Press's Monsterpocalypse, blaming the competing company for allegedly stealing his designs, despite the gameplay being completely different.CON Leaks said:
Now Jake's turnaround plan was based on making a low-cost card game called Red Shirt, and using its proceeds to pay off a portion of his credit card debt. Not a bad plan, but it would require a quick turnaround time for it to work, and in typical NEET fashion, he took over 2 years since his initial announced release date without actually getting off his ass and making the game, instead weakly asking online for playtesters to fine-tune the game (this is a trend with Jake's life, as we'll see later on). Capitalism never sleeps though, and in 2012, another company went ahead with a similar game while Jake was busy playing vidya, as expected, Jake sperged out that they stole his idea just when he was going to make it (without even playing the game, mind you) and 2 years later, hinted at suspecting an artist he initially approached with the idea of betraying him.
For more on Jake's Tabletop industry adventures, check out the amazingly detailed post @Hellfire made here. I also highly recommend reading @Jaimas's excellent post about Jake's inclinations as an RPG player, I personally think it accurately describes his lazy, defeatist approach to life.
Jake has attended events such as GaymerX and Gen Con as a speaker, the 1st mainly sponsored by his CON associates, entering under his real name to be on panels covering inclusivity in tabletop games. What a coincidence that @SecretGamerGrrl was at these events too!
Conveniently enough, these talks were never filmed (he has reportedly asked in the past for these not to be recorded), but we have enough pics of him shielding his she/her pronoun badge:
From the left: Jake Alley in his finest pair of dirty sweatpants, Tanya DePass and CON's Katherine Cross (GX East).
From the left: CON's Dina Abou Karam (of MN9 infamy), Tanya DePass, and Jake Alley's larger-than-life pot belly (GX East)
However, judging by his subsequent Twitterstorms, It appears that after tolerating Jake for a while, his CON/Anti-GG associates have finally cut him off, possibly due to his now-clear lack of interest in actually transitioning from the smelly gnome NEET he is into the transwoman he always claims to be.
Jake claims to have a pet cat that has stopped him from killing himself on several occasions. Jake watchers have taken to calling it Suicide Prevention Cat. That cat is the true hero that Kiwis root for in this pathetic tale, for it plays a key role in prolonging Jake's life, giving us more content.
Not just that, the cat even provided dox on him
. That cat is truly a Kiwi that's worthy of serving in the commander's elite forces. Also, Jake's cat and mom must be Nazi gamers or something, because they dropped dox on Jake.
Oh, and before we go on, Jake has all but admitted that he has a micro-penis, thankfully, we have no picture proof.. yet. (Post)
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4) A Gnome on The Internet
Much like this balloon, Jake's online handles do nothing to hide the incel gnome that lurks within.
Given that he spends most of his time on God's Green earth in there, it is only apt to give Jake's online activities the attention they deserve, said activities are mainly under the the umbrella of three aforementioned identities: Googleshng, Secret Gamer Girl & Violet Hargrave, in chronological order.
Before we start, it is important to note that Jake displays a huge incel mentality in almost everything he does, and that extends to his online faggotry, he has been observed mansplaining to people on several occasions (1, 2, 3, 4, 5), he frequently displays some weird "standards" in choosing which people to accept help and support from, largely rejecting kind words of support from unpopular people such as Dmol, this last part is just hilarious to me, because no one with any kind of standards would want anything to do with him in any situation.
Now with that out of the way, let's get on with the show:
Googleshng has been Jake's alias for two decades. He has used this name on almost all of his pre-SGG web footprint, this includes user IDs on sites like GameFAQs, Steam, RPGamer (being a noted contributor to their Q&A column as far back as 1999) and GitHub among many others. However, the site where he accumulated the most notoriety was by far the Talking-Time forums, where he accumulated over 16,000 posts(!), there, Jake quickly established a mostly negative reputation as being a tiresome individual known for making incredibly bloated and rambling posts peppered with some esoteric language, such as frequent usage of the word "yon", this particular habit of his continues to mark many of Jake's posts with his other identity (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7). To this day, he still continues to use his account on Talking-Time to talk about whatever movie or restaurant his mother took him to.
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A beautiful Transwoman is a Glandular Treatment away from replacing this gnome
Secret Gamer Girl is Jake's primary means of culture warring (usually through targetted harassment of people that pissed off whatever clique he is trying to cozy up to), and despite his claims otherwise, it was expressly made for Gamergate sperging, see his 1st tweet for confirmation.
Ironically, Jake went on to actually be part of a "nefarious scheme", funny how life works (archive).
More importantly, it's the identity Jake uses to LARP as the bizarre oppressed transwomyn character he created, and when I say bizarre, I say it in both absolute and relative-to-Rat-King terms, what this means is that this identity is our primary source of lulz, mainly because Jake has and still makes some hilariously bewildering claims and stories that not only showcase how out-of-touch he is with normal human life, but also show us how retarded he really is, for visual effect, imagine me
ing at the end of each of the following bullet points, I am sure you will too:- Jake claims that the Niantic fire department destroyed a local mailbox because the owner was a troon.
- Jake is upset Rob Marmolejo didn't sexually harass him.
- Jake claims his "body hair and fat distribution" varies by day and sometimes miraculously makes him look like a "woman".
- Jake claims/fantasizes that Lesbians want to.. correctively rape him to fix his asexuality.
- Jake claims he has to hide his transness, lest he be killed or raped on the rough streets of Niantic, CT (1, 2).
- Jake claims (out of nowhere) that someone spread rumors and "fanfiction" that he was a member of the Secret Brazilian police.
- Jake believes that having to wait outside his therapist's office makes the giant gnome vulnerable to harm somehow.
- Jake claims to be both Roma/Romani and native American Mi'kmaq tribe.
- Jake describing his day of spending 4 hours on "medcabs" and the rest on Twitter.
- "Why won't the state of Connecticut laser off my hair for free?"
- Jake claims he is a woman and should be a "token woman" invited to podcasts/streams of tabletop RPGs.
- Jake claims his childhood bullying was a "gender thing" because they knew he was a troon. He also claims he was tied up and thrown down ravines.
Similarly to his first internet identity, Jake's writing is incredible long-winded and tedious to read, made even more excruciating by Twitter's character limits, if you've clicked on any link of the above, you've seen a sample of what kind of output you should expect from Jake's Secret Gamer Girl account (we call them googleshngs btw), you've seen the kind of inane droning Jake's followers get on an hourly basis, so can you imagine having all this shit appear on your timeline?
Me neither. And apparently many of Jake's former CON allies thought the same, this compounded with his participation with multiple bouts of Nora Reed's own insanity, culminated in Based Blue herself adding Jake and the entire Norasphere to her GG Autoblocker, a blocklist that has been used by many of the C~Z-List blue checkmarks that Jake desperately wants to suck up to, this pretty much spelled the end of the majority of whatever social capital Jake built up during GG, and consigned him to orbiting the lesser members of the cow hierarchy, such as Nora herself, SF The Wolf or Becca Hernandez, all while constantly whining and wailing about this "traumatic" event, to the point of claiming that people blocking him on Twitter is a "New McCarthyism"
. Essentially ranting about how EVERYONE BETRAY ME!Other than that, Jake's continual, never ending tweets are perpetually alternating between pleas for someone to talk to him (while again, being incredibly selective over who gets the privilege of DMing a gnome NEET about.. stuff), tarding into random industry people's mentions for the express purpose of sliding into their DMs, wailing about the loss of his GG friends, begging for money from his inactive followers (seriously, the nigga gets almost zero retweets or likes for nearly anything he writes, and rarely gets replies), and writing incredibly long, impossibly boring and patently ridiculous rants on what his internet adversaries are up to.
Jake's latest identity, Violet Hargrave is an auxiliary identity tied to the @SecretGamerGrrl persona. It primarily exists because Jake had to come up with a female-sounding pen name to enable his pitiful writing career, as most publications/developers will not accept submissions from random internet handles. The genesis and work product of this alias perfectly showcase Jake's incredible laziness and stupidity, which are downright legendary, even compared to some of our most famous lolcows.
The earliest known instance of Jake openly mentioning the idea of taking up a pen name is in May 2015 (archive), it took him SIX MONTHS to get off his fat gnome ass and start brainstorming for a pen name, and even then, he wanted others to come and do the work for him, this was in November 2015 (archive), now you might think this is the end of this saga, but you're mistaken, it took Jake just under a year since then to start talking about even having a pen name in October 2016 (archive), and a further 2 months to start going openly with this alias on Twitter in December 2016 (archive).
I can only marvel at this tale of remarkable laziness and cowardice, no wonder he is a NEET.
If you're wondering what got Jake off his ass, it was a shot at writing for a Pathfinder magazine, which I presume he submitted sometime around October 2016 (archive), and was later published in Jan 2017 (Jake's tweet, archived Paizo listing).
Just like Jake Alley, Violet Hargrave is coincidentally a "professional board game designer" who contributes stories for Pathfinder. Jake used the Violet Hargrave identity in the credits for Atari's Missile Command, another board game with approximately one sale. Most amusingly, Jake uses the Violet Hargrave identity as a pen name for his online Journalism non-career, have a gander at one of the pieces he wrote, which he later decried VICE for turning down, calling them "unprofessional" for it:
Now I am not a drinker by any means, but if you take a shot for every instance you roll your eyes while reading that drivel, I triple-guarantee that you will get alcohol poisoning in less than 3 minutes.
The piece is a retarded rehash of Jake's conspiracy theories that incorporate every entity his uneducated NEET brain perceives to be the main supporters of GG (4chan, 8chan, Nazis, Kiwi Farms..etc), you would be amazed that this basement dweller claims to have over 20 years of experience in investigative journalism, despite selling zero pieces to any kind of press outlet with real clout, I think being a NEET who by his own admission rarely leaves home is more than enough to refute that particular lie..
Matter of fact, Jake's life is a neverending series of lies that only serve to dig him deeper and deeper into shit, mainly due to Jake's insistence on continuing the now long-in-the-tooth SGG charade, an act that resulted in countless wasted IRL job opportunities and networking. Consider that by the end of this year, Jake will have spent four years on culture war bullshit, with an almost nonexistent return on investment, I imagine this is the complete opposite of what he originally envisioned when he started LARPing as a transwoman on the internet, but we can't complain, because that is precisely what brings endless laughs right to our doorstep.
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DLC Season Pass: Tales from the Gnome's Cave
Now, I would like to take this opportunity to announce our upcoming DLC season pass, which will gradually add more episodes to this OP, we promise those parts will be rich and full of content, not to mention FREE! (CD Projekt has nothing on us!) the parts will include:
- The Spooky Tale of the Fearsome Rakshasa! - TBA
- Zoepost 2: A Desperate Quest [Zero Irony Edition] - TBA
- The Gnome Met a Sea Hag! [Extra Cuckoldry Edition] - TBA
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I am still not 100% sure how the GamerGate and Soha shit counts as "trauma", but whatever floats your boat, I guess. Other than living in an "abusive household", is there any confirmation that Ms. Gamer Girl has faced any genuinely traumatic experiences at all?
I find it hilarious that even if someone was naive enough to want to help Jake, his tweetstorms are so confusing that no-one would know what help to offer. Instead of telling people what it's not about, he needs to be explicit about the type of help he wants.
He considers his involvement with GG "traumatic", especially seeing it didn't lead to money and housing. He considers his fellow CONners dumping him "traumatic" as well.
"I gave up everything for GG and all I got was traumatised" is a recurring theme with Jake, even though he had nothing to give up. He seems to think acting as Becky's attack dog will end better than acting as Zoe's attack dog, even though the available evidence suggests that it won't.
He considers his involvement with GG "traumatic", especially seeing it didn't lead to money and housing. He considers his fellow CONners dumping him "traumatic" as well.
"I gave up everything for GG and all I got was traumatised" is a recurring theme with Jake, even though he had nothing to give up. He seems to think acting as Becky's attack dog will end better than acting as Zoe's attack dog, even though the available evidence suggests that it won't.
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