Send a totally credible death threat to the poster above you - So we can all join in the pity party

[Spunt]

Does it seem that everyone you know on Twitter and Facebook has been getting totally real and credible death threats that render them immune to criticism? Death threats that definitely exist and aren't made up but no I won't post them because you should #listenandbelieve, you fucking Nazi. Do you feel that you are missing out on the pity party because everyone is getting the free oppression points that these totally not fake death threats give you?

Fear no longer, fellow Kiwis, for in this thread we send each other totally serious, real and credible death threats. These death threats have a million uses, including:

- Getting attention
- Winning a debate that you are clearly losing
- Having an excuse to disappear from social media that has definitely nothing to do with anything stupid you said
- Supporting your favourite side in the culture war
- Getting attention
- Getting the Youtuber or Twitter user of your choice deplatformed
- Obtaining credibility for your opinions and arguments no matter how dumb
- Siccing your followers against the individual or organisation of your choice
- Did I mention getting attention?

For bonus points, why not throw in a rape threat as well? A rape threat gives a death threat a +5 bonus against saves to disbelieve as well as increasing your social armour class by 3.

Don't worry, nobody will post these death threats or any evidence of them. Evidence is for NAZIS. Get creative.

I'll do one to get us started, just a general one to anyone reading this, so nobody feels missed out. Ahem...

I will totally kill you and stuff, but not before I have had sex with you whether you like it or not. Yeah. Subscribe to Boogie2988!

Your turn.

 

[ShittyRecolor]

Tomfoolery like this is gonna be the death of us all.

 

[IV 445]

Must I really? They seem so innocent

 

[666DEATHGAY]

And remember guys, subscribe to pewdiepie

 

[PL 001]

Just remember, OP. You get any crazy ideas about calling in help for @666DEATHGAY, just remember I'm always watching, and I'm always listening, and if anything you do raises my eyebrows...well...you can just keep looking at his final message here as a reminder...and I'll be sure to send you pieces of him from time to time.

 

[Exorbital Columnations]

That mountain dew will be the death of you.

 

[Pargon]

@Exigent Circumcisions

 

[Eryngium]

Don't go to basketball practice tomorrow.

 

[Clop]

I'll be a mild nuisance and then feel bad for making your day slightly less than perfect, but then again I fucking hate foot fetishists so we're even.

 

[Sprig of Parsley]

I'm torn over whether to play it "straight" and type out something that sounds like it came out of an action flick or shitpost like a motherfucker.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

I have a very specific set of skills, honed just for hunting Kiwis like you down.

 

[mr.moon1488]

I've read a lot of doujinshi... I know how to do things... Very bad things.

 

[Lemmingwise]

I've read a lot of doujinshi... I know how to do things... Very bad things.

I wouldn't even deaththreaten you.

 

[RisingPhoenix]

@Lemmingwise I'm gonna totally come around to your house, give you a sick uppercut and some hammer punches. Then while your dazed, I'm gonna ram my arm into your mouth, grab your stomach and pull it inside out from your mouth like a massive bag, then slash it open and spray your face with the stomach acid and whatever you had for dinner last night.

While your face burns from the acid I'm gonna grab a time-delay grenade from my handbag and shove it up your ass. Put on my shades, and walk away as your ass implodes. All to some new wave 80's music

 

[Sprig of Parsley]

Fuck it, let's go edgelord, it's arguably funnier than shitposting.

@RisingPheonix I'm going to bleed you out into a bucket like a turkey, carve you like a Christmas ham, and send you piecemeal to your friends and family after turning your house into a modern art project with your crimson ichor as my paint.

 

[Stephanie Bustcakes]

Some of you kiwis are alright. Don't log on tomorrow.

 

[Lemmingwise]

@RisingPheonix I'm going to bleed you out into a bucket like a turkey, carve you like a Christmas ham, and send you piecemeal to your friends and family after turning your house into a modern art project with your crimson ichor as my paint.

I'm looking forward to the moment where you're sitting in court and you're dryly asked if you could please explain what you meant by "bleed you out into a bucket like a turkey" and "carve you like a christmas ham". The jury gasping at what you wrote. The judge staring angrily, unforgivingly. You try to speak up in your own defense, but the judge rams his hammer down "Overruled". He hits with the hammer again and again. In the stomach, on your temple, in your eyesockets, until the remaining husk is thrown into a jail cell.

 

[Marco Fucko]

@Lemmingwise hey man I'm going to kill you, maybe

 

[Basketball Jones]

@Marco Fucko I’m going to come over to your house while you aren’t home and cook a big meal for myself and not leave you any leftovers...and I WON’T clean up after myself! Then I’ll take a post-meal shit in your bathroom and not flush or turn on the vent!

 

[Harvey Danger]

@Basketball Jones I have a 5 acre backyard and a shovel. You know what you did. You'll regret it.

Also your nipples may be inappropriately twisted at some point during the process. Without your consent!