Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

Count groudon

Saltier than Njord's left testicle
kiwifarms.net
There was a kid on the spectrum with a bad stuttering problem at my HS back in the day, we'll call him Irving. He had a thing for this girl, we'll call her Jennifer. Irving & Jennifer were both in photography together, and one day while she's developing her photos in the darkroom, Irving comes up behind her, breathes on her neck and stammers out "J-J-J-Jeniffer, I wanna f-f-f-f-fuck you up the ass."
Everyone found out, Irving got kicked out of photography and the rest of were saying "f-f-f-f-f-fuck you up the ass" until we graduated.
What an absolute Ch-Ch-Ch-Chad
 

UngaWunga

Time Vapire
kiwifarms.net
There's supposed to be like an equivalent exchange of bad & good, right? I wonder if the shit hit the fan in HER life.
I think the “shit hitting the fan” was her having to watch someone she doesn’t like suddenly have all the good shit happen to them.

Edit: Where the fuck did she learn to be a witczh? One of the big things about it is basically“Don’t do black Magick cause it’ll fuck you up more than it fucks them up”.
 

Kiwi Lime Pie

Tasteful in all Spring weather. 🥝
kiwifarms.net
My fourth grade teacher was a garbage human who I'd probably confront if I ever saw again and tell her what a terrible person she was.
My first grade teacher was the same,
There must be some unwritten rule that American kids have at least one awful teacher in K-5 or K-8 education.

For me, it was my fifth grade teacher that also taught some sixth grade subjects.

I disliked her because she believed without question a classmate's false accusation that I called the latter a bitch - resulting in me being sent to our guidance counselor and being told my only options were to admit to doing something I didn't do and apologize, or get sent to the principal and be suspended. I rather begrudgingly chose door #1 😠. As an aside, the person that accused me would later send me a Valentines Day card where she hand-wrote "I hate your scuts" on the inside. Both myself and my friends that read this found it hilarious because we thought she either badly misspelled "guts" or used what we thought was a nonsense word that made no sense.

I also disliked this teacher because she wouldn't let me be part of our junior high group of academically gifted students that she ran because I supposedly had too many missing assignments in my regular classes. The only problem with that claim was that I asked my teachers about these alleged missing assignments and both confirmed I had turned in all my assignments on time and they had subsequently been graded and returned back to me.

Small wonder that when I ran into this teacher again as a young adult, I said very little to her beyond "Hello" and as short of answers as possible when she asked how and what I was doing.
 

Chichan

kiwifarms.net
This girl that was in my graduating class decided to send this guy nudes of herself, but the fucked up part is she was chubby and had the bright idea that pouring tard cum down her naked body would make it sexy. Did not bode well she had a hairy muff so her nickname became milky muff.

Some wigger decided to threaten to shoot up the middle school.

There was 3 false bomb threats within one year.

This girl who was considered some what popular was giving her bf a bj she tried to do it a second time and he ended up giving her a golden shower.

Some chick that was friends with these 2 hill billy motherfuckers got Eiffel Towered by them. Basically everyone at my school were whores.
 

Yolandi

Resident Pokemon Go expert
kiwifarms.net
I tried to think of all the really messed up stuff that happened when I was in school that wasn't it's own long story and could be told in just a sentence or two. Here goes:

- In 5th grade someone broke into our classroom through an open window and stole all of the laptops the class used. The shades were down so not sure how the thief knew where they were *cough cough inside job cough

- In 7th grade, on a field trip to the pool, one of the teacher took her clothes off in front of all the girls because she was changing. Saw it myself and was mortified; I don't think anyone told on her because she taught the rest of that year and the next year.

- Also in 7th grade one of my friends got pregnant and stopped coming to school. She went back after having the baby but was transferred to another class on the other side of the school.

- In 9th grade a kid showed me a rock of crack for the first and only time in my life.

- In 10th grade a kid openly cleaned the pipe he smoked weed out of in the middle of shop class. All the white kids in my class were stoners, all the black kids dropped the class after a few weeks, and the only other girl in the class refused to do any work when she was in there.

- In 12th grade a guy got up in the middle of English class when his cell phone went off. He answered it and started talking in the middle of class and the teacher demanded she give the phone to her. He wouldn't and went in the hall to finish the call and the teacher sent him to the office. I talked to him about it later and he said it was his lawyer calling to talk to him about giving his and his girlfriend's baby up for adoption. Someone my age having to deal with this really messed with me.
 

griefsquirrel

kiwifarms.net
A notorious bully at our school started targeting my friend. Now this was very back in the day so school administration didn't do anything as long as nobody was injured. We decided that this cannot go on, waited until lunch break, then I sneaked up to him and held his arms down while my friend punched him in the face and stomach. We were younger and weaker but we were two, had the element of surprise and we both hated the guy. He ended up with a bloody nose and a teacher saw the scuffle. When we three had to go to the principal we said he was attacking us and we just defended ourselves. The principal believed it and the bully got in trouble over it. He left us alone from then on but didn't learn his lesson and ended up being expelled a few months later.
 

Dropped Burner

You got any biscuits for sale in there?
kiwifarms.net
In 8th grade we had to do a presentation for arts class. I did nothing. The other autist in the class put on a quasi-puppet show based on Final Fantasy 7 with custom built figures.

In 9th grade an anorexic girl pissed herself in the hallway. I guess she was going through some shit. Anyway, a crowd formed. I felt particularly proud of not stopping to gawk. I masturbated to the memory a lot.

Being one of the few autists in a small town, I'm probably the subject of more stories than I could tell. How about the time I thought a girl looked like a celebrity, so I printed out a naked photo of the celebrity to show her. Gods I was horny then! Even whipped it out in class once during a movie. Showed another boy. Racy stuff! The teacher knew what I was doing (might have even seen it? surely not) but never said a word. Honor among thieves? Perhaps she too sometimes felt the urge to be seen.
 

edibleBulimia

Being salty
kiwifarms.net
Gonna type it like a greentext because I’m lazy

-Be me, in 7th grade
-We shared our classroom with 4th grade
-Basically, they’d have classes in the afternoon and we’d have it in the morning
-Worse thing ever, they were annoying, leaving gum under the table, drawing in models we’d expose in the class, writing on the desks
-We share a close relation of hate
-One day class ends
-Be leaving some minutes late because I barely payed attention and didn’t write anything
-See some boy from my class putting a small box on one of the desks
-Ask him what’s that
-“Oh just a prank, there’s a plastic scorpion in it”
-I laugh and leave, thinking “these kids are gonna get it”

-Mfw it was a real scorpion, Tityus serrulatus apparently
-Mfw it stung a kid before the teacher caught it, kid almost died
-Mfw the boy got expelled and his parents were almost sued by the kids parents

At least they never messed with us again.
 

Dropped Burner

You got any biscuits for sale in there?
kiwifarms.net
Tityus serrulatus, the Brazilian yellow scorpion, is a species of scorpion belonging to the family Buthidae. It is native to Brazil, and its venom is extremely toxic. It is considered the most dangerous scorpion in Brazil.
It has a diet of insects, such as cockroaches, and is suited to life in sewers and trash heaps in urban areas. Having a low metabolic rate, it can survive for months without eating.
Finally an animal-related prank that beats the numbered pigs
 

Yolandi

Resident Pokemon Go expert
kiwifarms.net
At the end of a school day I (and I'll put this lightly) found myself in need of a feminine hygene product. I quietly asked my one and only female friend and she didn't have one. One of my guy friends saw I was trying to be quiet about something and asked me about it so I told him. We were standing right in front of my lockers and people were getting their stuff to leave school and he just starts yelling about it and asking random girls if they have one and none of them responded other than giving him dirty looks. I rode a late bus and had a long wait to get home after school so I decided to ask someone in the office if they had one.

I walked into the office and realize for some reason all of my friends followed me in. I didn't want to make this a big deal so I leaned as close as I could to the person working and asked in a quiet voice, then my friend yelled "She wants a pad!!!"

The junior councellor was passing by and was appalled by my friend's outburst and took ME (not him) into another room for a lecture about what had just happened. I was mortifed. She said something awful, like "This is a really special time in your life but you don't need to be telling all of your friends about." I explained how my friend overheard it and I didn't really want to tell him and I definitely didn't want them following me into the office. She asked why they were there and I said, "They just followed me." She goes "My friends follow me, too" which I doubt. All the while she has the thing in a little box in her hand and is waving it around while she talked (one of those people who move their hands a lot when talking.) So she finally finishes her talk and I am just beyond embarrassed. She hands the little box to me and I put it in my pocket and NO JOKE she says to me "Thank you for not parading it around the hallway." I wanted to die.
 

Kari Kamiya

Dopey Mew
kiwifarms.net
In 11th grade we had a poetry assignment in English, and I kinda went overboard with mine because it was practically a love letter to someone though you could tell there was a touch of teenage angst to it. I actually ended up giving the poem to the guy in the hallway sometime after we turned in the assignment, but then like the next day my teacher called me over to her desk and said she was considering sending in my poem to some YA poetry magazine or something, but I had to give my signed consent. So she handed me the form and I took a look at it, and saw that she (inadvertently, I don't know if there was a limit) butchered the poem by only copy-pasting the first three out of twelve stanzas. As a result, I didn't sign it and give it back to her to mail it in. Far as I can tell, it was never published in that magazine/newsletter/whatever and she never asked me again.

She was also a hippie now that I think about it, a hawkish hippie because she seriously looked like a hawk always wearing these weird hippie dresses that drag on the floor. She kinda looked like a blonde Rolanda Hooch with glasses dressed like a pineapple if I had to give a description of her. I think she also played favorites or at least was trying to make friends with some of her students, myself included. She actually gifted me the 500 Manga and Anime Villains book which in hindsight I shouldn't have accepted the gift because it's weird for a teacher to do that to their students, but it's an informative little encyclopedia so eh.

It's been about so many years now, so I don't mind sharing my autistic teenage ramblings for some cheap yucks.

All of Me

I never asked to be in your life
But you insisted, sometime in a past Fall
So I followed along without complaint
And I felt my ice-cold bubble thaw
Since then, you've brought out
The alien feelings I fought

Any song of soft meaning
Any book that has a close friend
I picture us two together
Standing next to another without end
Even thinking of it being abroad
Helps keep the secret bond strong

You encourage me to be like this
Though I'm sure you aren't aware
My subconscious keeps this close by
Whenever I commit to habits I bear
From song to stories, art and thought
It all contains friendship, and even more I later sought

Somehow, my negative feelings cried “No!”
And proclaimed I didn't need it
About a year after our friendship had begun
I started at once to isolate
That's right, I didn't want to stay anymore
And continue to let you dive to my core

It must've spread, or you grew sad
Seeing me not willing to continue onward
Without a care, I watched you go
But still stayed in sight a little longer
I kept resisting coming back
Just to keep myself in the black

I try my hardest to forget
To erase it all from my memories
So I won't be haunted any further
And forever be in peace
But alas, it's not meant to succeed
You already have all of me

Everything about you has etched inside myself
Both in willing and unconscious strain
The images keep appearing here and there
You even sneak into my dreams now and again
Try as I must, you still remain
And it makes me go insane

It seems now I can't let go of it
Pulling it back for a little while
Just to have a little nostalgia, I suppose
And to bring back the ghostly smile
Yet I've wanted it back inside all along
To feel again a sense of never being alone

You, for whatever reason
Have already gone away from me
Tending to avoid eye contact
Like it was always meant to be
We only speak small-talk if we pass
Only not like how we did in the past

Recently, you started to return for a bit
I'd see you more at the monthly dances now
You are yourself at this time, doing what you did best
Making new friends under this new vow
I felt you were moving on as well
You've been coming out of your bubble's shell

However, it's something I don't really understand
About why you play “My Immortal” on the church's piano
I don't suppose it was a defect for moving on
But why that certain song, I may never know
Now every time I hear the song, or when I sing the words
I imagine you playing along silently to the solemn chords

I suppose I should say how I feel, but my mind refuses
And my voice never wants to speak the word
Especially in black and white, just like this
Never to be physically heard
I end it here in a different phrase than I'm going for, to be truthful
Wanting to say that like you, I'm trying to keep the glass half-full
 
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