Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

Big Nasty

Unfettered scum
kiwifarms.net
I walked into the bathroom at one point and one of the kids from the special needs classrooms was in there taking a piss with his pants and underwear down to his ankles at the urinal. He turned around while hanging dong and pissing and waved at me as I came in.
Feels good man.
 

Kiwi Lime Pie

The purr-fectly tasteful treat. 🥝🥧🐈
kiwifarms.net
One of my guy friends saw I was trying to be quiet about something and asked me about it so I told him. We were standing right in front of my lockers and people were getting their stuff to leave school and he just starts yelling about it and asking random girls if they have one and none of them responded other than giving him dirty looks.
Please tell us this wasn't J. Yaniv. :cryblood:

We also called those red, rocket shaped firecrackers that you put on the ground horizontally (instead of straight up like a bottle rocket) "nigger chasers"
This happened at a school's summer recreation program, so this hopefully counts. At one point growing up, the public schools in my city had a six-week program following their last day of school where kids could come from 9a-3p and do arts and crafts, cards/board games; sports, etc. One day, we were going to play kickball on the outdoor ball field instead of in the gym. A couple of kids had found a couple of un-exploded bottle rockets and gave them to one of the adults - a rather chill guy who was well liked and liked leading us in various sports. Wanting to keep the fireworks out of kids' hands and get rid of them as quickly as possible, he got a pylon from the gym, set it up on the ball field, and used it to light off both bottle rockets while we watched from the safe distance he marked off. While this was his way of presumably resolving the matter, the only problem was that someone from the city parks & rec department (i.e. one of his superiors) had happened to be inside the school at the time. I don't remember if he got in trouble, but he was definitely concerned that he would get in some sort of trouble for lighting what was then illegal fireworks around the kids for which he was responsible.

Anyone ever have to go to a super boring assembly?
Even though my K-8 school had dropped most of its sports apart from upper-grade basketball during my time there, we still had 2-3 pep rallies a year at seemingly random times and for no apparent reason. When the cheerleaders called out our grades, we were expected to shout back. However, this quickly degenerated into a screaming match between grades as each class was more interested in who could be the loudest.

In high school, we had similar pep rallies for football. While I get having them the day of our big rivalry game each year, having one of the least-liked social studies teachers grabbing a microphone to lead the school in chanting "We will win! (louder!)" every single time got old rather fast.

One year, we had an assembly arranged by the school's SADD chapter to illustrate how many people die in a 5-6 hour span by randomly taking a SADD member from class at the same interval a teen died from underage drinking/driving over the course of an average day. As I may have previously mentioned elsewhere, these type of assemblies seemed pointless to me. Those students determined to use drugs & alcohol through high school weren't going to stop because of some assembly. Similarly, those not abusing these substances didn't need an assembly to tell them to refrain from something they already avoided.
 
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MysticMisty

kiwifarms.net
I've got a few assembly stories, but I'll start out with one from third grade. During the height of winter, just before the annual Iditarod race up in Alaska my teacher announced we'd be holding a book-reading competition against our "rival" class across the hall. Every day once the race started we could fill out a form for every chapter or picture book read that had to be signed by our parents. The signed forms woulds then be placed on the wall by our teacher. This went on until one particular musher crossed the finish line at Nome. I don't remember his name, but I guess he must've been from our city or something.

It was pretty competitive but my class had some seriously dedicated readers, myself included. By the time the musher reached Nome my class' forms had not only reached the top of the wall but were a good part of the way across the ceiling, while the other class just barely reached the ceiling.

After that nothing happened, until a week or two later the teacher announced there'd be an assembly in the gym later that day. The time came and we headed into the gym with the rest of the school. At first no one knew what was going on, but then after everyone was there a genuine musher's sled was brought out and placed onto the stage. Sure enough that particular musher came out, along with some (I don't think it was all) of his dogs.

Not only did he talk about the race and answer questions, but also gave special recognition to our class for reading so many books in the time it took him to travel to Nome. It was just a minor thing, but at the time I was super proud to be part of a group recognized for doing something I love to do.
 

Chichan

kiwifarms.net
In gym class we had a dance unit so A day B day gym classes were combined. We end up doing the Macarena and the part before you change direction you have to shimmy, but I did it in a way that was perceived as sexual by the boys in my 6th grade class and they started yelling shake it. I was really embarrassed and I wanted to hide. A couple days later when we had gym again we had to wear unflattering gym clothes and one of the popular jock guys was behind me and began to say the same things people had said at the dance I rolled my eyes in disgust. I was a wallflower and a bit of a man hater because of my fear of the opposite sex and other personal matters(obviously I don't hate men now I just still get very nervous and anxious around them). Also I was very insecure when it came to my looks so it was a shocker.
 

Stardust

Ģιίττεર ƣƲεεɴ
kiwifarms.net
There's a few, but I'll share just one right now.

Freshman year of high school, a guy didn't want to ask to go to the bathroom. Instead he takes a shoe off and pisses in it, then puts shoe back on. Class ends - and this is when everyone learns what he did - with this guy walking with squishy noises and piss leaking onto the floor. He runs out the door to avoid confrontation.

Why did he do this? Guy had social anxiety, so asking anything in public was an ordeal. Though, in my opinion, not as stressful as piss-juiced kicks.

Anxiety be weird, yo.
 

Tahoma

wilbur biscuit walker basket
kiwifarms.net
There's a few, but I'll share just one right now.

Freshman year of high school, a guy didn't want to ask to go to the bathroom. Instead he takes a shoe off and pisses in it, then puts shoe back on. Class ends - and this is when everyone learns what he did - with this guy walking with squishy noises and piss leaking onto the floor. He runs out the door to avoid confrontation.

Why did he do this? Guy had social anxiety, so asking anything in public was an ordeal. Though, in my opinion, not as stressful as piss-juiced kicks.

Anxiety be weird, yo.
So, he took his shoe off and pissed in it in the classroom?
I'm not sure that would have gone unnoticed.
 

edibleBulimia

Told you not to worry
kiwifarms.net
My favorite art teacher and his favorite prank with some class (didn’t happen to me, he just told us). Gonna type in the same format as last one

-Be art teacher
-Get a buzzed haircut
-Next day come to teach one of the high school classes in the school
-Loudest class, nobody even looks at the door while getting in
-Kid goes up to me and says “Hi Rick, how’s the chemo going?”
-Get amazing prank idea
-Pulls a frown and answers “You wouldn’t make fun of me if you had my disease”
-All colors drain from the kid’s face
-“W-what do you mean?”
-“Isn’t it obvious already?”, answers while crying (faking it)
-Everybody’s paying attention now
-Kid’s already in panic and starts apologizing
-“There’s no need to apologize, I guess I needed to tell you all at some point..: I have cancer.”
-Everybody’s in shock
-Start talking about how I’ve been trying to have courage while going through this
-Almost everybody’s crying now
-Some boys nod with a serious face, almost crying
-All of a sudden, get worried and tell everyone it was a prank
-A girl who was weeping stands up, red from anger
-“My aunt died from cancer last month, you FUCKING BASTARD!”



At the end he said he started crying while she argued with him about his prank. He’s a kick ass teacher (even if he’s a little bit sjw, gave a speech about woman’s rights in the first day of class), he told all about his pranks and if you guys liked it, I might tell some
 

Kiwi Lime Pie

The purr-fectly tasteful treat. 🥝🥧🐈
kiwifarms.net
Even though the earlier question asked about boring assemblies, I'll talk about the one high school assembly that was actually enjoyable.

I'm no longer sure if there was some sort of public service announcement that accompanied it, but we had a last-hour assembly in what I believe was my junior year of high school that featured a number of athletes from our area's various pro sports teams. The assembly ended with a friendly basketball scrimmage featuring our school's top male and female athletes scrimmaging the pros.

I have no idea if this part was prearranged in advance or completely spontaneous: as we reached the end of the scrimmage, our boys basketball team's 6 foot 9 inch (2.06 m) center ran out from the bleachers, took a long outlet pass, and drew a raucous standing ovation with a monstrous slam dunk. I believe he added a second one before time expired. I'm not even sure who officially won the scrimmage because those assembled found it more impressive to see our center dunk against a team of pro athletes.
 
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Muncie Anderson

The Lyrical Gangster (murderer)
kiwifarms.net
Anyone ever have to go to a super boring assembly?
Towards the end of the fifth grade, I had a pretty memorable one. It was some kind of awards and student recognition shows held in the gym, where they set up at one side of the room and usher all of the classes in and sit the students down on the floor.

It's unseasonably warmer than usual that day, the gym has no air conditioning that isn't an opened emergency door leading to the parking lot, and we're all sitting on a hardwood floor. Just a recipe for something to go wrong.

Halfway through the assembly, after one fourth grade girl receives an award for something, you start hearing a smattering of boos among the applause. The next two kids also get booed, more vigorously than before. Keep in mind, we weren't booing them because we hated the kids being recognized for this, that and the other. We were bored, we were hot, and we were uncomfortable, so a few of the braver kids decided to break up the monotony of the whole thing by booing.

Leave it to the school principal to interrupt the proceedings to say that booing "wouldn't be tolerated", and we were told that the next kid who booed anybody for any reason was going to be expelled.

Not kicked out of the assembly to go sit in an empty room, not given detention for any length of time, or not even suspended. Expulsion. For booing.

This did the trick, as nobody else dared boo any of the remaining students receiving prizes or awards for any reason. I still think to this day that it was an overreaction on our principal's part.
 

Yolandi

Resident Pokemon Go expert
kiwifarms.net
Towards the end of the fifth grade, I had a pretty memorable one. It was some kind of awards and student recognition shows held in the gym, where they set up at one side of the room and usher all of the classes in and sit the students down on the floor.

It's unseasonably warmer than usual that day, the gym has no air conditioning that isn't an opened emergency door leading to the parking lot, and we're all sitting on a hardwood floor. Just a recipe for something to go wrong.

Halfway through the assembly, after one fourth grade girl receives an award for something, you start hearing a smattering of boos among the applause. The next two kids also get booed, more vigorously than before. Keep in mind, we weren't booing them because we hated the kids being recognized for this, that and the other. We were bored, we were hot, and we were uncomfortable, so a few of the braver kids decided to break up the monotony of the whole thing by booing.

Leave it to the school principal to interrupt the proceedings to say that booing "wouldn't be tolerated", and we were told that the next kid who booed anybody for any reason was going to be expelled.

Not kicked out of the assembly to go sit in an empty room, not given detention for any length of time, or not even suspended. Expulsion. For booing.

This did the trick, as nobody else dared boo any of the remaining students receiving prizes or awards for any reason. I still think to this day that it was an overreaction on our principal's part.
Sounds to me like the principal was hot, tired and sick of everyone's BS, too. Might have also been a hollow threat just to get through the day, too. I know one time my principal stooped to eat lunch in the cafeteria with us one day and stood up mid-meal and shouted how she would rather eat in a barn, also seemed a bit much.
 

Count groudon

Saltier than Njord's left testicle
kiwifarms.net
One time in me middle school we were called to the auditorium for an assembly to commemorate our basketball team for going to the finals (which nobody particularly cared about because our basketball team consisted mostly of cunts). It was the end of the year just before summer break, it was an old building that didn’t have AC and it was in the middle of a 90 degree heat wave, everyone was miserable. The principal was seemingly determined to keep us locked in here no matter how much we made a point to show how extremely uncomfortable we were through the whole deal, with the girl behind me seeming to be on the brink of a heat stroke. About halfway through this shitty assembly, things just got even better. From behind the curtains on the stage, a particularly large bat drops down from the ceiling and begins screeching and flying around the room, occasionally swooping down and missing everyone by just a few inches. Now you’d think at this point with a wild animal seemingly acting aggressively towards a bunch of children who can’t leave their seats, they’d finally say enough is enough and let us get out of there, right? Nah, old bastard just kept on rambling about dedication, honor, and hard work while occasionally saying “oh relax, it’s not gonna hurt you” whenever someone in the audience screamed. We had to sit there another whole hour in the sweltering heat with an obviously scared and angry animal soaring around swooping down at us just so this nigga could finish his gay-ass speech.


Also my high school principal was a manchild. He was very nice and he always showed support for us no matter what he did, but that being said he was also fond of attending parties that his students threw with his wife (who was equally as wild and immature, if not more), getting black out drunk, and generally acting like a frat boy stuck in a middle-aged man’s body. Apparently a year or two ago there was even an issue with his wife and a couple of older male students fucking upstairs at a party whilst he was passed out on the couch. He wasn’t even mad at her for doing, said she was just “sowing her wild oats” or something.
 

maaliktheprisonguard

Why be beautiful when you can be intimidating
kiwifarms.net
Prepare for Furry Shit
Ok this was back in 2011. I would regularly come to this room assigned by my school (I am not going to state why because that would be too long). In this room I would meet this dude who I was on good terms with. He liked anime as your average 14 year old boy would and being british he humorously complained that CITV (The kids tv channel) would not air episodes of bleach.

One thing I found out about him was that he really liked drawing. When I glanced over to look, it looked like something out of deviantart. Eyebrow raising, but safe waters if you will. The next day I saw him straight up draw furry porn. This took place in a room owned by the school where people can just walk past and see him draw a sonic character taking it up the rectum. I was about to leave towards home, I swear I will report this to the teacher in charge of the room and the boy.

The next day I saw him draw something lewd on a bigger slice of paper AND THE TEACHER WAS HELPING HIM COLOUR IT ON AND POSTED IT ON THE WALL. I was shocked and gave up, I never seen him in my school again afterwards.
 
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NerdShamer

kiwifarms.net
Since we're back on the subject of weird classmates; back in 4th grade there was this Russian girl who was taking an English class in the corner of our homeroom, and the resident bullies were kind of thirsty for her. The only problem was that she was a bitch and quickly got on their nerves for being kind of crazy. Over the course of a few months, it was kind of a normal sight on the playground to see them to picking on her and it usually attracted a crowd. Sure, throwing sand in a loser's face is kind of old, but getting assmad over it was quality entertainment back then. After that, came the "would you have sex with this crazy. bitch?" burn, and that wound up with her chasing or fighting whoever said that. And it usually ended up with her running off when recess was over and someone had to go find her...voluntarily munching on grass.

Needless to say, she quickly became a cow for a while, since most of the class was kind of concerned about her behavior and tried to avoid talking to her. But since we had more advanced stuff to do, we ended up ignoring until she did something dumb, like rolling her eyes in a fit of rage. Eventually, she wrote me and several other people a letter since I was usually watching the freakshow; and eventually bawled on a local news program on being bullied despite the fact that she was the one who was stirring shit up.
 

Ido

Discord Dominatrix
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
All of this is true:

There was a brony at my high school, dude would wear the same pony shirts every few days, he'd also wear a cowboy hat which he'd tip at people he knew and cowboy boots. He really hated Brokeback with a passion, but our shared friend group was part of the gay asshole crowd and would mention it just to piss him off. When the guy got pissed he'd literally do that thing that bulls do with his feet and stare the person down.


Everyone kept taunting him and one day everyone stopped hanging out with him, apparently he touched a girl in the groups boob, against her consent (she was lesbian and he knew she was in a relationship). He also supposedly has a fat/balloon fetish now.
 
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Islamic Creampie

kiwifarms.net
I guess this dude was desperate for attention as he used to try to sell some silly stories about himself. Of course, if you want to make friends, it's best not to be a weirdo claiming you're a master sniper in the 9th grade. No idea where he got the sniper obsession, but he used to go around telling people he competes in national sharpshooting competitions. For while he was insisting people call him Sniper Fox. He changed it to something else after. Silver Fox, maybe.

Remember that assignment you had to do where you'd take the baby doll home and it'd cry, you'd feed it, etc, and you'd get a score based on how you took care of it? He was telling some chicks about how he hooked the doll up to his computer and used his sweet hacking skills to give himself a good score. The doll also had a firewall.
 

WinterMoonsLight

J'ai une âme solitaire
kiwifarms.net
Had a kid get transfered to my high school who clearly had some sort of disability. I don't know if he was autistic or had Down's, but he really should have been in special-ed. I don't know why he was in our school, but that's irrelevant.

He had no mental filter and would just say whatever was on his mind. To everyone's credit, no one really picked on him, but some of the things he said became sort of in-jokes between my friends and I.

One example being he had a meltdown, tucked himself behind a door and wouldn't come out. My friend tried getting him to talk and coax him out. He said something like "feel like talking a bit, dude?" And the kid screams at the top of his lungs "NO! YOU UGLY!!!!"

Another one was when I was in the computer lab one time, and he comes in, gets on a computer and starts playing some sort of anime/weeb music. I ask him what he's listening to. He turns to me and completely deadpan says "you a fairy" and goes back to looking at the screen.
 

millais

The Yellow Rose of Victoria, Texas
kiwifarms.net
I was a dipshit my first two years of high school and wound up having to take a summer biology course, because I flunked it during the school year.

I've been out of high school for over a decade and have a degree, but still have nightmares that I have to go back to high school, because I flunked another class they didn't tell me about. Fuck me.
I had a similar string of nightmares like that too. Towards the end of my last year of high school, I did the math and figured out that I had high enough grades to completely blow off the last 2 or 3 tests in calculus, chemistry, and macroeconomics. So I did just that and failed to absorb anything from the last few months of instruction in those three courses, and by the end, my grades were still high enough to exempt me from having to take the final exams in those courses. So because I never had to take the exams and didn't even absorb anything from the last few months instruction, I think I never got a full sense of closure for those courses and used to periodically get nightmares about having to go back to high school to take or prepare for a calculus final exam concerning concepts that are completely incomprehensible to me.
 

ForgedBlades

Milled wedges.
kiwifarms.net
Anyone ever have to go to a super boring assembly?
We had a compulsory music class once a week throughout grade school. Nothing serious, the "class" was just us poorly singing folk songs and badly playing basic percussion instruments.

The class was taught by this old lady who in hindsight was probably a lesbian. I actually liked her, but she took her job way, way too seriously. Every class was taught like she was Bernstein, and this was especially true during our yearly "concert". It was a two hour long torture fest where she would drag out every single class from kindergarten up to fifth grade to do a two or three song set. I could even tell as a kid that those two hours a year were her only reason for living and that she probably would have offed herself years ago if not for them. It was actually really sad.
 
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