Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

Marco Fucko

Freak a flow and flow fancy free.
kiwifarms.net
In middle school there was a kid who either directly dealt or was the middle man for weed and amphetamines. His nickname was Skinny and he kept a gun in his backpack in condition 3 just in case. The only reason I know any of this was because he forgot to log off a library compute and I saw his facebook where his girlfriend was defending him from the future yuppies.

Same middle school, my biology teacher and one of the french teachers got caught fucking in a supply closet.

I had a science teacher who had a exceptional sister and because his class was made up of mostly 13 year old boys, the sheer volume of 'exceptional' flowing through the room offended him enough to share one of his sisters employment reports about how good of a worker she was. Same guy dripped water into my ear for falling asleep in class and got offended that a friend and I were laughing during the pledge (the friend was making fun of what I named a fictional place in one of my short stories IIRC), so he dragged me out of the assembly and got pissy with me.

I think this was middle school again but I can't quite recall: we had a compulsory original production in drama class and I was a cast member for some reason (I don't know why). So basically I ignored this class from like day one and the night of the production came, and I subconsciously remembered I was supposed to do something, but I was also busy playing DBZ Budokai Tenkaichi 2 for the PS2, so I just shrugged the feeling off. Next day I come in and the drama teacher pulls me outside and says "WHERE WERE YOU", and I was like "at home, playing video games", and she gave this like 5 minute lecture about showing up and I had to write a bunch of movie acting reviews to make up the credit I lost by not doing anything in drama class. After the first batch she forced me to watch stuff she liked because I kept picking movies with bad acting like Star Wars and Godzilla.

In my first high school some kid (not me, unfortunately) showed up to an assembly with a Klan hood and slid on his knees out on to stage. I can't even remember what he said but it made the local news and this black kid I had basic coding classes with wrote an offended blog post about it. My only involvement here is I anonymously called the black guy a monkey on his blog and told him to take a joke.

Second high school: I continuously bothered a history teacher because he was very empathetic towards oppressed people and empathy is for the gays. The final straw was me asking if a bar of alleged Jew soap from the Holocaust was a cocaine block, so he had me banned from his class and I had to write I think 15 reports on dictators and why they're bad. I got bored after Than Shwe of Burma, so I just copy pasted and rewrote Encyclopedia Britannica articles in teenage stoner vernacular.

Senior year, second high school: I actually completed a conventional class! It was English Literature and my teacher was a former biker who sarcastically yelled at students all the time and tried to hammer into our heads that more gentle role models were setting us up for failure because the real world is kind of a tough place. He liked me a lot even though I was a disrespectful and perverted shithead, because we were both extremely cynical and had zero automatic respect for authority. He called one of my book reports 'masterful' and said I was O'Brien when I compared myself to Syme from 1984.

My mother was completely shocked because for the first time probably since I enrolled in public education a teacher had something positive to say about me. He told her I should become a writer, but for whatever reason I just kind of dropped out of college and am now doing code shit.

Sometimes I miss those halcyon days.
 

Eldritch

Ian Smith did nothing wrong
kiwifarms.net
In middle school I knew a sped who ran to every class. arms clutching books to his chest, leaning into his turns like a Superbike racer. I often spotted him wearing headphones with cat ears on them. Although I had no classes with him, a friend told me one choice story of him in algebra class.

Everyone was quietly working in groups on an assignment, when suddenly the sperg looked up from his worksheet and loudly opined: "I'm very good with aphorisms." Everyone ignored him and went back to work. About 5 whole minutes later he once again looks up from his worksheet, lifts his hand as if quoting shakespeare, and says in a measured, wise tone: "Fear not the wounds of the physical, for they are temporary. Fear the wounds of the emotional, for they are everlasting."

Everyone was so awestruck that a regular Ben Franklin was among them, that they forgot to react and instead chuckled silently.
 

MysticMisty

kiwifarms.net
One spring day my senior year as I was walking into my 3rd period class with the rest of my classmates our teacher told us to just set our bags down by our desks and don't bother sitting down because as soon as the bell rang we'd be heading out to the auditorium for an assembly.

This was really bizarre because not only did they always tell us in advance that we'd be having an assembly (usually a pep rally), we'd always be on assembly schedule that day too, which was every period being 7-10 minutes shorter to create an 8th period for the assembly because my school couldn't stand the idea of us missing a class for one day. The only other time this had happened was last year, when the principal wanted to bitch at the entire school (which I'll talk about in another post). So to me not telling us about this and avoiding the assembly schedule was a obvious indicator they wanted to cut down on ditching, which I found extremely suspicious. Why now did were they suddenly so concerned about ditchers?

As we were sitting down in the auditorium I noticed our teacher wasn't sitting with us like what was normal for the auditorium but instead kept standing in the aisle. I looked around and noticed all of the teachers were standing around. It looked like they were going to patrol the auditorium rather than just let the hall monitors do it. Some of them looked really annoyed or unhappy while others seemed extremely pleased, even outright smug. Everyone around me noticed all of this strange behavior as well and we speculated about what horrible school-wide punishment they were about to dish out on us.

As soon as the last class had sat down our principal, Mr. Purple, came out on stage. "Good morning everyone. We've got some very special guests here to talk to you today, so be sure to give them the respect and attention they deserve. Let's give a big welcome for them right now!"

My school gave it's usual half-assed applause as a group of people came up on stage while Mr. Purple fucked off to the back. They were all really young, obviously college age, so I thought that they were just going to talk to us about not fucking around in high school because we need to go to a university (because anything short of a full university is not good enough) in order to be successful as adults. Basic bullshit that I thought was wasted on a school with a well-earned bad reputation like this one.

"Hey everybody!" one of them said to us. "I want everyone to put their iPods down and listen up because what we have to say today is very important!"

Yes, he really did actually say that. I was seeing red flags before, but that opening statement set off all my remaining alarms and flags. These fucks are clearly under 22, hell, I wouldn't be surprised if some of them only graduated high school the year before. Why in the fuck were they reciting some sort of script obviously written by some out of touch middle-age (or older) person?

"Today," he went on, "we are going to talk about abstinence!" Oh fuck no. Now everything made sense: it wasn't just about making sure we didn't ditch, but to prevent anyone from walking out.

Now, I know some people here will disagree, but I don't believe in abstinence-only sex ed. I don't believe in it because not only I believe it doesn't work, but actually makes teen pregnancy and STD rates worse than they otherwise would be. So as you can imagine I very much wanted to stand up and refuse to attend this assembly. I didn't mind being slapped with one or more detentions, and my mom doesn't believe in abstinence-only sex ed either so she was unlikely to punish me further for it.

Ultimately I did not walk out. Why? Because I spotted this exceptionally cunty women patrolling nearby. She wasn't a teacher, nor one of the vice principals, or even one of the regular monitors. I'm not even sure what she did, to be honest, but the very few times I encountered her (or witnessed someone else encounter her) she was an absolutely massive, mean as fuck cunt. The previous time I saw her she lost her shit at someone playfully flipping off his friends during lunch. With her involved ISS or a full-blown suspension were real possibilities. Detention I didn't mind, but a week in in-house or full suspension were another story. I knew my mom wouldn't like those consequences either. But man it was so hard to sit there.

So, this particular bit of abstinence-only sex ed came in the form of a really, really, really bad play. Just like the opening statement, the rest of it sounded like some middle-age out of touch person trying so hard to sound "hip". They also would frequently "pause" the play to awkwardly insert bullshit facts as well. It was easily one of the worst things I've had to sit through.
 

AnOminous

do you see what happens
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
I always got away with everything in school because I was never a teacher's pet, I was the principal's pet. So if you ever fucked with me, you wouldn't be dealing with me, but with the person actually in charge of shit.

This is how you actually bully teachers.
 

Kiwi Lime Pie

Tasteful in all Spring weather. 🥝
kiwifarms.net
We had a compulsory music class once a week throughout grade school. Nothing serious, the "class" was just us poorly singing folk songs and badly playing basic percussion instruments.
My K-8 school had once-weekly specialty subjects. For grades 7 and 8, the slate included one hour each week of Art, Music, PE, Library, and Foreign Language/Computer Literacy (each for one semester).

The music teacher I remember most was pretty cool and largely well-liked. I believe we got her through some sort of sharing agreement with the city's public school district because she also helped out with the fall and spring plays/musicals at my future high school - something she introduced to us in 5th and 6th grade. Like @ForgedBlades, we also did simple music in the lower grades with xylophones, rhythm sticks, slide whistles, triangles, tambourines, etc. and performing an occasional single-class long musical or play which involved singing or sounding out the various parts.

For my 7th grade year, junior high students had the option of taking a music class that involved a year-end performance or one that had no performance and a study of music history and theory in its place. I chose the latter. After missing a music class while sick, I returned the next week and it was a review session for an exam the following week. I did my best to take as good of notes as possible.

What I found uncharacteristic of how she had taught our music classes in the past, she gave us a test wherein few of the questions were covered by the previous week's review. Some questions appeared to have no relevance to music in general. One such question was, "Why were the middle ages called the dark ages?" After thinking to myself that we never discussed this in class, I put down, "Because there was no electricity" as my best but incorrect guess. After getting the equivalent of a D on the test, my mom wanted a meeting with her and the teacher conceded that I was a good student in all aspects of the class apart from the low exam score, so she shouldn't be too concerned because Music, like all our other single-day specialty subjects, was graded on a Satisfactory/Unsatisfactory basis with an optional comment line for student-specific feedback.

Anyways, she abruptly decided not to return to our school for my 8th grade year. So, we had no music class for the first quarter of the year and most of the second with all students likely being graded "Satisfactory" for Music by default. We then had 2-3 weeks where the school interviewed different music teachers to see who they wanted to take over. Either right before or after Christmas break, we had a winner: a woman whose first name was Nova. I'm not sure what to think of the candidates that were interviewed because Nova didn't seem to know how to engage our class and capture our interest as her predecessor did. Also, she expected the junior high students to make lummi sticks out of rolled up paper bags and duct tape despite never showing us how to make them properly. Worse, we never used them in class once we made them. Instead, our state was celebrating a milestone anniversary of statehood that year, so the focus quickly changed to preparing for an all-school concert to celebrate. Junior high students were tasked with learning a song calling itself a rap that was more like poetry set to music than an actual rap song. I felt fortunate that I missed the concert due to bronchitis that gave me laryngitis.

Now, I know some people here will disagree, but I don't believe in abstinence-only sex ed. I don't believe in it because not only I believe it doesn't work, but actually makes teen pregnancy and STD rates worse than they otherwise would be.
FWIW, I've held the belief abstinence is probably the ideal to avoid pregnancy and disease, but information about safer sex (i.e. birth control, condoms, etc.) needs to be available to help minimize the risks for those choosing to be sexually active.

This partially segues into an activity my church's teen group participated in one year. It was billed as some sort of mystery overnight lock-in that ended with an unspecified presentation the next morning. I didn't attend because of other obligations that weekend. From what I heard after the fact, it was for the best; the presentation turned out to be a chastity rally that supposedly had such poor execution and reception that even our youth minister thought it was awful - that in itself says a lot about how bad it had to have been. Furthermore, the next time the group scheduled another mystery overnight event, the youth minister had to explicitly include a statement that it was not another chastity rally because its awfulness had become that legendary.

E: Typos
 
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Molester Stallone

Trust me, I'm a doctor.
kiwifarms.net
When I was in elementary school we would occasionally get a substitute teacher everyone was afraid of. This woman was rather large with a booming voice and had quite the temper. She was so feared that students would begin crying if she walked into their classroom in the morning. When I was in first grade the girl next to me fainted after realizing she was going to be our sub for the day.
 

Lucifer's Rectum

Rapidly deteriorating mental state
kiwifarms.net
A couple years back, my college went on strike. During the last week of it a friend of mine was talking with some other students in a group chat and offhandedly mentioned that someone should organize a protest. Long and short of it was that within the next few hours, he'd gone from bystander to unwilling organizer of a relatively large-scale riot. I was on campus that day to abuse the empty facilities and get some work done, and when I got there I had the pleasure of watching the front entrance get completely blocked by enraged sjw-types standing outside in -20 degree Celsius weather.
 

Clockwork_PurBle

John Goldfarb, get your ass back home.
kiwifarms.net
A couple years back, my college went on strike. During the last week of it a friend of mine was talking with some other students in a group chat and offhandedly mentioned that someone should organize a protest. Long and short of it was that within the next few hours, he'd gone from bystander to unwilling organizer of a relatively large-scale riot. I was on campus that day to abuse the empty facilities and get some work done, and when I got there I had the pleasure of watching the front entrance get completely blocked by enraged sjw-types standing outside in -20 degree Celsius weather.
What were they protesting? Pronouns?
 

Lucifer's Rectum

Rapidly deteriorating mental state
kiwifarms.net
What were they protesting? Pronouns?
Well, to quote their group post (my buddy ended up sending it to me) they wanted to "show the college that they weren't happy with how they were being treated", as if they were more special than any of the other students that were missing classes cause of a strike.
 

Muncie Anderson

Well, I lie and I'm easy.
kiwifarms.net
Sounds to me like the principal was hot, tired and sick of everyone's BS, too. Might have also been a hollow threat just to get through the day, too. I know one time my principal stooped to eat lunch in the cafeteria with us one day and stood up mid-meal and shouted how she would rather eat in a barn, also seemed a bit much.
Oh, I experienced something like that too, in a different school when I was in second grade. One of the teachers watching us blew a gasket at lunch because there were too many kids chewing with mouths open. Lunch was interrupted for a five minute tirade about "decent table manners" and that anyone from here on caught not having their mouths closed while chewing was going to be in "big trouble". I think there's a time and place to educate kids about what they should and shouldn't do at the table, and it shouldn't be taught by some stressed out teacher who just hit her breaking point in the lunchroom.

This was also the same group of teachers and school employees who would, when we were getting a little too loud in the cafeteria, switch off the lights and order everyone to put their heads down on the table while they went off on a room full of little kids who were doing nothing more than just being kids.
 

Coolio55

DON'T CALL LUIGI AT 3AM!! *OMG HE RICKROLLED ME*
kiwifarms.net
One time I found a folded piece of paper on the floor. I picked it up and inside was a crude drawing of a girl with pigtails. Here's where it got interesting though. She was wearing a miniskirt and had 2 massive penises. One of them she bent up to her mouth and was drinking the spunk out of.

The worst part was that I left it out on a desk in my house and my mother thought I had drawn it. She didn't believe I found it at school.
 

Yolandi

Resident Pokemon Go expert
kiwifarms.net
Oh, I experienced something like that too, in a different school when I was in second grade. One of the teachers watching us blew a gasket at lunch because there were too many kids chewing with mouths open. Lunch was interrupted for a five minute tirade about "decent table manners" and that anyone from here on caught not having their mouths closed while chewing was going to be in "big trouble". I think there's a time and place to educate kids about what they should and shouldn't do at the table, and it shouldn't be taught by some stressed out teacher who just hit her breaking point in the lunchroom.

This was also the same group of teachers and school employees who would, when we were getting a little too loud in the cafeteria, switch off the lights and order everyone to put their heads down on the table while they went off on a room full of little kids who were doing nothing more than just being kids.
Turning the lights off for a mid-lunch time out was customary at my school as well. It sucked. I definitely think that manners are important but maybe teach kids about it a different time and remind them about it at lunch later instead of trying to teach it then. Lunch at my school was only 20 minutes so letting us doing anything other than eat and talk seemed especially cruel.
 

Rick Pratt

Whiny poet
kiwifarms.net
I once saw someone drink washing up liquid in my horticulture class back in secondary school, while fairy liquid has a nice smell to it I wouldn't drink it.
 
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purpleboy

Exceptional the Individualhog
kiwifarms.net
There was one time I met a guy on my first week of Community College, let’s call him “Sonicman”. Sonicman was a lanky, tall, Bengali-American majoring in acting. He was confirmed autistic by both himself and his mom and he LOOOOOVED Sonic. As in, the first time I met him and pointed out that Live and Learn was playing on his ipod, he gave me a cringy spiel about how Yuji Naka was a genius and how Sonic was amazing. Man himself was a nice guy, he was just a big autist who REEEEEALLY loved Sanic.
 

TungstenCarbide

kiwifarms.net
When I was in middle school, our PE teacher had to go on sick leave (she was over 60, that fucking woman was a piece of steel, but one day her knees just gave up), so for a few month we had a substitute, I'll call him Sam, a young male teacher that took sports very seriously. One of my friends fell in love with him, she was like a lovesick puppy, but nobody thought twice about that infatuation. Then she comes to me and she's like: "Hey Tungsten, do your parents check your mail?" and I asked her why. She confessed that she wanted to write to Sam, who had just finished his work at our school. He apparently gave her his address and everything. I told her that I wouldn't do that for her and to ask somebody else. In another occasion I heard her tell another friend that she continued meeting Sam, and that he wanted to pursue a relationship with her, but not when he was still married ad she was a minor. I still think about it now, but I don't understand if she was living an elaborate fantasy (girl was weird, after all), or if she was being groomed by a pedo.
 

edibleBulimia

Being salty
kiwifarms.net
Some kid punched me in the computer lab and when we were in the way to the Principal’s office, we realized we had a lot in common. We developed a friendship kinda quickly, as we both had annoying siblings, both liked Naruto and loved rock and roll.
We had to part ways and stopped talking. I still think about him sometimes.
 

berserkerarmor

big man, bigger sword, biggest dick.
kiwifarms.net
im about to graduate (yay class of 2019 whatever). here is a few high lights.

my art teacher told me to look at her and i looked up and she was holding a piece of paper with a ok hand on it. she looked at me and said "i got you!". she then spent the rest of the day doing it to people.

my home ec teacher lets me do whatever i want since she learned that i am the only senior who can cook after a kid in my period almost set the mircowave on fire. so now i keep kool aid in her fridge.

i hit a girl in the head with a sharpie when she kept asking for one despite being able to get one from the art closet and my art teacher just told me "nice shot"

i took many naps in the art closet.

before christmas break my friend chopped up a candy cane at lunch and snorted it. later in the day he had a nose bleed and i watched him walk down the hall with his shirt over his face without his shirt on, he stopped and gave me a thumbs up with a shit eating grin. i was more confused as to why he took his shirt off. then again. i dont question much with him.

around the same time he also stole a camera from the STEM room and was telling people the photos were "for the year book" and there was a photo of me glaring in the background at lunch and he told me it would be the one photo i would have in the year book. none of the photos really made it. there was also one of me flipping the camera off so.

same friend got busted for minecraft crimes aka sending more people the long chain email of the cracked minecraft download. some freshmen got ahold of it and the STEM teacher went off on him.

my brother almost got the STEM teacher in trouble by along with my cousin putting "bush did 9/11" and "virginity rocks" on the projector on the ceiling without him knowing. his bosses saw it but he doesnt know it was them.

my math teacher openly let us roast a girl in my class who wouldn't shut up about her prison boyfriend. i kept laughing at her and she wants to fight but the same day she broke her hand on a locker door.

there was a boujee fight on my bus one morning. we had to get on another bus due to our bus being late. a girl from my bus started going back and forth with a girl whos known for trying to fight every one. i was sitting with a little girl from the catholic school since the public school busses pick them up for the catholic school in my town. the fight broke out while we were on the road to the school. the little girl next to me went from singing church music to crying her eyes out. my brother was in the seat behind me and the fight got into his seat. the girl was getting her ass BEAT so bad that her nose was bloody. the girl was jumping on the seat and kicking her in the face while someone held her back. my brother legit pushed the girl back so the bleeding girl could move. the fight almost went into my seat (note: still had a screaming lil girl with me and both girls were minors so legally i could not hit them even tho i wanted to.) and i had to push them away as i already had all of my body guarding the little girl in my seat. the girls brother then ran up to my brother and tried to fight him. "dont touch my fucking sister." isnt a very good thing to say when your sister was beating up on a girl. my brother later found blood on his hoodie. told me he might get aids.

a girl who was into my brother for a while got her car searched at school because someone said she had beer in her trunk.

i publicly exposed a football player for trying to get me to do his homework, asked him for money if he wanted me to do it so and then 3 weeks later he got suspended from wrestling and basketball because of his grades. he stopped after i asked him for money and his mom took his jeep so.

my english teacher legit speaks in riddles. i am somehow have a A+ in her class. everyone else is failing. its the end of the year and im still getting asked to help people.

a fake lesbian killed the LGBT club before it even started and is now a social outcast among all the of the gays in my school. its funny. she looks like a cave man.
 
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