Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

tasty murder burger

If moths had eyes, would they be happier?
kiwifarms.net
I remember one time in primary school we were painting and because I was about 7, and kids do weird things, I put my hand in the water we used to clean our brushes because my hand felt hot and the water looked nice.

The water splashed on another kids painting, I mentioned her in another thread but she was the 'golden girl' who got away with everything because her mother taught at our partnered high school.

So she started fake crying that I 'ruined' her painting. And someone 'told' on me for putting my hands in the water. I think if I went to any sane primary school (and not the backwards hovel that was my school) I would have got made to apologise and told off for being silly. Nah, here I got told to go to the front of the class to get yelled at, had my painting ripped up and put in the bin and got made to clean all the painting stuff.

Being a little kid, I was very upset and the teacher just yelled at me even more for feeling sorry for myself. I literally did nothing.
 

kira-kun

twin-spirited furfag autist
kiwifarms.net
There was a kid who decided to smoke a blunt in the first floor bathroom of my high school's academics building. Apparently, a teacher or maybe another kid was going to come into the bathroom, so the guy freaks out and tosses the lit blunt into the bathroom trash full of paper towels. The trashcan immediately erupts into flame. The kid goes apeshit and runs out into the hallway screaming, "FIRE! FIRE! HOLY SHIT A FIRE!". He didn't stop to pull the fire alarm, so I assume his uninvited guest was the one to do that. The first floor hallway had filled with smoke and it was seeping into the classrooms, so the whole building was evacuated and classes were cancelled. The first floor boys' bathroom was closed for about a week while it was cleaned up.

This same genius was also arrested for lighting a blunt right outside the school's main office, where a cop is posted.

There was also the time a kid called in a bomb threat because no one thought his edgy joke was funny. He came to school dressed as a "terrorist" (not really, just in one of those Arab man dress things, but he called it a terrorist outfit). Then during one of the lunches he got a whole bunch of kids together outside and started shouting shit like, "Death to America!, Allahu Akhbar!", and shit like that. It was supposed to be a senior prank, but no one thought it was funny. Instead, the guy ended up getting suspended for being an idiot, and as "revenge" he called in a bomb threat later that day.

One of the cello players in my junior high orchestra was a methhead and would smoke the shit in the bathroom before practice.

A kid stole a sink one time, too.

We also had this one autistic kid in my science class that was always trying to walk out with shit. He'd just stick whatever it was under his shirt and try to leave, even though you could totally tell he was trying to walk off with an Erlenmeyer flask.
 
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Yolandi

Resident Pokemon Go expert
kiwifarms.net
The only successful senior prank that happened at my high school happened when I was not a senior - not sure if it was one person or a group (I assume a group because pranks are funnier that way) but they bought some of that "crap in a can" spray, looked like diarrhea. They sprayed it inside all of the vending machines and all over one of the staircases. It was disgusting but not gonna lie, hilarious.
 
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WinterMoonsLight

Tsar of the Internet
kiwifarms.net
My high school principal was a weird guy, but likeable. He offered to buy my friend and I lunch (any fast food place of our choice, but still) if we helped pluck a pheasant he had shot. We agreed, wanted by to see where this was going. The dude had the carcass of the pheasant stuffed into the teacher's lounge fridge. We plucked and dressed it, and true to his word, he got us lunch.

I was a big asshole to one of my friends in middle school. Space Jam had come out, and he had told me he thought Lola Bunny was hot. I spread that all over and he got made fun of big time.

I took a writer's workshop class in college. One guy attending was the perfect stereotype of a neckbeard. Fatass, greasy skin, oily hair, smelled, even had the fedora. He thought he was smarter than everyone else taking the class, made fun of me for mentioning that Harlan Ellison was a big inspiration in my own writing. He said with no sense of self-awareness "some people enjoy filet mignon and some enjoy dollar burgers from McDonald's I see..." When it came time to present our stories to the class for criticism, his stories were all Legend of Zelda fanfiction.
 

Yolandi

Resident Pokemon Go expert
kiwifarms.net
My high school principal was a weird guy, but likeable. He offered to buy my friend and I lunch (any fast food place of our choice, but still) if we helped pluck a pheasant he had shot. We agreed, wanted by to see where this was going. The dude had the carcass of the pheasant stuffed into the teacher's lounge fridge. We plucked and dressed it, and true to his word, he got us lunch.

I was a big asshole to one of my friends in middle school. Space Jam had come out, and he had told me he thought Lola Bunny was hot. I spread that all over and he got made fun of big time.

I took a writer's workshop class in college. One guy attending was the perfect stereotype of a neckbeard. Fatass, greasy skin, oily hair, smelled, even had the fedora. He thought he was smarter than everyone else taking the class, made fun of me for mentioning that Harlan Ellison was a big inspiration in my own writing. He said with no sense of self-awareness "some people enjoy filet mignon and some enjoy dollar burgers from McDonald's I see..." When it came time to present our stories to the class for criticism, his stories were all Legend of Zelda fanfiction.
What's wrong with Harlan Ellison?

Oh please tell me his fanfics were self-insert. That would really make my day.
 

WinterMoonsLight

Tsar of the Internet
kiwifarms.net
What's wrong with Harlan Ellison?

Oh please tell me his fanfics were self-insert. That would really make my day.
Absolutely nothing wrong with Harlan. He just wanted to look like one of those book snobs who doesn't read genre fiction.

Unfortunately I couldn't see any self inserts in his fanfic. That would have been the cherry on top as well. I just found it funny that for all his posturing and attitude towards everyone else, the best he could do was what a 14 year old would scribble down.
 

Dick In a Drawer

myname jeff
kiwifarms.net
my high school had a lot of funny and fucked stories because of the crackheads, like there was a very dispropantante amount of people that were always on drugs. there was this sophomore that was dared by an upperclassman to drink bongwater for $20, he did it and ended up hospitalized from getting sick. there was this one guy that became known as the most hated guy in school for the scummiest shit and did every drug. junior year he got hopsitalized from basically oding on fentanyl and did heroin and coke in school, usually the bathrooms but he'd do lines of coke off his phone in class. senior year, pretty sure he turned 18 by then, he bragged to his ex about fucking a 13 year old girl in guatemala on vacation and sent pics to her of him and the girl together so he's a statutory rapist as well. he had, still does, a lot of anger issues and would threaten people with bb guns. there was a after party on prom night and he got beaten up by the bouncer for pulling out a bb and essentially caused the party to end.
 
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Kiwi Lime Pie

Tasteful in all Spring weather. 🥝
kiwifarms.net
I remember one time in primary school we were painting and because I was about 7, and kids do weird things, I put my hand in the water we used to clean our brushes because my hand felt hot and the water looked nice.
At the same age, I believe, my elementary school's lower grade would go to a dedicated upstairs art room. it wasn't used for any other purpose, and it had no carpeting, so i imagine it made it easier to clean up the messes younger kids would make doing art projects.

I can't remember what we were working on, but it involved watercolor paints. We were required to bring in an old oversized white t-shirt to wear over our uniform to protect us form spills and such. Having read some kid's book that featured a mechanic covered in grease, I proceeded to put some brown/black watercolor randomly on my art shirt just to look like said mechanic.

There was a kid who decided to smoke a blunt in the first floor bathroom of my high school's academics building. Apparently, a teacher or maybe another kid was going to come into the bathroom, so the guy freaks out and tosses the lit blunt into the bathroom trash full of paper towels. The trashcan immediately erupts into flame.
During my freshman year, I was taking a social studies course and our teacher - a rather well-loved older woman who was a very easy teacher, generous grader, and proud owner of a red sports car many students sperged about (especially the rare few that got to ride in it). One morning, she asks if anyone used one of our bathroom passes x number of days earlier. Everyone shrugs and either answers no or that they aren't sure. Apparently, someone set fire in one of the bathroom trash cans at the same time our class met, so every teacher that had a class that hour was asked to identify anyone who might have been using the bathroom at the time of the incident.

Some days later, my teacher reads her daily report - a photocopied document that had information about absences, transfers, and suspensions - and notices a student or two with a suspension code she doesn't recognize. As she would normally do when she didn't recognize a suspension code, she asked me to look it up in my handbook because it listed all the different codes used to identify reasons for suspension. As an example, I still know to this day that frequently-cited code numbers 4 and 11 were for insubordination and unexcused absence from a detention period.

When I looked up the code she gave me, I reported that it was for arson; the culprits had been presumably identified and suspended. I don't recall if she named them or not. I'm thinking she didn't as it would have been a huge privacy violation otherwise - and likely enough to get her fired. I believe she taught another 10-15 years before she finally retired - amazing because my classmates and I thought she looked old enough to be our grandmother and would retire at any time.

my brother almost got the STEM teacher in trouble by along with my cousin putting "bush did 9/11" and "virginity rocks" on the projector on the ceiling without him knowing. his bosses saw it but he doesnt know it was them.
My senior year, the physics teacher had a projector setup where there was a roll of transparent plastic that a teacher could scroll back and forth to review past notes and get more blank space. This was then displayed on a movie screen for maximum readability.

For whatever reason, I decided to go to the projector before class started and I wrote "911 is a joke" on the plastic. Later, our teacher turned on the projector to illustrate a problem. He lowered the screen and read "911 is a joke" out loud, visibly confused and totally clueless as to what it meant and why it was there for everyone to see. When someone finally told him it was the name of a song by Public Enemy, he reacted indifferently and continued with whatever he wanted to show us. He never asked who did it, and I never confessed.
 

Yolandi

Resident Pokemon Go expert
kiwifarms.net
When I was in 8th grade we had a field trip really early in the school year as a "getting to know you" sort of event (even though most of us knew each other from 7th grade. It was still a very nice gesture though.) The trip was to a park close to the school. It was mostly kids stuff so everyone was just walking around, enjoying the nice weather. We still had to conform to the dress code which sucked but *shrug.

There was a group of girls, all friends, who were suspiciously absent on the day of the field trip. They were the stereotypical "bad girls." We figured they didn't want to go on the trip because it was beneath them, "kid stuff" so to speak that they were too grown up to attend. We all get to the park via the school buses and everyone is having fun. Everyone noticed, at some point, the group of girls had shown up. They were all in crop tops that showed their belly buttons, short shorts, makeup, sunglasses and purses (we were discouraged from carrying purses at school for whatever dumb reason) and eating suckers (lollipops) like it was naughty. They were walking around saying hi to everyone just to be seen, and because they hadn't shown up to school and were there on their own, they weren't required to follow the dress code and couldn't technically get in trouble. Their parents allowed them miss school to do this, and we knew this because they didn't get in trouble for cutting school.
 

MysticMisty

kiwifarms.net
Note: I originally wrote this post about three years ago in the Personal Lolcows thread, so if it seems a little familiar that's why.

The final high school principal I had had some odd ideas about school spirit. I only attended one high school, but in four years I had three different principals. The first once lasted through my freshman year but left during the summer break. I have no idea how long he'd been at my school before then. The second one made it through my entire sophomore year, but left halfway through my junior year. I don't know if she was fired, transferred, or just quit but either way after Christmas our new principal was Mr. Purple.

So one day late in the year we were herded into the auditorium for an assembly headed by Mr. Purple personally. So what did he have to tell us that was so important he had to cut every class short for a day? To yell at everyone for wearing black. According to Mr. Purple by wearing black we're insulting the school and all it's staff as well as the sport teams and cheerleaders. He then proceeded to whine about how at his previous school(s) everybody wore the school colors "all the time" but he hadn't witnessed that here. Probably because our colors were mustard yellow and forest green.

I didn't even think there was a high percentage of students wearing black on a daily basis. Sure we had the goth and emo groups, but that was a total of 50 kids at the most. I'd be shocked if there were 100 people wearing black every day, even with a student body near/over 1000. Even 70 seems like a stretch.

So yeah, Mr. Purple managed to yell at the school for about an hour over black. And for all his bitching about black he didn't bother to change the alternative uniforms for the teams/cheerleaders, which were predominately black.

Incidentally Mr. Purple isn't just my name for him, it's what everyone referred to him as in private. He earned this nickname the first few weeks at my school, when someone who didn't know his name yet called him Mr. Purple because of a tie he wore that day. Mr. Purple lost his shit and gave the guy detention. As you can see colors were kind of an issue for him for some reason.
 

kira-kun

twin-spirited furfag autist
kiwifarms.net
I present, the Spanish teacher from Hell

She treated us like actual children in an elementary school. We were not to even get up from our desks to sharpen a fucking pencil without her permission. We could not speak in the classroom unless spoken to, even if the bell had not yet rung. Electronics were disallowed, even before the bell, which was extreme, even for a so-called "phone Nazi". She looked down on all of us because we grew up "privileged" in her mind - she grew up as a dirt poor adoptee living in a foster home with seven other dirt poor adoptees whose birthparents were all crack addicts - and she would do the most exceptional shit just to fuck with people. Like she'd be walking around the room, and see a guy working on his assignment in pen - almost finished, mind you- and stop everyone to tell us not to use pen on this one assignment in particular just so that guy would have to start over. She also had this one little favorite that sat behind me that was dumb as shit - couldn't tell her ass from her elbow, but she made an A because she kissed ass. The bitch would always hold up Little Miss Sunshine as the gleaming spectacle of what her students should be.

The final project was the biggest snafu of the whole thing. First, it was going to be a foldable containing every vocabulary word we'd learned over the semester. Simple enough. Everyone starts, and then we find out we can't use blue as the top color. Those who used blue as their top color must restart. This is one day into the project. Two days in, there's a new development. The teacher won tickets to a Beyonce concert, so the due date will be moved back one school day. On the fourth day, it is revealed that at midnight the previous night the assignment was changed to a children's book. Written entirely in Spanish. 200 words. Illustrated. Same due date: that Monday. Today is Thursday. Fuck you. This causes what I can only describe as a revolt in the classroom. We spent the whole period airing our grievances to the teacher from hell. She did not listen.

As a final act of protest, many of us refused to complete the final assignment, myself included. This actually worked out in our favor. The bitch was required to have a traditional final since 80% of her class had incomplete grades the week before finals were given. In the end, I got my spanish credit, and that was all I really cared about.

So one day late in the year we were herded into the auditorium for an assembly headed by Mr. Purple personally. So what did he have to tell us that was so important he had to cut every class short for a day? To yell at everyone for wearing black. According to Mr. Purple by wearing black we're insulting the school and all it's staff as well as the sport teams and cheerleaders. He then proceeded to whine about how at his previous school(s) everybody wore the school colors "all the time" but he hadn't witnessed that here. Probably because our colors were mustard yellow and forest green.
what if school color is black?
 

Spunt

bwup
kiwifarms.net
My old music teacher got busted (several years after I left) for feeling up boys during the private music lessons he would hold after school. He also had a sizeable stash of CP. Apparently he'd had his way with nearly a hundred kids including several of my classmates.

Thing is, I had dozens of after-school music lessons with him. He never laid a finger on me. In fact I got the impression he hated my guts.

These are the advantages of being a fat, zitty social reject. Not even the pedos want anything to do with you. I don't know whether to be relieved or insulted.
 

Molester Stallone

Trust me, I'm a doctor.
kiwifarms.net
When I was in middle school the assistant principle and I had multiple encounters. Basically, I wouldn't allow the school to punish me. If I received detention, I would go home at the end of the day instead. When it was escalated to ISS, I would skip school. If I was suspended, I would sleep in and eat nachos all day and treat it like a well deserved day off. Needless to say this power hungry bitch hated my guts.

Before I entered high school the principle retired. On my first day as a freshman I was greeted at the door by my old nemesis who had been promoted to principle at the high school. I about shit myself. Within the first week I was dragged into the office at least three times over shit I had nothing to do with. She actually did this to several kids. One day at lunch she was walking through the cafeteria and a fight broke out. She immediately jumped in between the two kids who were fighting. The one kid who seemed to make it his job to get in fights took a step back, realized this bitch was in the way, and just socked her right in the face. She went limp, hit the floor, and the fight continued. I never saw her, or the kid who punched her again.

I was told she was allowed to retire early with full benefits and a really nice pension. I'm sure the kid was expelled. I don't think he was arrested. It was the early/mid 90s and times were quite different.
 

Count groudon

Saltier than Njord's left testicle
kiwifarms.net
When I was in middle school the assistant principle and I had multiple encounters. Basically, I wouldn't allow the school to punish me. If I received detention, I would go home at the end of the day instead. When it was escalated to ISS, I would skip school. If I was suspended, I would sleep in and eat nachos all day and treat it like a well deserved day off. Needless to say this power hungry bitch hated my guts.

Before I entered high school the principle retired. On my first day as a freshman I was greeted at the door by my old nemesis who had been promoted to principle at the high school. I about shit myself. Within the first week I was dragged into the office at least three times over shit I had nothing to do with. She actually did this to several kids. One day at lunch she was walking through the cafeteria and a fight broke out. She immediately jumped in between the two kids who were fighting. The one kid who seemed to make it his job to get in fights took a step back, realized this bitch was in the way, and just socked her right in the face. She went limp, hit the floor, and the fight continued. I never saw her, or the kid who punched her again.

I was told she was allowed to retire early with full benefits and a really nice pension. I'm sure the kid was expelled. I don't think he was arrested. It was the early/mid 90s and times were quite different.
Imagine the look on that poor kids face. He’s getting his ass kicked, and just when he thinks he’s about to be saved, this nigga punches out the principal and proceeds to continue kicking his shit in.
 

berserkerarmor

big man, bigger sword, biggest dick.
kiwifarms.net
@berserkerarmor

What's the story behind the cavewoman getting the LGBT club shut down? It sounds interesting!
god my brother and i's personal lolcow? shes a hoot. i will give a run down on the cavewoman.
1) she is like 6'1 and fat and has an ungodly face.
2) she's in the pit in marching band (aka auxiliary percussion) and tried to run the section despite not being section leader and a lot of people hate her for it.
3) her mom died about 3 years ago right? you know thats sad an all but she brings it up as an excuse for EVERYTHING. legit EVERYTHING. recently she told a teacher that she couldnt do the test because she was sad about her mom. she uses her moms (horrible actually) death as an excuse for everything and its just sad and annoying.
4) tried to get a teacher in trouble for "bringing up religion" during a class discussion about a book they were reading that covers some religious things that was just mentioned by the teacher and not even talked about. (my brother told me this one he was livid)
5) acts like the art room is hers and will legit take your supplies from you and sits at the teachers desk when she has been told not to many times by the art teacher (who doesnt like her either).
6) is the perfect example of a fake lesbian whos SJWy and attention seeking. ex: legit saying she was gonna self harm one day for no reason out of nowhere during art class and we all just looked at her cuz we knew it was bs.
7) legit had a thing on a backpack of hers that was not clear (when its supposed to be) "dont search, just lesbian"
8 ) tries to teach the english class that she tried to get the teacher in trouble in so badly that the teacher legit has told her to be quiet and let her teach (which she cant really go to the school about it she was disrupting)
9) this is a personal experience but: tried to make me her new best friend when she found out i was transgender f2m. i legit was only nice to her because she wouldn't leave me alone. me and my other friend who's f2m avoid her like the plague due to it. we think she would try to get into our pants if she wanted to.
10) tried to tell my brother he was racist for making a beaner joke about himself even though we are latino????

so a friend of mine who is gay wanted to make a LGBT club. there's a lot of us actually despite the southernness of our area and he thought it would be a nice idea so we had a space to talk about things safely. no one is really the extreme SJW types (even the one stray NB person is chill) and we all know each other and we are all friends pretty much. expect. her. HER. the outcasted one for a reason. well, it got approved by the school whatever. yet, the cavewoman wanted to be vice president and since my friend was by default the president he was the president. he did not choose or say she could be it. she went behind his back and begging (manipulated prob) the teacher to let her be it without my friends consent or knowledge. my friends WAS LIVID. period. the club was never fully established because the cave woman legit told MY FRIEND HE WAS NOT REALLY GAY. okay now listen? my friend? he's the gayest man i know. hes a fucking TWINK. yeah when we were kids he dated some girls. me and him came out around the same time. i legit support this kid from hell and back. also he has a fucking boyfriend. this cavewoman who has never been with a woman at all, told HIM he was not gay and also trying to take his job. my friend said "fuck it you have it" and quit. it fell apart because that bitch never did anything with it after that. by then most of the lgbt people in my school knew this had happened and were not gonna join if she was president or even vice. we all knew she was not gay (the whole school knew it which is why my brother dislikes her also) and she had the audacity to call a gay man not gay. so yeah. there's that.
 

Niggernerd

I, Giorno Giovanna, have a dream to lose weight.
kiwifarms.net
I remember this one underclassmen named Mateo, he was a skinny greasy haired weeb that was obsessed with Bruce Lee so much so that he got a bowl hair cut and had a nasty deep voice that just did not fit him.
He was really creepy with one of his peers/ kinda friend who liked me. He would grope her and latch on like a parasite at school.
For awhile I was talking to her because 7.9/10 and got some succ n fucc from her and a bunch of nudes and when this dude found out he went fucking ballistic. He blew up my fb messenger on how I ruined his chance and stole her from him and I just sent "lol" each time and it stopped for awhile.
Later she told me she was bored one weekend and invited him over just to kill time and this dude basically tried molesting her and she pushes him away (beta af so she didn't feel threatened and he was to pussy to continue) it caused him to sperg out "WHY CAN'T I HAVE YOU, WHY DOES OP GET YOU. WHAT DOES HE HAVE THAT I DONT" and replies with "well he's got a nice dick, doesn't smell and he's genuinely nice to be around. You're fucking weird Mateo and you're just so desperate it's disgusting"
After he just gave me stink eye for the rest of the year.
Last day of senior year, we had some freshman in our Comp class (we just played vidya and TCG most of the year since teacher didn't care) one was a furry/brony who drew mlp porn and was just a overall moron.
The morning before that class I just bought a MTG lot from a friend for $5 because why not, and this kid wanted to get into it so I told him "we'll you're in luck my guy, I so happen to have a dark element lot I'm selling that's worth $150 but I'm willing to sell it to you for $50 since its last day of school. This fucking guy takes all the cash he made from commission and hands me it so happily and keeps thanking me. And I just say "no thank you" when I'm leaving I overheard one his friends tell the guy the entire lot is worthless unless they're for upgrading your own deck. and his face just said "dead inside"
 
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Kari Kamiya

Dopey Mew
kiwifarms.net
In either kindergarten or first grade (think it was kindergarten), I accidentally went into the boys' bathroom because some of us were playing with the classroom kickball during recess when we weren't supposed to ('cause privileges or some shit), and it got kicked into a ditch in the schoolyard. One of the boys had to climb in and get it out before the aide could catch us, and to hide our "crime" of playing kickball, we had to wash the dirt off. But I was following the boy to help and he didn't realize it until we were at the sinks, and he hollered at me to get out while some kid at the urinals did a double-take.
 

Yolandi

Resident Pokemon Go expert
kiwifarms.net
In middle school we were allowed to watch a movie about Christopher Columbus that involved native woman who were topless. It wasn't sexualized at all and we didn't have to ask our parents to sign waivers so it really surprised all of the students when there were suddenly breasts on the screen. Despite there being a lot of pervy guys in my class, no one said anything. I thought it was sort of cool that everyone was acting "grown up" about seeing nudity.

We watched the movie in pieces over a few days and when it was over we had a class discussion about it. The teacher (an old woman who was semi-retired) asked the class what they thought of the movie and one of the black kids went, "There were some titties!" and everyone burst out laughing, including the teacher. It was great.
 
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