Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

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DanteAlighieri

I hate commies
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
My college requirements for graduation include taking one elective involving politics. I blindly chose Public Policy Formation, completely unaware that any amount of research would've told me it was the worst possible choice out of the entire catalog if I wanted to just coast. And yet, it ended up being the most fun I had in college thanks to the professor who ran this clown show.

He was a black libertarian prosecution attorney with very... interesting ideas on how to teach his political courses. Every class begins with a discussion on the most recent news, which was basically A&H lite as everyone under the political spectrum argued over each other, with discussions almost always eating into over half of the school period. He would often participate in the squabbles as well with his libertarian opinions, which were borderline sociopathic at times (such as his belief that everyone has a right to destroy themselves with drug addiction and consequently be left on the wayside for their choices, or that it's completely within reason for rich people to argue that they should be taxed less). Once we get to the actual class material, there's so little time remaining that most lectures are just left midway, often without ever being resolved before we moved onto the next material. He didn't seem to really care about the lessons himself anyway, treating both the midterms and finals as more of an afterthought - they were online quizzes with only 10 questions to prove we read the small textbook.

His true love was for group projects - on the first day of class, everyone was required to take a Myers–Briggs personality test and send him the results, to which he'll sort us into groups that will provide the most, uh, "chemistry". We were required to work with this same group until we the end of the semester, so you're stuck with whoever you get. He also happened to be a tough grader, so if your first assignment gets a certain grade, you know you might as well have that stamped across the board for all future assignments. I was put into the same team as a chubby girl, an African-American fellow, and a white nationalist.

Yeah... that's a story for another day.

At the end of every group assignment, he required us to rate each other's performance and not be afraid to snitch, proudly relating this to his time in law school when he sold out one of his teammates who repeatedly failed to uphold their share of the workload. He was also maddeningly vague when I asked for help on defining whether or not a "court-ordered restitution" counts as a federal debt or a private debt; he told me the teacher-friendly equivalent of "figure that shit out for yourself". I also remember him kicking me out of class once, though I've forgotten the specifics on why.

Even so, I and everyone in class (white nationalist included) were fond of him. He was enthusiastic and was full of entertaining stories, of which these are just the few I can remember:
  • He sold his classmate out because he considered his GPA to be like his money, in that he wanted to build it up as much as possible and have it not be messed with by outside factors.
  • His firm focused on investigating prostitutes so he can build up a good enough case to put their pimps behind bars.
  • Even though he was black, he regularly invited himself into white supremacy meetups so he can keep an eye out for any potential trouble brewing.
  • He boasted about his NJ-issued gun permit and how he currently has two guns in his car, which he will not hesitate to use to defend the class in the event of a school shooting (very big talk, but was an appreciated sentiment since Sandy Hook was still fresh at the time).
  • He was open about how he and his mother were the white sheep of the family, with the rest being various flavors of thieves and drug peddlers.
  • During one case where he got a hefty paycheck out of it, his mother (who works as his secretary) accidentally leaked the amount to another family member. Various cousins proceeded to leave their jobs and knock on his door, hoping he'll share the bounty. He refuses to.
  • He was once asked by a black kid looking to become a lawyer about why he's a prosecutor and not a defense attorney. He responded that it's to make sure the right people end up in prison, instead of forever fighting to keep another person out of one.
One last thing about him - at the last day of class, I missed the deadline for submitting the final exam, leaving my grade at a "C". He called me up to the front and asked if I was satisfied with it. I told him no, so he recommended that I later send him a formal request by email to temporarily restore the exam back online. I walked away with a solid "B" to my transcript, and he with a higher ratio of passing students with >80 scores.
That sounds like a great class and professor, and you sound like a freedom hating commie.
 

Pinot Pierrot

The naive one, forever waiting.
kiwifarms.net
That sounds like a great class and professor, and you sound like a freedom hating commie.
He's one of the few teachers I can say I've had the pleasure of ever meeting. He actually helped shape my current attitude towards politics. I've emailed him a couple of times a few months later when the Kavannaugh hearing was in full swing, which we both agreed is a result of Democrats acting in bad faith and is completely baseless.
 
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AnOminous

Really?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
One last thing about him - at the last day of class, I missed the deadline for submitting the final exam, leaving my grade at a "C". He called me up to the front and asked if I was satisfied with it. I told him no, so he recommended that I later send him a formal request by email to temporarily restore the exam back online. I walked away with a solid "B" to my transcript, and he with a higher ratio of passing students with >80 scores.
He sounds based as fuck.
 

Pinot Pierrot

The naive one, forever waiting.
kiwifarms.net
He sounds based as fuck.
That reminds me. As a lawyer himself, he liked to tell everyone to watch out for an attorney's presence on the media; the ones who make a big showing and appear in interviews are idiots in his eyes, as they've shown their hand in how they talk on court and thus are easy to prepare against. It's the quiet ones who've worked for years with nary a peep that scare him the most.

Knowing this, I deliberately asked him for his opinion on Avenatti in the above-mentioned email. Here's his response:
7. I believe that Mr. Avanatti gives our profession a horrible black eye with his attention seeking antics and desire to inject himself into every situation of note. His skills are middling, and frankly his bold statements attempt to paper over his mediocre lawyering. I could say more but as you said, you already know what I think of him. You can fill in the rest.
 

MysticMisty

kiwifarms.net
Merry Christmas, Kiwis! My gift to the Farms is the tale of my mainstreamed classmate from fourth grade. He had a rather stereotypical dumb redneck look to him so he'll be Billybob. There was a lot of shit that went down with Billybob so I'll go with the most memorable stuff.

So the first thing to note about Billybob is that he caused enough problems early in the year to be permanently assigned to the group cluster in the very front by the teacher's desk. While everyone else would periodically shove their desks around to form different groups around the room, Billybob always had the same group, in the same spot facing the teacher's desk so she could even make sure he was doing his work.

Another thing is that there's a zero percent chance he grew up to pass as normal. Like, not even close. Even if you just thought he was a dumb, stereotypical redneck it'd take about a minute of actual interaction to realize he has the 'tism. Even though he technically is high functioning to do shit like dress himself and not shit himself, socially and mentally he was pretty fucking exceptional and I doubt that's changed.

One day Billybob asks the teacher mid-lecture if he can go to the water fountain. The teacher gives him the go ahead and he left the class. The weird thing was that he never came back, because that year the water fountain was right next to the class door. Even if you were really thirsty you wouldn't be gone long at all. So after two or three minutes the teacher more than suspects Billybob is up to something and sticks her head out the door. Next thing we know she left the room completely, but we hear her confronting Billybob. A few seconds later they're both back, the teacher is pissed at Billybob, and Billybob is pissed the teacher caught him doing whatever.

Our teacher tells us to take out whatever text book and work on page blah blah blah. Then she takes Billybob back to his desk. Now, at this point in the year I've been rotated to Billybob's group cluster. I sat right next to him, even. So even though I was supposed to be doing shit I'm doing it slowly and quietly to listen to the teacher quietly yell at Billybob (as are the other kids who have been rotated there alongside me).

It turned out that instead of drinking like a normal person, Billybob was doing something akin to a dog or cat lapping up water. Only instead of moving his tongue, he was flinging his entire head back as he did so. My teacher came to the conclusion that Billybob was trying to fling water across the hall for some reason. Something else to know about Billybob: he was a really shitty liar and if you confronted him about something that he was going to lie about, all he'd do is say no, and get really, really mad. Red in the face, furrowed eyebrows, the whole bit. And that was exactly what he did when the teacher asked if he was trying to fling water across the hall.

The teacher promised to have a talk about this whole thing with his assigned handler in the sped room, and the next they rather obviously decided that Billybob couldn't be trusted in the hall anymore because now when he wanted to get a drink the teacher would stop what she was doing to escort him out to the hall, supervise his drinking, and bring him back. But that wasn't all, because when he wanted to go to the bathroom, the teacher picked a random guy to escort him to the bathroom and back, and supervise him in the bathroom itself too.

When they came back Billybob went back to his seat looking extremely pissed, while my classmate talked to the teacher. Turned out Billybob cussed the kid out in the bathroom, said he didn't need to be supervised for bad behavior, he'd do whatever the fuck he'd want, and so on. This time the teacher didn't fuck around and just called his personal handler to the class, and had my classmate repeat everything he told my teacher. Then his handler escorted him to the office.

After that day when Billybob needed to use the bathroom, the teacher would not only pick a random male classmate, but she'd walk with them to the bathroom and wait outside the door in order to better prevent incidents in the future. This was something that went on for the rest of the year, and I sometimes wonder if it continued in fifth grade, too.

One day while I was still in Billybob's group the teacher announced our latest art project. We were to draw any underwater scene we wanted in crayon on construction paper. When we'd finish she'd brush blue paint on it to give it an underwater appearance. The only stipulations were that it had to be completely underwater, we could not paint the pictures ourselves for some reason(my theory for that is it gave her some sort of control over us that she enjoyed), and that rather obviously we couldn't use the dark blue or black construction paper.

We select our paper and get started, and the first thing that happens is that Billybob, of course, took the dark blue paper, though the teacher didn't confront him immediately (probably she wanted to wait until the painting part to yell at him for it). We were enjoying ourselves, having fun, lighthearted conversation that Billybob was ignoring as he worked. His picture was an absolute mess of lines all over the place. The fact that he was rotating the paper constantly as he worked made it impossible to tell which end was what, even. And since he took the dark blue paper it was also impossible to tell if he used any color beside black and grey.

Curiosity finally got the better of us and we asked what he was drawing. Billybob said it was an oil rig. I just had to take his word for it, it looked that bad. He went on to say that he was going to tell the teacher which half to paint because the other half stuck out of the water. So not only did he ignore the bit about the paper, he ignored almost all the instructions altogether about the project. Someone gently tried to tell him that the entire thing is supposed to be underwater and Billybob yelled "shut up!" We stopped talking to him after that in case the teacher thought we were deliberately provoking him and continued on with our work.

And yes, the teacher gave him hell for taking the blue paper and drawing something that wasn't supposed to be completely underwater.

Early in December the teacher announced we'd all be participating in a class-wide Secret Santa. Only books were allowed, and only chapter books. They also had to be gender neutral (though many people ignored this) and Goosebumps were forbidden since they were controversial among some parents.

On the last day before Christmas break I and everyone else brought in our wrapped books and during the class party at the end of the day we exchanged gifts. I was hanging out with my friends, and we were enjoying ourselves, when Billybob approached one of my friends. With a stupid smile he announced to her he got her the best book based on the best movie of the year as he handed her a suspiciously thin gift. She opened it and sure enough, he ignored the teacher's explicit instructions and got her a picture book. But not just any picture book. It was the official picture book adaptation of Space Jam. Yes, really.

My friend smiled and thanked him, and when Billybob had walked away the conversation turned to the fact that he had given a fucking picture book as a gift. We couldn't decide if he deliberately ignored the teacher and picked it out himself, or just told his parents he had to give a book and they went with that because they had a very low impression of fourth graders thanks to Billybob.

As we were talking the teacher came up to us when she saw the Space Jam picture book. She looked at my friend and asked for confirmation that Billybob was her Secret Santa. She confirmed that he was, and when we were leaving after the bell rang the teacher told Billybob she needed to talk to him right now after class. I was dying to hang around outside the class to hear her yell at them, but I was afraid the teacher would catch me and I'd get in trouble. Also I really wanted to go home and start my Christmas vacation. I'm sure she tore him a new one, though.
 

millais

The Yellow Rose of Victoria, Texas
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
One last thing about him - at the last day of class, I missed the deadline for submitting the final exam, leaving my grade at a "C". He called me up to the front and asked if I was satisfied with it. I told him no, so he recommended that I later send him a formal request by email to temporarily restore the exam back online. I walked away with a solid "B" to my transcript, and he with a higher ratio of passing students with >80 scores.
Talking about missing final exams, one time I completely missed a final exam for a course because I incorrectly transcribed the date and time onto my calendar. I was actually kicking ass in that course, getting the highest score in all the preliminary exams and midterm and even getting commended by the professors for my papers (even though I was hazily quoting from books and papers I hadn't read in years), so I thought they would let me sit the exam a day late and I wrote a grovelling letter to the professors to that effect. But the one professor was a mega-bitch and said she was so disappointed that I had skipped the exam and refused to let me take it, so I had to take the zero and it dropped my score from like A+ to C-.

That almost gave me a heart attack, but as luck would have it, I remembered that after the first preliminary exam in the semester, I had actually amended my registration for that course to be pass-fail instead of taking the grade, since the professors scared the shit out of the students by informing us that the first exam scores were abysmally low and everyone needed to study way harder. I had panicked and switched to pass-fail because up to that point, I had been slacking, thinking the course would be one of my "blow-off" courses for the semester. At the time, I thought I was an idiot for switching to pass-fail because when the first preliminary exam scores finally became public, I had almost gotten a perfect score. But the pass-fail ended up being useful in the end because of that zero on the final exam.

And on the topic of course registration, I remember one time, I signed up for a seminar-style course taught by a professor that my friend had highly recommended. The first lecture was quite promising and I was very much looking forward to the rest, but immediately after the first lecture when I rushed over to the library stacks with the reading list in hand to quickly grab all the books before anyone else could get them, I found like the entire class already there, fighting over the necessary books. Unfortunately the books were too obscure to pirate, too expensive to buy, and the library copies already taken by the time I had got there, so I ended up dropping the course the next day on that basis alone.

And also on the topic of hard-to-get course material, I was always sharing my pirated textbooks and other materials with the other students in my classes whenever I signed up for a course. Everyone was always grateful for the free books, but one time I was in a "blow-off" course about WW2 French cinema, and none of the other students in the class could figure out how to watch the pirated films I was offering them. They were all on Apple ecosystem and couldn't figure out how to install VLC I guess, so they all ended up renting the films from Netflix like chumps. Everything about that class was a joke: the students, the professor, the subject matter. The course was originally exclusively taught in French, but too few people were signing up for it, so the French department had to give it up and offer it in English. However, the professor, who had a Jew surname and brash New York City accent, couldn't get over the fact that the department had stripped him of his opportunity to wax loquacious in French about French cinema, so he would regularly "lapse" back into French during his lectures to the annoyance of the students who couldn't understand French. He was such a phony; he would do this thing where he would struggle to recall the English translation of a French word, as if he was more familiar with French than English. But he would often do it with the most obvious French-English cognate; I remember distinctly one day he made a big show of struggling to find the English word for "repulsé", which is just "repulsed".

And on the topic of professors lapsing back into languages they were not supposed to be using for the medium of instruction, one time I took a seminar that the department demanded be explicitly taught in English, both for the lecture/discussion and the written material. But as all the English-speakers gradually started dropping out over the course of the semester, I noticed the professors and students began abandoning English to the point that the only English left was the side-by-side printed translation in the assigned reading. I stuck to it until the end since they still had to accept and grade my papers in English, but found myself with less and less to say in the seminar discussion as the language of instruction started to shift outside of my comfort zone.
 

I'mFedupWithThisWorld

Done With All this Liberal Bullshit
kiwifarms.net
I didn't participate in our senior prank but it was exceptionally lame. I think they just took plastic utensils from the cafeteria and shoved them all facing upwards in the grass around campus. I'm pretty sure if you got caught doing that you wouldn't even get punished.
Wait. . .Did you happen to go to my high school?
 

Broseph

Assistant Mana-Jerk @ Mal-Wart
kiwifarms.net
The cringiest thing I ever did in high school was attempt to do a pull up on the chin up bar in gym class when I was in the 9th grade, but of course I couldn't do it because back then I was a hopelessly out of shape nerd who never did anything "athletic" besides ride my bike around town. Hell even the short AF manlets still managed to do at least one pull up. When the other kids at school heard about it and asked me if it was true that I couldn't even do one pull up, I just played it cool and denied everything.

And since I'm on the topic of 9th grade, there was this very weird kid named Justin who only attended my school for one year. He always wore the same black jeans and red and white Starter jacket every single day and he NEVER talked to anyone, ever. He would always sit by himself at lunch and if anyone ever tried to be friendly and talk to him he would just ignore them by burying his head in his backpack and pretend to be asleep. The weirdest thing he did was he would always be running to his next class when inbetween periods (the buildings at my school were divvied up like a college campus) so while everyone else would be walking to class, he was always sprinting across the parking lot at top speed like an autistic Speedy Gonzales. One time some of the dumbass hick kids thought it would be funny if they tried blocking him by standing in his path to see what he would do, but he just ran up this huge seven foot tall snow pile at the edge of the parking lot and jumped down and ran inside. He never came back to my school after freshman year and I have no idea what happened to him, just hope he's doing ok wherever he is now.
 
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Kiwi Lime Pie

The tasteful winter treat. 🥝🥧🐈
kiwifarms.net
Talking about missing final exams, one time I completely missed a final exam for a course because I incorrectly transcribed the date and time onto my calendar. I was actually kicking ass in that course, getting the highest score in all the preliminary exams and midterm and even getting commended by the professors for my papers (even though I was hazily quoting from books and papers I hadn't read in years), so I thought they would let me sit the exam a day late and I wrote a grovelling letter to the professors to that effect. But the one professor was a mega-bitch and said she was so disappointed that I had skipped the exam and refused to let me take it, so I had to take the zero and it dropped my score from like A+ to C-.
In my final semester of college, a date book that started with Monday as the first day instead of Sunday led to my own incorrect transcription of the deadline to submit one class' final assignment for the semester. Once the professor and I got over our initial shock of me turning in an assignment uncharacteristically late and my own realization I misrecorded the date, he accepted my assignment and I kept the A.

I think part of his accepting the late assignment as if it was timely was partly because: (1) The class was a special topics course where professors get evaluated on how many people both take and pass it to determine if the topic should be offered again in future semesters, and (2) I had the reputation for actively participating, interacting with classmates, and doing well on the few graded assignments we had during the semester. The class had less than 10 students, so the professor had a vested interest in making sure we all passed because most classes with that few students enrolling normally got canceled. Instead, he got permission to treat it like an honors course which gave us more leeway and flexibility with both the type of assignments we worked on and how we were graded..

The cringiest thing I ever did in high school was attempt to do a pull up on the chin up bar in gym class when I was in the 9th grade, but of course I couldn't do it because I was a scrawny weak nerd who never did anything "athletic" besides ride my bike around town. Hell even the short AF manlets still managed to do at least one pull up. When the other kids at school heard about it and asked me if it was true that I couldn't even do one pull up, I just played it cool and denied everything.
We had similar fitness testing in 8th grade, possibly to prepare us for the fitness testing performed in high school PE. I believe that anyone who scored above the "average range" for at least one of the tested areas received both a certificate and a pin recognizing them as recipients of the Presidential Physical Fitness Award, or something similar. While girls got to do the bent arm hang, boys had to do pull-ups.

A classmate I'll call "Kyle", despite being tall for our class, had zero interest in anything involving physical activity or athletics. The only athletic activity I can recall Kyle ever doing during his time at our K-8 school was maybe dodge ball in 4th grade, minimal participation in the annual spring jog-a-thon, and his cursory efforts in PE class to get the minimal grades he needed to bring home a mark of "Satisfactory" in the lower grades and the equivalent of a C once we hit grades 7 and 8.

As a result, it wasn't surprising Kyle did zero pull-ups and earned himself a bit of teasing from the guys that teased anyone for anything. TBH, I seem to recall Kyle not even trying to do a pull-up; I believe he held on the bar at the teacher's insistence, but then let go instead of trying once she told him to begin. Yes, he literally refused to try to do a single pull-up.

As an ironic twist, our 8th grade PE teacher crossed paths with him a short time after he graduated high school. She claimed that he had turned a new leaf and was now some sort of health and fitness nut. If that really was true, I'd love to know what prompted that change in attitude.
(E: Spelling and clarity)
 
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saralovesjuicyfruit

kiwifarms.net
In 7th grade, there was a new girl at our school. With only about 150 kids per grade at my middle school, it was easy to tell when there was a new face in your classes, plus, this girl stuck out like a sore thumb; she smelled horrible. It was clear she practically never showered, her hair was always extremely greasy, and she almost always wore the same clothes. I forget where she moved from, somewhere out of state. She was not very socially-skilled and pretty weird. We had digital clocks in the halls and she claimed she had never seen one before. I forget how she came to kind of try to hover around my friend group. We all kind of wished she wouldn't but we were too polite to say so. I think she thought I was 'cool' because I had the scene/emo aesthetic that was popular at the time and I was an InuYasha fan (don't judge). One day when I had to ride the bus home I figured out she actually lived fairly close to me, in a trailer park across the highway that ran behind my neighborhood. I was very careful to make sure she didn't figure out where I lived. She would try to initiate hanging out outside of school and I always gently shut that suggestion down.

We had several school dances every year and my friends and I pretty much always went to each one. At one of the dances, she also showed up. At one point in the night she cornered me in this alcove, grabbed my forearm, and was trying to convince me I had 'the mark of the demon' because of this little freckle pattern I had in one spot. I don't know if she thought I would think that was cool, or something, but after that my friends and I pretty much dropped being polite/tolerant toward her, and she stopped hovering around us.

However, during the next school year, she got some idea to write me this "death threat/evil eye curse" letter and put it in my locker. I guess she was bragging about it in some class that day and the girl whose locker was next to mine let me know, and even saw her slip it through the locker vent. I took the note to the school counselor and I guess she dealt with it from there.

I never saw that girl around again after 8th grade. I don't know if she moved or what, but she wasn't at our high school (thankfully).
 

Broseph

Assistant Mana-Jerk @ Mal-Wart
kiwifarms.net
Since I posted some cringy stories about myself from my school days, I figured I should talk about some of the freaks and weirdos I went to school with, sorry for the long posts!

There was this kid Matt that I was briefly friends with in middle school. I knew him as an acquaintance at first but we became friends in the 7th grade after my best friend at the time moved away.

Despite being in junior high, Matt still had the appearance of a kindergartner and he spoke in a very high pitched squeaky voice that made him sound like a chipmunk.

Since Matt still looked and acted like a six year old, he always loved being an obnoxious and annoying little shit. Matt also had terrible grammar and penmanship, as one time in class he actually wrote "dijijeymon sucks" on my folder in an attempt to insult me, to which I just laughed at his pathetic dumbassery.

I should mention that Matt was not a very bright student by any means. He obviously had a lot of learning problems since he struggled to keep up in every class except biology since he loved learning about nature and animals, but he literally flunked everything else with straight F's on his report card since he never turned in homework or studied for tests. I remember one time my social studies teacher chewed him out in front of everyone since he was the only kid in the whole class who didn't do a simple homework assignment, not that he cared.

I'm sure Matt's untreated learning problems probably stemmed from the fact that he came from the most stereotype dirt poor redneck family ever, so he obviously inherited a few bad genes from his white trash parents.

Halfway thru the school year I had kinda stopped talking to Matt and I wasn't hanging out with him anymore. I don't remember why but I just didn't really talk to him much by then, and since Matt pretty much flunked the 7th grade he was held back a year but they moved him into the little "special class" where he was isolated from the rest of the school, along with all the other autistic mongo's and delinquents they kept locked up in there.

Matt's loser family actually moved away when I still in middle school but I didn't even notice until several months after the fact due to him being confined to the little 'tard room. This is relevant because several years later when I was in high school, I had to take a summer class to make up for failing algebra because my teacher was a dick (a story for another time) and I ended up taking the class at a different high school a few towns over, which just so happened to be the same school that that Matt kid had been attending.

This was a fairly large school that actually had a lot of kids taking night classes so I only bumped into Matt a couple times, and I was quite shocked at how he hadn't changed at all since the 7th grade. He still looked like he was six years old and he still had that stupid fucking squeaky chipmunk voice, I swear to god the fucking kid never hit puberty in the four or so years that I had last seen him.

Despite going to the same place for summer school, I didn't actually talk to Matt the few times I saw him there because as I previously mentioned I didn't even talk to him anymore when I was still in middle school. The only "interaction" I had with him was on the first day attending night class when I caught him staring daggers at me when I walked by as he was talking to his dumb buddies, and then I heard him squeak out "where da hell is English class!?" when I brushed past him in the hallway.

This was over fifteen years ago and I still wonder whatever happened to him since he was too stupid and incompetant to hold down a job and support himself, I wonder if he ended up in a group home or something since he would be in his early 30's by now.

Now I want to talk about this kid Tony I knew in high school.

Tony was a very lanky, dimwitted, acne-ridden weeb who had the IQ of a pile of rocks. He always wore very tight skinny jeans (way before that became "cool") that were at least three sizes too small for him which made him look even lankier, since the cuffs of his pants always ended above his ankles. He also claimed to be "part-Japanese" despite the fact that there was nothing remotely Asian about him at all. I remember he would pull a bottle of acne skin care lotion out of his backpack and actually apply it on his face in the middle of class without the teacher ever noticing.

One time in computer class we were discussing DBZ and whether or not it was actually possible to turn "Super Saiyan". Tony kept insisting that it was possible for people to reach a "Super Saiyan-like state" by focusing all of your chi or something so he clenched his fists and concentrated as hard as he could for about thirty seconds, his face turning an extremely deep shade of red until he released an extremely loud fart, which resulted in my friends and I falling out of our chairs from laughing.

He eventually got into "smoking weed" (I'm using that very loosely here) and listening to rap and switched to wearing baggy pants as he transitioned into a wigger phase before he abruptly disappeared from school about halfway thru the 10th grade.

I never found out what happened to him but I could totally picture him going to trade school to learn how to become an electrician or a mechanic, but he would probably accidentally electrocute himself or get crushed by a car that he was working on because he was that fucking dumb.
 
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Count groudon

Saltier than Njord's left testicle
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Used to know a kid in elementary school who could fart on command. We'd egg him on to do it when the teacher was talking. Eight year old us thought it was the funniest thing ever.

Also knew a kid named Jimmy back then who would fly into a complete tard rage if someone called him Jimbo Bimbo. Another kid if he got mad at you would insult you by calling you a Ninja Turtle.
I’m totally stealing that Ninja Turtle thing, it’s fucking magnificent.

“get the fuck outta here you ninja turtle ass cocklicker!”
 

Grinrow

Underground
kiwifarms.net
The first time I ever learned about racism ever being a thing was in grade 3 when I was playing soccer with my friends. For what ever reason there was this really tall bitchy lanky black chick that was threatening to tell on us for something I cant remember. One of my friends being the cheeky fucker he was called her black spaghetti because her hair looked like burnt spaghetti. For the rest of the afternoon the principle lectured us about racism and why its wrong.
 

Gog & Magog

I am at work in the Middle East.
kiwifarms.net
I knew a boy in Elementary with an extra finger on each hand. Fully opposable, even had specially made gloves for those additional digits. I and all the other kids in his class found them fascinating. I remember wondering how awkward it must have been to flip someone off with two fingers.
 

Constellationzero

kiwifarms.net
When I was in high school during the early 1990s, we had this English assignment where you had to write about a historical person. This guy from my graduating class (different hour English but same teacher) turned in the lyrics from that Iron Maiden song Alexander the Great and he got an A plus for it. Teacher had no idea. He just copied the lyrics word for word.
 

PururinSenpai

Consume the Coom Chalice
kiwifarms.net
In my tenth grade drama class, I knew this kid who was /pol/tard (whether he was joking about it or not I have no idea since he sounded super serious about it.) He'd sometimes show up to class drunk on moonshine and even stumbled his way over to my house one night drunk as shit. Luckly no one answered the door and I later found out afterwards that he'd passed out in a ditch somewhere and was driven home in a cop car.
 

Autumnal Equinox

Dancing Republican vampire
kiwifarms.net
In high school, there was this one kid who kept acting like he was some hardcore druggie, but it was clear as day he was full of shit and didn't have the first clue what the hell he was talking about. We used to fuck with him. My friend and I sold him a red M&M that had the M licked off for $10 telling him it was Ecstasy. He popped it and spent the next three hours acting like he was euphoric. Another group of people got him to smoke catnip telling him it was primo weed.
 

Broseph

Assistant Mana-Jerk @ Mal-Wart
kiwifarms.net
In high school, there was this one kid who kept acting like he was some hardcore druggie, but it was clear as day he was full of shit and didn't have the first clue what the hell he was talking about. We used to fuck with him. My friend and I sold him a red M&M that had the M licked off for $10 telling him it was Ecstasy. He popped it and spent the next three hours acting like he was euphoric. Another group of people got him to smoke catnip telling him it was primo weed.
I had a friend in high school who knew someone that did the same thing with some kid on his bus, only they took a plastic baggie and filled it up with grass and crushed up twigs and sold it to the kid as a bag of "weed" for like $20, and then the next day the kid said "that was some good shit" he sold him.
 
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