Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

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tasty humane burger

hokey cokey, pig in a pokey!
kiwifarms.net
Funny story.

One of my friends used to have a bunch of us over and we would drink shit loads of vodka from like 6pm onwards until we crashed out on her living room floor. One time I drank waay too much and spent the next morning experiencing my first proper hangover and I ran into her garden to be sick. After I puked, I sat down to get some air. It was heavily raining. As I sat there, her next door neighbour came out for a smoke. It was one of the school lab technicians who was well respected. I knew he wouldn't care that I was in such a state as he had literally seen us drunk in her garden before. But, following him, was this arsehole teacher I really hated and who I knew would be a snidey about this. What's worse, I had him first period Monday. They said hello and I stammered some pleasantries to them before running inside embarrassed.

This teacher is worthy of his own post in this thread for being completely unhinged and psychotic. He would slag off anyone and everyone. Lucky for me, I was one of his favourites, so I got off easy. I walked into his class first thing Monday morning and he announced to everyone that he saw me the day before, sitting in my soaking wet pyjamas beside a puddle of my own sick suffering from the 'jakey shakes'. He brought it up at almost every opportunity, if I passed him in the corridor he would allude to it. It was truly mortifying.

The same friends parents were also friends with married teachers from my school. They were probably two of the best teachers at the school and I was taught by both of them in my senior phase. I was invited to one of their family parties in the last few months of my school days and shared a bottle of wine with them and my friend. It was great.
 

Brain Power

Go away... Leave me alone...
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One time, my school gave activity booklets to some classes, and the first page had a disclaimer saying something like this: "We've tried to make this book as gender-neutral as possible, but since spanish uses masculine as neutral, we're forced to use that. We're sorry if someone gets offended". I was around 10-11 years old, and my reaction to that was, and still is: "Wut? Who wrote this shit?"
 

slimes

lava lamp of secrets
True & Honest Fan
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I'm pretty sure my senior class was the class that got pranks banned after they released chickens into the school.

There was also this guy who wore the exact same pair of Tripp pants every day to school for the entire year, and the girl who cosplayed Yuna for her school ID picture. She came to school in cosplay decently often, but I think she dropped out. I kinda wonder what she's up to now considering the insanity she got up to when we were classmates.

Most of the shit that happened was so long ago that I have a little trouble remembering... I know we duct taped a freshman to the wall when we were given the chance to decorate for spirit week. He was cool with it, it was funny, and the teachers had a fit.
 

ForgedBlades

Milled wedges.
kiwifarms.net
Was thinking about this yesterday and had a good chuckle.

Our friend group had this borderline sped orbiter going back to grade school. He was dumb as a post and extremely gullible. Senior year my buddy and I had lunch with him.

I don't even remember how it started, but we were somehow able to convince him that my buddy's grandfather fought in WWII for the country of "Gerussia" which was aligned with the Axis. Once the bait was taken we spent a month playing off each other, regaling the kid with absurd lore we created completely off the cuff about the history of this fake country; details about its monarchy, its economy, its occupation during the war, and it's eventual collapse. I think my favorite day was when he sat down and told us that he asked a teacher about it, who told him it was fake. We had to talk him out of it by creating this elaborate conspiracy theory that the Kennedy administration wiped its existence out of the history books during the Cold War.

Speaking of teachers, I can't believe I haven't told this story before.

The guy who taught freshman American history at the time was the football coach. Saying that this guy was the epitome of a dumb jock is an insult to dumb jocks. In my 31 years on this earth, I can honestly say this man was the stupidest person I have ever come across. How he was able to obtain a degree and a teaching certification speaks volumes about the education system in America.

During football season he would show a movie every Friday so he could spend the day going over the playbook or strategy or whatever for that night's game. They weren't even educational films, but football movies. I remember we watched Remember the Titans at least twice that year.

Anyway, one movie day he calls me up to his desk. I was generally his go to guy because the rest of the class gave him a run for his money in the IQ department. He's holding a receipt. He tells me he bought lunch for the eight people in the social studies department and wanted to know how to calculate how much each person owed him. I was confused, thinking it was some kind of prank. I grabbed the calculator in front of him and said, "Uhh... well, you just take the total down here at the bottom and divide it by 8." .

Dude looks up at me with this expression like I just split the atom and deserved every single Nobel Prize for this unprecedented mathematical discovery.

Guy was a real winner.
 
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soft breathing

i'm a tired piece of shit.
kiwifarms.net
I'll just quote a story from school I've already posted in the autism you've witnessed IRL thread for shits & giggles since it fits here and someone might get a chuckle out of it because of it's absurdity.

I have another story from like 8th grade.

Short back story:

We always had one day in December where the whole school would go either swimming, skiing, ice skating, hiking etc.

This was also the age where people thought drinking alcohol was cool. A lot of people were already used to beer etc. (keep in mind - this happened in Germany back then, kids are allowed to drink at 16 here, so someone drinking a beer at 14 wasn't a big deal) And since we went with younger and older kids, someone always had something alcoholic on them they spread through the class.

Now the real story:

There was this kid who was like 15ish and always seemed slightly exceptional. Short for his age, always fidgety, in hindsight he was probably on ADHD pills or something. And he always tried to mingle with the "big" kids and be a cool and tough guy.

Well, someone brought a bottle of Jaegermeister and the kid fucking BEGGED them to let him take a sip or two once we arrived at the indoor swimming pool. So they let him drink a bit, it wasn't much really from what I saw.

And then the kid jumped into the water, seemed totally fine, swam around for a bit and then all hell broke lose.

It seems like whatever meds he was taking didn't mix well with even the slightest amount of alcohol plus him being a short, skinny fuck also didn't do him any favors... And he started to throw up violently. Everywhere around him into the water. People were screaming, running out of the water, nobody wanted to jump into the puke-water to save him from drowning since it seemed like he passed out, it was complete madness.

Well. It ended with one of the pool guards jumping into the water and him being brought to the hospital. The swimming pool and day was ruined for everyone. And we never had one of those special days in December anymore. The kids who gave him alcohol also got suspended from school for over a month.

I've never seen him around on the same school again - since Facebook etc wasn't a thing back then I don't know if he changed schools or what happened to him.
 

Sigma

Eighteen Inches
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
When I was in middle school, I was interested in parkour esque maneuvers which meant mostly jumping down stairs and going places I wasn't supposed to. One time when I was in one of those moods, I jumped over the side of a railing and almost landed on a adult's head. I probably wouldn't have heard the end of it if I did so I decided to cut back on it from then on.
 

Kideo Hojima

Sleepytime Chicken Connoisseur
kiwifarms.net
There are plenty of wild school stories I have and while I won't go into detail for most of them, some honorable mentions include:
- A popular kid in my year who acted like every single gay stereotype rolled into one despite being straighter than a ruler. He'd always be the lead role in any school made musical and was known to be a person who thought he was better than everybody else. The strangest thing was, however, whenever there would be a minor inconvenience his way he would bawl his eyes out. I end up hiding his trashy YA novel once? Instant tears. His voice cracks during a high note in the musical? Tears. Come to think of it, any musical I participated in was kind of cringy.
- I originally wanted to take German as a language course in middle school. (You were allowed to take either that, Italian or Spanish.) Instead of a nice teacher for my class, I find out that she's been placed on maternity leave and we instead got some old Russian lady in her sixties. Her accent was so thick that most of the class couldn't understand her and we slowly turned said class into a chaotic mess. Whenever she'd lose control of the class, she'd blurt out "I cannot take it anymore/ no more!" Oddly enough, she never did report us.
- In 4th grade, someone asked me how to determine a snake's gender. I said something along the lines of "a boy has a penis, a girl does not." and my 4th grade teacher overheard me and scolded me for using such an inappropriate word.
- That one fat sped in high school who lived with his grandparents who was caught allegedly jerking it to and nutting on pictures of girls from our year. He didn't show up for two weeks after the video leaked online.
 
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FuckedUp

Dinner Blaster
kiwifarms.net
- I originally wanted to take German as a language course in middle school. (You were allowed to take either that, Italian or Spanish.) Instead of a nice teacher for my class, I find out that she's been placed on maternity leave and we instead got some old Russian lady in her sixties. Her accent was so thick that most of the class couldn't understand her and we slowly turned said class into a chaotic mess. Whenever she'd lose control of the class, she'd blurt out "I cannot take it anymore/ no more!" Oddly enough, she never did report us.
Did you have my 10th grade chemistry teacher? Her losing it and going on a tirade about how bad we were always made my week :)
 

Kideo Hojima

Sleepytime Chicken Connoisseur
kiwifarms.net
Did you have my 10th grade chemistry teacher? Her losing it and going on a tirade about how bad we were always made my week :)
There weren't a lot of teachers during my school life that wailed about the woes of dealing with hyperactive children who clearly didn't want to be there. (Tip: If you hate children, do NOT become a public school educator.)
I do recall my middle school band director assistant (an overweight lady who kind of looked like a lesbian) screeching out "STOP. TALKIIIING!!!!" whenever we were just quietly chatting among ourselves. Come to think of it, she was kind of a mean old hag. (She would also give a few tirades about how "mean" we were being and saying it was gonna be our faults if we slipped up during a concert. Something about making us look bad?)
During a winter concert, the band members had to sit in the back of the auditorium and watch all of the other musical clubs go first and perform because we were the last act. If she caught you sleeping or not paying attention to the main act, she'd hiss in your ear about how disrespectful you were or something for some other reason. One time, she saw me read a book during choir and she stomped over and snatched it out of my hands. I don't know what she said to me exactly but I think it was along the lines of "Don't be rude, give them your full attention. Show some respect."
The look on her face when I reached into my book stash below my seat (I was an avid reader at the time.) was priceless. She almost had an aneurysm on the spot and instead just fucked off.
 
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Disheveled Human

Imagine Jerking off to Japanese mens art
kiwifarms.net
I had watched several cartoons in my time as a kid and thought it would be funny to do the old "before someone sits down on a chair to swipe the chair away" so they fall on their ass. Well I reenacted this trope and the poor kid dropped on his ass on a hard floor. I didn't get in too much trouble and the kid seemed fine but I still feel bad about it to this day.

In highschool I used to pick on this chubby kid in gym class and coined the nickname for him "Cone Tits" which was an instant hit with the rest of the class. I later felt really bad about it when I found out I had things in common with the person we both played Counter-Strike and Baldurs gate. We never made amends and still feel awful about it to this day.

Long story short I'm good at being an asshole but now only use it for defensive purposes most of the time.
 
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Duncan Hills Coffee

Awakes you from a thousand deaths
kiwifarms.net
- A popular kid in my year who acted like every single gay stereotype rolled into one despite being straighter than a ruler. He'd always be the lead role in any school made musical and was known to be a person who thought he was better than everybody else. The strangest thing was, however, whenever there would be a minor inconvenience his way he would bawl his eyes out. I end up hiding his trashy YA novel once? Instant tears. His voice cracks during a high note in the musical? Tears. Come to think of it, any musical I participated in was kind of cringy.
Are you sure he wasn't just pretending to be straight? Because that sounds pretty gay.
 

Kideo Hojima

Sleepytime Chicken Connoisseur
kiwifarms.net
Are you sure he wasn't just pretending to be straight? Because that sounds pretty gay.
We didn't talk much so I'll never know. I did hear rumors that he had a few girlfriends and the relationships were short. For all I know he could've been a beard even though my school was extremely tolerant/wouldn't care.
 

CrystalRoserade

Local Weeb Translator
kiwifarms.net
Had a classmate who legitimately thought he was some kind of cat demon, a witch, and a dragon. Said classmate was also a wannabe emo, complete with hating his family and wanting to go to Hot Topic. He even hissed at people. He was that exceptional. People loved messing with him because of how he'd react, which usually consisted of him throwing a major shitfit.
I had him in my US History class and a few of my English classes, plus we went to the same elementary and middle school. My last interactions with him were in Junior year. I did see him Senior year, but we barely interacted. Most of my interactions with him were me telling him to cut it out with his shitty attitude, with a little bit of genuinely playful teasing. Also, he hated nicknames with a burning passion, even if they weren't intended as insults.
Also, said English classes were IEP (Think Special Ed but higher functioning. Basically a diet version of the regular classes.) I never learned what sort of learning or social disability he had, but I have a feeling it was either some kind of autism, or schizotypal personality disorder, or a combination of the two, since he lacked any real social grace. Fairly intelligent, just a bit of a delusional asshole at times..

I also had a classmate who was a redneck, complete with racism. He did get his ass kicked by a black guy who was known to be a bit of a hothead, once. Said black guy was also a total asshole, but that's beside the point.

As for something related to me, I used to have trouble chewing due to having a bad under-bite (As in, only two teeth on either side matched up) that has fairly recently been corrected. Said trouble chewing would usually result in me vomiting, which would happen often. It got to the point that in elementary school a kid thought I was allergic to hamburgers because I'd end up vomiting whenever we'd have them. Also got kicked off the bus once for trying to defend myself when some asshole kids were picking on me. Unfortunately, I was the one that got in trouble while the other kids got away with it. The kicker? The asswipe of a bus driver made up some clearly bullshit excuse about me tapping people's asses with rolled up paper as they left for the reason that he kicked me off. Thankfully my dad didn't believe a single part of it, and I had a friend who was on the bus too.

Another edit to add another story, this time relating to my experience with Foods classes in middle school and high school.
I was switched into a Foods class in seventh grade because I was a bit slow at PE, and the coach was worried I'd get hurt. One of the first days I was there, the teacher was making chocolate chip cookies. As she was demonstrating, she got to scooping out the dough when a classmate interrupted her to ask her when the chocolate chips were added... which resulted in the rest of us realizing that she forgot to put the chips in the dough. She was a bit of a crotchety old lady, from what I remember. Ended up failing the class because I kept forgetting to write down the recipes in a folder. Next year, when I took the class again to make up for failing it the first time, we had a much younger teacher, who didn't make us write down recipes. She was fun. We even did homemade alfredo sauce in that class.

Senior year of high school came around and I took Foods, hoping I'd learn some sort of new technique, or even newer recipes. Nope. The teacher took way too long to go over the syllabus, complained about us being behind when she was the one responsible for that, and would frequently go off on tangents when trying to teach us. We only did about three or four recipes for that class specifically. Now, for the club she lead (FCCLA)? She made us cook stuff for them. Stuff like chicken tortilla soup, for instance. What did we make? Pizza, cookies, muffins, and a breakfast plate. We didn't even get to make the pizza dough ourselves. All we did was put sauce and toppings on the dough.
 
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Autumnal Equinox

Dancing Republican vampire
kiwifarms.net
Went to high school with a kid who was a pathetic coomer. I mean, they all are, but the things this kid would do to get spank material was sad...

Traded me a gold cart of Majora's Mask, box and all for a Playboy I swiped out of a store dumpster for him.

Traded my friend a copy of Perfect Dark, box and all for a pack of naked lady playing cards he got for like $5

Would pay cold hard cash for porno pics we'd print out and give him. He had a computer of his own, but we didn't ask questions.

He stopped after this fat goth girl left her hoodie on her chair in the cafeteria, Coomer Kid grabbed it and started smelling it, goth girl's boyfriend saw him doing it and socked him a few good ones.
 

Skin and Bones

kiwifarms.net
I went to a Catholic grade school. So we had a nun teaching some classes. But unlike what most people would expect from a nun, this one was tall and strong and should be pretty gruff if she was angry, which meant all the students and their parents were scared of her. There was this one time we were going to church and a kid thought he would get away with running away. She chased him down him and picked up him to yell at him. I was oblivious to how scary she was, so we got along pretty well.
 
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