Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

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Pinot Pierrot

The naive one, forever waiting.
kiwifarms.net
When I was in middle school, I was interested in parkour esque maneuvers which meant mostly jumping down stairs and going places I wasn't supposed to. One time when I was in one of those moods, I jumped over the side of a railing and almost landed on a adult's head. I probably wouldn't have heard the end of it if I did so I decided to cut back on it from then on.
I was big on Assassins Creed during high school, making the grand decision to take up parkour even though the entire location was a series of low-level buildings laid out on flat, unexciting terrain. Nevertheless, every lunch break I tried emulating Ezio by going outside to attempt wall-runs up the same two ledges over and over again, hoping I can get better with practice (I didn't).

On top of being that kind of moron, I was the shy type who didn't like attention; I would hide whenever I hear footsteps, or just stand around pretending nothing was going on if there wasn't a place to duck. Nevertheless, some classmates of mine did see me in the act while I wasn't paying attention. Repeatedly. I only learned this when my little brother told me, years later, that he knew about my old habits because they approached him about the subject. Apparently, they admired me for being the kind of guy who doesn't care what others might think (I am). My little brother said he didn't know how to respond to that.

I didn't either.
 

Smaug's Smokey Hole

kiwifarms.net
I remember one teacher in middle school, she had the late 40's chunk going, big hips, big red hair and always wore long skirts. Think of someone that organizes drum circles for other chunky ladies so they can celebrate their womanhood and you're pretty close. She was our home ec teacher, of course.

Her type is not that unusual, there are many like her, but what made her different was that she had no filter. She never seemed to think about what was appropriate before saying it and this could derail a class into things that had nothing to do with baking bread. The memory that really stands out is her impromptu sex ed. One time she started talking about the wonders of puberty and the beautiful changes to the body, this was spurred by her seeing her 14 year old son in the shower the other day. She told us that she had changed his diapers, seen him naked as a pre-schooler, and in the sauna(unisex) when he was ten or so and now... -- just to be clear she was talking about his dick and balls, she was explicit about that. Her general description of his genitalia could easily be confirmed by the boys just by looking at it, after all he was our age and we had gym together. He was in the other class.
What does that have to do with meatballs? Fuck if I know.

There was also a river of shit flowing under our school. There was an underground tunnel connecting two buildings and there was a mid-sized manhole on the concrete floor down there. If that was lifted you could see an endless stream of something that looked like this slowly flowing under it.
schoolshit.jpg


Never found out what that was about, it seems unlikely that they had a pipeline of shitty school bolognese being secretely piped somewhere.
 

Aberforth

Master of headbutting
kiwifarms.net
Had a very socially conservative math teacher in 6th grade. She forbade discussion of R rated movies, would single kids out for not listening to Christian music, and frequently ranted about politics.

Her favorite topic to rant about was Obama. You'd think the history teacher would be ranting up a storm about politics, but nope. Every history teacher I had was cool.
 

LavenderLiquor

Meh. Just an egg with a bacon blanket.
kiwifarms.net
I went to an alternative school in high school. Not a bad kid school but just one you actually didn't get taught by teachers and basically had to teach yourself. (One of my first English projects I had to read 4 books and do projects on them. I bought 4 rockstar autobiographies and had a blast with it. To this day Motley Crue is still my favorite band.) It was a really small school (150 kids total) and it was split between morning and afternoon. The graduation was usually 20 kids max.

The school was 4 days a week (friday was optional), three hours a day, no buses, you had to take a three week orientation to get into it and had to maintain a 3.0 GPA or else they would kick you out. They didn't have any extra curricular stuff, you had to get your P.E credit basically on your own and every few months they would have a week where you could sign up for random classes that had nothing to do with school. So you basically would show up to school, do work and the teachers were just around if you had questions. Sometimes they would just disappear for the whole class period. One year they had a class that just went up to the mountain and you could snowboard or ski all day. Another time, RENT was touring before it went to broadway and a bunch of kids signed up so they bought tons of tickets and then most of the kids decided they didn't want to go. This school wasn't well funded so when we got to the threater, my math teacher was standing on the corner scalping tickets.

My best friend had a birthday party one year and invited me and another close friend and her boyfriend over for a party. It was pretty badass. Her dad made sushi and her stepmom made one of the best cakes I've ever eaten. Although I didn't eat it until the next day.

She was a pretty big drug addict and had a lot of issues so was on a lot of medication. Like at one point she was put on lithium. So she has a really high tolerance for drugs. At lunch, we decided to take some pills and because I trusted her, I didn't think twice about taking what she gave me. I was never really a pill person but it was her birthday so I said, 'what the hell, why not?'

She ended up giving me 500MG of Tramadol which I had never even heard of before but it was a regular dose for her. By the time I got to her house after school, I was so fucked up I could barely move. I started getting super overheated and my friends had to undress and put me in less clothing. When we went down for sushi, I couldn't eat anything but she didn't want her dad to know how fucked up I was so she would sneak sushi off my plate.

We had school the next day and her dad was one of those people that always made sure you had breakfast and lunch, so he had me eat an orange for breakfast. I was still pretty fucked up but ate the orange on the car ride to school. Halfway I start feeling super sick. I barely make it out of the car when he dropped us off and I projectile vomit all over the front of the school. No one saw me, so I slug into the building and pretend like nothing happened.

I spent the whole day periodically going to the bathroom to puke/dry heave and literally sleeping through every class. None of my teachers said anything. They just let me sleep because they knew I had partied the night before. It was fucking amazing. When I would leave a class, they would just smile like they knew what I had done the night before. Several kids were talking about all the orange puke in the front of the school and wondering who it was.

All in all, the school and teachers really got to know the students and really cared about them. I am def grateful for the experience. Several years later, I heard they started cracking down and punishing kids more. Glad I went when I did.

Sadly, my friend ended up overdosing and passing away several years later. But that day was one of the good memories I have of her.

Jesus, that was long. My bad. I woke up way too early and am just killing time til I gotta work.
 

Chan Fan

Murdoch Chan, not Chris Chan
kiwifarms.net
In high school I had to ride the bus with this obese kid who wore a bucket hat and talked to himself the whole ride and his stop was like two before mine so I had to hear him talk to himself for a long time. He was odd-looking, big dark circles under his eyes. The strangest thing he did was that he would shout "Keep crackalackin'!" right when he was about to get off the bus. EVERY DAY. I think the bus driver was just glad he was leaving because he always sat up front in the seat behind her so she had to endure hearing him talk to himself as she drove.

One time he was talking quietly and most of the other kids on the bus had been dropped off so I listened to what he was saying. He said, "Which is more imporant - the cracka or the lackin'?" I never saw him talk to anyone else and despite living in my neighborhood the only other time I saw him was when he would stand in front of the small gas station his family owned, where he would talk about crackalackin'.
 
I was in special ed throughout grade school, I had to stay until I was 21 to get my regents diploma I sure as hell wasn't going to drop out to get my GED. I remember I had first period math class, the classroom was connected to an office no one was in first and second period. One day happened to look in. Now the door has a glass where you could peak in look, there I saw a male student standing leaning on the wall getting a blowjob from a girl. In my later years in high school some kid brought a knife in school trying to get back at another student a male student for something. A friend of mine wanted to make some money, he knew this kid that was into selling weed, well first day on the job he got busted for selling weed in the boy's room by the cafeteria by the security guard. He got expelled from school and the police were questioning him how he got the weed and was there anyone else involve.
 

Broseph

Assistant Mana-Jerk @ Mal-Wart
kiwifarms.net
I knew this scenefag emo girl in high school who claimed that she dated the drummer from this shitty screamo band called Eighteen Visions when she was only 15 and the guy was like 28, but she lied about her age and told him she was 18 even tho she looked no where near it. She told me the guy's name, to which I don't remember since this was about 15 years ago, but I looked up the band and it turned out that there was never a guy with that name in the band.

I went to middle school with this kid who claimed that he had N64 games that weren't even out yet since his "uncle worked at Nintendo" or some bullshit like that, and he already had the third Mario Party game when the first one had just came out. I told him to prove it by bringing the games to school which of course he never did.

Around the same time I knew this kid named Corbin (who honestly names their kid that?) who told me his friend let him borrow his Pokemon Red game (I guess his friend didn't mind him overwriting his save file lol) and he told me his favorite Pokemon was "devildog". I told him there was no Pokemon in the game called that but he kept insisting that there was and it was "one of the Pokemons you find in the first town" but I told him he was being re.tarded since there was nothing like that in the game but he kept insisting there was and he even described it to me but it just sounded like some stupid shit he made up.

I'm sure everyone knew someone who knew how to find "secret Pokemon" that weren't in the games back in the Gen 1 days.
 
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Autumnal Equinox

Dancing Republican vampire
kiwifarms.net
I'm sure everyone knew someone who knew how to find "secret Pokemon" that weren't in the games back in the Gen 1 days.
Not Pokemon, but I knew a kid like that in middle school who would make shit up about games all the time as well.

Said he unlocked Luigi in Mario 64. When I asked to see his save file of it, it was mysteriously deleted. Also said he had a rare prototype cart of Ocarina of Time where you fought Aghanim instead of Ganon that his uncle who worked at Nintendo gave him. Never could prove anything when questioned.
 

Duncan Hills Coffee

Awakes you from a thousand deaths
kiwifarms.net
I went to middle school with this kid who claimed that he had N64 games that weren't even out yet since his "uncle worked at Nintendo" or some shit like that, and he already had the third Mario Party game when the first one had just came out. I told him to prove it by bringing the games to school but of course he never did.
Said he unlocked Luigi in Mario 64. When I asked to see his save file of it, it was mysteriously deleted. Also said he had a rare prototype cart of Ocarina of Time where you fought Aghanim instead of Ganon that his uncle who worked at Nintendo gave him. Never could prove anything when questioned.
I always thought this "uncle who works at Nintendo" was just a joke, like to poke fun at people making up stupid bullshit. I never realized people actually tried using it.
 
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