Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

Broseph

Assistant Mana-Jerk @ Mal-Wart
kiwifarms.net
In college I had a class with this really strange and extremely unlikable guy. Every damn day he was dressed in vintage leisure suits made of corduroy or crushed velvet.

So something like this:


Every day. In all the hideous 70s color palettes you can imagine. I have no idea what he was thinking. But it looked so ludicrous that there's no way he wasn't aware of how other people viewed his wardrobe choices.

He was also way misogynistic. In a real douchebag sort of way that he'd try to pass off as being perfectly acceptable. This was an anthropology class (pre SJW explosion). And when the professor, who was a woman, would talk about women's roles in different societies he liked to interject his viewpoints on how American women needed to do the same. So imagine a curly haired dork in horn rimmed glasses and dressed like we're still in the Ford administration who liked to make it be known as much as possible that women belonged in the kitchen. He also liked the idea of polygamy. There was no way in hell this guy was even gonna get one girl let alone several.

So one day I come into class and the professor hasn't arrived yet. Leisure Suit Loser is sitting at a desk dressed in a burgundy corduroy number with lapels out to here. And he's got a whole bunch of sketches laid out over several other desks. There was no way they weren't meant to be on display for all to see. He probably was hoping someone would ask him about them. But no one did. They just sort of avoided that part of the room the best they could.

So what was on the sketches? UFOs and aliens. Just pages and pages of them. I guess that was his thing. The whole package was just unbelievable. He was a true recipe for permanent virginhood.
That sperg was an even bigger incel in college than Chris.
 
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Broseph

Assistant Mana-Jerk @ Mal-Wart
kiwifarms.net
I went to middle school with this autistic sped named John. He was this angry ginger who constantly did stupid shit all the time and got in trouble for it. He was in my art class in the 6th grade and one time he claimed that he "worked part-time" at the local video game store in town, even tho I went in there all the time back then and I never saw him in there, and even then I knew that no small business would ever hire a 12 year old.

The stupidest thing he ever did tho was when my class was waiting for our teacher to escort us back to homeroom and this fucking mongo decided to run down the hall and dropkick the water fountain. It made a very weird sound when he kicked it so he freaked out and ran away to hide because he thought he broke it, but of course the other kids snitched on him and told the teacher what he did. I don't know what his punishment was tho.

He left my school for a year or two and then he came back in the 8th grade but he was a fucking wigger.
 

Chan Fan

Quarantine Queen
kiwifarms.net
I went with to school with a girl non-consecutively during my entire school experience who I'll call Annie for this story. In 4th and 5th grade we became really close friends and stayed the night at each other's houses a few times, which was always pleasant. Unfortunately for her she developed early and had huge breasts and kids (especially boys) were really mean to her about it. Annie's mom had...problems. She would purposely buy Annie clothes than accentuated her breasts but wouldn't buy her a bra so gym class was really difficult for her, not to mention embarrassing.

Annie was a really nice person but extremely naive. Her dad was this very nice, very normal guy who didn't seem at all like someone her controlling weirdo mom would be into. Annie got a boyfriend in 5th grade and her mom legit started planning dates for the two of them (one of which they actually went on) but the boy broke up with her a few weeks later and Annie said her mom cried and wouldn't get out of bed all day after Annie told her. Keep in mind these kids were 11 at the time. She also once made the statement, "My grandmother controls my mom and my mom controls me" with such passivity it was startling. Another thing about Annie was she extremely forgetful, which comes into play shortly.

They moved away (Annie didn't even tell me, she was just gone) then moved back a few years later for our senior year of high school. Her mom would buy really gaudy clothes for her and she told me she had basically no choice but to wear them. One day she came to school in a denim bodysuit that showed a few inches of cleavage. Trying to catch up on the lost years I asked how her mom and dad were and she said, "I think he did it on purpose." I asked what she meant and she said her dad was dead and it was declared an accident but she said she thought he did it on purpose to get away from her mom. Never got any more clarity about that so who knows was really happened. One day in class she realized she forgot her purse in another class and freaked out and just kept making these weird breathing sounds and our teacher finally asked what was wrong and was like, "Is anything important in the purse?" and Annie blurted out, "Yeah, the keys to a $60,000 dollar car!" and sat there breathing weird until the teacher told her to go to her last class and see if her purse was there and it was.

I didn't see her after graduation until I was a few years into college, she told me she wanted to be a counselor. Last I heard she had been "dating" a guy who refused to pay for her food at restaurants and her best friend was this creepy controlling girl who claimed she worshiped the devil.
 

Ginger Piglet

Burglar of Jess Phillips MP
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I went with to school with a girl non-consecutively during my entire school experience who I'll call Annie for this story. In 4th and 5th grade we became really close friends and stayed the night at each other's houses a few times, which was always pleasant. Unfortunately for her she developed early and had huge breasts and kids (especially boys) were really mean to her about it. Annie's mom had...problems. She would purposely buy Annie clothes than accentuated her breasts but wouldn't buy her a bra so gym class was really difficult for her, not to mention embarrassing.

Annie was a really nice person but extremely naive. Her dad was this very nice, very normal guy who didn't seem at all like someone her controlling weirdo mom would be into. Annie got a boyfriend in 5th grade and her mom legit started planning dates for the two of them (one of which they actually went on) but the boy broke up with her a few weeks later and Annie said her mom cried and wouldn't get out of bed all day after Annie told her. Keep in mind these kids were 11 at the time. She also once made the statement, "My grandmother controls my mom and my mom controls me" with such passivity it was startling. Another thing about Annie was she extremely forgetful, which comes into play shortly.

They moved away (Annie didn't even tell me, she was just gone) then moved back a few years later for our senior year of high school. Her mom would buy really gaudy clothes for her and she told me she had basically no choice but to wear them. One day she came to school in a denim bodysuit that showed a few inches of cleavage. Trying to catch up on the lost years I asked how her mom and dad were and she said, "I think he did it on purpose." I asked what she meant and she said her dad was dead and it was declared an accident but she said she thought he did it on purpose to get away from her mom. Never got any more clarity about that so who knows was really happened. One day in class she realized she forgot her purse in another class and freaked out and just kept making these weird breathing sounds and our teacher finally asked what was wrong and was like, "Is anything important in the purse?" and Annie blurted out, "Yeah, the keys to a $60,000 dollar car!" and sat there breathing weird until the teacher told her to go to her last class and see if her purse was there and it was.

I didn't see her after graduation until I was a few years into college, she told me she wanted to be a counselor. Last I heard she had been "dating" a guy who refused to pay for her food at restaurants and her best friend was this creepy controlling girl who claimed she worshiped the devil.
And this is why I believe lolcowdom is hereditary.
 

Broseph

Assistant Mana-Jerk @ Mal-Wart
kiwifarms.net
There was this black kid at my high school who got suspended after he was caught on camera going into the girl's locker room while a PE class was going on and walking out with a handful of shoes and socks.
There was this really dumb black kid at my school named Paulo who got busted by a female teacher when he tried following some girls into the girls room. He probably thought he was being pretty slick but he just a fucking idiot.
 
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BroccoliBrain

my corpus callosum is green
kiwifarms.net
Forgot if I told this before but somehow there was a period pad in the god damn sink in the girls' toilets... and it was USED 🤮

And one time we were putting thermometers around the school for a geography experiment, since nobody was looking we decided to let the boys walk in there with us just for kicks since their bathrooms were cramped half broken crap holes from two decades ago and ours was a shiny new installation. It's one big room for all the female students in the school with a big circular sink in the centre. One guy looked around slowly, put the thermometer down and said: "what the fuck why do you get to shit in the TARDIS?"
 

MysticMisty

kiwifarms.net
The first school district I attended was very small with unusual planning. I didn't quite grow up in the middle of nowhere, just on the edge of it (the city my dad was stationed [in the Air Force] on the outskirts on was by far the the largest for hundreds of miles around). Since the schools were oddly arranged, the summer before fifth grade the district decided to give each school it's own separate buses and bus schedule. Whereas before everyone got on the same buses before school, and some went home the same way too. In the morning there were no problems with the new arrangement. The fourth graders obeyed the bus hierarchy, and even if they didn't I was among the first students picked up so sitting in the back was no problem anyways.

The real problem was in the afternoon, when the fourth graders didn't follow the bus hierarchy, at least on my bus. This was made worse by the fact that not only were the fifth grade classrooms farther from the buses, but my class was at the very back. Even if we were allowed to sprint, we'd still be the last kids to get on the buses, and on my bus I was the very last one. And that was why I'd have to sit in the last open seat behind Mrs. Jellyrolls.

Mrs. Jellyrolls was a very boring, fat conservative woman whose main hobby was hating The X Files. Even though NYPD Blue was by far much more controversial at the time, Mrs. Jellyrolls had a serious hateboner for The X Files and ranted about it a lot. Always going off about how it was so inappropriate to have on basic TV despite it's primetime slot and the newly created TV ratings. The next school day after a new episode of The X Files would be accompanied by a fresh rant on the latest episode. She seemed to know an awful lot for someone who found it so inappropriate that even adults (probably) shouldn't watch it. I'm not sure if she'd hate watch it herself, or if she belonged to a conservative anti-X Files internet group and someone else would hate watch and list all the inappropriate content for that week.

When she wasn't ranting about The X Files she'd mainly talk about what a good, God-fearing (and boring as fuck) Christian she was, and whatever boring shit she'd been up to lately. But other times she's rant about other stuff she was mad at. Like how she believed a local fox with no signs of rabies had to be put down immediately because "think of the children!" (but not small dogs and cats).

Another time she flipped the fuck out on a boy sitting nearby when she heard him give the punchline of a joke as "a full Monica Lewinsky". He told her that she couldn't prove the joke was actually dirty because she didn't hear the first part (which is true). Mrs. Jellyrolls got angrier and demanded his name so she could write him up to the school and have him put in detention. He refused and got off the bus at the next stop. The next day she demanded his name again in the morning, he refused again, and to my knowledge never got in trouble (though I did later found out that the joke was, unsurprisingly, lewd).

On a different occasion she made these comments about what a nice, sweet, good girl I was. Not only did this rub me the wrong way because she didn't even actually know me, it was downright degrading for a fifth grader. Before I could say anything she sniffed and added I was unlike those horrible, vulgar boys "over there", which she stated quite loudly to be sure that they heard. I asked which boys, since there were several groups in the vicinity. Mrs. Jellyrolls pointed out a group in particular, a group from my class. They were among the kids in my class I counted as friends, and I told her that. Mrs. Jellyrolls got offended and said that such a nice, sweet, good girl like me shouldn't be friends with horrible, vulgar boys and that I had to find new friends immediately. I angrily told her that she didn't know me, there's nothing wrong with them, and my parents, the ones who actually make decisions like that, didn't think they were inappropriate either.

After that my classmates realized I wasn't sitting by Mrs. Jellyrolls by choice and would save a seat for me whenever possible to save me the fate of sitting near her. Unfortunately it didn't happen often enough and Mrs. Jellyrolls now made a point to tell me about how she didn't approve of my friends, when she wasn't ranting about The X Files anyways.

Long before the end of the year I knew that I would be leaving for Arizona in early June. I fantasized about what I would say to Mrs. Jellyrolls on my last day of school, mainly about telling her what I really thought of her, even cussing her out. While I didn't fear what the school could do to me since by the time news would get back to them I'd already be out of town forever, I was concerned about them telling my new future school when they'd inevitably send over my records for the previous year.

In the end I decided the best revenge I could get was not telling Mrs. Jellyrolls I was moving at all, a subtle reveal of my true feelings to her without getting in trouble. On my last day of school Mrs. Jellyrolls wished me a good day and that she'd see me tomorrow, as always. I said "okay", got off, and never looked back. I don't know if she found out if I moved, and I don't care. But the one thing I can guarantee is that when September came and school started again, Mrs. Jellyrolls found another girl to rant about X-Files to.
 

Ginger Piglet

Burglar of Jess Phillips MP
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
You may recall I mentioned one of my fellow weird kids whose egg was hatched in 2015 and who is now a she.

Well. I don't know if I saw it coming or should have seen it coming but there was a period of time when, not to put too fine a point on it, he was pretty much the definition of "cuntstruck." It was painful to watch. Physically painful. I mean, there's being nice and respectful, and then there's what would now be described as terminal simping. In his defence, he was only 16 and as such was too young to know any better.

Alex, for that is his/her name, had a gf who was a year and a bit older than him called Jennifer. How he managed this given that he was one of us I have no idea. I have no idea where he met her or how or anything. But she was at, I think, the posho private girl's school up on the hill that once made local headlines because it was graffitised with "Virgin Megastore" (a Britbong chain of music shops, now closed). The posh birds weren't allowed out other than at weekends in case they got poor people germs off us grammar school types or us lads got them up the stick round the back of the Dog and Trumpet. But she would ring him at all hours of the day or night and it was so obvious when she did. It would go something like this:

- Receive call
- Notice it's his "sweet little pie" (a pet name he had for her, God help him)
- Drop everything he was doing
- Leap into a corner
- Pull out the phone
- Talk in that sort of breathy forced-niceness voice
- Stick on the phone to her for bloody ages, often going "Yes darling" as if he was being given a list of instructions or orders, which he probably was
- Eventually hang up
- Kiss the phone before doing so

🤮

It was really quite sick-making to see. And all in the hope that she might let him make two and a half minutes of squelching noises with her that weekend.

Needless to say, when I got into an argument with my gf at the time and told him about it, his first suggestion was, "grovel."

Alex is now a troon and spends his days drawing stony pictures of dickgirls.
 

Mr Snek

kiwifarms.net
For a few months a Canadian family sent their kids to my highschool, they were a few years below me but they were so infamous that I found out about them pretty quick. The boy was extremely mentally disturbed and would regularly be found digging through rubbish bins and eating whatever he found, he also had really long nails and scratched some other kids and teachers pretty bad with them. The girl was something of a proto fujoshi and was expelled after she was caught masturbating during class on multiple occasions.

We had a teacher at one point who was a 70-ish year old woman who hadn't interacted with anyone less than 20 since her kids had left home. She suddenly decided to become a teacher by doing a 6 month course to teach agriculture as a substitute teacher. She was completely incompetent, constantly screaming at kids and demanding that they bow to her and always have a neutral expression. At one point she locked the doors of the classroom and wouldn't let us leave once the school day was over until we all apologized for being disrespectful. By far the worst thing she did though, was during my year 7 agriculture class she gave us an exam after a few months and it turned out to be a year 12 level final exam that she found from the year previous. The average results were around 5%, which she considered unacceptable and tried to get the entire class shut down. Eventually she was so infamous other teachers would cover her classes so that no one had to deal with her.
 

TheGreatCitracett

Reach me on the phone... Dial 2-69-BONE
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I can't remember if I posted about him before, but there was a kid a few grades behind me in school named Ray. Ray was a fat kid, who always wore the same thing every day, and never, ever bathed.

He wore black basketball shorts with a silver stripe and one of those sleeveless shirts with the sides torn all the way down redneck style.
UK-2tDQc.jpeg
I think every shirt he owned must have been like that.

A distinctive feature was the fact he seemed coated in a layer of filth from never washing, and his knees and elbows had large dark areas around them the size of CDs for some reason.

But the worst was that he had probably the foulest stank I've ever smelled. I'd never experienced anything like it before or since. It was especially heinous because you wouldn't notice right away. It was like some delayed effect. It hung in the air and only hit once you had a nice lungful. He could walk past you in the hall and you might not even know until a few seconds later when suddenly you're gagging and your lungs are on fire and you could taste it in your mouth. Disgusting.

One day at lunch he was walking by my table and decided to start dancing around like an idiot to show off for his friends and tripped and fell on me. I shoved him off, but he was 200+ pounds of lard and I was trying not to choke on his smell of rotten meat or whatever.

I yelled something like "HOLY SHIT DUDE TAKE A FUCKING BATH JESUS CHRIST!" As I pushed him and got called to the principal's office for it. I figured it was because a 14-year-old probably shouldn't be swearing during lunch and I'd just have to promise not to do it again. Understandable.

Instead I got a nice stern lecture on why I should never tell the stinky kid to take a bath. "Because he'll go home and kill himself." The principal and counselor were in complete agreement. Ray committing suicide would be a completely rational reaction to being told to bathe, and I'd have to live with the guilt forever.

I remember going home and telling my mom about my day and the whole thing with Ray and how he needs to wash himself, and she just looked me straight in the eye and said "He'll probably kill himself now because of you." As if that was just the most natural thing ever.

I remember that as just the most bizarre thing I'd ever heard, but now people just seem to accept that kids should be expected to neck themselves over the slightest hurt feelings or someone not validating their genderspecialness or whatever and I guess the principal and my mom were just ahead of the curve on that one...

Needless to say, Ray didn't do a flip, but he also didn't take a bath. I was telling his story to a friend the other day and looked him up. He's still as filthy as ever.

Yes he dyed his neckbeard too, and I'd bet money that shirt is torn all the way down both sides:
12888496_1323386984344999_1883427926212250522_o.jpg

He got a tattoo on his upper arm, and you can see where they had to literally SCRAPE the dirt off him to do it;
56564573_2768410463175970_4810442235709489152_o.jpg

I need a shower now.
 

Big Nasty

ASSHOLE
kiwifarms.net
I can't remember if I posted about him before, but there was a kid a few grades behind me in school named Ray. Ray was a fat kid, who always wore the same thing every day, and never, ever bathed.

He wore black basketball shorts with a silver stripe and one of those sleeveless shirts with the sides torn all the way down redneck style.
View attachment 1251453
I think every shirt he owned must have been like that.

A distinctive feature was the fact he seemed coated in a layer of filth from never washing, and his knees and elbows had large dark areas around them the size of CDs for some reason.

But the worst was that he had probably the foulest stank I've ever smelled. I'd never experienced anything like it before or since. It was especially heinous because you wouldn't notice right away. It was like some delayed effect. It hung in the air and only hit once you had a nice lungful. He could walk past you in the hall and you might not even know until a few seconds later when suddenly you're gagging and your lungs are on fire and you could taste it in your mouth. Disgusting.

One day at lunch he was walking by my table and decided to start dancing around like an idiot to show off for his friends and tripped and fell on me. I shoved him off, but he was 200+ pounds of lard and I was trying not to choke on his smell of rotten meat or whatever.

I yelled something like "HOLY SHIT DUDE TAKE A FUCKING BATH JESUS CHRIST!" As I pushed him and got called to the principal's office for it. I figured it was because a 14-year-old probably shouldn't be swearing during lunch and I'd just have to promise not to do it again. Understandable.

Instead I got a nice stern lecture on why I should never tell the stinky kid to take a bath. "Because he'll go home and kill himself." The principal and counselor were in complete agreement. Ray committing suicide would be a completely rational reaction to being told to bathe, and I'd have to live with the guilt forever.

I remember going home and telling my mom about my day and the whole thing with Ray and how he needs to wash himself, and she just looked me straight in the eye and said "He'll probably kill himself now because of you." As if that was just the most natural thing ever.

I remember that as just the most bizarre thing I'd ever heard, but now people just seem to accept that kids should be expected to neck themselves over the slightest hurt feelings or someone not validating their genderspecialness or whatever and I guess the principal and my mom were just ahead of the curve on that one...

Needless to say, Ray didn't do a flip, but he also didn't take a bath. I was telling his story to a friend the other day and looked him up. He's still as filthy as ever.

Yes he dyed his neckbeard too, and I'd bet money that shirt is torn all the way down both sides:
View attachment 1251483

He got a tattoo on his upper arm, and you can see where they had to literally SCRAPE the dirt off him to do it;
View attachment 1251482

I need a shower now.
With a tattoo like that, I'm guessing he likes to have sweaty mansex with other fat smelly dudes
 

Ginger Piglet

Burglar of Jess Phillips MP
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Instead I got a nice stern lecture on why I should never tell the stinky kid to take a bath. "Because he'll go home and kill himself."
See, when I was at school that would have been all the more reason for people to do it. That reprimand would be circulated and within weeks they'd be surrounding him and chanting, "TAKE A BATH! TAKE A BATH!"

Kids are cruel.
 

TheGreatCitracett

Reach me on the phone... Dial 2-69-BONE
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
See, when I was at school that would have been all the more reason for people to do it. That reprimand would be circulated and within weeks they'd be surrounding him and chanting, "TAKE A BATH! TAKE A BATH!"

Kids are cruel.
And that's what I'd have thought too. Nobody wants to be the stinky kid. There are already enough things a kid can get teased for, but being smelly is seriously the easiest thing to avoid.
 
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