Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

Dwight Schrute

Murder, not mukduk.
kiwifarms.net
Oh dios mio. You all are in for a treat about my past!

So, back in my middle school days, I knew these two freaks named Dylan and Shawn. These two were the most spergy people you could have EVER met. And keep in mind, these two thought I was FRIENDS with them! I even told them I wasn't because, let's be honest, I refuse to be friends with people who are obsessed with cats and Minecraft, or dinosaurs.

Let's start with Shawn! Shawn was this weird.. thing. He was average height, but had the face of a deformed mongoloid. He had this massive overbite, which made his words slur. All the funnier! Anyways, this kid.. He was fucking sticky for some reason. I found that out the hard way when he touched me to get my attention cuz he needed help on his Math. Figures. And he smelled awful. It literally smelled like he crawled around in one of those McDonald's play place tubes for hours and didn't shower for an entire week. He had this really weird obsession with dinosaurs, I remember. He would bring these small figurines into school and play with them DURING CLASS. He was often redirected because he would always play with dinosaur toys while the teacher was teaching us. And that is all he would talk about, too. Everytime someone asked him about his hobbies, he would go on and on and on about dinosaurs, the different type of dinosaurs, which dinosaurs are the coolest and why, etc etc. I avoided that kid as much as possible.

Now we have Dylan. Luckily, Dylan was more.. oh god how do I put this.. tame? Yeah, tame. He was more tame than Shawn, as in he didn't smell like a McDonald's Play Place, and I'm pretty sure he wasn't sticky. I have no idea. Thankfully it never touched me. I have a feeling the only reason why he was clean was because his mother or father pampered him like a child.. Anyways, this kid had the body shape of an alien. Extremely skinny, giant weirdly shaped head, and short hair that only ever grew on the very top of his head. He had this weird ass obsession with Minecraft and Cats. I remember he would ALWAYS get in trouble in our English class and throw a fit because of it. Our teacher had us write about our day and our interests at the beginning of class every single day. And he would only ever write about cats and Minecraft. When the teacher would tell him off for it, he would get defensive and pissed off because "it's all he could ever think of to write." The worst part of it is he thought I was interested in him, and every time he saw me, he would talk about fucking cats and Minecraft. And I would just walk away. But he never got the message!

Kiwi, I desperately wanna find these two and make a thread on them. Call them the Wacky Accomplices, or some shit. I will do some looking and see if I find them doing any spergy shit, but no promises.

That's all I have to say about weirdos I experienced in school. That's all there really was.
 

Spergichu

Oh wow, my own personal Hell #WhiteLivesAntiMatter
kiwifarms.net
I have plenty of stories about my joyous experience going throw the public schooling system, I might share more if I feel like it but for right now I'll start with these two. Both of which happened during my senior year of high school.

The first story is about a sperg named Larry. Due to some special elective courses I had to take for this IT Program I was apart of and some other scheduling issues, I wasn't able to take my foreign language classes my Junior year along with the majority of my class, so I had no choice but to take them during my Senior year. Being one of only two or three seniors in a class was a bit jarring, but I managed to get along with the majority of the class despite not really knowing anyone in it. One of the kids in this class was a freshman named Larry. Larry was the epitome of the aspie stereotype. Tall, lanky, skin paler than a Klan rally, black oily hair, etc. To give you an idea of how much of a sperg he was, on the first fucking day of class we were going around introducing ourselves. When the teacher asked if any of us had jobs, this kid stood up and with the straightest face imaginable said he was an admin of a Minecraft server. To no one's surprise, he quickly became the MVP in the class game of Kick the Autistic.

One time, we were giving group presentations about some shit I can't remember but I specifically remember that Larry was manning the laptop with the presentation on it and when he couldn't get a video of a Ceilene Dion song to play, he threw a massive shitfit, flipping over a chair and storming out of the room. The teacher left to go find him while we were all dumbstruck at what had just happened. I had talked to another freshman in the class that went to middle school with Larry day or so later and he said he pulled shit like that all the time when he got frustrated. He said that on one occasion he punched a monitor so hard the screen cracked and another time he threw a desk from an open window about three stories up, luckily no one was under the desk when it it the ground. This storming out would repeat once or twice throughout the semester. Whenever the teacher wasn't paying attention, we always tried to bait Larry into getting frustrated and have a tard-out, usually by asking him some stupid question like "why aren't you born nine months old" or something equally as exceptional. Occasionally, if we pushed his buttons hard enough, it would result in him screaming and being promptly sent outside by the teacher. He would also constantly pick at the skin on his fingers to the point of bleeding, causing the teacher to stop her lesson or helping a student to give him a band-aid from the first-aid kit, much to the annoyance of everyone. Looking back, I do feel kind of bad about how we treated him, he was an annoying little sperg that threw shitfits when he was even slightly upset or flustered, but I still feel kinda bad for picking on him. I remember walking to my car for either lunch or to go home one day, and seeing him being picked up in a beat up minivan that was too worn to be school transport, so I can only imagine what his home life was like.

Next up, is the story of the school prostitute, Maya. I really didn't know Maya until my Sophomore year when I had a geography class with her and I had a couple more classes with her my Junior year. She was born in America, but her parents were Kazakh or Uzbeki or some other central Asian ethnicity, so she had brown skin and black hair, meaning you couldn't really tell her apart from the Latino kids. She was genuinely nice to people but you could tell by her attitude that she was a partier. Either near the end of my Sophomore year or the beginning of my Junior year, she was invited to my church by a girl who went there. She was friends with Maya had had noticed she was beginning to fall off the wagon. Typical teenage exceptionalism like drinking and injecting the Mary-ju-wanna, so no one was overly-concerned at the time. She went for a couple of months and then she stopped attending. I hadn't really noticed but it was at this point that she started slipping up again. In hindsight it was pretty obvious, she would come into class after lunch obviously high on something and would start mumbling to herself about some shit during a quiz or just sleep through a lecture. Around this time she also got arrested for shoplifting at a gas station, although I didn't know about it until months later. When Senior year rolled around, I didn't have any classes with Maya and I rarely saw her in the halls so she quickly escaped my mind. That was until January about a week or so after we got back from Christmas break. Video leaked of her giving a freshman a bloey-joey in a bathroom stall. Some guy in the stall next to them heard what was going on and like any responsible young adult, immediately pulled out his phone to record it over the stall and posted it to his SnapChat.

This spread like wildfire and word quickly got out that this wasn't a one-off occurrence and she had been doing this for months. Apparently, she was apart of the Yearbook Club, and as a member she would periodically go around and pull random students from class and ask them some funny little questions that would be complied onto a page somewhere in the Yearbook. She would use this opportunity to pull her clients from class and take them to the bathrooms to do the pre-marital hankey-pankey when not many people would be in them. She ended up being expelled for this and both her client and the guy who recorded it (The official reason being that he distributed cheese pizza, but really the administration didn't want this leaking out or have any similar incidents so they needed to make an example) both got a week or two of suspension. Her full list of clients were never publicly released. Needless to say this was all anyone talked about for the next couple of weeks. A month or two after this happened, she was readmitted and placed in the "high-risk" classes, really just the classes the school dumped all the inner-city kids the school imported. The rumor for doing so being that her parents threatened to sue the county. She apparently had a full ride to one of the local universities for their swim team but I have no idea if they rescinded it or not. This was probably one of the biggest highlights of my entire four years at high school, I can text any of my old friends from high school about this and they'd immediately remember everything about it.

Like I said before, I have a few other stories about my time in school, but I really doubt any of them stack up to these two, although if I feel like it I might post more later. Hope you enjoyed.
 

Ginger Piglet

Burglar of Jess Phillips MP
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I have plenty of stories about my joyous experience going throw the public schooling system, I might share more if I feel like it but for right now I'll start with these two. Both of which happened during my senior year of high school.

The first story is about a sperg named Larry. Due to some special elective courses I had to take for this IT Program I was apart of and some other scheduling issues, I wasn't able to take my foreign language classes my Junior year along with the majority of my class, so I had no choice but to take them during my Senior year. Being one of only two or three seniors in a class was a bit jarring, but I managed to get along with the majority of the class despite not really knowing anyone in it. One of the kids in this class was a freshman named Larry. Larry was the epitome of the aspie stereotype. Tall, lanky, skin paler than a Klan rally, black oily hair, etc. To give you an idea of how much of a sperg he was, on the first fucking day of class we were going around introducing ourselves. When the teacher asked if any of us had jobs, this kid stood up and with the straightest face imaginable said he was an admin of a Minecraft server. To no one's surprise, he quickly became the MVP in the class game of Kick the Autistic.

One time, we were giving group presentations about some shit I can't remember but I specifically remember that Larry was manning the laptop with the presentation on it and when he couldn't get a video of a Ceilene Dion song to play, he threw a massive shitfit, flipping over a chair and storming out of the room. The teacher left to go find him while we were all dumbstruck at what had just happened. I had talked to another freshman in the class that went to middle school with Larry day or so later and he said he pulled shit like that all the time when he got frustrated. He said that on one occasion he punched a monitor so hard the screen cracked and another time he threw a desk from an open window about three stories up, luckily no one was under the desk when it it the ground. This storming out would repeat once or twice throughout the semester. Whenever the teacher wasn't paying attention, we always tried to bait Larry into getting frustrated and have a tard-out, usually by asking him some stupid question like "why aren't you born nine months old" or something equally as exceptional. Occasionally, if we pushed his buttons hard enough, it would result in him screaming and being promptly sent outside by the teacher. He would also constantly pick at the skin on his fingers to the point of bleeding, causing the teacher to stop her lesson or helping a student to give him a band-aid from the first-aid kit, much to the annoyance of everyone. Looking back, I do feel kind of bad about how we treated him, he was an annoying little sperg that threw shitfits when he was even slightly upset or flustered, but I still feel kinda bad for picking on him. I remember walking to my car for either lunch or to go home one day, and seeing him being picked up in a beat up minivan that was too worn to be school transport, so I can only imagine what his home life was like.

Next up, is the story of the school prostitute, Maya. I really didn't know Maya until my Sophomore year when I had a geography class with her and I had a couple more classes with her my Junior year. She was born in America, but her parents were Kazakh or Uzbeki or some other central Asian ethnicity, so she had brown skin and black hair, meaning you couldn't really tell her apart from the Latino kids. She was genuinely nice to people but you could tell by her attitude that she was a partier. Either near the end of my Sophomore year or the beginning of my Junior year, she was invited to my church by a girl who went there. She was friends with Maya had had noticed she was beginning to fall off the wagon. Typical teenage exceptionalism like drinking and injecting the Mary-ju-wanna, so no one was overly-concerned at the time. She went for a couple of months and then she stopped attending. I hadn't really noticed but it was at this point that she started slipping up again. In hindsight it was pretty obvious, she would come into class after lunch obviously high on something and would start mumbling to herself about some shit during a quiz or just sleep through a lecture. Around this time she also got arrested for shoplifting at a gas station, although I didn't know about it until months later. When Senior year rolled around, I didn't have any classes with Maya and I rarely saw her in the halls so she quickly escaped my mind. That was until January about a week or so after we got back from Christmas break. Video leaked of her giving a freshman a bloey-joey in a bathroom stall. Some guy in the stall next to them heard what was going on and like any responsible young adult, immediately pulled out his phone to record it over the stall and posted it to his SnapChat.

This spread like wildfire and word quickly got out that this wasn't a one-off occurrence and she had been doing this for months. Apparently, she was apart of the Yearbook Club, and as a member she would periodically go around and pull random students from class and ask them some funny little questions that would be complied onto a page somewhere in the Yearbook. She would use this opportunity to pull her clients from class and take them to the bathrooms to do the pre-marital hankey-pankey when not many people would be in them. She ended up being expelled for this and both her client and the guy who recorded it (The official reason being that he distributed cheese pizza, but really the administration didn't want this leaking out or have any similar incidents so they needed to make an example) both got a week or two of suspension. Her full list of clients were never publicly released. Needless to say this was all anyone talked about for the next couple of weeks. A month or two after this happened, she was readmitted and placed in the "high-risk" classes, really just the classes the school dumped all the inner-city kids the school imported. The rumor for doing so being that her parents threatened to sue the county. She apparently had a full ride to one of the local universities for their swim team but I have no idea if they rescinded it or not. This was probably one of the biggest highlights of my entire four years at high school, I can text any of my old friends from high school about this and they'd immediately remember everything about it.

Like I said before, I have a few other stories about my time in school, but I really doubt any of them stack up to these two, although if I feel like it I might post more later. Hope you enjoyed.
You know, I still don't know who the town bike was when I was at school. However, a friend of mine had this delightful story about his locale's town bike.

So, he was sat next to this bird called Alice because that was her name. Alice was the town bike. They were about 15 or so. Alice was listening to the teacher going on about quadratic equations or whatever and noticed this crusty white stain on her sleeve. Hmm, she muttered to herself. Is that tipp-ex? And she picked some of it off and tasted it.

Nope, that's definitely cum, she said to herself, audibly.

Pure class, I'm sure you can agree.
 

Wilted Farm

Professional faggot
kiwifarms.net
I don’t know what exactly this guy had but in retrospect it was obvious something was up with him. He was in the school district since at least the 2nd grade. He would cry all the time, every single day. The first time I witnessed him cry was coincidentally also in 2nd grade, when I wouldn’t let him have the window seat on our school bus. This might’ve been acceptable for a 7-year-old. The thing is, he didn’t stop his incessant crying in elementary school, he did it all throughout middle and high school, even over the smallest things. He spilled formaldehyde on his shoes dissecting a frog, he didn’t do his homework, he got chastised for sleeping in class, each time afterwards he ended up crying. Of course, this made him an easy bullying target. A lot of the “weird” kids even joined in to poke fun at him. We would joke about him not paying attention in class and then asking stupid questions, him blurting out his opinions when unnecessary, his “girlfriend” (a lesbian/trans I think (went by a male name; wasn’t really his girlfriend) in the grade below us), his anger issues, his gaming in class, etcetera. He gave everyone constant ammo to divert back to him every day, a very eccentric person he was. He never failed to tell us he was a furry, he was bisexual/gay (alternated between the two; I think he said this just for attention), he was a brony, he was a weeb, stuff we all made fun of him for, which obviously he was angered by. Watching him become angry was hilarious, because he didn’t look like a typical teen. He had chubby cheeks and no facial hair and wore clothes fit for a 4th grader, graphic tees (imagine a chubby short guy wearing a shirt that says “Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.”) , a Hufflepuff hoodie and chunky sneakers. One time stands out as the best chimpout though. This was high school and we were sophomores. He brought a stapler to school this one time and started chasing people around with it while stapling his arms. Obviously he wasn’t in class and everyone had heard about it by the last class of the day, some legend says aloud, “What’ll we do without his magic tricks?” because every day before that class he did some shitty card tricks with this magic kit you get from the dollar store. The teacher even laughed, and he was the most boringly monotone teacher you could ever have. I was baffled when he came back in the middle of that class. Every single person was giggling when he walked in, and he sat down in a chair away from everyone else. We were watching a movie but all eyes were on him. When class ended and all bus riders were dismissed to the cafeteria, I swear to god he made a gun gesture with his weird little group. This kid also tried to hang himself in a hotel closet with a cross necklace in DC when we were on a trip in 8th grade. Man, he was entertaining.
 
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Karl_der_Grosse

Torah Lovin' Cousin-Fuckin' Pure D Mountain J-e-w
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Back in the day, I went to an all male Catholic high school run by the Jesuits. No girls, so no school whore. But I do recall a dude a class ahead of me getting busted for jerking off in the quiet study room in the library. Very prestigious family, Daddy was a bigwig in the state Bar association. It was pretty funny, everyone knew about it, including the female teachers and the lunch ladies. He had a hard time living it down. I recall we were at a school assembly one afternoon, and one of the disciplinarians, a real asshole, was announcing the intramural softball results, as if we cared. We certainly perked up when he announced the winning season of the Trojans, led by their team captain (jerking off dude) and for some reason we all lost it. We ended up getting a big lecture from the disciplinarian about the proper way to conduct ourselves as Christians and as men. Then he announced that we'd all have to stay after school for another assembly. About two-thirds of the school skipped out on that one. From what I hear, he was almost incandescent with rage. For a week afterwards he'd pounce on the younger or more timid students and try to browbeat them into admitting they'd skipped. No one did. A year or so later he left after it was made very clear to him that he would never get the head job, and, in fact, he was going to be removed as disciplinarian for extremely poor job performance. His son was in school with me and I shoved him around one day. Gotta give the kid props, he didn't turn me in to his father.

The kid who jerked off? He's an attorney in New Orleans, never reached anywhere near the respect and renown his father did. I guess masturbation really does soften your brain.
 

Chan Fan

Quarantine Queen
kiwifarms.net
Chemistry was a required class for me in high school and it was completely useless as far as I was concerned. For something I was really looking forward to it was a huge disappointment. By far the worse thing about it was the teacher, who we'll call Ms. C. That's C for cunt, because she was. She was rude and honestly the worst teacher I had in high school. If you asked a question she was the type to either mock you in front of the rest of the class or just repeat herself instead of explaining things a different way. She also told us on the first day (when we got to tour the lab) that she only cleaned the tables once a year and for the young men in the class not to lean on the tables "unless you don't want children someday." Just atrocious.

I didn't cut class and was generally a good student. I didn't look for trouble; but that didn't mean the other students didn't. Ms. C told everyone she had bad allergies and not to spray perfume in the classroom so the girls who didn't like her would douse themselves in body spray before walking in so she would stay away from them. She would call kids to the board to solve equations she knew they couldn't solve criticize people for writing too light or too small. And in a huge school where you weren't allowed to shove slow people out of your way, I would occasionally be late. Not super late but like 30 seconds or so, and she gave me detention for it.

The only thing I could do was suffer through it and try to pass...until the day I discovered a loop hope. If you forgot to bring your textbook, she would go "take a walk" to send you to your locker to get it. My locker was in a totally different building and if I walked slowly (which believe me, I did) it would take about 15 minutes to retrieve the book and get back to her class. So I did that all the time. She thought that was a punishment, making us walk to get our textbooks. So a few of us would just happen to forget our textbooks each day and got an extra 15 minutes out of our 45 minute class. She never caught on that it was just the opposite and that we enjoyed it.

It didn't end well for Ms. C. She had so many parents complain about her that people from the school board started coming in and observing her and taking lots of notes. She tried to play nice but some of the students would say stuff like, "Why are you being so nice today?" and the like. She wasn't at the school the following year.
 

Kiwi Lime Pie

Tasteful even during lockdowns. 🥝🥧🐈
kiwifarms.net
See, when I was at school that would have been all the more reason for people to do it. That reprimand would be circulated and within weeks they'd be surrounding him and chanting, "TAKE A BATH! TAKE A BATH!"
And that's what I'd have thought too. Nobody wants to be the stinky kid. There are already enough things a kid can get teased for, but being smelly is seriously the easiest thing to avoid.
Unfortunately, if kids don't learn proper hygiene at home, they grow up clueless about properly taking care of themselves.

"Sam" was the oldest of three kids adopted by his mother. All three of them were adopted from Central America during one of their periods of war and unrest. Upon adoption, Sam was badly malnourished, so his mom made up her mind to give Sam anything he wanted -- including anything he wanted to eat. Before long, Sam went from being malnourished to seriously overweight from the junk food he preferred. Because his mom was unmarried, there was no male figure to teach Sam how to properly bathe himself. Consequently, he started to stink in direct proportion to his increasing weight. Even though I had graduated from the school he attended at the time, I still knew people there who shared stories about Sam's classmates saying, "Sam, why do you stink so much?" and Sam simply shrugging them off.

It wasn't until Sam's mother had terminal cancer and a family friend and his family started to look out for the kids (before eventually adopting them upon her death) that Sam finally stopped reeking of awful body odor. Due to health issues resulting from his eating anything he wanted growing up, he also had to change his diet. To his credit, he was able to lose a lot of the excess weight he had put on over the years. It just sucks that it took his mother dying when he was teen for him to finally be taught how to properly bathe/clean himself.
 

Niggernerd

Blackmetal screech in anime
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I remember back in middle school me and my best friend almost go expelled because we'd shit on the bitchy art teacher and throw pencils into the ceilings in her class only.

Chemistry was a required class for me in high school
I assumed it was mandatory because i got stuck in there for flunking due to skipping class to play metal slug at the nearby bowling alley. I just passed due to a wager i made with my teacher. 90+ on final exam passed me the entire year.
 
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vertexwindi

Diddy in space, even though he's not
Supervisor
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
It wasn't until Sam's mother had terminal cancer and a family friend and his family started to look out for the kids (before eventually adopting them upon her death) that Sam finally stopped reeking of awful body odor. Due to health issues resulting from his eating anything he wanted growing up, he also had to change his diet. To his credit, he was able to lose a lot of the excess weight he had put on over the years. It just sucks that it took his mother dying when he was teen for him to finally be taught how to properly bathe/clean himself.
Yeah, having no father figure can be really hard for a kid. You need that parent in your life to say "do this thing I say you have to do, you fucking retard".
 

Aurora

kiwifarms.net
Back in high school I took an elective for clothing design. Mostly turning photoshop images into vinyl prints for t-shirts. Out of eleven people there were four furries in the class. They made dozens of shirts with gay furry shit on them.

I switched out a month in. The four of them chased three other people out of that class before the school cracked down on them.
 

Ginger Piglet

Burglar of Jess Phillips MP
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Back in high school I took an elective for clothing design. Mostly turning photoshop images into vinyl prints for t-shirts. Out of eleven people there were four furries in the class. They made dozens of shirts with gay furry shit on them.
That reminds me of a thread on r/FatPeopleStories in which an "art ham" turned any life drawing classes into furry pr0n. That's when she wasn't deliberately dropping her pencil and bending over at him to pick it up while wearing a variety of different stereotypical clobber (like, one day she was a kitty-eared anime girl who went "nyan" in real life, the next she was a short-skirted party girl, and the third she attempted big tiddy goth gf).
 

MysticMisty

kiwifarms.net
It's been a while, so here's some more Billybob stories.

As briefly mentioned in my previous post about Billybob, the guy was a huge fan of Space Jam, which had come out the previous year. There was a lot of people in my class who really liked the movie (mainly guys, of course), but Billybob topped all of them. If he wasn't talking about how awesome the movie was, he was attempting to sing "I Believe I Can Fly", or randomly quoting it. It got real old real quick, and even everyone else who had seen and liked Space Jam were tired of Billybob's obsession with it, which lasted through at least the end of the year.

The irony is that I don't even know if Billybob cared for basketball outside of Space Jam. He never referenced it outside of the context of the movie at any rate.

Titanic was released a few months into the school year, and it was impossible to escape from. Whether it was adults finding the brief female nudity highly controversial, or the teacher giving lessons about the actual disaster, Titanic was everywhere that fall.

It was inevitable that some kids (mainly the top popular girl in the class) decided it'd be a great idea to make Titanic a lunch recess game and recruited kids into various roles. Myself and others refused because "generic lady who drowns" and "dog" were roles that were obviously very unappealing, but Billybob was somehow recruited as the captain. We overheard the explanation to Billybob as to just steer the ship for a few minutes, then yell they struck an iceberg so they could do their big dramatic tragedy of the ship going down.

After a few minutes nothing happened and I was nearby when Billybob was confronted for not doing anything except do some overly dramatic ship steering. Billybob replied that this was the "new" Titanic and he was gonna just steer around the iceberg and everything would be okay. Popular girl wasn't impressed and just went ahead with the sinking part. Billybob was pissed, yelled, and ran off to complain (and probably be told that he can't make people do what he wants).

The most popular sport in the class by far was kickball, and there'd be more than enough kids to organize into two full teams every day at class recess. Billybob was genuinely into kickball and actually had a really good kick, along with some other kids.

As the year progressed kids got progressively more brazen with their behavior when they'd kick home runs. First it was them walking from third to home, then they'd walk even slower, then they started walking around all the bases. One day Billybob took it a step further by getting on his hands and knees and crawling slowly at a snail's pace from third to home. Dude actually made it back in time, too.

Once we were back in class the teacher stood at the head of the class and glared at all of us before yelling about our poor sportsmanlike conduct. She really didn't like people walking from third to home, and especially disliked people walking around all the bases, but Billybob went too far and now she was pissed at all of us. Yes, even the kids who never walked, even the ones who couldn't get away with that. People were unhappy that she yelled at all of us instead of just the usual walkers and Billybob, and instead of being impressed at his home run we were all pissed at him instead.

Towards the end of the year it was announced that the school would be hosting a bake sale. The day of the bake sale came and mid-morning a cart packed with goodies was wheeled into the room and we had about 10 minutes to buy anything we wanted.

Billybob looked over the cart briefly before running back to his chair crying. Some of my classmates took pity upon Billybob and asked what was wrong. Billybob cried that his mom's food wasn't on the cart. They gently pointed out that none of our parent's food was on the cart. It was true, they made a point to separate the fourth and fifth grade food and send them to opposite sides of the school. Billybob didn't care, because he really wanted what his mom made. Somebody asked what it was, and Billybob responded that it was chocolate chip cookies.

At this point everyone's sympathy evaporated, because the cart was almost nothing but chocolate chip cookies. Chocolate chip, chocolate chunk, with nuts, without nuts, with raisins, with peanut butter chips, any combination you can think of. This was pointed out to Billybob, but he didn't care because his mom made "giant" chocolate chip cookies. Which there were a few larger than average cookies on there to boot, but it didn't matter because he didn't want anything but his mom's recipe.

To my knowledge he never bought anything that day out of protest for being unable to have his mom's cookies.

One day after receiving the marks on our latest tests the teacher gave us book work to do before going over to Billybob's desk. This was back when I was sitting right next to him so I just pretended to work while eavesdropping on Billybob and the teacher (me and everyone else in the group).

This time she was mad because Billybob had failed yet another test. Apparently he was getting straight A's on his homework, but F's on all his class work and tests. She'd had enough and outright confronted him about his dad doing his homework for him. Billybob said "no", then got real red in the face with his brows furrowed. Classic Billybob lying. Now that she had confirmation on her theory she told him she would talk to his handler and they were going to arrange a parent-teacher conference.

I'd had loved to have been a fly on the wall for that particular conference. As far as anybody could tell it had no effect on anything. I have to wonder though what happened during the rest of Billybob's school career. How many teachers let Billybob slide doing jack shit because he's "special", and how many refused to tolerate that shit from someone who was supposed to be high functioning. A pity I never met his parents, a lot of us wondered what exactly went on in his family.

So, Billybob was supposedly lactose intolerant. I say supposedly because he ate the same school lunches as everyone else, including the ones with dairy products like their nasty cheeseburgers. What Billybob didn't get was milk. Instead he was given a reusable cup of juice. I had initially thought that it was because the school was required to provide a healthy alternative, even though juice isn't healthier than chocolate milk. But it turned out that juice wasn't a given right after all.

One day at lunch I was sitting at one of the assigned tables with my sack lunch, unpacking my food and waiting for my friends and classmates. But after the first few classmates nobody else showed up. This became quite noticeable very fast and we looked around. The lunch line was definitely not moving, but we sat back too far from the front of the line to see what was going on.

After a good five minutes Billybob became the next classmate to finally arrive, and he looked extremely pissed. He sat far away from everyone and ignored our questions about what the hell happened. The next classmate arrived, the one who was behind Billybob. She was eager to tell us what happened, but waited for the rest of the class because they wanted to know exactly what happened, too. Once we were all there we leaned in to find out what had happened. Even the kids from one of the other classes at the table next to us leaned in to listen, a major no-no as interaction between classes was forbidden in the cafeteria.

What had happened was the lunch ladies were moving a little slow that day and didn't have Billybob's juice waiting. While they were getting it out Billybob lost his patience and yelled "Gimmie my juice!" The lunch ladies stopped what they were doing and told Billybob he needed to apologize, then ask politely, with "please", before they would continue to get his juice. Billybob just yelled "Gimmie my juice!" even louder in response. They put away his juice and informed him he had lost juice privileges for the day due to his rude tone.

Billybob proceeded to chimp out and demand juice. The lunch ladies decided that now he wouldn't get juice for the entire week, and they'd inform his handler of his behavior later. Billybob chimped further but he finally took his water and stomped away, allowing the lunch line to finally move again.

We all agreed that Billybob was an immensely immature and rude brat. Billybob had ignored us and the story, choosing to eat in silence before going to dump his garbage and go outside to get away from us. I thought that would be the end of it there, until later during lunch recess one of the lunch ladies came outside, along with my teacher, and Billybob's handler. Even from a distance you could tell they were pissed. A playground monitor noticed them and they spoke briefly. Next thing we knew Billybob was escorted back into the school and wasn't seen again for the rest of the day.

A little later we found out from someone who was near them when they came outside that Billybob threw out his reusable cup with the garbage instead of setting it aside with his tray. As soon as the lunch ladies found out they fetched the teacher and his handler right away instead of waiting until later. Billybob was heavily punished and wasn't given juice again for at least a month. I doubt he learned anything from it though.
 

Autumnal Equinox

I hope you relish it as much as I
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When I was in second grade, we went on a field trip to a chocolate factory. For a bunch of 7 year olds, this was amazing. One little shit and his parents lied on his permission slip, turned out he had a chocolate allergy or sensitivity, ate the free sample given to all of us at the beginning, started having trouble breathing shortly later and the field trip was cancelled as the kid needed help. We were there maybe fifteen minutes. We were all bummed out and that kid became a pariah in our class.


When I was in high school, we had a sub for a class who looked exactly like Ms. Chokesondick from South Park. Being 16 year old guys, we kept snickering to ourselves at how she looked and how her vagina probably smelled like the ocean. When lunch came around and we were packing up our shit to leave, she got out her Tupperware, paused a moment and said "oh no, my tuna leaked" My friends and I started busting a gut, laughing so hard my stomach was starting to hurt. She was completely dumbfounded what we found so damn funny. My tuna leaked became a private joke for a few months.
 

UnsufficentBoobage

Atleast things I wanna fuck are 3D
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Billybob was supposedly lactose intolerant. I say supposedly because he ate the same school lunches as everyone else, including the ones with dairy products like their nasty cheeseburgers. What Billybob didn't get was m. ilk
Oh hey, I have (whatever it is) this. Kept getting mystery stomachaches for years till I tried lactose-free milk. Cheese and whatever land fine, tho.
 
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Kiwi Lime Pie

Tasteful even during lockdowns. 🥝🥧🐈
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@MysticMisty's lunch room story reminded me of the time I unknowingly ran afoul of my grade school's lunch policies.

I'm not sure how school lunches are handled in the digital world, but the K-8 school I attended back in the day used a cardboard "ticket" with squares around the perimeter representing each school day for the month. The cashier would then punch a hole each day students got their m1lk or hot lunch from the cafeteria. The ticket also had our name, grade, and some sort of indication whether our parents prepaid for daily hot lunch or just for a pint of m1lk. The school also allowed parents to pay for a second pint of m1lk per day; I believe pints of m1lk cost 50 cents per day by the time I hit junior high. The cafeteria also let students that were absent or sick get an extra pint of m1lk the day they came back provided they had enough to accommodate the request.

By the time we reached junior high, we were allowed to take our lunch tickets with us to the cafeteria -- presumably because we were old/responsible enough. My junior high years ran concurrently with the then-new fad of fluorescent markers (aka highlighters) being everywhere. Many students would doodle on their lunch tickets using their fluorescent markers. Eventually, I joined my classmates in personalizing my ticket with fluorescent doodles.

One day, I think it was in 8th grade, lunch time comes and I don't receive my ticket. My teacher assures me something must have happened or it got lost when it was returned from the cafeteria to her classroom and she assures me I should still be able to receive my m1lk while she has a replacement ticket made for me. Everything works out, I receive a new ticket the next day, and add fluorescent doodles on the new ticket.

Before long, my new ticket is missing again. I'm not sure what led up to it, but I was sent to see the principal about it. Her initial answer suggested that I wasn't supposed to be drawing on it with fluorescent markers, which made no sense. I quickly pointed out that most of my classmates did the same thing I did without having their tickets taken away. Finally, she told me what I wanted to know: I had used yellow marker on my ticket, and yellow was reserved for marking the tickets of those kids entitled to two pints of m1lk at lunch. Because I wasn't one of them, my ticket wasn't supposed to have any yellow on it. I had never heard of that policy until then, and it seemed confusing to rely solely on color to designate that item, but I finally had my answer. I think I made the principal confirm to me that every other fluorescent color but yellow was acceptable for doodling on the tickets before I left her office -- just to make sure I wouldn't run into any more issues.
 

Kari Kamiya

"I beat her up, so I gave her a cuck-cup."
True & Honest Fan
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When I was in second grade, we went on a field trip to a chocolate factory. For a bunch of 7 year olds, this was amazing. One little shit and his parents lied on his permission slip, turned out he had a chocolate allergy or sensitivity, ate the free sample given to all of us at the beginning, started having trouble breathing shortly later and the field trip was cancelled as the kid needed help. We were there maybe fifteen minutes. We were all bummed out and that kid became a pariah in our class.
Maybe his parents were trying to kill him/find an excuse to sue someone. It's pretty fucked either way to lie to send your kid on a chocolate factory field trip knowing they have a chocolate allergy.
 

DanteAlighieri

I hate commies
True & Honest Fan
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My school had a policy that you always had to buy a carton of m;ilk with lunch because "it's healthy", even if you were allergic to m;ilk and were just going to throw it out. I could never figure out the logic.
Schools are greedy motherfuckers and care more about lining their pockets than educating. They're glorified daycares that get more government money for how many students they have in school.
 

TheMagician

Just lost The Game
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My school had a policy that you always had to buy a carton of m;ilk with lunch because "it's healthy", even if you were allergic to m;ilk and were just going to throw it out. I could never figure out the logic.
it's because the people in charge of schools are some of the dumbest people on earth
reminds me of when a teacher took aeay my Nintendo Power magazine during lunch because "you can't read until after you've finished the test". That entire day had been devoted to a big test instead of normal classes, but I had finished it before lunch. I never got it back, either... the worst part was them forcing me to buy lunch, because I'd only really gotten a snack. I don't believe for a second that they cared for my well-being, they just wanted to force everyone they could to pay the school every day for food that tasted like cardboard.
 

Kiwi Lime Pie

Tasteful even during lockdowns. 🥝🥧🐈
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Schools are greedy motherfuckers and care more about lining their pockets than educating. They're glorified daycares that get more government money for how many students they have in school.
And boy, do they pull out all the stops to get their state funding too. I'm not sure how other states handle it, but mine has "count day" once each semester (October and February) where funding is generally based on who physically attends school that day (with provisions for absent and suspended students). Many districts, usually the ones that complain the most about a lack of money and insufficient budgets, use all kind of gimmicks, some of them costly, to coax ensure students attend on count day: all-school pizza lunches, jean day, raffles for iWhatever electronic devices, etc. But once the districts get their funding, those students they cared about for 2 days out of the year return to being mere names or student identifiers that get lost in the bureaucracy.

it's because the people in charge of schools are some of the dumbest people on earth
Public school systems, especially those financed by property taxes, have no incentive to use good stewardship when it comes to managing their money because they know property taxes always go up each year to match inflation. Add in the inflated assessments of home values that update each year, and they get guaranteed increases in funding so long as their enrollment stays relatively stable. Various forms of wasteful spending have existed for decades, but the problem became more apparent during the recession from the early 2000s when house prices dropped, taking school tax revenue down with them. Districts that could get away with playing shell games with their finances suddenly found themselves facing significant deficits unless they were willing to bite the bullet and make the needed budget adjustments. Worse, these districts figure they can ask for a millage to make up the difference and spin it as, "Voting no is a vote against the kids and their education."

Meanwhile, private schools that receive little or no government money know how to take what they get from tuition, fundraising, and any other revenue sources and do everything they can to stretch those dollars -- usually without skrimping on the quality of education. They also do it without the needless red tape and layers of leadership seen in their public counterparts.
 
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