Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

saralovesjuicyfruit

kiwifarms.net
And boy, do they pull out all the stops to get their state funding too. I'm not sure how other states handle it, but mine has "count day" once each semester (October and February) where funding is generally based on who physically attends school that day (with provisions for absent and suspended students). Many districts, usually the ones that complain the most about a lack of money and insufficient budgets, use all kind of gimmicks, some of them costly, to coax ensure students attend on count day: all-school pizza lunches, jean day, raffles for iWhatever electronic devices, etc. But once the districts get their funding, those students they cared about for 2 days out of the year return to being mere names or student identifiers that get lost in the bureaucracy.


Public school systems, especially those financed by property taxes, have no incentive to use good stewardship when it comes to managing their money because they know property taxes always go up each year to match inflation. Add in the inflated assessments of home values that update each year, and they get guaranteed increases in funding so long as their enrollment stays relatively stable. Various forms of wasteful spending have existed for decades, but the problem became more apparent during the recession from the early 2000s when house prices dropped, taking school tax revenue down with them. Districts that could get away with playing shell games with their finances suddenly found themselves facing significant deficits unless they were willing to bite the bullet and make the needed budget adjustments. Worse, these districts figure they can ask for a millage to make up the difference and spin it as, "Voting no is a vote against the kids and their education."

Meanwhile, private schools that receive little or no government money know how to take what they get from tuition, fundraising, and any other revenue sources and do everything they can to stretch those dollars -- usually without skrimping on the quality of education. They also do it without the needless red tape and layers of leadership seen in their public counterparts.
Not to take this thread too off-topic but I just want to add:

Teachers always whine that no one appreciates them or wants to pay them more. I always think,”yeah, it’s because most of us spent 12 years in the public school system and know that, if anything, most of you people are overpaid based on your performance.”
 

Chan Fan

Quarantine Queen
kiwifarms.net
Not to take this thread too off-topic but I just want to add:

Teachers always whine that no one appreciates them or wants to pay them more. I always think,”yeah, it’s because most of us spent 12 years in the public school system and know that, if anything, most of you people are overpaid based on your performance.”
Anytime I said I didn't like the job I had people told me "get another job" but for some reason it doesn't seem teachers think they can do that *shrug
 

AnOminous

Really?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
Anytime I said I didn't like the job I had people told me "get another job" but for some reason it doesn't seem teachers think they can do that *shrug
What, and leave the union cocoon that prevents them from being disciplined no matter how absolutely shit they are, short of outright murdering or molesting kids?
 

Lonely Grave

naked and alone, we die
kiwifarms.net
For a good part of 4th grade, I ran a card club with a good number of regulars on the blind side of the library. I even had a makeshift points system for ranking them.
In seventh, I got an academic excellence award.
In eighth, I was suspended for violence twice, while only netting a single detention
In ninth, I was nearly suspended again for going on an all-out RAGE during school camp against this annoying Trump's Chosen kid who wouldn't quit picking on us (I charged into his bunk room with a wire hanger and attacked him while yelling "The Trump's Chosen People are only good for dying!" repeatedly - I'm still ashamed of it). Instead I got mandatory counselling.
Finally in eleventh grade, I found myself at the head of the sports referee association, and was forced to take on an autistic friend as my deputy by the therapist we shared. Controlling him was... not easy. I later found myself doing the same thing with an autistic Vietnamese international student in college - I 'contained' him by wrapping him up in a homebrew RPG rulebook for the better part of two years.
 

Kiwi Lime Pie

Tasteful even during lockdowns. 🥝🥧🐈
kiwifarms.net
What, and leave the union cocoon that prevents them from being disciplined no matter how absolutely shit they are, short of outright murdering or molesting kids?
And even then, they'd likely still defend one of their own accused of those. They're more likely to stand up for someone that's done something that deserves discipline than they are for those unjustly disciplined that deserve someone going to bat for them.

Teachers always whine that no one appreciates them or wants to pay them more. I always think,”yeah, it’s because most of us spent 12 years in the public school system and know that, if anything, most of you people are overpaid based on your performance.”
Hopefully stories about teachers and their entitled union attitudes count as school stories...
Whenever I hear teachers claiming they're underpaid and underappreciated, I can't help thinking about the time teachers in a nearby district had a contract dispute and decided they would no longer come in early or stay late to help students before or after school while only doing those tasks and responsibilities explicitly spelled out in the contract. Stuff like that is enough to make one think they deserve nothing beyond their base pay if they're so hellbent on doing as little as possible when they're normally claiming that what they do and advocate for is "all about the kids." Don't get me wrong, teachers that work hard more than earn their pay. It's the ones that use kids as pawns that are the irritating ones.

Of course, even the union mentality doesn't always work as intended. "Al" is someone I know who is a union rep for his district's teachers union. Although the district largely weathered the last recession without making cuts, it finally reached the point that they had to lay off teachers. So, the district administration gave teachers a survey to solicit input about what subjects/areas were most important and rank them 1 to whatever with 1 being the most important. Presumably, this was to prioritize saving as many teachers as possible in those areas considered most important. Catching up with Al one day after school, I heard him telling another teacher not to fill out the survey and to return it blank because, "It's their way of pitting us against each other."

That ended up backfiring. The district decided it didn't have enough data, so it simply laid teachers off based on least seniority first per the terms of the contract. The teacher Al spoke to was one of those let go. TFW following the union rep's advice still costs someone their job.
 

Piga Dgrifm

Nyey Lois
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I once had a teacher accuse me of plagiarism on a final assignment and fail me because I used some parentheses correctly. It was ninth grade and she decided that was too advanced and I must have stolen the work from somewhere. My parents were called and my dad told her to find where I stole it from. Her plagiarism software thing couldn't find it anywhere, but she wouldn't admit to being wrong and kept the failing grade. I was not allowed to attend the end of the year field trip because of this and it still pisses me off when I think about it.

Someone else actually did plagiarize something in her class, and even left in one of the reference markers from the original article, but they passed just fine.

Also had a history teacher once that was a holocaust denier, but she still compared John McCain to Adolf Hitler during the month leading up to the '08 election.
 

MysticMisty

kiwifarms.net
Teachers always whine that no one appreciates them or wants to pay them more. I always think,”yeah, it’s because most of us spent 12 years in the public school system and know that, if anything, most of you people are overpaid based on your performance.”
What, and leave the union cocoon that prevents them from being disciplined no matter how absolutely shit they are, short of outright murdering or molesting kids?
Friendly reminder that a lot of people who become teachers/work in schools do so for a combination of automatic respect/prestige and because they're petty tyrants who want people to bully.
 

orelpuppington

kiwifarms.net
im not in high school anymore, but this is something that happened at my old school a few years ago

there were these twins, two guys. i'll call them dave and steve

dave had a gf, and one day he had her come over to his house when no one else was home. turns out his twin steve was there, and they decided to "prank" her by having steve dress up as dave and try to fuck her. gf realized what was going on right before they began to fuck and freaked out, breaking some furniture and threatening to kill the both of them. apparently she took a metal bat that was in the bedroom and was so pissed off that she began breaking shit and kept screaming she was gonna literally commit murder

she ended up getting suspended from school because of this, and actually went to juvie for property damage and had to take mandatory anger management classes

she ended up dropping out of school altogether and my friend was in a community college class with her once.
 

Mel Feasance

Going east, to toil.
kiwifarms.net
There was this one tall black tard we'll call Trey.

Trey spoke in a very high pitched, Fran Drescher-esque voice. Trey gave out his phone number to everyone, loved Whitney Houston and her "ballards", had big dry crusty lips, and would shout "STAAAAAANK" at the top of his lungs if he was either mad, or someone he disliked approached him.

Some Trey moments:

- my group of friends got this new girl, who didn't know what he was about, to go ask him where to sign up for some after school thing. As she began to ask her question, Trey interrupted her with "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DAAaaaAANCE". Having caught on to what's going on, she glanced back at us who are now howling on the floor with laughter. When she turns back to face Trey, he shouts "STAAAANK" in her face, blew a raspberry (spitting all over her in the process), and did this exaggerated stomp-walk towards the lunch room.

- at some talent show type thing, he stood on stage and gave a near incoherent speech about a Whitney Houston concert at a Dillard's department store. At least I think, it was hard to follow.

- got into a fight with the redneck handicapped kid. Lost because said kid hit him in the face with his polio crutch thing

- his mom came to the school to raise hell about her son getting beat up. She fell down a set of stairs and broke her wrist.

- our schools resident wigger rapper featured "T-Deezy"(Trey) on one of his songs. It was cobbled together from low quality cell phone recordings he'd taken over the course of a year or two. He was essentially the hypeman in the song.

Fun fact: I ended up dating that girl from the first story for a year or so. Found out she and some other guy I went to school with thrill-killed someone a few years back and are both serving life sentences.
 

Chan Fan

Quarantine Queen
kiwifarms.net
When I was in elementary school (2nd or 3rd grade) we had a librarian who was super nice. She was biracial (white and black in this case) and told us that the first day we went to the library, probably to get it out of the way so no one asked questions. I'm pretty sure this lady is one of the reasons I like libraries so much now. She made it a good place to be. She had special reading areas where we could go after picking a book to read for the period. One such area was a couch that had large Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls that were almost as big as we kiddos were. They weren't creepy like the real Annabelle doll but were very plain-faced, more like a gingerbread man, and the doll's 'skin' was very dark brown. The idea was that the dolls kept you company if you read on the couch, which to this day I think was a nice gesture.

When library class ended everyone lined up to leave and one of the black kids in the class made a vicious yelling sound, jumped on the Raggedy Andy doll and stabbed it with his pencil. This kind, calm, soft-spoken librarian instantly went into Black Grandma-mode, pulled the boy off the the doll and yelled, "Boy, what's wrong wit chu? Don't stab my doll!" and sure enough, the doll had a small round hole in it's eye. It was the only time I ever saw her angry or heard her raise her voice.

The day I graduated 5th grade she said if I came to the library I could have some of the old Where's Waldo books that were falling apart that would otherwise be thrown out. I still have them! She's an example of a teacher who really cared about her students, not only by being kind but by really disciplining a kid who needed it
 

The Last Stand

@Mrs Paul's standing ovation.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
My school had a policy that you always had to buy a carton of m;ilk with lunch because "it's healthy", even if you were allergic to m;ilk and were just going to throw it out. I could never figure out the logic.
I remember going to school after the Michelle Obama healthy lunch program. Basically, schools were required to serve healthier food options. No more fries, pizza, junk food, etc. The problem is that school lunch was disgusting as it was. This program made it worse.

The school lunch was either undercooked, burnt or just bleh. The chicken nuggets were pink inside. The hot dogs were barely red. The pasta and meat sauce, basically inedible.

Literally, students were grab their lunch and toss it in the trash can NEXT TO THE LUNCH LADIES.

I would pack my lunch usually, but they would only have two microwaves in a cafeteria. We had about an half hour to eat as well, so you better hope you'd hightail it to the lunchroom in time.

I remember they even banned sodas from school. If you brought a soda from home, they'd make you throw it out.
 

vertexwindi

Diddy in space, even though he's not
Supervisor
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I remember going to school after the Michelle Obama healthy lunch program. Basically, schools were required to serve healthier food options. No more fries, pizza, junk food, etc. The problem is that school lunch was disgusting as it was. This program made it worse.

The school lunch was either undercooked, burnt or just bleh. The chicken nuggets were pink inside. The hot dogs were barely red. The pasta and meat sauce, basically inedible.

Literally, students were grab their lunch and toss it in the trash can NEXT TO THE LUNCH LADIES.

I would pack my lunch usually, but they would only have two microwaves in a cafeteria. We had about an half hour to eat as well, so you better hope you'd hightail it to the lunchroom in time.

I remember they even banned sodas from school. If you brought a soda from home, they'd make you throw it out.
Idea that sounds good on paper that doesn't work in practice cause there's no money for it. Democrats lul

Couldn't you just make cold lunch though?
 

The Last Stand

@Mrs Paul's standing ovation.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Even prisoners get hot lunches, and no student wants to feel like they're in a prison.
That and I didn't have an ice pack at the time. The lunch would get room temperature fast.

I remember one high school I went to with an authority problem with its students. Fights would break out regularly, one time I remember two girls arguing about a guy and they just threw hands before sixth period.

Another time, a couple upper classmen after school got together in a group and started pummeling each other. On the road, while they were dismissing school. They've faced charges if I recall correctly. Another after school story was that somebody pulled the fire alarm and the fire department started rushing the streets to get into the school. Again, this was during dismissal. Lot of traffic, a car even almost got into a collusion because of it.
 

Cheese-Loving Citizen

Professional Reload Reminderer
kiwifarms.net
In Grade 1, I accidentally hit the pinky side of my hand on the edge of a table which resulted in a huge cut. Didn't sting, but it was huge for my small child hands. Unfortunately, this was WAY before first period so my homeroom teacher waan't around, so I simply wrapped my hand with a towel I had. Once the teacher came, I showed her the cut, and somehow, the cut was magically gone. I guess I managed to stop it from bleeding? I don't know. Either way, teacher got mad because she thought I was fucking around.

Similar thing happened in high school, only somehow I didn't notice it. It was the end of the day and one of my classmates pointed out I had a cut on my arm, opposite of my elbow. It wasn't bleeding, it didn't hurt, nor did I even remember a time where my arm got snagged on something. To say I was really confused on my trip to the clinic would be an understatement.

There was this gay kid in high school who had a funny last name that was basically "Abcde" if you removed one e. One of the teachers liked to tease him because of it.

There were rumors back in elementary that one of the high school kids kept pulling down the undergarments of (thankfully high school) girls (all the girls wore skirts). I vaguely remember the culprit but I did know he looked exceptional. He got kicked out a few weeks later so I guess the rumors were true...?

There was this one actually autistic (I think) girl in our class who had the mental capacity of a young child. She couldn't hold a normal conversation for the life of her and played with dragon toys. She was obssessed with dragons. So much so that in one of the school events, she got mad because she wasn't apart of a team that had "dragons" in the name. Somehow ended up with her from elementary to high school before I moved to another city for senior high.

The most surprising thing involving her was that she was the cousin of the resident bully back in elementary.
 

ForgedBlades

Milled wedges.
kiwifarms.net
This is a more of 'you had to be there' story, but I fucking love it.

We had this hugely obese math teacher in high school. She used to wear this purple velour tracksuit on casual Fridays, so we nicknamed her Grimace.

There was a few weeks where administration decided to crack down on PDA. During this time, Grimace walked by my buddy getting intimate with his girlfriend. She stopped and asked him for his school ID so she could write him up. He told her that he didn't have his school ID with him, so she asked for his driver's license. He handed it over, and she filled out the slip. She handed him the sheet and on the name line she had written 'Jesse White'.

When you see it...

091819_provided_ILREALID.jpg
 
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Sug Benis

It's hip to fuck clones
kiwifarms.net
Once, when I was in tenth grade, my high school had a presentation on the dangers of STDs and sexual abstinence. All hands on deck, everyone in the school gymnasium. Many people skipped out, myself included. The group I was hanging with picked an old abandoned greenhouse in the forest right outside of the school, on the edge of the grounds. Everyone was shooting the shit, reading, playing vidya, some were smoking and/or drinking, one of the big tiddy goth chicks was showing guys her butthole, great time. We even managed to start up a DnD game with some other, slightly less trashy and butthole showing big tiddy goth girls.

Then the lookout came running into our makeshift speakeasy and alerted us to the approach of school security. Everyone booked it in different directions. One guy tried to emulate Metal Gear Solid and hid underneath cars in the parking lot, attempting to crawl from car to car back to a bathroom to hide in, caught. One guy ran off into the forest, tried to circle around and ended up running directly into security. Caught.

The only redneck who came boosted a big tiddy goth over the wooden fence delineating the end of the grounds on one side, climbed after her, and they spent the day hanging out at a nearby motorcycle shop, igniting a romance that would cause tension between their cliques in a modern day Romeo and Juliet, if Romeo lived on a cow farm and Juliet had a penchant for black lipstick, clove cigarettes, and the Cruxshadows. Ended happier, though, so there's that.

Butthole-showing big tiddy goth girl attempted to hide behind a tree, and somehow security saw through her brilliant scheme and captured her. She later became the talk of the town for actually sharing her butthole with the coach and a janitor. I feel the need to promise that was real. Something was deeply wrong with that girl.

As for myself, my friend who brought the DnD supplies, and the last of the big tiddy goth girls, we scrambled to pack up the tabletop stuff, since it would lead them right back to him anyway, I wasn't abandoning my bro, and goth girl decided we were all in it together, for better or worse. As we managed to get the last of it shoved into our bags, we saw movement through the foliage.

In the wake of everything, I no longer remember who suggested it, but the three of us piled into a cabinet and tried to be quiet. Dead plant matter and broken glass crunched beneath our feet, big tiddy goth butt rubbed up on me, and the mix of adrenaline and booty gave me one of the most inopportune boners I've ever had.

Nevertheless, security passed us by, only checking behind the greenhouse tables. One guard, an older relative of mine, said they figured no one would be dumb enough to hide in the cabinets. He still makes fun of me for it.

We waited a few minutes, crawled out, and crept off grounds to go hang out at Dairy Queen, our bond strengthened through our shared experience. Big Tiddy Goth Girl became Big Tiddy Goth GF too, so that was fucking great.
 

Chan Fan

Quarantine Queen
kiwifarms.net
Chemistry was a required class for me in high school and it was completely useless as far as I was concerned. For something I was really looking forward to it was a huge disappointment. By far the worse thing about it was the teacher, who we'll call Ms. C. That's C for cunt, because she was. She was rude and honestly the worst teacher I had in high school. If you asked a question she was the type to either mock you in front of the rest of the class or just repeat herself instead of explaining things a different way. She also told us on the first day (when we got to tour the lab) that she only cleaned the tables once a year and for the young men in the class not to lean on the tables "unless you don't want children someday." Just atrocious.

I didn't cut class and was generally a good student. I didn't look for trouble; but that didn't mean the other students didn't. Ms. C told everyone she had bad allergies and not to spray perfume in the classroom so the girls who didn't like her would douse themselves in body spray before walking in so she would stay away from them. She would call kids to the board to solve equations she knew they couldn't solve criticize people for writing too light or too small. And in a huge school where you weren't allowed to shove slow people out of your way, I would occasionally be late. Not super late but like 30 seconds or so, and she gave me detention for it.

The only thing I could do was suffer through it and try to pass...until the day I discovered a loop hope. If you forgot to bring your textbook, she would go "take a walk" to send you to your locker to get it. My locker was in a totally different building and if I walked slowly (which believe me, I did) it would take about 15 minutes to retrieve the book and get back to her class. So I did that all the time. She thought that was a punishment, making us walk to get our textbooks. So a few of us would just happen to forget our textbooks each day and got an extra 15 minutes out of our 45 minute class. She never caught on that it was just the opposite and that we enjoyed it.

It didn't end well for Ms. C. She had so many parents complain about her that people from the school board started coming in and observing her and taking lots of notes. She tried to play nice but some of the students would say stuff like, "Why are you being so nice today?" and the like. She wasn't at the school the following year.
Here is a photo of Ms. C, behold and shudder in horror -
20200518_121911.jpg

When I was in elementary school (2nd or 3rd grade) we had a librarian who was super nice. She was biracial (white and black in this case) and told us that the first day we went to the library, probably to get it out of the way so no one asked questions. I'm pretty sure this lady is one of the reasons I like libraries so much now. She made it a good place to be. She had special reading areas where we could go after picking a book to read for the period. One such area was a couch that had large Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls that were almost as big as we kiddos were. They weren't creepy like the real Annabelle doll but were very plain-faced, more like a gingerbread man, and the doll's 'skin' was very dark brown. The idea was that the dolls kept you company if you read on the couch, which to this day I think was a nice gesture.

When library class ended everyone lined up to leave and one of the black kids in the class made a vicious yelling sound, jumped on the Raggedy Andy doll and stabbed it with his pencil. This kind, calm, soft-spoken librarian instantly went into Black Grandma-mode, pulled the boy off the the doll and yelled, "Boy, what's wrong wit chu? Don't stab my doll!" and sure enough, the doll had a small round hole in it's eye. It was the only time I ever saw her angry or heard her raise her voice.

The day I graduated 5th grade she said if I came to the library I could have some of the old Where's Waldo books that were falling apart that would otherwise be thrown out. I still have them! She's an example of a teacher who really cared about her students, not only by being kind but by really disciplining a kid who needed it
The dolls (not on the couch where they usually were) -
20200518_123039.jpg
 
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