Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

Very Clever Nickname

mmmmm, penis
Of Mice and Men did it better.

Actually is kinda funny looking back how shocking the ending was to a lot of us students. The book dragged it out and more-or-less implied Lennie's demise (it's like a cutaway shot), but although we knew how it would end, the movie also kinda dragged it out, but then just suddenly George whips it out and "BANG", and some of the girls in class gasped at it (probably 'cause it was a loud gunshot).
The ending of mice and men was so unexpected I let out a small laugh and a girl got really mad at me. I just wasn't expecting it to be so sudden.


The good doctor.
True & Honest Fan
In highschool at gym class we had finished the general exercise portion of the class and had the options of running 10 laps then sitting around until class ended or play whatever sport they were doing that day. I chose laps usually, and had a group of regulars to chat with after. Well, after laps the group and I were next to the bleachers enjoying the shade, swapping anecdotes and jokes, talking about "hot chicks" but when the women in the group would speak up we would remind them they are "4/10 at best, do more laps". One guy was in the middle of explaining Chuck Norris Facts when we heard the coaches whistle going crazy. We go around the bleachers to see what was going on, and she screamed "SHOOTER! SHOOTER! GET DOWN! GET BEHIND SOMETHING!". We booked it towards the fieldhouse to hide. We heard a popping sound going off at irregular intervals, which made us move even faster.

When we got to the fieldhouse, we were met by these two guys yelling at eachother in spanish, we asked them to open the door and they said "fuck no, find somewhere else to hide". So one of the bigger guys behind me donkey kicked the door in, the coach lecturing "that was wrong, but thank you". As we all sat there, we could hear the coaches radio going off, they were sweeping hall to hall, room to room, area to area, the cops showed up, we heard a helicopter too but it's unlikely it was a police one, the town wasn't that well funded. Eventually we were given an all clear and were dismissed early. In the following days, the schoolboard sent out a letter explaining it was a tractor or a big truck or something backfiring a lot and someone mistook it for gunfire. As an aside, I sometimes talk with the girls from that class from time to time and remind them to do more laps.
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International Glownigger Commander
My school life is pretty boring, but when I was in Elementary the tarded kids used to always pull the fire alarm which caused the school to receive fines or something like that from the Fire Department for waste of Fire Department resources.
Why couldn't they lock them in their own classrooms like everyone else did?


Eating lettuce due to kitty kibble shortages
Every four years, my high school had some sort of "Drunk Driving Day", where there would be a few events going on: a big assembly where some of the teachers had their lives affected by a drunk driver, complete with a few slideshow photos. One teacher lost her father when she was fairly young to a drunk driver--the father was a police officer killed in the line of duty, helping out a disabled vehicle on a foggy day with his partner on the force, when a drunk driver veered off the road and hit them both. Another big feature of this was an outdoor event in which the aftereffects of a car crash was staged, complete with a wrecked car, stage blood, emergency vehicles, using the "jaws of life", someone arrested and hauled off, and a helicopter (the makeshift landing pad for the helicopter drawn on the road remained for months afterward).

The final part was how some "x" percentage of high schoolers (or something) died in drunk driving, so an appropriate number of people were pulled from classes (we had a huge high school, graduating class was like 650-700 with the total population over 2000). The "missing" people apparently went to some PTO person's house and talked about drunk driving (I don't exactly remember the details). The problem was that the people "missing" were all the Student Council types, so it was unusually high profile. I remember in Spanish class, we "mourned" the sudden "death" of everyone's favorite Indian guy, Ranjan (not his real name), but he was just called out to do the grand finale, where the "missing" students walked through the hallways with white face paint, signifying their "death" (Ranjan just did the makeup).

The "drunk driving" day hit my sister particularly hard (the "drama" is pretty distressing to watch, and hearing about family members getting killed is never a fun time) when she was in high school some years earlier but I seem to remember that the shock value of the staged wreck was largely undone by the "missing students" which was full of cheese and a light-hearted conversation about who "died" recently.
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Ginger Piglet

Burglar of Jess Phillips MP
True & Honest Fan
So, yeah. tl;dr - I was labeled a terrorist on my permanent record for talking to another student about death metal.
This is regrettably believable. There was an incident where post Columbine a kid of 8 was suspended for pointing a chicken tendie at another kid at lunch and going, "bang."

Anyhow. Here's a good one. This may have made the local press, I forget which. At the time we thought it was hilarious but as an adult it's actually rather scary. The Saga of Dennis. To avoid powerlevelling I'll use made up names other than for the culprit in all this.

Early 2000s. Our school has a bit of a problem, namely, English teachers. There aren't enough of them. Miss Knight the extremely attractive English teacher had up and quit because the idea of a load of teenage boys deliberately dropping their pens after she's walked past to try to upskirt her, swapping ribald tales about how they'd like to "smash" her, and so forth no longer appeals, so we need to hire a replacement. Step forward, Dennis.

Dennis came highly recommended. Top First from Oxford, publications in academic journals out the wazoo about John Milton (a favourite of his, we're told, was Samson Agonistes) and other great authors. And he was available for an immediate start. So, he's hired pretty much on the spot, and checking reveals that all these things on his CV checked out. References and all that. Next week, he's in front of a load of 16 year olds teaching them about Paradise Lost. Only... there's something us kids find strange. He seems to talk a lot about "owlbears," not to be bothered half the time, and comes out with such strange gems as "if you don't know what a horse is, it's like a dog but bigger." Well, okay, we all think, maybe he's one of those vague academic types. We had a couple of those already, one of which was the infamous Dr Puritz who I'd posted about on here before and who was extremely weird and had no ability to control a class but was a stupendously accomplished mathematician.

So one day, he's got a class of 15 year olds all beavering away writing about Julius Caesar and the rhetorical devices used in Marc Antony's "friends, Romans, countrymen" speech, when in comes a pair of police officers. Dennis looks slightly alarmed and freezes. He's then arrested on suspicion of child sex offences and breach of his licence conditions from prison, cuffed, and taken away in a panda car. Over the next few weeks, the scuttlebutt comes out.

Dennis was a real person. But the person who we knew as Dennis, wasn't. Turns out he was a serial child abuser and had stolen the real Dennis's identity to pretend to be a teacher to get access to teenage boys so he could have a go at them. He was rumbled because the real Dennis saw unusual credit card activity on his bill miles away from his home in Birmingham and contacted the police.

Big Nasty

OK, fired up an old hard drive to see what could be salvaged from it. Found this story saved on it. This is NOT MINE, I found it somewhere online in 2008 or so.

Since you asked...let's just call the smurf guy "Adam," because that was his real name. He was apparently pretty normal in his early years, but once he hit high school he got very strange. I think every school has a kid who is RIGHT at the bottom of the social ladder...that was Adam.

He lived on a farm, didn't shave or bathe or brush his teeth, and had a dog named "Poopsie." He used to skip up and down the hallways singing the smurf "la-la-la" song. Apparently he started claiming to be a smurf when he first came to high school, and everybody ran with it, turned it into a running gag. People would say "Adam, how tall are you?" and he'd chirp "three apples high!" It became a popular past-time for the cool kids to question him about Gargamel (sp?) and other elements of smurf mythology. If you asked him what Smurfette was up to, he'd blush like crazy.

This didn't go on for a month or so. It lasted all 5 years of high school. I remember somebody breaking into his locker and putting a decapitated "Papa Smurf" head on top of his books, and he cried. Otherwise, though, people were pretty nice to him and he used to tell everybody to "have a jolly day!" He even got a poem in the yearbook ("A Sonnet Full Of Jolliness"). I don't think Adam was TRYING to be weird...I think he really had some problems. But he's probably making a fortune working for Microsoft now.

As for the Fedora guy with the three-piece suit and briefcase, his name was Dave-something, an extremely nerdy guy who tried to look as grown-up and dignified as possible, thinking himself urbane and suave and speaking in a clipped "New Yorker" kind of way. The problem was that he wasn't very bright, he was overweight, and his pompous attitude got on everybody's nerves. In a sort of parallel to the Papa Smurf incident, somebody broke into his briefcase and left a dissected frog from Biology class inside. Still, he became a sort of cult figure. Over the years I've seen quite a few people like him...I call them "boy in a man's suit." They always try to cultivate a personality that's somewhere between sophisticated bohemian and businessman, and they always come off as pompous and trite. I could write an essay.

Other than those folks, though, we just had a bunch of dirty farmers and a couple Vanilla-Ice wannabe's to laugh at.

eDIT: It may possibly have come from the original PVCC or CWCki forums.
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NOT Sword Fighter Super

"Cheerleeder" of Slapfights
True & Honest Fan
I once accidentally wore a shirt that was the color of our big sports rival on the first day of spirit week.
First part of the day I was confused when people gave me shit for it and apologizing left and right.
After I got sick of hearing about it though, I started telling people I did it on purpose because our school sucks.

I made it a point to wear that color shirt every day for the rest of the week.