Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

[MysticMisty]

The recent snowstorms that ravaged most of the country reminded me of how much I don't miss living up in South Dakota in the winter. Snowfall usually wasn't the main problem, it was the potent winds whipping up blizzards (and dangerous wind chills) that was the absolute most dangerous. It wasn't at all uncommon for visibility to drop down to inches (if that), which is why we frequently had snow days during the long winter. People who don't live with frequent blizzards don't seem to understand how incredibly dangerous they are and will say we were pussies when it came to snow. It is however incredibly dangerous conditions, and since the district wanted to avoid the controversy of a busload of kids dying to/from school, we'd accumulate probably around two weeks worth of snow days every year.

Fifth grade year, my final school year in South Dakota before leaving for Arizona, had the rather unusual problem in that the district officials couldn't time the cancellations right. So school would be cancelled on a nice balmy day (by winter standards), and then the next day we'd have to go to school in a raging blizzard. One notable day the day started out okay, but as it went on conditions deteriorated and around 1:15 the decision was made to end school right now and get us home before it got too dangerous.

After we'd gathered our shit we were taken to the cafeteria (where my class somehow managed to get first) to wait until our buses arrived. Almost immediately the buses for the off-base kids came, so they all left, leaving behind most of the school. Our teacher reassured us the rest of the buses would be coming soon, but as the minutes dragged on this quickly turned out to be not true. Fucking great.

As we stood around bitching to each other about the stupid buses taking so damn long (and in the case of my class, also how cold it was this close to the door even bundled up) our teachers kept lying and insisting the buses would have to arrive any minute. Which was why they refused to let us sit down or even wheel out a TV cart with something we could watch. They probably thought the moment they tried to do something like that the buses would come, and thus it was a big old waste of time because they wanted to follow us right out the door. I mean, I can't blame them for wanted to fuck off too, but at 2 it really should've been apparent that the buses were not coming and that at the very least we should sit down.

At one point someone (probably the music teacher) decided to entertain us by trying to get us to sing along with her to a baby song, I forget which one. She quickly gave up when a cafeteria full of fourth and fifth graders just stared back at her. Well, almost, fucking Billybob was nearby in his own class and was into the song, and kinda was pissed no one else was. Music teacher's problem was that she didn't choose the right baby song, as RocketMan came out the previous fall and we thought the scene where the astronaut man child sings "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" while locked in an isolation chamber absolutely hilarious. Granted, at least half of us also would've done the part where the other astronaut starts screaming so maybe they were wise not to chose that song after all.

At any rate I was beyond bored and not in the mood singing baby songs that weren't sung by funny man children, so I started to mutter "99 bottles of beer" to myself. My three friends (the ones that Mrs. Jellyrolls hated) joined in immediately. Followed by half the class, half the cafeteria, and then the entire cafeteria by the second verse. We all sang quite eagerly, while all the teachers frantically ran around ordering us to shut up. It took a while, but threats of suspension finally did get the last of the singers to stop.

Multiple teachers (not just mine), the music teacher, and even the vice principal stood in front of us to chew us out for singing a "grossly" inappropriate song. I mean, it's just beer, but that's boring, straight-laced women for you. Anyways out of me and my three friends they demanded to know which one of us started it, as they knew it had to be one of us four based on how the singing started. My three friends refused to rat me out, but Billybob somehow correctly accused me of being the original singer. The amazing thing is that they immediately shut him down, because a sweet girl like me would never start singing about beer on my own.

Not long after they finally gave up asking (but stayed nearby so we couldn't start singing again) the buses finally arrived, at their normal time. After fighting against the wind (and it was a hell of a wind) I managed to be one of the first kids on the bus, for a change. Mrs. Jellyrolls immediately started to insist it wasn't her fault, no one told them to come early, honest. I ignored her and went straight to the back with my friends, who congratulated me for pissing off the teachers like that and getting away with it. I felt great for having done so without trying and we laughed about it until it was time to say goodbye.

 

[DoNotReadTheFinePrint]

I've quite a few stories:

In primary school there was this kid in my class who huffed and ate glue. He wasn't the brightest and left after one year.

In middle school one of my homeroom teacher thought it was a great idea to force us to interact with special-aid-kids since one of the parents of one of my classmates worked with them. Luckily I left before this became the pet project and sole life purpose of this teacher.

Also, in the same class, a bunch of the girls thought it was cool to snort Sherbet like cocaine.

During a class trip (in high school) some people of my class got drunk during the night and started to constantly call the elevator back and forth with an empty chair they had stolen from the lobby (we were staying in a low-grade hotel) and were very loud/listened to loud music. A lot of the other guests at the hotel got really pissed and complained about them. In the morning the teachers chewed my class mates out.
Also on the same trip the teachers forced us to walk around the city we were during rain (it was right before Easter and very cold) and left us to our own devices in a place notorious for drug dealers and the like to be around. This was especially hilarious since one of the teachers with us was one of those constantly talking about how bad drugs are.
I also bought a pack of china food from a vendor, which turned into some sort of mascot for my friends and me during the day. Once it was empty I washed it out and we drew smiles on it and gave it a name but I can't remember it anymore.
The whole trip was quite a ride but the only thing I got out of it were

There was also the time the last lesson of the day was supposed to be cancelled but then it was said we get a stand-in-teacher. After about fifteen minutes of waiting around in the classroom we said unanimously fuck it and left the school. Since plenty of my classmates and I as well were getting home via bus, only a few returned to snitch on us. The next day everyone who had left got detention but since I was the shy/silent kid, my absence wasn't noticed and I got off scot-free.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Also, in the same class, a bunch of the girls thought it was cool to snort Sherbet like

I remember when people used to smoke caramel and biscotti.

 

[IsaacShraeder]

For some reason, our primary school decided that it was a good idea to "integrate" the kids who would normally belong deep inside spedial ed into normal classes. We basically had to wrangle them ourselves because the teachers had no idea how to.
One of these kids was a borderline tard with extreme anger issues. Anything could set him off, so most people never really interacted with him. One day, I was walking home from school when another guy comes running up behind me, pure panic on his face. He tells me to run, and I spot the tard speeding towards us and swinging his scooter above his head like it was some kind of a bat. He held it by its handlebars and helicoptered the bottom part around.
We ended up fleeing into the friend's house. The tard stood at the door for like two hours and kept charging it (at least that's what we assumed the loud thuds were) until something made him quit. When I asked my friend what set him off, he said that he tapped him on his shoulder to ask him to move away from the water fountain.
The next day, it was like nothing happened.
Last I heard of him was when he got into high school, and on day one walked up to a senior guy who was talking to his girlfriend, promptly telling him that he thought she was really ugly. Apparently, he got punched so hard he had to have one of his kidneys reattached, but that's just a rumor.

 

[Fentanyl Floyd]

A football player got expelled after he had a literal tard lick his nipple, even funnier is that his dad was the head coach of the football team. Anyway the dad ended up taking a job in another state and that kid went with him. Also the downie kid got pulled out of school, and his mom went to the local news and they wrote a story about it.

Another one was a kid got caught jacking off in the middle of class to some girl who sat across the room from him, apparently this happened more than once. When I first heard who did it I was actually kind of shocked, cause he was a kid I would talk to sometimes back in middle school, tbf though he was always a little off.

Third one, the principal said nigger during an assembly and some negro walked out of the assembly and went and chimped out in the locker room, even though the principal only said it as an example of hateful word

Fourth, my hs was Catholic and when they found a school counselor was a dyke and had recently married, they fired her, this made the news since gay marriage was a hot topic at the time and then everyday for like a week there were protestors outside the school, who would stand around with their faggoty (heh) signs all morning

Fifth one about me, in freshman year of HS I would show up high pretty much every day and would "forget" my PE clothes two or three times a week, and I'd have to ask the teacher to let me borrow some extras, one day he got so tired of it he snapped at me in front of the whole class, but I was so fucked up that half way through his rant I just chuckled at him and asked, "bro what's even the problem here?", he fucking fuming now, but he just but his head in his hands and told to get out, I ended gettung a week of detention and had to write an apology, also I got to skip PE that day

 

[AnOminous]

In something like the third grade I once pulled my usual "fuck with teachers" thing but it was a black woman. She fucked my shit up and literally dragged me out of the room by my mouth (I didn't even know that was possible) and told me none of my shit was going to be tolerated.

I was suitably impressed.

And I have been schooled by Catholic nuns and every single one of them adored me and put up with every single bit of my shit.

 

[serious n00b]

In elementary school me and my friends got in trouble for making guns and swords with building blocks because they said we were "promoting school violence" and they had an announcement the next day claiming that anything that promoted weapon violence in school was strictly prohibited.

Fucking faggots.

i couldnt pretend to have a lightsaber since "those kill people"

 

[keyboredsm4shthe2nd]

I don't remember the year or grade, but I was about 10, and a female teacher c. 40 took a real fancy to a boy whom she would have on her lap sometimes stroking him like a pet animal. Needless to say, even in those distant days, this teacher had to go, but for me she just somehow wasn't there anymore. I had quite a succession of weird teachers, one who reputedly threw chairs at pupils, but all I noticed was he disliked teaching, and preferred we play basketball, another was some ginger woman aid worker weirdo.

I sincerely wish I could unread this cursed information.

 

[serious n00b]

There was one kid who cut off his dick during prom.

Ahead of his time

While I largely enjoyed reading these, the teacher had the tendency to include rather obscure, useless questions on our quizzes. Questions such as, "Why did character x wear a particular outfit in this week's chapter?" took away some of that enjoyment.

School more/less teaches people to hate reading

 

[serious n00b]

I dunno is this story qualify in here. So please just delete it if it isn't.

I am going to delete it now

 

[Kiwi Lime Pie]

In primary school there was this kid in my class who huffed and ate glue. He wasn't the brightest and left after one year.

In first or second grade, one of my classmates used to eat her Elmer's Glue when we'd have our periodic arts & crafts session. Although she had no mental issues (as far as I know), she always insisted it tasted just like salad, but none of us seemed persuaded.

For some reason, our primary school decided that it was a good idea to "integrate" the kids who would normally belong deep inside spedial ed into normal classes. We basically had to wrangle them ourselves because the teachers had no idea how to.

Someone I know that retired as a special education aide often shared stories about parents that either insisted or outright demanded their special needs children be mainstreamed when it wasn't in the kid's best interest all because the parents wanted their kids to be accepted and make friends. It rarely worked out that way and the kids ended up frustrated when they couldn't keep up with the classwork.

 

[serious n00b]

Someone I know that retired as a special education aide often shared stories about parents that either insisted or outright demanded their special needs children be mainstreamed when it wasn't in the kid's best interest all because the parents wanted their kids to be accepted and make friends. It rarely worked out that way and the kids ended up frustrated when they couldn't keep up with the classwork.

Class would always come to a scREEEEEEEEEEEEching halt whenever a tard was brought in there with us.

 

[EnemyStand]

Here's a story. I was in drama club in high school. Since I was coming from a swim team workout I was wearing sweatpants. I was talking to a fellow club member (not chatting her up) and another dude pantsed me. Not a big deal, except the idiot grabbed my boxers with the pants. Well, all I did was grin, my perfect teeth flashed in the light. "See anything you like?" I asked her, massive dick swaying in the breeze. "Oh yes!" She cried, then started sucking it right there. Everyone started clapping. The dude who pantsed me, the gay choreographer, everyone in the chorus...hell, even the stage crew came out to applaud.

...Oh no wait, I just got embarrassed, pulled my pants up, and everyone pretended it didn't happen. My bad.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

For some reason I never figured out, in 3rd grade we had a three week kazoo craze.
I guess some store near the school got a big ole bag of them and put them on sale but for what felt like an eternity class was interrupted by kazoo noises and in the hallway teachers would confiscate them and destroy them.
Around this same time some kid decided the Vulcan nerve pinch was real and it took a few failed tries before he really got the shit kicked out of him.
He tried it on me and I mule kicked his nuts.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

My primary school had, and still has, a facility for speds despite being a mainstream school. This means that high-functioning spergs' parents all fought tooth and nail to get there, and means that we ended up with not just a bumper crop of tards, but that they were tards from entitled middle-class families.

One of the main things I remember happening was a guy running backwards down the corridor screaming the alphabet. We also had a boy decide that pulling the fire alarms was a fun thing to do whenever he didn't get his way. He then went to a special school for secondary, and according to a family friend that works there has moved on to blocking the toilets and flushing them if anyone annoys him.

 

[serious n00b]

Gorl looked like a fatter Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts with a wig slapped on.

Did she ever eat any awful waffles?

 

[serious n00b]

Spoiler: [...]

Oh boy, where do I start..
Had a sub who was a double amputee. Was missing one of his arms and the other was a hook hand. The guy was nice enough but he always smelled like burnt flesh.

In fourth grade or something we all had to take our standardized tests. Imagine a room of 20 8-year-olds, entirely silent and working at their desks. One kid decides that won't do, so when the teacher's out he stands up on his chair, screams at the top of his lungs for a few seconds and calmly goes back to work.

Had another sub for band that made 5th grade me cry after not showing up for a concert (I had a taekwondo event on the same day) who also threw a chair at another kid. Turned out to be a massive alkie and I swear I saw him at a music concert a couple of years ago.

In seventh grade was the one and only time I got in trouble. Creepy kid kept sending me pics so I and a friend got together and photoshopped his face into a bunch of shit, like onto anime girls with big tits (i could dig the pics up if anyone wanted). Before that I was always afraid of getting into trouble but to this day I am fucking proud of that moment because it marked the beginning of my shitposter career. Teacher vagued about me in front of the whole class and gave a spiel about 'taking responsibility online' but he let us play minecraft every friday so that was cool.

Had a giant fucking crush on this one girl and one day in English she just changes her shirt next to me like nothing. We were in the back rows so no one else saw, but it wasn't a big classroom in the first place so that shocked me. Also happened with a guy I liked during a hypnosis show, so I guess I just have really good luck with seeing people take their shirts off.

My TA was hosted in the computer lab, and it was a big mistake giving me the ability to display 20 different screensavers to whoever walked by. I put Animorphs book covers as all the screensavers among other things and would do daily upkeep to make sure they stayed that way. For anyone who doesn't know/has repressed their memories of these literary masterworks, I'll put a few under the spoiler. They're good for a laugh.

Spoiler: ANIMORPHS!

View attachment 1324100
View attachment 1324101

Spoiler: Now for the gore

Gym teacher took us on a little canoe trip. The idea was that we'd set off under this bridge and go downstream to where the high school was. Only thing was that the dude chose the local Heroin Bridge as the start off point, so it was already a shit idea to go under the bridge, where the ground was littered with needles and broken glass and we were all wearing sandals. Anyway, that's not the main part. Someone had an hero'd under the bridge that night and the body was still there at the time we arrived. It wasn't immediately obvious until someone pointed it out, and at first the gym teacher was in denial and said it was a rock. The phrase "That's not a rock, it has arms" is etched into my brain. Realization sets in and we all back the fuck up and the cops eventually arrive. Needless to say I don't like canoeing and stay the fuck away from that bridge.

There happens to be a bank across from the school. Anyway, someone with a gun robs it and crosses the street to go on campus. School is immediately on lockdown and I hang out in the fetal position for about 2 hours. There was a standoff between the guy and the cops for like 90 minutes until they finally shoot the guy on the baseball field. All in all a standard piece of the American Public School Experience™, but the shitty part was that this is a small town so he had gone to this school, so a lot of teachers remembered teaching him. His younger brother was also at the school, and while he's scummy in his own right I do feel bad this happened to him.

This all probably makes where I live sound like a violent shithole, but I promise it's nice

I have some other shit but I don't want to make this post more of an essay than it already is. I'll share that if anyone wants.

How old are you?

 

[serious n00b]

I had a pretty good autistic sperg out moment.

I was in 3rd grade and i used to ride on the r-tard bus since i have "ADHD". I always hated riding it and always told my parents about it, they eventually had enough and just put me on a regular bus as long as my brother picks me up from the bus stop. So once i got used to the normal school bus "culture" i realized that the back of the bus was the best part of the bus since the driver couldn't see you (or so i though) but i could never get a seat on the back of the bus.

So one day when class rang out i went to the bus and to my luck the back of the bus had one vacant seat left and not only that i saw my friend there. So i rushed to the seat and my friend notices me and i sit and then the bus door closes and we take off. Along the way we get stuck in traffic and i had a brilliant idea. To keep a long story short i flipped off the car behind us. The bus driver quickly noticed and said "Is your finger broken?" and me being an autistic sperg say, while moving my middle finger and flipping her off "Works just fine". So at that point we just were going back and forth I just go into chimp out mode and started cursing at her which eventually led to me cursing the entire bus.

To my surprise the bus driver forgave me after i apologized but one of the students on my bus that got off the same bus stop as me snitched me out to my brother, who was waiting for me.

I also got put on the special ed bus again and didn't ride a normal school bus until 9th grade.

 

[Bonovany]

Learning in my class has always been quite strange and restless

 

[Mix Me a Molotov!]

UK secondary. Age 15-16. Design & Technology class, akin to woodworking/metalworking/shop etc.

Each Thursday we got a homework task to design or setout a product and consider the usual design-related criteria. One week, it was to lay out the design aspects of a compact torch.

Wednesday morning class, time to hand the assignment in. Me and the two lads on our table submitted ours, when at that point one of us noticed the presence of a kid - Don (I swear to God his real name) - who had been missing from class virtually all year due to truancy, had actually turned up to this class. Knowing full well this arsehole wouldn’t even be aware of the existence of the homework assignment, one of us had an inspired idea.

Let’s do Don’s homework for him.

Frantically scrabbling for an A3 sheet, we drew a torch consisting of a rectangle adjoining a triangle with some lines emanating from the ‘lens’. We then wrote ‘TORCH’ as the title, made a few choice annotations thereupon such as ‘lite’, ‘swich’, ‘handel’ and ‘plastick‘, signed off as ‘DON’, and hurriedly shoved the creation to the near bottom of the assignment pile, just before teacher Mr. Grey rocked up and collected them for marking, choosing to do so during that lesson, on the table next to ours.

The tension was unbearable. All three of us fought back the laughter with everything we had. Virtually all the lesson passed until we saw Mr. Grey’s brow furrow in utter disbelief. Stopping only to whisper to himself “what the bloody hell”, he roared across the room at the hapless Don “This isn’t on, lad, what the hell do you think this is?”

The gormless, jug-eared simpleton slowly rose from his seat, open-mouthed, completely shocked and unfamiliar at what was being held up in his direction. By now we were beetroot red with snorting spittle barely being suppressed when the bell saved us. We packed up and sprinted out, I looked back at Don protesting his innocence and made it as far as far as the department corridor before collapsing in uncontrollable, knee-buckling laughter along with my cohorts. Everyone else walked passed us, almost unsettled by how violently we were in his hysterics without knowing why. My temples ached for hours afterwards.

No matter how miserable I ever feel, I never fail to raise a smile when I recall the unforgettable image of poor old gobsmacked Don, getting bollocked for a homework he never even did, by a teacher who just wouldn’t believe him.