Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

[Ginger Piglet]

UK secondary. Age 15-16. Design & Technology class, akin to woodworking/metalworking/shop etc.

Each Thursday we got a homework task to design or setout a product and consider the usual design-related criteria. One week, it was to lay out the design aspects of a compact torch.

Wednesday morning class, time to hand the assignment in. Me and the two lads on our table submitted ours, when at that point one of us noticed the presence of a kid - Don (I swear to God his real name) - who had been missing from class virtually all year due to truancy, had actually turned up to this class. Knowing full well this arsehole wouldn’t even be aware of the existence of the homework assignment, one of us had an inspired idea.

Let’s do Don’s homework for him.

Frantically scrabbling for an A3 sheet, we drew a torch consisting of a rectangle adjoining a triangle with some lines emanating from the ‘lens’. We then wrote ‘TORCH’ as the title, made a few choice annotations thereupon such as ‘lite’, ‘swich’, ‘handel’ and ‘plastick‘, signed off as ‘DON’, and hurriedly shoved the creation to the near bottom of the assignment pile, just before teacher Mr. Grey rocked up and collected them for marking, choosing to do so during that lesson, on the table next to ours.

The tension was unbearable. All three of us fought back the laughter with everything we had. Virtually all the lesson passed until we saw Mr. Grey’s brow furrow in utter disbelief. Stopping only to whisper to himself “what the bloody hell”, he roared across the room at the hapless Don “This isn’t on, lad, what the hell do you think this is?”

The gormless, jug-eared simpleton slowly rose from his seat, open-mouthed, completely shocked and unfamiliar at what was being held up in his direction. By now we were beetroot red with snorting spittle barely being suppressed when the bell saved us. We packed up and sprinted out, I looked back at Don protesting his innocence and made it as far as far as the department corridor before collapsing in uncontrollable, knee-buckling laughter along with my cohorts. Everyone else walked passed us, almost unsettled by how violently we were in his hysterics without knowing why. My temples ached for hours afterwards.

No matter how miserable I ever feel, I never fail to raise a smile when I recall the unforgettable image of poor old gobsmacked Don, getting bollocked for a homework he never even did, by a teacher who just wouldn’t believe him.

That is absolute genius. Honestly.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

My French teacher was a Geordie boomer who was blissfully ignorant of technology. One day she decided to give us an exercise to do, again to prepare us for the GCSE's. She wrote some vocab on the smart board, including the words ”le fast food” and ”ouvert open”, but didn't choose to translate ”le fast food” because we were supposed to know what fast food was.

Cut to 20 minutes later and this guy is reading his response to the question out loud. The first sentence?
”Quand je vais à Westfield [local shopping centre] avec mes amis, je mange toujours le ouvert open”.

 

[Broseph]

Oh dios mio. You all are in for a treat about my past!

So, back in my middle school days, I knew these two freaks named Dylan and Shawn. These two were the most spergy people you could have EVER met. And keep in mind, these two thought I was FRIENDS with them! I even told them I wasn't because, let's be honest, I refuse to be friends with people who are obsessed with cats and Minecraft, or dinosaurs.

Let's start with Shawn! Shawn was this weird.. thing. He was average height, but had the face of a deformed mongoloid. He had this massive overbite, which made his words slur. All the funnier! Anyways, this kid.. He was fucking sticky for some reason. I found that out the hard way when he touched me to get my attention cuz he needed help on his Math. Figures. And he smelled awful. It literally smelled like he crawled around in one of those McDonald's play place tubes for hours and didn't shower for an entire week. He had this really weird obsession with dinosaurs, I remember. He would bring these small figurines into school and play with them DURING CLASS. He was often redirected because he would always play with dinosaur toys while the teacher was teaching us. And that is all he would talk about, too. Everytime someone asked him about his hobbies, he would go on and on and on about dinosaurs, the different type of dinosaurs, which dinosaurs are the coolest and why, etc etc. I avoided that kid as much as possible.

Sounds like you went to school with Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes.

 

[Shameimaru Aya]

During Elementary, in the middle of a test we were all dead silent. Then some sped kid outside in the hallway seemed to just be running through the halls while screaming "SUPERMAN" at the top of his lungs. We lost it. A whole 10 minutes of uncontrollable laughter completely ruined our test grades but I doubt any of us cared.

I had a reputation of being a very scary and strict lab partner during Chem, mostly because my usual partner is a spastic who never took the lessons seriously, even while handling dangerous substances. One particular case had the teacher request I be put into a different lab group because I spent a good part of a lesson telling (well, shouting at, rather) my retard partner to stop playing around with the Hydrochloric acid (he had caused several spills and damaged my lab notes). Was put in a lab group with a much better behaved girl who I ended up becoming good friends with.

Naked guy once entered our school and beat up several teachers and other staff members. I only found out through hearsay because I was off in a different part of school at the time, either sleeping or drawing.

I myself did well to avoid much sperging from myself, but during a period of severe sleep deprivation I suffered from exceptionally poor situational awareness and slammed into a glass door once. I think not too long after that day I also collapsed in the middle of a busy hallway due to a freak cardiac problem.

 

[Iron Jaguar]

When I was in primary school (in a very small village) we used to take turns cutting firewood for the potbelly stoves in our classrooms. We also had to break the ice off the sandpit with a shovel, so the little kids could play.

Best place I ever lived.

 

[Big Ruski]

I went to a military school for a semester but I have some fond memories of my time there.


There was a big guy named Stegosaurus Jones, he earned his nickname by eating nothing but greens and the way he slowly chewed his food. Stegosaurus Jones looked absolutely miserable because he had to lose weight in order to pass his PT Test. I think a couple of kids started singing the Jurassic Park Theme in order to get him motivated.

After lights out, the campus would be filled with students screaming HUH-YEAH! It turned into a game to see how long they could keep it going before somebody yelled "Shut the Fuck up".

In each Dorm room, there was a white board right next to our door. You had to put in your location and your ETA back to the dorms if you went out. One joker would erase some of the boards and replace it with "Cadet X is currently in JOT for Y mins" JOT stood for Jerk Off Time, so when you returned, everyone would snicker and asked how was your JOT? One guy got done with a hard test or something and played in with the joke. He describe it as "Long, painful, and wished he finished up sooner" lol.

In early December before our winter break, a couple of my peers came up to me and ask for my penis size. I was called BBC due to being one of the few nogs up there and I told him it was a humble 12 inches. They said thanks and I asked him what it was for. They said they wanted to give one of our peers a foot long, black dildo as a Christmas present. About a week or 2 later, I got sick, and was confined to my room. I ended up wondering if they were actually going to do it. Then out of the blue, I hear: "GET THAT BIG BLACK DICK OUT OF MY FACEEE!!!!" The mad men actually did it! I couldn't fucking believe it, my sides were in orbit throughout the night.

I remember hearing a big argument about the guy who received the dildo. Apparently, he had to take it home because everyone would get in trouble if a faculty member saw it. The guy argued that he should just throw it away but everyone kept sperging him that it was rude to throwaway a nice, thoughtful gift. I think he ended up taking it home with him

Shit was wild.

 

[Holiosante]

Once at school, my teacher called me not very smart, because I did not do homework, and I put on his chair according to the classics a piece of my toast with peanut paste, I was funny then. But after this incident, I just started to study even worse because I thought that the teacher would still not praise me. However, later I read the reviews of the top 5 homework help websites on the site and realized that the problem with poorly done homework can always be solved. It is good that now there are services that help in learning and save our time. After all, we are often asked too silly tasks.

 

[Ginger Piglet]

I'm reposting this from the ”autism you witnessed IRL” thread since I guess this counts as a school story?
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In my French class I sat next to a girl who was known as a politisperg. She was, and still is, the sort of person who gets her politics from TikTok and Instagram memes, and has always enjoyed pretending to be an ”activist” despite never doing anyactual activism.

We were given an assignment where we had to write a French essay about our heroes to prepare us for the GCSE's. Most people just waffled about their family members or a film star. This girl chose to write a pretty lengthy paragraph about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

This would put you on the verge of lolcowdom in and of itself, but it got even funnier when we discovered that she didn't know how to spell AOC's name and didn't know what her policies were, so she just waffled about her ”iconic red lipstick” for the duration of this essay. She then chose to accompany the essay with a printout of AOC's face, with her lips painstakingly coloured in red biro.

Before you ask, she wasn't a sped but was just an incredibly rich white girl who follows politics because she thinks it makes her interesting.

Is she "goddess sized" by any chance?

EDIT: It just occurred to me. You are in a class with Pandora Braithwaite.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Is she "goddess sized" by any chance?

Surprisingly enough, no. She's a ”bi lesbian” who reads the Guardian and goes skiing though.
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Back when I chose my GCSE options, my school put me down to do full course RS. Because I live in Londonistan this meant that about 40% of my class was made up of white atheists and the rest was made up of black Christians and Pakistani Muslims - I was the only religious white guy there and I think was the only Catholic in the room.

Obviously I got a lot of stupid questions, but my two ”favourite” experiences were when I got marked down for using the book of Maccabees as a quote on a question that asked what Catholics believe, and when a girl asked me with a straight face if I worshipped Pope Francis.

 

[lotsoluv]

In freshman year, at an agricultural class no less, there was this kid who hung around with my friend group during that class who would consistently flash his penis to people every day. Keep in mind I only saw this kid about an hour every other day, so you can only wonder just how much he did it. What he revealed was a thick black bush concealing what looked like a small pepper.

Among my graduating class was a kid who was a bit of a loner, but he was known for being catfished online by the same ugly girl in our grade three times in a row.

A guy in my senior year carried around a 'Foxy' plushie from FNAF like a security blanket. I've never seen him without it, reminded me of the girl who obsessed over a lamb plushie on My Strange Addiction.

 

[Cavalier Cipolla]

Shit, I forgot about checking for the etched swastika that I mentioned in one of my posts on page 76. And it's been several months by now.

 

[serious n00b]

Shit, I forgot about checking for the etched swastika that I mentioned in one of my posts on page 76. And it's been several months by now.

Could you do it today or tomorrow?

 

[Autumnal Equinox]

I was in a writer’s workshop group in college. There were a lot of strange people in that group.

The guy who followed a weird blend of Thelema and Discordianism, looked almost exactly like Skrillex and peppered his stories with a bunch of esoteric references to Crowley and The Illuminatus Trilogy. He was weird but honestly pretty chill and friendly, I hung out with him a few times outside of the group

the fat neckbeard who would shit on everyone else’s stories but only wrote Diablo and Legend of Zelda fan fiction. Guy acted like he was the next Hemmingway or Faulkner and the rest of us were just troglodytes scrawling symbols into the dirt with sticks. His stories sucked as well, even by fan fiction standards.

The older man who was writing his memoirs about being a roadie for The Grateful Dead and his struggles with drug addiction, homelessness and getting sober. He was fascinating and I always looked forward to reading his next chapters.

The mousy little girl who looked and acted like a preacher’s daughter but all her stories were either Seth Rogan “dude weeeeed!” styled comedies or edgelord splatter punk horror that would make Edward Lee blush. Had an autistic hatred of Harlan Ellison but would never say what it was she disliked about him. Avoided talking to me after I had mentioned Ellison was one of my inspirations.

 

[serious n00b]

I was in a writer’s workshop group in college

LOL

 

[Cavalier Cipolla]

Could you do it today or tomorrow?

I'll go there today. If it's still there, I'll be sure to post the pic.

 

[Cavalier Cipolla]

Could you do it today or tomorrow?

Well, bad news. Looks like in those 6 to 7 years they'd changed the benches, including the one with the solar etched swastika. You can probably see the color difference between the topmost bench and the others.

 

[BigTed]

I don't remember why, but the kid who insisted on pronouncing it as "4chawn" was allowed to play Cavestory on the projector for everyone in a high school accounting class.

He made a middling game on steam years later, then just vanished.

There was another kid who we didn't really like who would hang out with our dork group. I guess we kept him around because he could buy us rated M games. Once he was using my friend's computer to get on MySpace, and I caught his password. I found some gross sext logs with his younger egirlfriend. We printed them out and read them aloud on the bus a few days later. We didn't get very far when he raged out and tore them away from us.

 

[serious n00b]

I don't remember why, but the kid who insisted on pronouncing it as "4chawn" was allowed to play Cavestory on the projector for everyone in a high school accounting class.

He made a middling game on steam years later, then just vanished.

What?

 

[BigTed]

I was curious to see if he became some successful developer, but there's no info out there. Cavestory kid becoming rich would've had a weird resolution.

 

[Bastard_Call]

When I was 13 in art class, some girl brought her Monster High dolls to school to lend me as reference for a gouache project. I had a huge crush on her.

When I gave them back, she made a joke along the lines of "I bet you made out with these". Connect the dots of tragic irony yourself.