Shit films that you want to discuss - Opposed to the film recommendations thread, I suppose

[Man vs persistent rat]

Sometimes a film is so good it's bad, but usually it's just bad but with a lot of tards who inexplicably still promote it.

The most recent I've seen is Shakma (1990), which is genuinely difficult to endure and despite the ape's best efforts has not a single piece of the rest of the 95% of the film that could be considered enjoyable or compelling. I'm trying Italian Jaws rip-off Killer Crocodile (1989) next on a similar pretext (it supposedly being funny-bad) but I am not feeling optimistic. It can't be as bad as Crocodile (2000), as I think up to the early 90s there was a certain amount of effort and expertise required to make a barely-adequate film, and some level of appreciation to be gained for its failed attempts to be good, but by the time the SyFy channel began making PS2-generated CGI monstrosities, calling something a B- or Z- movie, much less 'cult', is asking too much. I don't know how it's even possible for standards to decline during a period when more than ever - both past and present - is available to watch, but it's miserable to try to understand why people do what they do, so best not to think about it.

Also welcome are films that are actually interesting, but fatally flawed for whatever reason - my perennial favourite of this type being Event Horizon (1997) which the 14 year old inside me refuses to accept is lame.

 

[Frank D'arbo]

Event Horrizon would have been great had the MPAA not interfered with it. It's hard to make great big budget horror because of them

 

[Franjevina]

This one is gonna be epic shit ( will check it out for boobs )

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ps - Event Horizon is 9/10 movie

Equilibrium also got bad reviews but it's one of my favorites .

 

[Slappy McGherkin]

One of my favs - Night of the Lepus. Mutated attack rabbits gonna git ya!

I'm reminded of it when I travel to Mexico, as you drive through Ajo, AZ where it was filmed. One of the old buildings has a giant rabbit painted on it proudly pronouncing "Home of Night of the Lepus." Probably about the most exciting thing that's ever happened in dead-ass Ajo.

 

[Judge Holden]

For some reason....possibly my month or two binging on homemade kimchi....my mind has been drawn to that most inane and cheesy yet charming 80s martial arts films, The Miami Connection

I have sampled many bad films, but honestly the more I think of it this might have wormed its way into my lard encrusted heart by sheer clueless heartfelt naivety and enthusiasm.

For those who dont know, the film was made by a Taekwondo teacher/self help guru type who barely spoke english and is about a lovable and good natured rock band of loveable and good natured students who like to frolic semi nude at the beach together, play to sold out crowds at the local dive bar, and regularly get into badly choreographed Taekwondo brawls with ever more ludicrous gangs of martial arts thugs including bikers, rival rock bands, and cocaine dealing ninjas. RedLetterMedia compared it to "Saved By the Bell" but without as many attempts at comedy, and that is a fair comparison given the dorky inoffensiveness and pure 80s cheese that imbues every frame of the movie....until the climax.

After much frolicking and 80s music and squaring off against nasty bullies and even some melodramatic parental revelations....this happens

And everything just goes fucking bananas as the goofy cheese fest descends into utter carnage and grisly murder. And its beautiful.

 

[Lemmingwise]

I have sampled many bad films, but honestly the more I think of it this might have wormed its way into my lard encrusted heart by sheer clueless heartfelt naivety and enthusiasm.

Friends through eternity loyalty and honesty. Tae kwon do pilled.

Good bad taste mate.

The one thing you can't knock the movie for is bad choreography though. The fight choreography is above average, even compared to mainstream movies. Sometimes filmed at the wrong angle, frequently badly acted, but the choreography itself holds up.

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

Event Horrizon would have been great had the MPAA not interfered with it. It's hard to make great big budget horror because of them

Meh, I still kinda liked it.

 

[Bigmanontheblock]

Shark tale is a objectively terrible movie in every aspect, but I get a feeling of perverse enjoyment every time I watch it. Also Will Smith as a fish is just so weird and off putting it's awesome.

Also obligatory "Lol Last Jedi bad"

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

Event Horrizon would have been great had the MPAA not interfered with it. It's hard to make great big budget horror because of them

I thought so too, but when I went back to watch it I felt that there were some objective issues with how badly the edgier concepts had dated. I don't have an issue with that, and aside from presentation it's very influential and original, but I think even if it were uncensored it'd always have a few asterisks after its recommendation.

 

[The Shadow]

Ed Wood's movies are interesting. There's clearly passion there and there's an attempt to make something good that ultimately eludes him. I think their comic ineptitude makes them much more memorable and fun than if they'd been made from the same scripts by a more competent crew.

 

[BrunoMattei]

Event Horrizon would have been great had the MPAA not interfered with it. It's hard to make great big budget horror because of them

It depends on what exactly was cut. If it was like 40 minutes of footage then yes, it could have been amazing rather than (IMHO) a very mediocre film. But if it's a few seconds of gore then bah. But who knows? It could be a My Bloody Valentine situation and those extra seconds could elevate it to legendary status? At any rate, I doubt there's a scene where a woman is raped by a giant maggot so therefore Galaxy of Terror is still the far superior film.

 

[Autumnal Equinox]

I remember watching The Surgeon on Joe Bob Briggs' MonsterVision back in the late 90s. It had the potential to be a creepy, suspenseful thriller, but I remember just being incredibly bored by it. Found it on YouTube recently, rewatched it to see if I might have a different take. Nope, still boring. Disappointed because there's a decent movie here buried under the huge pile of mediocrity. Surprised they got Malcolm McDowell to be in it.

 

[Dave Meltzer]

I watched a brutal one a few nights ago. A martial arts movie called General Stone. You want to test your ability to endure a bad movie give this one a go. The lead character constantly crying out for his mother. The mother is equally obnoxious. "My son, my son, my son." His father, General Stone, is a statue. Awful fight scenes with statues that come to life. There are plenty of entertaining bad martial arts flicks. This one was just torture.

 

[frozenrunner]

Surprised they got Malcolm McDowell to be in it.

Reminder that Peter O'Toole was in Caligula

Sometimes, actors and their agents just fuck up.

EDIT: I completely forgot that McDowell was in Caligula, too

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

Having finished Killer Crocodile (1989), it shows just enough contempt for the audience to find charming. Some clear gaffes that were not reshot, crocodile props that while fairly decent got far too much screen-time when the beast presents itself, as atmosphere was not on the director's list of priorities. It sometimes looked stupid, and other times quite impressive, with some good set pieces. The direction and editing is slack but serviceable. The story is adequate, with some silly leaps of logic, but also going beyond the call of duty for piece-of-shit film making at times (when a character disappears, the protagonists persist in trying to find her rather than giving up). The sequel was apparently shot in parallel, so will not be an improvement, and at worst may just be the same plot line with different scenes. The bluray looks good for something of its era, the night scenes (which appear to have actually been shot at night) have enough detail to get by, and unlike a lot of remasters doesn't have nuclear contrast adjustment. If Jaws shot in the style of an Italian cannibal movie appeals to you, this is exactly that. The ending is also a highlight, I don't think it would be a spoiler to say it elects for a Jaws-style spectacular mangling of the beast, with enough silliness to make it memorable.

The director Fabrizio De Angelis had some big successes as a producer (The Beyond(!), New York Ripper, The New Barbarians, Zombi 2, 1990: The Bronx Warriors), but everything he has directed himself appears to be irrelevant.

Notable moment - a torturously-slow crocodile surf-n-stab:



Plus now everything looks like the Null dog to me:

Some psychopathic impulse made me want to watch the second too (1990). This time Angelis goes back to production, and the new director is Giannetto De Rossi, another production guy who has zero notable directoral roles. It begins with footage of the final kill at the end of the last film, so far so normal, but then launches into an almost identical credits roll over the same 'surprise' freeze-frame at the end of the last film (a reveal that the crocodile left a hatching egg), so this film begins with a credits where the last one had it at the end, purely because the director for whatever reason had an immovable fixation that the credits absolutely must roll over a still of a crocodile egg each time. Maybe he thought this was a really deep motif or something. it wasn't even duplicated, as the scoll roll was different, but the names and still shot were the same.

It reuses a couple of scenes from the original (the swimming croc, a villager attack, the final kill scene twice) but not enough to be egregious. Instead of being eco-warriors in the swamp, we're in a developed industrial town of some type, and canonically this is both in the same universe, and a sequel to the first, with reference to the toxic waste from the first film being cleaned up. It has an appealing swamp/city dynamic, with several intersecting plot-lines opposed to the original's one and a half (the Crocodile Dundee guy was barely a character). The overall sense of the narrative is a lot less rooted in the cannibal genre or the minimal storytelling of Jaws, and more similar to Italian action trifles, or something Andy Sidaris would approve, with a sexy female investigative journalist seeking out the truth of what happened to the toxic waste.

Intriguingly, it does *not* appear to be a shot side-by-side el-cheapo, but actually reusing some of the props and locations, but with a lot more embellishment including a sliding (model?) hut on rails as the crocodile trashes a swamp shack to the misfortune of its sleazy inhabitants. This is what I meant with the previous film when saying it showed little too much of the crocodile, in true exploitation spirit, making the decent prop look simultaneously impressively visceral in its physical presence, but also and terrible and dumb at the same time:



We're now introduced to something that should not be surprising, given the dual nature of the shoot, but was interesting to leave until half-way through: another narrative arc involves a protag from the previous film - the one who defeated the croc, looking very manly and questing around on his motorboat, and meeting discount Crocodile Dundee again too. I'm glad to see him again, he has a bit of a Van Cleef look about him. Perhaps unsurprisingly the crocodile prop (in both films) looks much better when making simplistic lunges to bite people than it does thrashing around in water and menacing people. The direction and practical effects are especially deficient in giving it any sense of being able to swim and dominate the water, with the best set-pieces always being with it bursting out onto land. This leads to some difficulties during a scene where a guy is wrestling the croc, during which he is slammed into the water, but due to budget constraints is done so in the form of an action figure (hard to get a good frame of this - it can also be seen at 2:06 of the trailer):



This time his mouth is blown up instead of diced with a boat's propellor, but somehow the angle chosen for both scenes makes both events look much the same, and in the most surprising twist of the entire film, the credits roll at the end as well as the start, I suspect this may have in part been to pad the duration, which is a little shorter than the first. This sequel is fairly good, and depending on what you're looking for may be more entertaining than the very leaden beat-for-beat Jaws emulation of the original. Both are perfectly adequate, however, and surprisingly neither duplicate the other too much. The first has your usual ensemble of bumbling Scooby Doo-style young people, the second has a more diffuse group of separate parties, none of whom lean too heavily into teen tropes.

 

[Baby Sister]

Has anyone seen a movie called “The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror?” Its a terrible movie about gay couples who stay at a B&B and then are murdered and fed to a love child between a George W. Bush fanatic and 100 republicans. It was on Netflix in 2013ish

 

[Pokemonquistador2]

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

It's become something of a byword (along with "Night of the Lepus") for ridiculous concepts that get turned into ridiculous horror movies, but I have to say, the director did TRY to make a serious, surrealist, almost artsy horror movie. It had some cool concepts, like the Narrator being the spirit of a man who was spared by the Death Bed, but whose soul got trapped in a painting and the Death Bed's stomach contents somehow ending up fertilizing the fields outside the house where the bed is located, as if the entire area surrounding the Death bed was just part of the same living entity. The film has a languid, dreamlike feeling that seems fitting in a movie about a bed that eats people. And yet, the execution is silly as all hell. There were some genuinely creepy moments though, even during the silly parts.

 

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

It's become something of a byword (along with "Night of the Lepus") for ridiculous concepts that get turned into ridiculous horror movies, but I have to say, the director did TRY to make a serious, surrealist, almost artsy horror movie. It had some cool concepts, like the Narrator being the spirit of a man who was spared by the Death Bed, but whose soul got trapped in a painting and the Death Bed's stomach contents somehow ending up fertilizing the fields outside the house where the bed is located, as if the entire area surrounding the Death bed was just part of the same living entity. The film has a languid, dreamlike feeling that seems fitting in a movie about a bed that eats people. And yet, the execution is silly as all hell. There were some genuinely creepy moments though, even during the silly parts.

It was also immortalized by Patton Oswalt in probably one of his best bits.

 

[Autumnal Equinox]

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

It's become something of a byword (along with "Night of the Lepus") for ridiculous concepts that get turned into ridiculous horror movies, but I have to say, the director did TRY to make a serious, surrealist, almost artsy horror movie. It had some cool concepts, like the Narrator being the spirit of a man who was spared by the Death Bed, but whose soul got trapped in a painting and the Death Bed's stomach contents somehow ending up fertilizing the fields outside the house where the bed is located, as if the entire area surrounding the Death bed was just part of the same living entity. The film has a languid, dreamlike feeling that seems fitting in a movie about a bed that eats people. And yet, the execution is silly as all hell. There were some genuinely creepy moments though, even during the silly parts.

Corny as these types of movies can get, I absolutely love them. Anything that has that surreal, fever dream style and pace just grabs my attention.

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

Films not released for decades are fascinating, can anybody add to these? These two are pretty good:

Gone with the Pope - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

The Intruder (1975 film) - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org