Shmorky / David Kelly / Daisy Kay / Sandypants / Peaches the Puppy & Ex-Fiance Amanda "Mandy" Mullen - 36 year old Something Awful throwaway, pedophile sexual predator, abusive tranny schizo chaser; batshit crazy ex-fiancée

[Sir Conrad of Jersey]

Good god I'd like to not think about what THAT could've resulted in, especially considering the chat logs of what he did to that girl.

Sadly I have. And I imagine it like this - if there really is a Mirror Universe - Mirror Universe Shmorky would not have been an asshole about MUH CREATIVE CONTROL, actually hit it off with Adult Swim and/or Nickelodeon, been able to act like a normal human being, take off the yarn wig and just put on a suit for ONE DAY like I told him to for that goddamn job interview - and fast forward a few years - he's sharing a jail cell with Jeffrey Epstein. And Jeffrey Epstein and Shmorky wind up mutually strangling each other to death. So even in that timeline Epstein didn't kill himself.

But the adopted kid though - I use the now dead Shmorky's fortune to send that kid to college. He becomes an engineer. Buys out Elon Musk and invents that fucking machine.

That's the only logical "good ending" to that timeline.

 

[Melted Cookies]

Yeah, someone in this thread found him on pixiv, doing pixelated diaper fur art. The account immediately got deleted off pixiv.

Presumably the kiwi who found it then got yeeted off the board for looking at diaper fetish art on Japanese websites in the first place.

nah im still here

 

[Seymour Glass]

@Sir Conrad of Jersey what happened when you guys broke up? Meaning, what was the lead up and the day it happened like?

 

[Mr. 0]

So even in that timeline Epstein didn't kill himself.

That you didn't buy into the lie that he necked himself is the only sane thing you've said so far

 

[Disgruntled Pupper]

So can we stop believing the bullshit that comes out of this retard's mouth immediately instead of looking into it first?

Everyone said the same thing when she first showed up and spilled the beans about both Shmorky AND Lowtax but she was completely right. That's the thing about good old Mandy, there's almost always the shitpile of schizophrenic nonsense but hidden in there is actually good, useful information.

 

[Sir Conrad of Jersey]

@Sir Conrad of Jersey what happened when you guys broke up? Meaning, what was the lead up and the day it happened like?

Do you really want to know what Shmorky's "Dear John" letter to me was? One sentence: "I'm not going to wind up like my Uncle Anthony wasting my life taking care of a sick wife." That was it. To my face. Looking me dead in the eyes. As I was being taken to the hospital. Because you would not believe how quick Shmorky could go from your middle aged crystal aunt to straight up channeling Denis Rader. There's a reason I snuck into his room against his EXPRESS FORBIDDENCE. I wasn't looking for Klurf porn - I was legitimately checking for a woman's severed head. You know when you're in a fucked up engagement? When you're RELIEVED to find the Klurf porn because at least it's not a severed human head. And you know what? I didn't have the guts to check the trash bags in the closet - I ran the fuck out after I found the Klurf porn. For all I know, there could have been one and I just didn't look hard enough.

But the million dollar question that burns in my mind today remains this - I want to know what the FUCK Uncle Anthony did that HE was the black sheep of the Kelly family and not Shmorky. Because the Kelly family actually had a black sheep. And it WASN'T Shmorky. It was Uncle Anthony. Uncle Anthony was the ONLY person I have seen Shmorky spit more raw vitriol than Lowtax (behind his back). If you wanted Shmorky to BECOME UNGLUED - all you had to do was bring up Uncle Anthony.

It was the ONLY subject of conversation that would make Shmorky's voice go down a full octave. And they would never tell me specifically what Uncle Anthony DID that was so terrible. Only that Uncle Anthony was a lower than dirt piece of shit without an iota of human value. I was literally forbidden by Shmorky to: Bring up Uncle Anthony or have any contact with Uncle Anthony.

But you know what? One day Uncle Anthony called the house. And I swear to God - it was the only time the squeaky voice actually dropped, and Shmorky's voice became a low, almost demonic sounding growl as he just gritted "IT'S UNCLE ANTHONY." And then came the moment Shmorky handed the phone to me and just growled "He wants to say hello to you." And Shmorky just looked on with a glare that could make cherubim weep in terror as I spoke to Uncle Anthony. And you know what he said to me?

"You sound like a beautiful person, David and you make a really sweet couple together and I wish you the best of luck in your engagement." Only member of the entire Kelly family that sounded like a normal human being. To this day I do not know what the fuck he did to inspire such abject rage in Shmorky other than be a kind person and take care of his ailing wife.

Maybe Shmorky just physically couldn't comprehend a person taking care of another person out of the kindness of their heart. Or maybe Uncle Anthony caught Shmorky pissing himself once and yelled at him and it set off the entire chain reaction that lead Shmorky to becoming a diaper fur in the first place.

Forget Carefully, I wanna know what the fuck Uncle Anthony knows that we don't.

 

[Pizdec]

Forget Carefully, I wanna know what the fuck Uncle Anthony knows that we don't.

Didn't he do a comic about how an uncle abused him? Was that Anthony, Or was that a different uncle?

 

[Seymour Glass]

... Maybe Shmorky just physically couldn't comprehend a person taking care of another person out of the kindness of their heart...

I think you'd know more than anyone. Usually your gut feeling is the correct choice.

Just from what you've posted about your relationship I would guess that Shmorky was the type of person that would seek to destroy their own life and prospects on their own terms than risk being vulnerable. Did you have any other interactions with other members of his family?

 

[AllMightyCow]

But the million dollar question that burns in my mind today remains this - I want to know what the FUCK Uncle Anthony did that HE was the black sheep of the Kelly family and not Shmorky. Because the Kelly family actually had a black sheep. And it WASN'T Shmorky. It was Uncle Anthony. Uncle Anthony was the ONLY person I have seen Shmorky spit more raw vitriol than Lowtax (behind his back). If you wanted Shmorky to BECOME UNGLUED - all you had to do was bring up Uncle Anthony.

 

[Daddy O'Shaughnessy]

Do you really want to know what Shmorky's "Dear John" letter to me was? One sentence: "I'm not going to wind up like my Uncle Anthony wasting my life taking care of a sick wife." That was it. To my face. Looking me dead in the eyes. As I was being taken to the hospital.

He said, rattle in hand, as he he let out another fluid shart into a week old diaper. "I got important shit to do, woman!"

 

[Sir Conrad of Jersey]

View attachment 1943763

Holy shit. You know what? I've never actually seen a photo of the enigmatic Uncle Anthony - but that's probably him. The thing about the Kelly family - that photo of Shmorky pre-well, Shmorky - when he was just plain ol' Dave Kelly - they all look like that. Remember - Shmorky has a biological brother that I have met. I was there. SHAKA when the Walls Fell - I was present at the Kelly Family Reunion of 2015. After the Caligula grade Bacchanal that was Small Press Expo 2015. Every biological Kelly looks the exact fucking same. Bunch of balding ginger true to form Vineland, New Jersey stock. If Shmorky and I have taught Kiwi Farms one single lesson, let it be this: If you live somewhere where the lead and radium content of the water supply is "eh, good enough" - fucking move. Move and never look back.

Comedy option: Uncle Anthony is the Don of the Kelly-closet Rothschild Empire and now we're all living on Uncle Anthony's borrowed time.

 

[Leonard Helplessness]

Remember that this is the same fuckup who texted "How DARE you deadname my fiance, wait until the trans community hears about this" to Lowtax and he just laughed and posted the texts on his site. One of the only things Lowtax ever did that showed him having any spine.

 

[trsh]

This crazy retard is extremely boring. Where is Shmorky???

 

[Sir Conrad of Jersey]

This crazy retard is extremely boring. Where is Shmorky???

What do you want me to do at this point, hire a Remote Viewer? I mean, if you're offering to sponsor I'll take it, but short of that - even if Shmorky flat out told me they were in 19 Klurfsville drive of Diaperfuck, New Jersey (which I imagine would probably just be in Camden) - there's a good chance it would just be a lie. I didn't even know Shmorky's real AGE until we were together for a year. Engaging in conversation with me and Shmorky was literally like the Riddle of the Two Brothers at the Doors or whatever the fuck it's called. It wasn't even intentional - we were just that schizo. We created a negative feedback loop of pure schizophrenia that we became a fucking Tulpa ala Tuvix from Voyager. We were like two deeply mentally ill people that together also created this "third" entity that only exists in the fucking Akashik Record now. That is literally as plain as I can make it. I hope this explanation helps.

The truth of Shmorky is that there is no truth. There is only a timeline of different identities from his birth in 1980 as David Kelly to wherever and whoever the fuck he is today. That is Shmorky. That is the best answer I can give to the Shmorky Question because for all I know the person I was engaged to for two years wasn't even Shmorky at this point. Which only leaves us with one final possibility.....

Have we ever seen Shmorky and Uncle Anthony in the same place....at the same time?

For real though - Shmorky's secrets will literally die with Uncle Anthony and the other members of the Kelly Family. His brothers Lance and Chris, both of whom were actually individuals who were completely normal on the surface, both of whom according to Shmorky beat the shit out of him. And then you have his parents - who I'm pretty sure might actually be aliens because they were just the most fucking 'anything goes' Boomers I have ever met in my life to the point where whatever the fuck they took at Woodstock - I want some. Really, they were indescribable. Just...anything goes to the point where it makes the parents from Big Mouth look like the goddamn Cleavers.

So either Whitley Strieber was right about everything, or Shmorky was just molested. It's anyone's guess.

In other news, I'm legally changing my name to Amadeus after all. So if you want an actual legal name to call me you can call me that because I don't even know how to change my username on here. Amadeus Milan - changing the last name too. I've saved everyone the trouble of doxxing me since I don't even have the documents yet and that's technically what I should be working on doing right now. So if you want a 'proper name' to call me if you're so inclined - Amadeus is it. Still a they/them for reasons that are entirely between me and the Ethics Department.

 

[Pizdec]

Shmorky was just molested. It's anyone's guess.

Occam's razor.

 

[Jack Awful]

So either Whitley Strieber was right about everything, or Shmorky was just molested. It's anyone's guess.

Could be both

 

[Sir Conrad of Jersey]

Could be both

If it's both - then I'm pretty sure that Shmorky's family actually are the fucking aliens that abducted Whitley Strieber and probed his asshole senseless because it would not surprise me. Shmorky should literally be a case study on the psychological effects of 'anything goes' parenting. The Kelly family should be studied by a fucking international Think Tank somewhere to decode the effects of weaponized liberalism and how to reverse them. Just like I should be a case study on the opposite side of the spectrum: Conservative chaotic evil father plus liberal chaotic evil mother pure strain "anything goes today, but nothing goes tomorrow" schizoid disorders running back 10 generations parenting. You know what's scary? I'm not even an accident like Shmorky was. My parents, knowing full well of their respective medical histories, actually paid a doctor boatloads of money to bring me into existence. And in a way, I think that makes my family even more terrifying than the Kellys. Shmorky was just an accident. I was an act of willful and determined sadism against the universe by my even more schizophrenic than me parents.

 

[BoJack Horseman]

The truth of Shmorky is that there is no truth. There is only a timeline of different identities from his birth in 1980 as David Kelly to wherever and whoever the fuck he is today. That is Shmorky. That is the best answer I can give to the Shmorky Question because for all I know the person I was engaged to for two years wasn't even Shmorky at this point. Which only leaves us with one final possibility.....

Have we ever seen Shmorky and Uncle Anthony in the same place....at the same time?

Maybe the real Shmorky is the enemies we made along the way. Shmorky symbolizes a crazy ex, parent, any abusive relationship.

 

[Daddy O'Shaughnessy]

What do you want me to do at this point, hire a Remote Viewer? I mean, if you're offering to sponsor I'll take it, but short of that - even if Shmorky flat out told me they were in 19 Klurfsville drive of Diaperfuck, New Jersey (which I imagine would probably just be in Camden) - there's a good chance it would just be a lie. I didn't even know Shmorky's real AGE until we were together for a year. Engaging in conversation with me and Shmorky was literally like the Riddle of the Two Brothers at the Doors or whatever the fuck it's called. It wasn't even intentional - we were just that schizo. We created a negative feedback loop of pure schizophrenia that we became a fucking Tulpa ala Tuvix from Voyager. We were like two deeply mentally ill people that together also created this "third" entity that only exists in the fucking Akashik Record now. That is literally as plain as I can make it. I hope this explanation helps.

The truth of Shmorky is that there is no truth. There is only a timeline of different identities from his birth in 1980 as David Kelly to wherever and whoever the fuck he is today. That is Shmorky. That is the best answer I can give to the Shmorky Question because for all I know the person I was engaged to for two years wasn't even Shmorky at this point. Which only leaves us with one final possibility.....

Have we ever seen Shmorky and Uncle Anthony in the same place....at the same time?

For real though - Shmorky's secrets will literally die with Uncle Anthony and the other members of the Kelly Family. His brothers Lance and Chris, both of whom were actually individuals who were completely normal on the surface, both of whom according to Shmorky beat the shit out of him. And then you have his parents - who I'm pretty sure might actually be aliens because they were just the most fucking 'anything goes' Boomers I have ever met in my life to the point where whatever the fuck they took at Woodstock - I want some. Really, they were indescribable. Just...anything goes to the point where it makes the parents from Big Mouth look like the goddamn Cleavers.

So either Whitley Strieber was right about everything, or Shmorky was just molested. It's anyone's guess.

In other news, I'm legally changing my name to Amadeus after all. So if you want an actual legal name to call me you can call me that because I don't even know how to change my username on here. Amadeus Milan - changing the last name too. I've saved everyone the trouble of doxxing me since I don't even have the documents yet and that's technically what I should be working on doing right now. So if you want a 'proper name' to call me if you're so inclined - Amadeus is it. Still a they/them for reasons that are entirely between me and the Ethics Department.

You know that you don't have to reply to everything, right? Also you over estimate how interesting you are.

 

[AnOminous]

In other news, I'm legally changing my name to Amadeus after all. So if you want an actual legal name to call me you can call me that because I don't even know how to change my username on here.

You can now change it right on your profile, I forget exactly what tab.