Signs of possible lolcows -


New Zealander & Agriculturalist
lots of cheese\pizza\dairy\oily foods
lack of things like beans and rice.

it speaks to a lolcow's inability to deny themselves any pleasure.
and a lolcow's inability to lean from experience.
you'd think after people like ADF, Lucas, or OPL have bathroom problems
that they would start taking in soluble fiber to stay regular and stop eating utter shit.
  • Disagree
Reactions: RapeMan

Jumbo Gay Threat

Bitch please, no one’s that gay
Other possible signs of being a lolcow are:
-they are usually a high school or college dropout.
-often live in filth.
-hate having a routine or don’t have one period.
-they are poor with money and often over spend on things they don’t need.
-they often have zero clue about real life or are not professional at all.
-but most importantly they very low self esteem.


Token Hispanic Friend
True & Honest Fan
If there were a single person who encapsulated the common traits of lolcows, this "super lolcow" would:

- be male
- be white
- have brown hair
- have an autism spectrum disorder
- have poor hygiene
- be fat
- wear "pedo glasses"
- have odd or freakish sex-related issues
- be sex-deprived, if not an outright virgin
- live in the Eastern USA with their parent(s) in a house (as opposed to an apartment or other living arrangements)
- be relatively young (under 50)
- have poor college education, if any
- make and post terrible (or at least unprofessional) art while thinking it's professional
- want to make a career of said art
- "chimp out" all the time, especially at criticism of said art
- be very gullible
Also lolcows always have obese egos.


I cry every time
I'd have to say that reaction to criticism is probably a key component, and that just saying and doing dumb shit doesn't really make someone a "cow" if they can't be provoked in some way. I think people who do react badly do so because they have an ego they feel needs defending- regardless of whether they realize it, and people with big egos tend to treat everyone else like they inherently care about their every move and thought.

Some Random Soul

Ain't it random tho?
Here's a few:
  • They're jobless, or if they have a job, to them it's a shitty enough job to where "mUh OpPrEsSiOn" trumps logic and reasonable thinking.
  • Getting banned from one or more websites, and, rather than moving on and accepting the ban, simply refusing to stay off and creating sockpuppets to get around it (as well as possibly getting into slapfights with the moderators of the website(s)).
  • Creating an account on the Kiwi Farms just to try to troll the Kiwi Farmers.
  • Having an attention-seeking, narcissistic attitude and a chronic habit of lying, to the point where the community you're on is forced to kick you off.

I Love Beef

Bell peppers and bee- HEY WAIT A SEC WHERE'S THE B
To helpfully summarize one bit of info so far:

Highly functioning to extreme Narcissism; potential lolcows will not only deflect, deny, and project, they will also believe they can do no wrong, ever, and choose to do poor choices without thinking or with flawed awareness/insight/logic/wisdom/etc thinking that they'll be rewarded or benefit for it.

Dunning Krueger: Major case of this. Many will say "i know what i am doing!!!11!1" Reality says "you need help", but they can't get the clue. They only get by with controversy and other means instead of their mainstay path/talent/career.

Other signs:

Thriving off of shallow sensations and trends

Cannot stop posting up their thoughts onto the internet

Thinks the internet is some magical stream of electricity where only your good goes in and the bad stuff is all buried away

Uses the internet as a means of either escapism and self promotion, or both

Is hiding their true personality


Kill Every Last One of Them!
I have some not mentioned.

i feel that some key signs are an obsession with something or a need to justify their interests.

if you guys lurked in the animation community between 2015-?, this was a pretty clear trait. People like Enter would have an obsession to try to prove that cartoons are not just for kids. This lead to the over praise of shows like Steven Universe which they defend for their shallow views of adult themes. They also have irrational hatred towards products like Teen Titans Go or Illumination solely based on the fact that they believe it devalues the art form. This trait is typically obsessive and reads of insecurity, they feel the need to either defend or go after a topic way more often then they should, and will not move on.

Another characteristic is over negativity or positivity. This sort of follows the top, but many LolCows will base their lives around products whether that be stuff they like or hate. Common examples of passionate fans are people like the guy who spent four thousand on Funko Pops and likely love everything Disney puts out without second thought. The opposite is someone like Josh Thomas from the BitBlock, who spends all day yelling at Nintendo for not being as good as they were in the GC days. Josh covers Nintendo, yet has nothing but hatred for them and will never try anything new, leading to his own misery and dwindling fan base.


Thank fucking god its all coming to the light.
consistent content even if its just about not being able to wipe your own ass

Cheese-Loving Citizen

Winston's Been Hit, Long Live Winston
1) Makes apolitical content but likes to sperg about politics elsewhere, and gets all passive aggressive when people say they don't care, want them to just STFU and make content, or tell them their politics are stupid.

2) Has an unhealthy amount of time spent on the Internet per day.

3) Consumes media just to ship characters. Bonus points if it's a gay/lesbo ship.

4) Sends DMCA complaints to everyone on Earth as a form of damage control.

5) Tries to be a "champion of the people" and incite change when others just want to have fun or don't give enough of a shit.

6) Fat.