I sexually identify as a solar eclipse. Ever since I was a girl I dreamed of burning away the retinas of those ugly, disgusting lowlifes who dared to look at me. People always tell me that it's impossible to become an astronomical phenomena and I am fucking retarded. I don't care, I'm still beautiful. I'm going to have NASA cut me in half and then send both halves to the sun and moon respectively. From then on, you must address me by my personal pronouns, which are "Eclipse" and "Eclipseself", and you must also respect my right to cause permanent eye damage to passersby. If you can't accept me, you're a heliophobe who needs to check your astronomical privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
