Somebody is fucking with my plants. - How do I murder someone and not get in trouble?

[Chin of Campbell]

I've been setting the veggies I'm growing inside out for some extra sun. Every time I leave them out, they are always plucked or fucked with otherwise. This has happened 2 for 3 so far. It's far too careful to be anything but a human, so I figure it's someone in the apartment next to mine. I don't have enough evidence to confront them yet without overplaying my hand and risking my plants.

I'm touchy about people fucking with my shit, especially adults because we're fucking adults. Should I just confront them? Or would immolating the entire apartment building along with myself be more tactful?

Thanks in advance.

 

[J A N D E K]

Place your veggies on cleverly camouflaged bear traps. They’ll learn.

 

[whatever I feel like]

Put cyanide on them, that way you can figure out who is doing it when they die.

 

[Autopsy]

Get a camera.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

we're fucking adults

That may be, but if you live in America -- or at least in Florida -- that could explain it.

 

[Immortal Technique]

I've been setting the veggies I'm growing inside out for some extra sun. Every time I leave them out, they are always plucked or fucked with otherwise. This has happened 2 for 3 so far. It's far too careful to be anything but a human, so I figure it's someone in the apartment next to mine. I don't have enough evidence to confront them yet without overplaying my hand and risking my plants.

I'm touchy about people fucking with my shit, especially adults because we're fucking adults. Should I just confront them? Or would immolating the entire apartment building along with myself be more tactful?

Thanks in advance.

If you care this much, get a 'no flash infrared trail camera'. Then fuck with the person's life once identified . If you already know, stab a ice pick into two separate car tires, so a spar won't help.

 

[WEEDle]

You need to weaponize your plants.

 

[Clop]

Camera, then take the evidence to the police. Theft is theft.

 

[Kaede Did Nothing Wrong]

confront them on camera and capture the moment their world collapses as their wicked deed is exposed

 

[Gustav Schuchardt]

At least they're only plucking leaves off the veggies rather than watering them with a solution of Lead(II) Acetate.

 

[garakfan69]

Grow some tobacco plants.
Handling fresh leafs without protection can give you so much nicotine poisoning it will even send a chain smoker reeling.

 

[Animewasamistake]

put one of these in your plant

 

[UntimelyDhelmise]

Replace one of them with this handsome devil.

 

[Coolio55]

Barbed wire + hidden camera + upload to liveleak.

Uploading crackhead antics to liveleak is a protected religious right imo.

 

[Madam Nekromantik]

I had this happen once, every rose I had was carefully plucked from the bush. Turns out it was a squirrel.

 

[Sprig of Parsley]

Set up surveillance as has been suggested. When you get a positive ID, we can start hatching a good plan based on what you know about the culprit. Something unlikely to land your ass in jail, but extremely likely to make said culprit very miserable.

"BUT IT'S JUST PLANTS" No, fuck you, they won't stop there and they probably do sketchy shit to other people too. It's about the flagrant lack of respect for another person's property, here. SOMEONE GONNA LEARN.

 

[Recoil]

I really think it's an animal. Deer and squirrels can pick quite carefully.

 

[PT 522]

Animals can be neater than you expect. I thought someone was stealing zucchinis from me on account of how cleanly severed the vines looked. It was just a herd of deer.

Only film if the camera is on your private property; otherwise you might land yourself a nice seat in the hole for filming without permission, depending on where you are.

 

[Sprig of Parsley]

Animals can be neater than you expect. I thought someone was stealing zucchinis from me on account of how cleanly severed the vines looked. It was just a herd of deer.

Only film if the camera is on your private property; otherwise you might land yourself a nice seat in the hole for filming without permission, depending on where you are.

I always thought the whole "you can't record unless both parties consent" law thing was exceptional as hell, as it seems to imply one has a reasonable expectation of privacy in public places at times (YOU DON'T, to the best of my knowledge.)

 

[PT 522]

I always thought the whole "you can't record unless both parties consent" law thing was exceptional as hell, as it seems to imply one has a reasonable expectation of privacy in public places at times (YOU DON'T, to the best of my knowledge.)

I think it has to do with self-incrimination laws taken to a logical extreme and was probably designed so the police couldn't call anyone who they suspect of a crime but haven't formally investigated to get evidence or a confession when said person was not read their rights. Why it has to extend to everyone, I don't know.