Sonichu Sonichu Pinball - Let's see if we can make this happen.

[Ginger Piglet]

I found a copy of Visual Pinball 9 lying around on my hard drive from before The Pinball Arcade was a thing and I had a thought.

Sonichu - the Pinball.

What would it be like?

I think it would have eye-watering artwork and prominently contain the caption "ORIGINAL PLAYFIELD DO NOT STEAL" but would be basically a recolour and ROM hack of something like Black Knight 2000.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

the holes that collect the balls would be 3-d art of badly drawn vaginas.
the flippers would be Chris' tongue.

 

[Ginger Piglet]

the holes that collect the balls would be 3-d art of badly drawn vaginas.
the flippers would be Chris' tongue.

Let's just say that ShecameforCWC.jpg would have to be in there somewhere.

 

[Buster]

Wouldn't that be Sonichu Spinball?

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

The main playfield could have a rotating face cube, a la Bride Of Pinbot, where OPL changes bit by bit from Classic Chris to Green haired tomgirl.

 

[Ginger Piglet]

Here's some modes it could have:

"Medallion Theft" - the medallion shot flashes on and off being lit, hit it when it's lit to snag the Sonichu Medallion.
"Attack on 4-Cent Garbage" - knock down the drawbridge then shoot into the den of the trolls.
Spell S-T-R-E-S-S to light the ball locks, lock the balls then have multiball. The jackpot sound is, of course, "JULAAAYYY" and draining a ball causes a stress sigh.
"Jerkop Fight" - Zap to the extreme by making lit ramp shots while avoiding the breadstick blows.
"Escape from Slaweel Ryam" - before your attraction sign is destroyed
"Mark the Tapir" - A secret mode a bit like Construction Mania in Red & Ted's Road Show or Midnight Madness in Whodunnit. In this mode, the flippers are reversed but everything scores triple.

Oh, and there has to be a Tomgirl Multiball in there somewhere.

Also, "DON'T CALL ANYBODY!" as the tilt sound.

 

[Rat Speaker]

Here's some modes it could have:

"Medallion Theft" - the medallion shot flashes on and off being lit, hit it when it's lit to snag the Sonichu Medallion.
"Attack on 4-Cent Garbage" - knock down the drawbridge then shoot into the den of the trolls.
Spell S-T-R-E-S-S to light the ball locks, lock the balls then have multiball. The jackpot sound is, of course, "JULAAAYYY" and draining a ball causes a stress sigh.
"Jerkop Fight" - Zap to the extreme by making lit ramp shots while avoiding the breadstick blows.
"Escape from Slaweel Ryam" - before your attraction sign is destroyed
"Mark the Tapir" - A secret mode a bit like Construction Mania in Red & Ted's Road Show or Midnight Madness in Whodunnit. In this mode, the flippers are reversed but everything scores triple.

Oh, and there has to be a Tomgirl Multiball in there somewhere.

Also, "DON'T CALL ANYBODY!" as the tilt sound.

I agree with all of this. But tbh I am slightly alarmed by your thoroughness.

Edit; I am also really high.

 

[Orson Welles]

The Jackpot Jingle

 

[Devilish Jack o Lantern]

The pinball machine would be broken before it can start because the manufacturers would follow Chris's example and just not finish it even though they got payed to do it .

 

[Guardian G.I.]

Oh, no! You've triggered my autistic interest in pinball! Here's a bunch of ideas:

The table is called "CWC's Adult Chronicles". The main goal is to make Sonichu a money-making franchise, defeat the dang dirty trolls, and get a sweetheart along the way.

• Make certain shots several times to complete Sonichu issues (akin to left and right ramp and orbit shots in Medieval Madness). Some of the required shots can be blocked by troll figurines popping out of the playfield, just like in Medieval Madness. Completing an issue award points, various bonuses and leads to battles with the trolls, which may or may not be unlike storming the castle in... you get the idea. When you defeat a troll, a very dramatic "CURSE! YE! HA! ME! HAAAAAAAAAAAA!" is played.
• Get a girlfriend by hitting certain targets and locking the balls ("going on a date"). When all 3 balls are locked ("Third date reached"), Hanky-Panky Multiball starts, where you need to make your sweetheart come for CWC. The music theme for this one is this song + various sound effects from Chris's sex vids. If you drain the balls, "Get away from the Internet, I'm cutting it down right now!" is played.
• There is a ball cannon like in Terminator 2, representing Chris's Megatron pistol.
  
• Trolls can (and will) abduct your sweetheart, leading to Hero Multiball, where you need to rescue her. In the end, fire the Megatron pistol at the lit target to shoot the troll in the shins. Music theme is Chris's version of Holding Out for a Hero.
  
• When all issues are completed, all trolls are defeated, and a sweetheart is successfully acquired, a wizard mode ("Franchise Mode") is activated. Make various shots to create Sonichu games and cartoons for very big points and score multipliers.
  
• The outlanes are labelled "Falling off the straight path". You can save the ball from draining with a Magnasave-like magnet; when you successfully do it, "STAY STRAIGHT!" is played.
• Closet Multiball - the battle against Jack Thaddeus. Save your masculinity (and your PSN account) from the gayness. The music theme is "It's Okay to Be Gay". The lights flash the colours of the rainbow flag, and the DMD displays images of hunks and asses. When you drain the balls, the DMD displays Chris turning into a Tomgirl.
  
• Fire Multiball (probably secret) - get your stuff from 14BLC during the fire! The score is constantly reducing, unless you hit targets. If you drain the balls and don't get your stuff, you lose a big amount of points (the amount depends on how many items you have retrieved).

 

[Ginger Piglet]

Oh, no! You've triggered my autistic interest in pinball! Here's a bunch of ideas:

The table is called "CWC's Adult Chronicles". The main goal is to make Sonichu a money-making franchise, defeat the dang dirty trolls, and get a sweetheart along the way.

• Make certain shots several times to complete Sonichu issues (akin to left and right ramp and orbit shots in Medieval Madness). Some of the required shots can be blocked by troll figurines popping out of the playfield, just like in Medieval Madness. Completing an issue award points, various bonuses and leads to battles with the trolls, which may or may not be unlike storming the castle in... you get the idea. When you defeat a troll, a very dramatic "CURSE! YE! HA! ME! HAAAAAAAAAAAA!" is played.
• Get a girlfriend by hitting certain targets and locking the balls ("going on a date"). When all 3 balls are locked ("Third date reached"), Hanky-Panky Multiball starts, where you need to make your sweetheart come for CWC. The music theme for this one is this song + various sound effects from Chris's sex vids. If you drain the balls, "Get away from the Internet, I'm cutting it down right now!" is played.
• There is a ball cannon like in Terminator 2, representing Chris's Megatron pistol.
  
• Trolls can (and will) abduct your sweetheart, leading to Hero Multiball, where you need to rescue her. In the end, fire the Megatron pistol at the lit target to shoot the troll in the shins. Music theme is Chris's version of Holding Out for a Hero.
  
• When all issues are completed, all trolls are defeated, and a sweetheart is successfully acquired, a wizard mode ("Franchise Mode") is activated. Make various shots to create Sonichu games and cartoons for very big points and score multipliers.
  
• The outlanes are labelled "Falling off the straight path". You can save the ball from draining with a Magnasave-like magnet; when you successfully do it, "STAY STRAIGHT!" is played.
• Closet Multiball - the battle against Jack Thaddeus. Save your masculinity (and your PSN account) from the gayness. The music theme is "It's Okay to Be Gay". The lights flash the colours of the rainbow flag, and the DMD displays images of hunks and asses. If you drain the balls, the DMD displays Chris turning into a Tomgirl.
  
• Fire Multiball (probably secret) - get your stuff from 14BLC during the fire! The score is constantly reducing, unless you hit targets. If you drain the balls and don't get your stuff, you lose a big amount of points (the amount depends on how many items you have retrieved).

This is brilliant. How about also that you can collect relics of fail during the modes like the artefacts in Star Trek and if you have all of them you get a huge bonus at the start of the wizard mode.

"Amnyfest Ring has been collected." = complete a troll battle in under 20 seconds.

"Creamy Fanta has been collected" = get five jackpots during Hanky Panky

"Attraction Sign has been collected" = rescue a heartsweet without draining

"Sonichu Medallion has been collected" = 6 way combo

I'm thinking that this would basically be a recolour of MM with one of the Star Trek cannons in place of the catapult. Which is very Chris, in a way.

 

[timecop]

a secret GREASE mode where things get a little more tricky

 

[alex_theman]

The pinball machine would be broken before it can start because the manufacturers would follow Chris's example and just not finish it even though they got payed to do it .

I think something like that almost happened.

 

[SentientRobot]

When you lose the Jerkhief shows up in that little pixelated screen and exclaims "Your wooden balls taste delicious!"