Star Wars Griefing Thread (Formerly about Last Jedi) - It's nothing like Empire... like.... at all, we promise

Krokodil Overdose

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Now I'm pondering what a Star Wars trilogy directed by Hitchcock, or fuck it, Kubrick might have looked like.

If nothing else, those fucking movies would have left imprints.
Hitchcock would have been a little nonsensical, but hella atmospheric. Edge-of-your-seat type stuff.
Kubrick would have been six hours of incomprehensible tedium that would be declared BRILLIANT! and GENIUS! by all the critics.
 

Jub-Jub

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Kathleen will never fuck off sadly and they can't tell Rian to fuck off because he has a contract promising that he gets to make his own film(s) outside of the ST. So even if D&D aren't complete hacks who got lucky, the forces around them are too powerful to stop.
The past few days have had the SW rumor mill talking about Rian's production cancelled again. I know it works on a pendulum and we'll probably get another still in production stages confirmation soon and the cycle will repeat, but I still hold some small hope that they've realised it would be a bad idea...
 

Jesus

The LORD JESUS CHRIST and Nothing Less
True & Honest Fan
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Got some more news.

Reddit's SW community is in flames again after new rumors have been making the scenes claiming that some upcoming SW books will hint at Rey's relation to the Skywalkers, and Reddit fuemed some more when one author of these books confirmed on twitter that her book would delve into the destinies of Anakin, Luke, Leia, Kylo Ren and Rey. Reylos are now upset and a few are having weird orgasms at the opportunity to go inside "dear Ben's head".

Vox held an interview with Lucasfilm and we find out that there was really nothing planned after TFA and Kennedy was bullshitting when she said Palpatine's return was planned from the start, unless said plans are all locked in her head and she only tells the rest of the crew when she feels like it, like how she suddenly decided Phasma needed to exist after seeing some concept art despite the movie already being pretty much done.

As revealed at SW Celebration, the upcoming Filoni Wars revival was originally intended to follow the incomplete episodes faithfully, among them was the introduction of a new male lead who would be Ahsoka's romantic interest, but said character has now been removed, however his original scenes and voice still exist in the unrendered episodes. Instead he's now been replaced with a POC sister duo, with one of these girls now rumored to be Ahsoka's new love interest after Jon Kasdan was "deeply moved" by an angry tweet aimed at heteronormative shitlords.

The not-Darth Vader wannabe from EA's upcoming Fallen Order game is actually a girl created at the behest of Kennedy and will prove to be just as threatening as the sith lord himself according to SW website, which also revealed that she made her first appearance in a Marvel comic a year ago and that she's related to the Inquisitors from Disney's Rebels cartoon. A wasted opportunity to make a competent villainess from the heart, and if she's Kennedy's baby, we can expect her to be as dull and unimaginative as Phasma.

And here's the worst news. A new book titled Master & Apprentice that delves into the bonds between jedi master and padawan, which was written by one of Holdo's creators and the one who made Leia go gaga for Holdo. Now said author wants to give Chuck Wendig a run for his money by writing an even worse book revealing that Jedi don't allow romance but kinky casual sex between master and student is commonplace. The whole book reads like some fucking college student's blog.
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"Getting laid" Wow. The book also has the first official (implied) "sex scene" in SW under Disney. Forget Chuck Wendig. This bitch takes the fucking cake. Despite how awful it is, Twitter is celebrating it for canonizing potential ships regardless of the potentially creepy pederast angle... Fucking shippers. But on the bright side, nobody can use "SW is for kids" as an argument anymore...

Some good news though... USA Today declared Phasma as the worst character in Disney Wars.
Ackshually.pdf

*Commence Star Wars autism*

I’m reading this at the moment, and it’s pretty good. The Jedi described having casual sex is a renegade hippy whose been on an assignment as a regent for a princess for 10 years. Prior to that he was investigated and cleared by the order after he failed to follow the Jedi code and got his Padawan killed in a pirate attack.

The way it’s framed is as a criticism of the order for tolerating him and his actions for the sake of diversity. So it’s basically saying the order is corrupt for the sake of tolerating different points of view, and this will ultimately lead to its destruction in 20 years time.

I haven’t picked up any scent of chunk windbag sjw bullshit yet.
 

Godzilla@1989

Marlon Brando's eyes!
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Got to love the absolutely poor timing on the announcement that D&D are doing future Star Wars films. Right when people are witnessing the ongoing dumpster fire that is the last few episodes of GoT.
lol, D&D have no fucking talent. They can only adapt shit. I hope somebody at Lucas-film has already written, 1,000 page stories for them to adapt, otherwise they're going to be garbage.
I tried to be fair with these guys with the last two seasons because they had nothing to work with since George R Martin had been fucking around instead of finishing the books. Granted, they could’ve done better, but at the same time you can’t blame them with the failures of those two seasons; I personally blame Martin and HBO but that’s a different topic.

All D&D have to do is adopt KOTR and split them into three movies. That’s it. There shouldn’t be any problem with this idea. Granted, video game movies tend to suck balls, but KOTR is widely considered to be the greatest SW game ever and they have a lot of material for them to work on. But if they go the same route with the last two seasons as GoT where they wing it, then this thing is more fucked than Heaven’s Gate and Cutthroat Island.
 

Vault Boy

Corporate Mascot of Vault-Tec.
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The past few days have had the SW rumor mill talking about Rian's production cancelled again. I know it works on a pendulum and we'll probably get another still in production stages confirmation soon and the cycle will repeat, but I still hold some small hope that they've realised it would be a bad idea...
I think they're waiting to see how much damage TLJ does to ROS before committing to that trilogy.

If ROS performs similar to TFA, then that trilogy might get greenlit in some form. If it performs on par with TLJ, it'll be a coin flip if those movies happen. If it performs worse than TLJ, I'd expect the trilogy to get quietly cancelled and Kathleen to either get more encouragement to "retire early" or get promoted away from Lucasfilms.

It's all about seeing if the golden goose still has life left in it or if it needs a lot more time to recover.
 

RomanesEuntDomus

May contain nuts.
True & Honest Fan
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It was the difference between “suspense” and “surprise”
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The Godfather has a great scene that emphasizes this (spoilers - if you have never seen the Godfather, do it now, you will thank me!)

For those who have not seen it, but don't care about a spoiler: A drug baron tried to kill the Godfather of a powerful crime family, Vito Corleone. His son is now out to take revenge by pretending that he wants to make peace with the drug baron as well as his "bodyguard", a corrupt cop. Michael's family suspected the restaurant where they would take the unarmed Michael for their talk and planted a gun in the toilet, with which he should kill both the drug baron and the cop. The suspense in that scene is off the fucking walls, since it's the pivotal scene where Micheal is on the edge of dropping into the life of crime syndicates.
 

RomanesEuntDomus

May contain nuts.
True & Honest Fan
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Now Hollywood just makes movies for adults that will shell out cash money on toys, t shirts and theme parks.
Now they make movies for people like this:


And they justifiably and understandably do not expect these people to be mature enough to deal with the "wrong kind of bad thing" in their movies, such as competent villains, the main characters being at risk or suffering.

So we get movies that pull happy endings out of their ass, just so people like this clown above don't go haywire. And if they actually are ballsy enough to go for a cheap shock death, clowns like this dude above will treat it as the most significant example of cinematography ever.
 

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slayer Regiment
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For the record, I actually like Episode II save for the stupid romance plot. Seriously, George? You could not get someone else to write the romance dialogue?
The romance could've had potential but instead ended up as pure cringe (and as noteworthy meme fuel), but adaptations/spinoffs like Genndy's and some Dark Horse stuff did a better job of doing the romance, but George really needed a good editor or a fucking proof-reader. All his PT films had potential, the problem is being surrounded by yesmen and friends too worried about disappointing him to say so much as a peep. I don't have a hateboner for the prequels like most, and I even liked them when I first watched them, then grew distant after a rewatch, and then grew to like them again (although with more caution), but a like/love for something does not prevent me from criticizing them, and boy-howdy was Episode II flawed as fuck. People say EP I is the most flawed of the PT but I think its salvageable and is far less broken than II, whose only saving grace was the superior media that spun off from it like Genndy Wars, video games, war novels, Dark Horse, and Filoni Wars, all of which created whole new sub-groups within the fanbase despite how weak the film they were spun off from was. Almost every reveal introduced in that movie was just so wrong, and the jedi fight in the coliseum was just one big wtf made only worse by how dumb Jango's death was when compared to his son's. The great irony is that aside from liking it, I've re-watched II more times than I or III...
 
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SkeletonBias420

Mountain of Molten Lust
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For the record, I actually like Episode II save for the stupid romance plot. Seriously, George? You could not get someone else to write the romance dialogue?
There is a competent fan edit I saw a few years ago floating around on torrent sites that strips most of the clunky romance scenes and bad attempts at slapstick from the movie. It ends up being a much shorter but pretty watchable movie.

edit: The fan edit may have been "Attack of the Phantom."
 
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jellycar

Yes it is I, Patty Hearst
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I don't understand why they wasted Laura Dern like that. Unforgivable. And now that Leia is gone idk who will fill the void. Keri Russell I assume but still
 
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RomanesEuntDomus

May contain nuts.
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I don't understand why they wasted Laura Dern like that. Unforgivable. And now that Leia is gone idk who will fill the void. Keri Russell I assume but still
Did you ever hear the tragedy of women in nuWars? I thought not. It’s not a story the Disney-bought Media would tell you. It’s a shitlord legend. Women in Star Wars were well written characters, so likeable, competent and so wise they actually did their part with their male peers to accomplish things and weren't bitches about it… They had such a strong presence in the movies that they could even look badass in a slave bikini. The new writing from Disney is a pathway to Mary-Sue-ism some consider to be out of place in Star Wars. Female characters became so powerful… the only thing they were afraid of was looking incompetent, which eventually, of course, they did. Unfortunately, female characters were written so poorly and so inconsistently that the contribution of many great actresses was in service of terrible roles. Ironic. The writers tried to empower women, yet made them look like fools.

joking aside, they wasted Laura Dern, they wasted Gwendolyn Christie, they wasted Kelly Marie Tran, they wasted Carrie Fisher. They only didn't waste Daisy Ridley, since there is nothing to go to waste with her.

PS: Holy shit, is there even just ONE line of dialogue in nuWars as memeable as like 75% of the PT?
 
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