Star Wars Griefing Thread (Formerly about Last Jedi) - It's nothing like Empire... like.... at all, we promise

Flexo

serial #3370318
kiwifarms.net
People say EP I is the most flawed of the PT but I think its salvageable and is far less broken than II,
Agree with your post except for this bit. E2 is at least relevant to the general arc and the idea of a Jedi mystery movie is something original to the series. E1 is a useless mess that can be skipped in machete order and no one notices. Like SFDebris pointed out, had E1 not been so "thin" on plot & development, then you wouldn't have E2 and E3 wind up overstuffed. Thus, even if E2 might be considered more broken, it's ultimately because of E1.
 

Dr W

Heaven is void of light
kiwifarms.net
Agree with your post except for this bit. E2 is at least relevant to the general arc and the idea of a Jedi mystery movie is something original to the series. E1 is a useless mess that can be skipped in machete order and no one notices. Like SFDebris pointed out, had E1 not been so "thin" on plot & development, then you wouldn't have E2 and E3 wind up overstuffed. Thus, even if E2 might be considered more broken, it's ultimately because of E1.
Hell, TPM is even the least memeable of the prequels, it only has maybe three or four memes out of it. Still the output of the entire ST, but that's kinda sad.
 

JohnDoe

I sell hyenas and hyena accessories.
kiwifarms.net
Agree with your post except for this bit. E2 is at least relevant to the general arc and the idea of a Jedi mystery movie is something original to the series. E1 is a useless mess that can be skipped in machete order and no one notices. Like SFDebris pointed out, had E1 not been so "thin" on plot & development, then you wouldn't have E2 and E3 wind up overstuffed. Thus, even if E2 might be considered more broken, it's ultimately because of E1.
The prequels should have skipped child!Anakin altogether, and started with him as a padawan played by Hayden. Then we could have seen him rise to knighthood (Ep 1), struggle with the temptation of the Dark Side and his own limitations (Ep 2), then succumb to the Sith (Ep 3). Jettison all prophesy bullshit and zoom in hard on the relationships between him and Kenobi/Padme, with one set of Sith antagonists (Palpatine and Dooku maybe?). You could even have the Padme character be a noble from Alderaan, or connected diplomatically so that Leia being adopted there makes more sense - and honestly Padme should much more actively pursue Anakin and give us a better lens to critique the old Order's pants on head exceptional rules.

I mean, the setup could even be that Kenobi and Skywalker were both padawans to Quigon, who gets killed at the end of Ep 1 and we see how Kenobi manages to struggle through and resist the paths of revenge and powerlust in comparison to Anakin. The entire concept of the prequels was pretty much unnecessary since A New Hope sets everything up and in motion with a beautiful economy and visuals, so the only justification is to take full advantage of the opportunities presented to tell a story about tragic frailty of a man under enormous pressure burdened by all sides.
 

Flexo

serial #3370318
kiwifarms.net
The prequels should have skipped child!Anakin altogether, and started with him as a padawan played by Hayden. Then we could have seen him rise to knighthood (Ep 1), struggle with the temptation of the Dark Side and his own limitations (Ep 2), then succumb to the Sith (Ep 3). Jettison all prophesy bullshit and zoom in hard on the relationships between him and Kenobi/Padme, with one set of Sith antagonists (Palpatine and Dooku maybe?). You could even have the Padme character be a noble from Alderaan, or connected diplomatically so that Leia being adopted there makes more sense - and honestly Padme should much more actively pursue Anakin and give us a better lens to critique the old Order's pants on head exceptional rules.
Exactly. SFDebris goes into the details here, but it looks like Lucas was just obsessed with showing Anakin forced to leave his mother, that the trauma was key to his fall.

Which - ok fine - but as we can all see that's not enough material for an entire movie. Ironically, Indiana Jones 3 had come out 10 years earlier - why didn't George think to do something similar in E1? Start out with a young Anakin & leaving his mother in the first 30 minutes THEN skip ahead and to a more grown Anakin beginning his adventures for the rest of the movie.

I mean, the setup could even be that Kenobi and Skywalker were both padawans to Quigon, who gets killed at the end of Ep 1 and we see how Kenobi manages to struggle through and resist the paths of revenge and powerlust in comparison to Anakin. The entire concept of the prequels was pretty much unnecessary since A New Hope sets everything up and in motion with a beautiful economy and visuals, so the only justification is to take full advantage of the opportunities presented to tell a story about tragic frailty of a man under enormous pressure burdened by all sides.
If it was up to me, I would have started the film with Qui-Gon & Obi-Wan rescuing Anakin & others from slavers (after all - when in doubt, use space pirates). For one thing, it would let us see the Jedi actually being heroic. Have Shmi Skywalker killed in the conflict - you set up Anakin having some emotion and blaming the Jedi for her death. Let's tighten it up even more - introduce our arc Sith as behind the pirates, have him kill Qui-Gon & Shmi both giving Obi-Wan & Anakin personal motivation to fight him. That gives Kenobi an arc for this movie where he resists the lure to the dark side to kill Darth Whatever and Anakin an arc for the trilogy where at the end he cannot.

Heck I'd probably have the war start during that time skip and just under way when the story proper begins. Then besides Kenobi's pride, you also have the pressure of the conflict encouraging him & the Jedi to train Anakin because they are going to need numbers in the conflict.

And like someone else pointed out - I think much earlier in this thread & you just hinted at - the big planet of the prequels besides Coruscant shouldn't have been Naboo, but Alderaan. So we don't just get Anakin's fall, but E4 has new weight now when we know the world that was destroyed by the Empire and can really feel that tragedy.
 
Last edited:

RomanesEuntDomus

May contain nuts.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
One of the main issues with any kind of prequel about Anakin is that it would spoiler him being Luke's father. That should be avoided at all costs by keeping it in the shadows. Maybe insinuate that she might be pregnant, maybe have a plotpoint that Anakin thinks she died and lost the child and the grief over losing his child is what further sends him over the edge.

And I agree, Anakin's origins should not have taken up so much time in E1, the core element is a rather irrelevant eyecandy podrace (which is pretty neat to watch, but overall, it poorly fits into the narrative and takes up way too much time.)
 

Save the Loli

kiwifarms.net
Attack of the Clones (with a scene or two of flashbacks from The Phantom Menace) would work best as Episode I (Phantom Menace was basically "Jar Jar and Ani: Star Wars Story"). I'd put Darth Maul (seemingly back from the dead) as the main villain, with Dooku as some shady Jedi who himself falls to the dark side (foreshadowing Anakin's own fall)--tie it into Qui-Gon's death somehow. Palpatine/Sidious is there in the background of course. Episode II (The Separatists Strike Back) is set in the midst of the Clone Wars and has Grievous helping Dooku out, while Episode III can mostly work as is. Three movies would give time to build up all the characters, heroes and villains alike.
 

purpleboy

Exceptional the Individualhog
kiwifarms.net
As shit as TLJ is, I will say that its a-logs (i.e. Mauler) are turbospergs. We get it, it’s a stinky poopoo mound of a movie, autistically screeching about it for 2 fucking years isn’t going to turn it into a good movie and Disney’s unlikely to ever listen to us because they’re too busy counting their money
 
  • Agree
Reactions: SkeletonBias420

Godzilla@1989

Marlon Brando's eyes!
kiwifarms.net
For the record, I actually like Episode II save for the stupid romance plot. Seriously, George? You could not get someone else to write the romance dialogue?
Aside from the cringy romance, there’s a lot to like about AOTC.
  • The political discourse and the rise of the Stormtroppers, which helps set up the Clone Wars.
  • The cast works very well.
  • Solid action scenes and original visuals.
 

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slayer Regiment
kiwifarms.net
I pray for the day the RJ trilogy becomes non-canon.
Disney will never allow it unless IX flops and Kennedy gets promoted, or the franchise gets rebooted, but a reboot would just mean a complete remake and that would mean Disney's crap would still be canon to the original continuity because Disney will never admit to their faults since that would look really bad in the eyes of investors and business partners.
 
  • Horrifying
Reactions: 5t3n0g0ph3r

Godzilla@1989

Marlon Brando's eyes!
kiwifarms.net
Disney will never allow it unless IX flops and Kennedy gets promoted, or the franchise gets rebooted, but a reboot would just mean a complete remake and that would mean Disney's crap would still be canon to the original continuity because Disney will never admit to their faults since that would look really bad in the eyes of investors and business partners.
Not to beat on this dead horse, but I'm surprised Disney hasn't brought these back from Power Rangers into the sequel trilogy. Maybe if IX does this, I think everyone will get a good kick from it.

 
  • Informative
Reactions: GeneralFriendliness

Godzilla@1989

Marlon Brando's eyes!
kiwifarms.net
Screw Jar Jar Abrams, let's get Michael Bay to direct IX!
The man responsible for these explosions is Bruce Kalish, who executive produced the PR seasons SPD-Jungle Fury. This man was notorious for having double shots of explosions with the second one slowed down. This was done with Disney didn’t want to have violent content on the show.

Now with Disney era Star Wars, if they don’t want to get violent with the action but make it seem cool and edgy, they should take a page from this.
 

JohnDoe

I sell hyenas and hyena accessories.
kiwifarms.net
Screw Jar Jar Abrams, let's get Michael Bay to direct IX!
I know you're joking but I mean....he couldn't do worse. Stick with me here:
Bay is actually competent and experienced as a director, evidenced by a career of 14 big grossing movies.
Bay actually has his own distinct style and creative bent as a director. (Big, loud, and action-packed!)
Bay has respect for his audience, or at least their money.

If Bay was in charge of the sequel films they might be as shallow as they are now, but at least they'd be visually stimulating and actually try to please the fanbase. Bay might not give us a beautiful filet mignon of a movie, but he can serve up a nice big juicy hamburger and fries that can be enjoyed better than an overly pretentious and disrespectful SJW 'subversion'.
 

Save the Loli

kiwifarms.net
I know you're joking but I mean....he couldn't do worse. Stick with me here:
Bay is actually competent and experienced as a director, evidenced by a career of 14 big grossing movies.
Bay actually has his own distinct style and creative bent as a director. (Big, loud, and action-packed!)
Bay has respect for his audience, or at least their money.

If Bay was in charge of the sequel films they might be as shallow as they are now, but at least they'd be visually stimulating and actually try to please the fanbase. Bay might not give us a beautiful filet mignon of a movie, but he can serve up a nice big juicy hamburger and fries that can be enjoyed better than an overly pretentious and disrespectful SJW 'subversion'.
You aren't wrong. Considering Jar Jar Abrams stupidWrath of Khan remake for Star Trek and stupid A New Hope remake for Star Wars ("remake" as in throwing in some new elements to the original movie while making a mockery of key scenes like Spock's death and the trench run by endless winking at the audience), Michael Bay actually would've been a good choice for director. Cheesy as they are, applying the Transformers formula to Star Wars would have been better than what we got. Let's remember the scene everyone loves in TLJ is the hyperspace ram, and let's consider how Michael Bay might've done a scene like that.

I was never a Transformers fan, and I only ever saw the first Michael Bay Transformers movie, but it seems like proof that if you want simplistic and crowd-pleasing movies you might as well as grab Michael Bay to make a bunch of explosions.
 
Tags
None

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

We are on the Brave BAT program. Consider using Brave as your Browser. It's like Chrome but doesn't tell Google what you masturbate to.

BTC: 1EiZnCKCb6Dc4biuto2gJyivwgPRM2YMEQ
BTC+SW: bc1qwv5fzv9u6arksw6ytf79gfvce078vprtc0m55s
ETH: 0xc1071c60ae27c8cc3c834e11289205f8f9c78ca5
LTC: LcDkAj4XxtoPWP5ucw75JadMcDfurwupet
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino