I know you're joking but I mean....he couldn't do worse. Stick with me here:Screw Jar Jar Abrams, let's get Michael Bay to direct IX!
Bay is actually competent and experienced as a director, evidenced by a career of 14 big grossing movies.
Bay actually has his own distinct style and creative bent as a director. (Big, loud, and action-packed!)
Bay has respect for his audience, or at least their money.
If Bay was in charge of the sequel films they might be as shallow as they are now, but at least they'd be visually stimulating and actually try to please the fanbase. Bay might not give us a beautiful filet mignon of a movie, but he can serve up a nice big juicy hamburger and fries that can be enjoyed better than an overly pretentious and disrespectful SJW 'subversion'.