Star Wars Griefing Thread (Formerly about Last Jedi) - It's nothing like Empire... like.... at all, we promise

Godzilla@1989

Marlon Brando's eyes!
kiwifarms.net
Here's what pisses me off the most about this whole sequel trilogy: They completely fucked George Lucas over.
I'm someone who didn't hate the prequel trilogy. It had a lot of huge problems, but that was because George decided to do everything himself. George has a lot of good ideas, but he's not the best at executing them, and he desperately needed someone on board as a dissenting voice to make the PT great. Having said that, no matter what anyone thinks of the prequel trilogy -- IT WAS STILL STAR WARS. It still had the spirit of Star Wars within it, even though it missed the mark on a lot of levels.

George wrote the outlines for sequel trilogy. He put all of his "ideas" on the page, and it probably would have been amazing if someone like JJ had followed George's roadmap and executed his ideas efficiently. We all probably would have loved this. Kathleen Kennedy PROMISED that she would bring George's vision for the sequel trilogy to life. There is a FUCKING VIDEO INTERVIEW of her saying this.

Then, as soon as George signed the contracts, Kathleen said "Ha! Psyche!" and threw out George's outlines so that she could make her own bullshit series, which is the clusterfuck we are now stuck with. If people remember one thing about Kathleen Kennedy, they should remember this. She spent 30 years gaining George Lucas' confidence only to fuck him over the moment he gave her a little bit of power. Fuck that cunt.
The thing I always get from the prequel trilogy is that it’s like someone telling you a great story but does a terrible job of explaining it. The prequels had a ton of great ideas that expanded on the lore of the franchise, but the problem was that they had crap execution. Yet, they still show more polished quality than the sequel trilogy.

Which begs asking the question, will Star Wars be remembered as the black sheep of the Disney brands, or will Disney themselves be remembered as the black sheep of the Star Wars franchise?
 

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slayer Regiment
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I want to believe that's a joke, but I wouldn't put it past the jackasses to name a character Wyte Pryde as "social commentary".
"Wyte" is a joke on my part, but the Pryde part is real.

This isn't a spoiler, but I have a theory that I have a feeling is accurate:

I think we are going to learn that throughout the entire series Darth Sidious/Emperor Palpatine was actually Darth Plagueis.
Matt Smith, from previously released spoilers is playing Palpatine, or rather someone that the spirit of Palpatine has possessed. I think it goes deeper than that. I think that Darth Plagueis possessed Palpatine at a young age, and this was how he managed to "cheat death."

Darth Plagueis has been "jumping bodies" for hundreds of years, and the person we knew as Emperor Palpatine was actually Plagueis the entire time.
If I still cared about Star Wars, I'd be excited by something like this. But TLJ killed Star Wars for me, so fuck Star Wars. It's a cool theory, anyway.
I don't know how I feel about this. I kinda preferred the old depiction of Palpatine killing his master in his sleep and that in life all they did was either help, hinder or surpass one another. Making Palpatine some ancient immortal has its interesting themes but at the same time it kinda downplays his uniqueness if it turns out that he's been multiple different people and villains.

My head spins from the idiocy. If this turns out to be true, it invalidates almost anything Ruin did. All we need is Rey's parentage being changed, too, to truly fuck over TLJ...
If Finn really does reunite with his family, then I guess we can kiss Rey's family plot line goodbye. Or worse, they reveal that she's actually Luke's kid, or even worse yet, they reveal that she's a virgin birth created by Luke like how Plagueis indirectly made Anakin. Although Disney canon now implies it was Palpatine, not Plagueis, who made Anakin and that just makes this whole "Palpatine is everyone" theory worrisome and mark my words that these KOTOR movies will try to turn the immortal Sith Emperor into Palpatine.

I hated when the EU tried to bring back Palpatine using a less stupid approach, and I hate this more by an order of magnitude since it's even dumber.

So I bet this is in the fucking script.
That's basically what Disney has done. They just aped the Dark Empire comics and made it their own donut steal movie. Even the Sith Troopers are just reimagined Dark Troopers except they're not as buff and are painted red which just clashes with everything around them. Sure red guards works since they're few and they're supposed to work in enclosed areas and buildings, but this is a whole legion of soldiers we will have to be looking at for most of the second half. Also they keep saying these Sith Troopers came back from The Beyond which I definitely need to go over in more detail in my next post considering how bullshit it sounds.

According to my aunt who works at Disney, General Wyte Pryde will pilot the spaceship that belonged to Snoke before he died, "The Supremacy".

Around the 55 minute mark there will be chase sequence, in which either Rey or Finn will look straight at the camera and utter the words "We must destroy Wyte's Supremacy so we can be free."
I know this is a shitpost, but I'd believe it. Especially since Kennedy said that she wants IX to have a "[CURRENT YEAR] point of view".

I'm pretty sure there's never been a full-scale soul transfer in the IP.
In the Dark Empire comics (which this movie is clearly ripping off), Palpatine could do an essence transfer but only with clones of himself which he had made in secrecy after the Clone Wars but even these clones couldn't handle Palpatine's power and would degrade over time. Its basically a technique by ancient sith lords to make up for the fact that they couldn't become true or free Force Ghosts like the jedi. But it wasn't something easy. If you tried to do a permanent essence transfer with anything more complicated than a baby, it would fail unless the host actually wanted to be possessed or had a weak will. Another was transferring your mind into an artifact but then even that had worse restrictions. KOTOR's main background villain, the Immortal Sith Emperor, was originally said to use many rituals practices to extend his life unnaturally, but TORTanic later set up his immortality as being mainly possible through essence transfer. Other than that, force users could also make harmless digital copies of themselves within their holocrons (which would be funny if IX did this since it would definitely kill any hype in this movie). My memory is fuzzy, but the only time I can recall a character successfully trapping their actual essence and power within a holocron was Darth Annedu.

As far as Disney shit goes, there was a new female sith from Disney's Rebels cartoon who also put her mind in a holocron. Also Disney's tumblr-esque Doctor Aphra comics had an encounter with a jedi or sith that looked like Kreia who possessed mushrooms to become a pseudo-force ghost since jedi in Disney now have the same restrictions as siths. And another one who put his mind in a crystal that wasn't a holocron.

So with that said, it seems you're right if we don't count TORTanic, temporary possessions or possessing mindless defective clones (there was Callista Ming's bullshit but the success of that is debatable considering the drawbacks and it sucked). The reason I'm not too eager to count TORTanic is that it seems the game's updates as of these last few years keep moving it into Disney canon. Although I don't mind if that happens since TORTanic was shit.
 
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Save the Loli

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I'm still baffled by the fact that out of all the EU stories Disney decided to ripoff for their sequel trilogy, they picked a mixture of Glove of Darth Vader and Dark Empire. All they had to do was make a not-Thrawn Trilogy that wasn't Chuck Wendig's black woman Thrawn and didn't have not-Hillary Clinton as the hero and everything would've worked.
 

Larry Anon

Poly-gendered Interdimensional TurboSlut
kiwifarms.net
I'm still baffled by the fact that out of all the EU stories Disney decided to ripoff for their sequel trilogy, they picked a mixture of Glove of Darth Vader and Dark Empire. All they had to do was make a not-Thrawn Trilogy that wasn't Chuck Wendig's black woman Thrawn and didn't have not-Hillary Clinton as the hero and everything would've worked.
I'm still pissed that Rey isn't Jaina Solo.. because she clearly is, even though she's called Rey.
 

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slayer Regiment
kiwifarms.net
I'm still baffled by the fact that out of all the EU stories Disney decided to ripoff for their sequel trilogy, they picked a mixture of Glove of Darth Vader and Dark Empire. All they had to do was make a not-Thrawn Trilogy that wasn't Chuck Wendig's black woman Thrawn and didn't have not-Hillary Clinton as the hero and everything would've worked.
And they took a little of the Jedi Academy trilogy too. So all in all, out of all the shit they could've adapted, they picked the three most controversial stories and put them in a blender. I bet that shit Kevin J. Anderson is feeling pretty smug right about now... Meanwhile Chuck is creaming himself at having his self-insert be a main character in IX...

Also Big News Everyone. Disney in a desperate attempt to keep their park relevant and maintain hype has finally released the opening date for their shitty Kylo Ren ride along with a poster.
837359

Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge, Rise of the Resistance, will open at Disney World in Orlando, Florida December 5, and January 17, 2020 at Disneyland in Anaheim, California. Disney had originally given Rise of the Resistance a vague opening window of by the end of 2019 in both parks, after it first revealed that it would not open in time for the official Galaxy’s Edge opening last month.
It seems the Florida one will be ready first in December despite that its still under construction while the California one is finished...
 

Kiwi Lime Pie

The tasteful summer treat. 🥝🥧
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Tatooine is said to be in the movie's ending scene, as many rumors have said the film ends with Rey going to the Lars homestead and the movie ending with her looking out to the two suns.
This makes no sense. In A New Hope, Beru & Owen get incinerated to death at their homestead by stormtroopers looking for R2D2/C3PO. Why go somewhere that may bring back bad memories... And more importantly, how did the homestead remain intact for 3-plus decades? Who, if anyone, lives there now?

Even when the new films want to make a nod to the originals, they still find a way to shit on that. :heart-empty:
[E:typo]
 
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Adamska

Last Gunman
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I'm still baffled by the fact that out of all the EU stories Disney decided to ripoff for their sequel trilogy, they picked a mixture of Glove of Darth Vader and Dark Empire. All they had to do was make a not-Thrawn Trilogy that wasn't Chuck Wendig's black woman Thrawn and didn't have not-Hillary Clinton as the hero and everything would've worked.
Given that's one of the few post-OT EU items I liked, this should've been what they went with. Or alternatively, they could do what I did: take the Hero's Journey and the OT and do it again with some solid twists that turns into a new story.

Creativity after all is just being good at disassembling and changing up old stories.

And wow... they're hoping that the other big ride will save them... it probably won't given how at this point I'd expect a Disney exec to bleat that the sky is plaid due to how hideously delusional and dishonest their feedbackophobic gay circlejerk is.
 
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Larry Anon

Poly-gendered Interdimensional TurboSlut
kiwifarms.net
And they took a little of the Jedi Academy trilogy too. So all in all, out of all the shit they could've adapted, they picked the three most controversial stories and put them in a blender. I bet that shit Kevin J. Anderson is feeling pretty smug right about now... Meanwhile Chuck is creaming himself at having his self-insert be a main character in IX...

Also Big News Everyone. Disney in a desperate attempt to keep their park relevant and maintain hype has finally released the opening date for their shitty Kylo Ren ride along with a poster.
View attachment 837359
Wow, so it's an amusement park with TWO rides now. Still not going.

>shitty cafeteria food that costs more than a Michelin star restaurant
>all food in the park is vegan (why the fuck would you do that?)
>blue/green tard cum milkshakes for $10
>repurposed coke bottles so they can charge $6 for a fucking coke
>$200 lightsabers that break before you leave the park
>cosplay is allowed, except it isn't, so fuck you
>no OT characters
>female Poe Dameron hates her job and it's obvious to everyone

Did I miss anything? Someone let me know if there's anything I forgot to add.
 

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slayer Regiment
kiwifarms.net
This makes no sense. In A New Hope, Beru & Owen get incinerated to death at their homestead by stormtroopers looking for R2D2/C3PO. Why go somewhere that may ring back bad memories... And more importantly, how did the homestead remain intact for 3-plus decades? Who, if anyone, lives there now?

Even when the new films want to make a nod to the originals, they still find a way to shit on that. :heart-empty:
Also why would Rey go there? What connection does she have to it? Is this to imply that she really is Luke's holy daughter? And what's she gonna do there? Live as a hermit? Does this mean that the "Skywalkers" will just be a religious movement rather than a new order of Jedi or something? I mean some could argue that she's going to build an academy there but the rumors don't point to that. And it seems that Disney wants the Force to be reduced to a simple religion rather than a holy order of warrior monks.
Although the fact that Rey is there suggests that the movie's MacGuffin really is a super radio tower that broadcasts Luke's life via 3PO's memory throughout the universe... But if they really add a remake of Luke's scene with the twin suns with Rey instead, expect a lot more creepy and consumer-based "crying reaction videos" in the near future... 1561083626369.png
 
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GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slayer Regiment
kiwifarms.net
Hold on. Wait. Is that an actual rumour, or are you just kidding?
I wish I were kidding. I'm surprised that there are some people doubting the whole "intergalactic broadcast" thing to spread a message of "#RESISTANCE!" and the story of Luke Skywalker since the Rebels cartoon sort of experimented with this already in one of their episodes. The rumor has it that the destroyed Death Star has a super powerful transmitter (the strongest in history) that could be used to spread the message of #RESIST and Luke to worlds beyond. We even joked about it a few pages back, with me and @Judge Holden making a crack about how the movie will have a post credits scene set in the 1950s where a young George Lucas or Kennedy will hear the Luke broadcast while in their tree house.
On an unrelated note, it always bugged me how they brought in Tarkin himself to deal with a small band of about 6 nobody rebels/thieves on some backwater planet early in their career to dispose of them himself when all this did was make the Empire look worse and incompetent by having its very own Grand Moff get his shit fucked by a 15 year old boy and his band of nobodies, and they did this while there was a bigger Rebel insurgence going on elsewhere in the galaxy. In the end the only reason the writers did it was to have more cameos and guest stars since the show was desperate for a ratings grab.
 
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Larry Anon

Poly-gendered Interdimensional TurboSlut
kiwifarms.net
We even joked about it a few pages back, with me and @Judge Holden making a crack about how the movie will have a post credits scene set in the 1950s where a young George Lucas or Kennedy will hear the Luke broadcast while in their tree house.
For fuck's sake. This just keeps getting dumber and dumber.
First of all, from the leaks we already have, Kylo and all the bad guys are going to be dead by the end of the film. So what the fuck are they still resisting that would require them to broadcast the Luke Signal all over the galaxy?
Secondly, why not just build a super powerful transmitter instead of combing through Death Star wreckage and hoping that their super powerful transmitter still works?
Thirdly, 3P0 has had his mind wiped a BUNCH of times, since it was obvious that he couldn't be trusted with top secret information. They even kind of joked about this in Revenge Of The Sith.
Fourthly, why transmit a memory of Luke at all? Luke can clearly Force FaceTime himself all over the galaxy, so why not just do it himself?
Fifthly, I fucking hate Star Wars even more now.

Also, they probably wouldn't do the George Lucas in a treehouse thing. George Lucas wanted to be a race car driver until he flipped his car, got a massive head injury and almost died. He decided to get into filmmaking when he woke up in the hospital, so they would probably do the bonk-on-the-head-tuned-him-in-to-the-Luke Broadcast thing. Still stupid though.
 

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slayer Regiment
kiwifarms.net
Well I did not expect to see this.
This pretty much confirms that George still has control over the OT and Star Wars (at least to a degree) and how they're released and distributed. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences had to actually get George's permission rather than permission from Disney, meanwhile Disney still can't release the non-special OT. If so, its like I've said before, the whole situation really does feel like Disney only rented Star Wars from George.
 
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Vault Boy

Corporate Mascot of Vault-Tec.
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Someone help me out here- is there a valid, legitimate reason why Disney would be deliberately wrecking Star Wars? I've got a few theories but none of them make sense. Feedback appreciated.
I'd say a mix of desperately wanting to make it their own (explaining the ST's utter lack of originality) and being too eager for cash to properly plan the trilogy out in advance (because why delay for consistency when you can get them rolled out ASAP). A deadly combination that has resulted in the rough patch the series is currently in, and who knows when Disney will start improving things...
 

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slayer Regiment
kiwifarms.net
Someone help me out here- is there a valid, legitimate reason why Disney would be deliberately wrecking Star Wars? I've got a few theories but none of them make sense. Feedback appreciated.
I honestly don't think there's any sensible or reasonable explanation for why they're treating SW this way. Their treatment of the franchise is pretty insane and erratic. But I suppose any of the following may be possible:
A: Maybe there's a lot of internal drama going on regarding financial and creative decisions.
B: Kennedy has too much control and influence over it and they can't do jack about her craziness.
C: George still holds some sort of control and they want to fuck over the franchise because George is fucking them over.
D: They want to kill the franchise so as to make what came before it unpopular and prop up their new stuff as better which has backfired horribly, especially since it looks like they tried to do it as fast as possible.
or
E: All of the above and that they're all just idiots and really fucking incompetent in all aspects except business, distributing budgets and managing their Swiss bank accounts, which seems to be becoming the case with every new bit of news that's been coming out this month.

And its not just SW, but quite a lot of things under Disney except the Marvel Cinematic Universe (and some unrelated cartoons that seem to be well received), and its success can be attributed to Marvel Studios and Fiege functioning partially separate from Disney until now. And some people will say Marvel as a whole is doing well, but their comics, cartoons, shows and games are all meh or terrible with the exception of the Capcom vs Marvel games, but that's mostly due to also being developed independently from Disney. Even the Disney films of olde are getting screwed over with mediocre remakes. Then there's the putrid Disney channel which has mostly been a horrifying mess of tween comedy for ages with cartoons taking a backseat.
 
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Ashen One

"Ashen one, hearest thou my voice, still?"
kiwifarms.net
So what the fuck are they still resisting that would require them to broadcast the Luke Signal all over the galaxy?
And other than that... Luke's heroic deeds were forgotten quite easily by almost everyone in the galaxy despite toppling an entire empire and being a jedi, a war hero and whatnot. But somehow treating his life like a Lifetime movie and broadcasting it on space TV will make sure people don't forget about it this time... somehow.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but Luke's life isn't even that interesting now with the new trilogy. After defeating the Empire which the galaxy apparently didn't give two shits about he abandoned everyone and everything to live as a grumpy hermit, effectively created a new Sith apprentice by trying to kill his nephew while he slept, drank blue soy mîlk (available now at Star Wars Galaxy's Edge!) from some ugly aliens and disappeared like a fart in the breeze. Truly the message of hope the galaxy needs during these trying times.
 
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