Star Wars Griefing Thread (Formerly about Last Jedi) - It's nothing like Empire... like.... at all, we promise

Larry Anon

Poly-gendered Interdimensional TurboSlut
kiwifarms.net
A: Maybe there's a lot of internal drama going on regarding financial and creative decisions.
B: Kennedy has too much control and influence over it and they can't do jack about her craziness.
Kennedy has never known what she was doing. Never. She got all of her producer credits for getting Spielberg coffee, being a casting couch girl, and marrying whats-his-name. She never had any creative input on ANY of the films she produced before Star Wars. That's a fact. She is, by all accounts, a massive cunt. Here's what we know:

>JJ hated her and her hand picked story group during TFA
>JJ hated them so much that he decided pass on TLJ
>JJ was PISSED at what Rian Johnson did with TLJ
>Bob Iger begged JJ to come back for ROS in order to "fix" things
>JJ agreed
>Bob Iger offered JJ the presidency of Lucasfilm
>JJ turned it down
>JJ got Bob Iger to install his personal assistant as Vice President of Lucasfilm
>JJ will be controlling Warner Bros through his movie deal, but will also be controlling Lucasfilm via his proxy
>Kathleen Kennedy is still technically President of Lucasfilm, but she will be doing fuck all until her contract is up
>Disney will "transition" Kathleen somewhere else, because firing her will make Disney look stupid and prove to all the pissed off fans that they were right all along

Unfortunately, you can't fix Star Wars. It's a dead brand, no matter who takes over Lucasfilm. The Last Jedi had too many franchise killing events that irreparably harmed the brand. For example, the kamikaze hyperspace ship destruction thing. If this is possible in the Star Wars universe, other characters would have known it was possible because it would have been tried in the past at some point (whether on purpose or accidentally). If this was possible, why not just do it to the Death Star(s)?? In fact, why not have a droid fleet of kamikaze ships? This literally KILLS all space battles in Star Wars.

That's just ONE of the many many MANY franchise ruining fuckups they made in The Last Jedi.
I'm just glad I still have Warhammer 40K, which by its very nature, is essentially SJW-proof.
 

Larry Anon

Poly-gendered Interdimensional TurboSlut
kiwifarms.net
I suspect there was a fallout between Abrams and Iger and Kennedy, hence why you don’t see Abrams giving a shit about Episode 9.
There was definitely fallout between Abrams and Kennedy, but I'm not so sure about Iger. Iger really wanted JJ to take over Lucasfilm, and then hired his assistant as VP when Abrams turned it down. You might be right though. Iger might be pissed that JJ didn't take the job offer.
 
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Godzilla@1989

Marlon Brando's eyes!
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There was definitely fallout between Abrams and Kennedy, but I'm not so sure about Iger. Iger really wanted JJ to take over Lucasfilm, and then hired his assistant as VP when Abrams turned it down. You might be right though. Iger might be pissed that JJ didn't take the job offer.
Well I wonder that because JJ went to Warner Bros and isn’t excited about Episode IX.
 

Larry Anon

Poly-gendered Interdimensional TurboSlut
kiwifarms.net
Well I wonder that because JJ went to Warner Bros and isn’t excited about Episode IX.
People at JJ's level routinely hop from studio to studio. WB offered him $500 million. Disney has spent a lot of money on acquisitions over the past 2 years and probably couldn't match the offer. I also don't think he wanted to be the "official" head of Lucasfilm because he knows it's a sinking ship.
As far as JJ not being excited about Episode IX, I see it like this:

>Iger lends Kennedy his Ferrari
>Kennedy drives it for two years, but never changes the oil
>The engine seizes
>Iger takes the Ferrari to his mechanic friend JJ
>JJ takes one look at the Ferrari and says, "Your car is fucked, Bob."
>Iger begs JJ to try and fix it
>JJ shrugs and says that he doesn't think it can be fixed, but he'll give it a shot but he can't promise anything
 

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slayer Regiment
kiwifarms.net
Before we continue questioning Kennedy's idiocy and the drama surrounding Disney, I'm just going to dump some leaks and spoilers regarding "The Oracle" in Episode IX who is basically a new Yoda (unrelated to yellow yoda). I never talked about it because I never believed the rumors, but since those who talked about it also mentioned Sith Troopers, D-O and The Beyond, along with the fact that they've been going around for a while, I am inclined to start believing, although with a grain of salt, just in case since the ones who have described these rumors sound more like studio aides who aren't too sure themselves and aren't engaged in the creative and writing side of things, but regardless, he is still right about a lot of other things. Also a bonus screencapped leak regarding Palpatine possessing Matt Smith.

Anyway:
837569
837636

The Oracle is a mammalian spider-like creature with an Ithorian head who lives on a swamp planet as a hermit (sound familiar?) with the difference being that her swamp has a little snow. Apparently Kylo Ren goes in search of her with some troops and finds her squatting on a giant baby head that is described as being around 10 feet wide. Whether the baby is a statue or its alive is uncertain. This is part of Kylo Ren's "quest" which is about half of the movie where he goes through moments of self-reflection while trying to adjust to his role as the new supreme leader while trying to stop Palpatine. Spider hermit is supposedly sought out by Emo Ren to find out about the danger in "The Beyond" and about Palpatine's location. She apparently gives him some ambiguous Yoda-like answers which he has to solve. Also here's a bigger pic of the Oracle.
837728


The Beyond is apparently the name of the region of space where the Death Stars remains are, with many supposed leakers saying its based on the Unknown Regions and that an evil faction in this movie will be "The Vong" or "The Grysk" (the Grysk are just the nu-Vong under Disney from the new Thrawn novels) who are from The Beyond and are the main threat, so Kylo Ren sent the Knights of Ren there with the Sith Troopers to scout out the nu-Vongs' activity. The reason the nu-Vong are mad is because Snoke was supposedly one of them or their leader.

For those who don't know, it was the nu-Vong (who are simply called the "Attendants") with Snoke who were the ones who found the imperial remnant from EA's Battlefront 2 and Wendig's novels in the Unknown Regions and turned them into the First Order as revealed in Wendig's novels, the TLJ visual dictionary and StarWars.com. FYI this is an "attendant" aka the nu-Vong and it was based on unused concept art from TFA where JJ supposedly planned to introduce them but they were removed. They would later appear in TLJ. If you want to know more about the nu-Vong introduced in the new Thrawn novels and Galaxy's Edge tie-ins, then here: https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Grysk

There I just unintentionally explained the origin of the First Order and on a site note, people still can't make heads or tails of what these idiots are even supposed to be doing.

On a side note, people speculating that "The Beyond" is the Unknown Regions seems iffy but not entirely impossible. The Death Star remains are said to be in The Beyond, but as we all know, the Death Star remains (at least in nu-canon) landed on Endor (and they did according to EA's Battlefront 2) so that would mean that Disney has either relocated Endor to the Unknown Regions, but that is not the case according to the new story team. Endor itself in both old and new canon is in the Outer Rim but located on the border of Wild Space which separates the rest of the Galaxy from the Unknown Regions. So its possible that the nu-Vong and Emo Ren's scouting team had to go through there and its where the final battle will take place. But then this begs the question, that if The Beyond is simply the Unknown Regions, why not just call it that? Well that just might be JJ wanting to not use something from lore again and making it his own or this was a creative decision so as to avoid potential spoilers (which isn't really working). Another simpler possibility is that they'll retcon EA's Battlefront 2 and do what they did before and just copy another idea from The Glove of Darth Vader and have it so a hyperspace wormhole transported the Death Star debris to another planet, such as Dac/Mon Calamari as that's another planet that is mostly water and where most of the pieces ended up in The Glove of Darth Vader, however even said story some piece remained on Endor so the movie could still just simply go with Endor for max nostalgia. Who can say really. We already know that part of the film was shot at Black Park which looks almost like Endor and there's a pic of Rey in what definitely looks like it.
837714
837709


Anyway back to The Oracle. Kylo Ren and the Oracle's exchange is interrupted by Rey and the Resistance who attack the nu-troopers on the swamp planet which leads to the scene in the trailer here:


With the new info in hand, Ren goes off in search of his MacGuffin while figuring out the Oracle's clues which then leads to him ending up on the old Death Star.

Also here's a bonus, a full view of that hideous slug thing that's supposed to be the new comic relief and the best friend of Chuck Wendig's self-insert.
837724

His name is Klaud in case you didn't know. He's also supposed to be an old friend of Chewbacca's.

I'll have more spoilers ready. Normally I never gave these spoilers much thought but after Sith Troopers, D-O and whatnot, I felt obliged to start taking them more seriously.
 
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Larry Anon

Poly-gendered Interdimensional TurboSlut
kiwifarms.net
Before we continue questioning Kennedy's idiocy and the drama surrounding Disney, I'm just going to dump some leaks and spoilers regarding "The Oracle" in Episode IX who is basically a new Yoda (unrelated to yellow yoda). I never talked about it because I never believed the rumors, but since those who talked about it also mentioned Sith Troopers, D-O and The Beyond, along with the fact that they've been going around for a while, I am inclined to start believing, although with a grain of salt, just in case since the ones who have described these rumors sound more like studio aides who aren't too sure themselves and aren't engaged in the creative and writing side of things, but regardless, he is still right about a lot of other things. Also a bonus screencapped leak regarding Palpatine possessing Matt Smith.

Anyway:
View attachment 837569View attachment 837636
The Oracle is a mammalian spider-like creature with an Ithorian head who lives on a swamp planet as a hermit (sound familiar?) with the difference being that her swamp has a little snow. Apparently Kylo Ren goes in search of her with some troops and finds her squatting on a giant baby head that is described as being around 10 feet wide. Whether the baby is a statue or its alive is uncertain. This is part of Kylo Ren's "quest" which is about half of the movie where he goes through moments of self-reflection while trying to adjust to his role as the new supreme leader while trying to stop Palpatine. Spider hermit is supposedly sought out by Emo Ren to find out about the danger in "The Beyond" and about Palpatine's location. She apparently gives him some ambiguous Yoda-like answers which he has to solve. Also here's a bigger pic of the Oracle.
View attachment 837728

The Beyond is apparently the name of the region of space where the Death Stars remains are, with many supposed leakers saying its based on the Unknown Regions and that an evil faction in this movie will be "The Vong" or "The Grysk" (the Grysk are just the nu-Vong under Disney from the new Thrawn novels) who are from The Beyond and are the main threat, so Kylo Ren sent the Knights of Ren there with the Sith Troopers to scout out the nu-Vongs' activity. The reason the nu-Vong are mad is because Snoke was supposedly one of them or their leader.

For those who don't know, it was the nu-Vong (who are simply called the "Attendants") with Snoke who were the ones who found the imperial remnant from EA's Battlefront 2 and Wendig's novels in the Unknown Regions and turned them into the First Order as revealed in Wendig's novels, the TLJ visual dictionary and StarWars.com. FYI this is an "attendant" aka the nu-Vong and it was based on unused concept art from TFA where JJ supposedly planned to introduce them but they were removed. They would later appear in TLJ. If you want to know more about the nu-Vong introduced in the new Thrawn novels and Galaxy's Edge tie-ins, then here: https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Grysk

There I just unintentionally explained the origin of the First Order and on a site note, people still can't make heads or tails of what these idiots are even supposed to be doing.

On a side note, people speculating that "The Beyond" is the Unknown Regions seems iffy but not entirely impossible. The Death Star remains are said to be in The Beyond, but as we all know, the Death Star remains (at least in nu-canon) landed on Endor (and they did according to EA's Battlefront 2) so that would mean that Disney has either relocated Endor to the Unknown Regions, but that is not the case according to the new story team. Endor itself in both old and new canon is in the Outer Rim but located on the border of Wild Space which separates the rest of the Galaxy from the Unknown Regions. So its possible that the nu-Vong and Emo Ren's scouting team had to go through there and its where the final battle will take place. But then this begs the question, that if The Beyond is simply the Unknown Regions, why not just call it that? Well that just might be JJ wanting to not use something from lore again and making it his own or this was a creative decision so as to avoid potential spoilers (which isn't really working). Another simpler possibility is that they'll retcon EA's Battlefront 2 and do what they did before and just copy another idea from The Glove of Darth Vader and have it so a hyperspace wormhole transported the Death Star debris to another planet, such as Dac/Mon Calamari as that's another planet that is mostly water and where most of the pieces ended up in The Glove of Darth Vader, however even said story some piece remained on Endor so the movie could still just simply go with Endor for max nostalgia. Who can say really. We already know that part of the film was shot at Black Park which looks almost like Endor and there's a pic of Rey in what definitely looks like it.
View attachment 837714View attachment 837709

Anyway back to The Oracle. Kylo Ren and the Oracle's exchange is interrupted by Rey and the Resistance who attack the nu-troopers on the swamp planet which leads to the scene in the trailer here:


With the new info in hand, Ren goes off in search of his MacGuffin while figuring out the Oracle's clues which then leads to him ending up on the old Death Star.

Also here's a bonus, a full view of that hideous slug thing that's supposed to be the new comic relief and the best friend of Chuck Wendig's self-insert.
View attachment 837724
His name is Klaud in case you didn't know. He's also supposed to be an old friend of Chewbacca's.

I'll have more spoilers ready. Normally I never gave these spoilers much thought but after Sith Troopers, D-O and whatnot, I felt obliged to start taking them more seriously.
So Palpatine possessed Snoke too? I bet you I'm right about Palpatine really being Darth Plagueis the whole time, and was just another possessed host. Think about it. It would make sense. Watch that clip from ROTS that I posted earlier. The way he slyly references the story. Hmmm...

>Plagueis trains a young Palpatine as a Sith Apprentice
>Palpatine kills him in his sleep
>Plagueis' soul returns to the holocron
>Plagueis possesses Palpatine
>Plagueis cheats death
 
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GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slayer Regiment
kiwifarms.net
So Palpatine possessed Snoke too? I bet you I'm right about Palpatine really being Darth Plagueis the whole time, and was just another possessed host. Think about it. It would make sense. Watch that clip from ROTS that I posted earlier. The way he slyly references the story. Hmmm...

>Plagueis trains a young Palpatine as a Sith Apprentice
>Palpatine kills him in his sleep
>Plagueis' soul returns to the holocron
>Plagueis possesses Palpatine
>Plagueis cheats death
Its a doozy to say the least. As far as the early draft of ROTS, old canon and word from George goes, Palpatine and Plagueis being separate beings was true, but it would've been interesting if Plagueis did somehow posses or mentally fused with Palpatine. But as far as Disney's nu-canon goes, its definitely possible that Palpatine might've been Plagueis all along since it seems that Disney has taken the characters in a different direction than George and Luceno portrayed. For one, Disney-Lucasfilm has been very secretive about Plagueis's identity and removed all mention of his actual species, who George claimed was a Muun. Also of note is that Disney retconned Anakin's creation, if we take the weird space anus experience from the 2nd edition Vader comics seriously, in that they implied it so it was Palpatine that impregnated Shmi, rather than Plagueis indirectly creating Anakin. They also made it so it was Palpatine and Palpatine alone who manipulated characters who were formerly manipulated by Plagueis. So it does seem like Disney wants to go down the route of making Plagueis and Palpatine one and the same or remove Plagueis from relevancy, or that upon death Plagueis possessed Palpatine (his apprentice). But it seems more like they were probably setting up Snoke to be Plagueis but Rian put a cork in their plans.
 

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slayer Regiment
kiwifarms.net
Sheesh. The Ewok Adventures are, to me, more canon, and more in tune with the spirit of Star Wars than anything shat out by Disney at this point.
Which is funny since a lot of people are comparing Rey to the little girl Cindel from the movies and saying TLJ is a shittier knockoff of Battle for Endor.
 

Dom Cruise

kiwifarms.net
Let me ask you ladies and gents, what is worse? A sequel trilogy never being made and fans always wondering what it could have been like, or what we got, which is a sequel trilogy that sucks?

Nothing fundamentally changes either way, we'll always have the original trilogy and you can ignore everything else, I dare say it's better to try and fail than not try at all and always be left hanging and wondering "what if?"
 

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slayer Regiment
kiwifarms.net
Let me ask you ladies and gents, what is worse? A sequel trilogy never being made and fans always wondering what it could have been like, or what we got, which is a sequel trilogy that sucks?

Nothing fundamentally changes either way, we'll always have the original trilogy and you can ignore everything else, I dare say it's better to try and fail than not try at all and always be left hanging and wondering "what if?"
I'd have to say I would prefer a world where the sequels were never made and Disney never bought dick. No one really needed them to begin with. OT purists got the perfect happy ending in VI, the good guys victorious, the gang celebrating and getting drunk with teddy bears. And for those who might've wanted a sequel trilolgy, there was always the Thrawn trilogy books/graphic novels and an inevitable animated adaptation. At least in that timeline, Star Wars would go down as a classic franchise that will always be remembered for generations to come without need of some shitty reboots or sequels, much like Casa Blanca and Back to the Future. And most importantly, its characters would remain untainted and honored for the wider masses. Seriously, say what you want about the prequels, but even they couldn't ruin people's love for Star Wars and old stuff, and just made them love the OT more, and then they somehow managed to turn that shit around and make people actually like it and its spinoffs years later, unlike now where almost everything relating to Disney Wars media is just mixed or hated. Meanwhile the fanbase has become a divided mess filled with desperate loyalists and disillusioned pessimists.

Also, more people seemed interested in a re-release of the unedited OT rather than a cinematic sequel trilogy before Disney got ahold of things.
 
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Dom Cruise

kiwifarms.net
I'd have to say I would prefer a world where the sequels were never made and Disney never bought dick. No one really needed them to begin with. OT purists got the perfect happy ending in VI, the good guys victorious, the gang celebrating and getting drunk with teddy bears. And for those who might've wanted a sequel trilolgy, there was always the Thrawn trilogy books/graphic novels and an inevitable animated adaptation. At least in that timeline, the OT would go down as a classic franchise that will always be remembered for generations to come without need of some shitty reboots or sequels, much like Casa Blanca and Back to the Future. And most importantly, its characters would remain untainted and honored for the wider masses. Seriously, say what you want about the prequels, but even they couldn't ruin people's love for the OT and old stuff, and just made them love them more, and then they somehow managed to turn it around make people actually like it and its spinoff shows years later, unlike now where almost everything relating to Disney Wars media is just mixed or hated. Meanwhile the fanbase has become divided mess filled with desperate loyalists and disillusioned pessimists.

Also, more people seemed interested in a re-release of the unedited OT rather than a cinematic sequel trilogy before Disney got ahold of things.
Yes, the trouble is that Star Wars is being watered down and it's long term legacy has been compromised, how will Star Wars be remembered when it turns 80? It could have been like The Wizard of Oz, that people still remember and like 80 years later, but now who knows.

I feel really fucking bad for George Lucas to be honest, I can guarantee you that guy knows he's made a terrible mistake.
 

RomanesEuntDomus

May contain nuts.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
According to my aunt who works at Disney, General Wyte Pryde will pilot the spaceship that belonged to Snoke before he died, "The Supremacy".

Around the 55 minute mark there will be chase sequence, in which either Rey or Finn will look straight at the camera and utter the words "We must destroy Wyte's Supremacy so we can be free."

First of all, from the leaks we already have, Kylo and all the bad guys are going to be dead by the end of the film. So what the fuck are they still resisting that would require them to broadcast the Luke Signal all over the galaxy?
That is a very good point. Maybe they'll use it to rally people to their cause (since it worked so well in TLJ, right?).
Then again, maybe they use the broadcast to tell people to #resist and that the fight isn't over until all bigots have had their heads bashed in and Trump has been impeached.

For example, the kamikaze hyperspace ship destruction thing. If this is possible in the Star Wars universe, other characters would have known it was possible because it would have been tried in the past at some point (whether on purpose or accidentally).
Keep in mind: Hux' reaction when they tell him Holdo is turning the ship around makes it clear that he *knows* that this is a threat to his ship.
So this confirms that everyone was already aware of the ability to ram a ship into another ship at hyperspace speeds.

I'm just going to dump some leaks and spoilers regarding "The Oracle" in Episode IX who is basically a new Yoda (unrelated to yellow yoda).
Oh great, yet another new lame character that has never existed before despite supposedly being super important, pops up and does her thing, never to be seen again. I just love when movies introduce these elements out of nowhere just to spew exposition and then be forgotten the very next scene.

Let me ask you ladies and gents, what is worse? A sequel trilogy never being made and fans always wondering what it could have been like, or what we got, which is a sequel trilogy that sucks?

Nothing fundamentally changes either way, we'll always have the original trilogy and you can ignore everything else, I dare say it's better to try and fail than not try at all and always be left hanging and wondering "what if?"
For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: 'It might have been!'
A shitty sequel is the worst. A nonexistent sequel does not take away the chance of there ever being a good one, a bad one directly contradicts it. It can be retconned, but that is highly unlikely and in case of certain franchises, it will deterr people from making something with that franchise. Worse still, when they try to fix the franchise with the next sequel, that will not retcon the bad one, but rather trying to steer away from its path. It makes the whole thing just feel jumbled and incoherent.
 

GeneralFriendliness

General of Dokar's Soy-Slayer Regiment
kiwifarms.net
There's no way you can make these fucked up universes even remotely kid-friendly without setting it up in an AU or making retcons (with the latter apparently being the case). Watch as these inexperienced and surprisingly preachy 8-12 year olds somehow defy the odds.

On one side you got little kids surviving in the horrid world of Warhammer Fantasy Age of Sigmar filled with all manner of plagues and countless terrors on just one single planet while giant rats will steal from you and skewer you alive. Yet they'll always survive with nothing but a hammer and a slingshot while their only magic user is just a nerdy healer who is a pacifist despite that magic would be the best weapon for a kid to use in such a setting without breaking any rating restrictions. And then they also have some kind of smithing prodigy who can supposedly make anything except weapons which she hates. One of the characters even fought in vicious gladiator pits and she won with nothing but a fucking slingshot.

On the other you have the galactic horror of Warhammer 40k, yet they make the main characters extremely anti-weapons which was nothing short of WTF. Wishing your enemies away will only get you so far against the vile minions of Chaos The Forces of Evil unless you're powered by WAAAAAAGH!, and "logic and reason" won't save you from horny Dark Eldar pedos or skull-fucking Khorne worshipers. Lucky for them Chaos and Heresy never appear here.

Yet despite all of this they still survive while talking about the power of diversity, girl power, pacifism and that weapons and war won't solve anything while destroying their enemies with over complicated and impossible traps. Because of this, the main characters never cease to shut up about how morally righteous they are and how violence won't solve anything despite using their "ingenious" traps to commit acts of G-rated murder. They try to play this off by having their more weapon-liking comrades not take them seriously, but that's only to have them be proven wrong later on while the little Anitas just derides their comrades whenever they try to defend themselves with weapons. Lucky for the 40k kids they only ever run into soulless Necrons who serve as the main villains since killing robot skeletons is far more kid-friendly than actually facing off against a horde of Slaneesh worshipers. Meanwhile the Fantasy ones deal with savages called the "Darkoath Barbarians". But they best not use their weapons unless they want to get scolded by their female POC leaders.

And if things do go wrong for them, the Smurfmarines and Stormcunts will be there to make the meanies run away.

I honestly think this whole thing would be legit funny and somewhat serviceable for your kids if it weren't so freaking preachy, gave kids a false impression of what the franchise is about and if it weren't just a generic copypaste of other modern and generic fantasy children's books.

Character bios said:
Warped Galaxies
Zelia Lor
Twelve-year-old Zelia is the daughter of galactic explorer Elise Lor. She grew up helping Elise with archaeological expeditions on dozens of worlds, digging up ancient artefacts and alien technology. Bright and resourceful, Zelia always thinks she knows best, but isn’t as experienced as she tries to make out.

Sharing her mum’s hatred of weaponry, Zelia believes that the best way to overcome fear is to learn about the universe. That doesn’t stop her from being terrified of spiders after being trapped in the web of a gigantic temple-weaver when she was a small child.

She's perfectly fine with destroying their enemies with improvised or unconventional methods, but will come down with all the righteousness she can muster whenever her companions try to defend themselves from the various aliens trying to kill them with an actual gun. This is explicitly based on the Insane Troll Logic that a lot of the archeological sites she visited are battlefields, and being armed didn't save the dead soldiers, therefore weapons are worthless. None of her companions take this entirely seriously.
Talen
The son of a loyal Imperial Guard officer, thirteen-year-old Talen ran away from home to avoid being enlisted in the military. He fell in with the Runak Warriors, a feral gang who lived in the tunnels beneath Rhal Rata, the largest hive-city on Targian. Used to thinking with his fists, Talen finds it difficult to trust anyone, but has a good heart. Once he is on your side, you couldn’t ask for a better friend. Talen has little experience of the galaxy, hiding his insecurities beneath bluster and bravado. His only link to the past is the toy soldier his older brother gave him before going off to war, a treasure he will guard with his life.

Mekki
Like all Martians, Mekki is happiest when tinkering with technology, and is able to communicate with the machine-spirits that dwell inside computers and cogitators. A talented inventor, eleven-year-old Mekki created the special robotic frame that supports his paralysed arm as well as servo sprites, a swarm of tiny robot helpers. Even though they grew up together, Mekki and Zelia have never been close. Mekki prefers the company of machines to humans and often finds it hard to make friends. He can be incredibly tough on himself, especially when things go wrong.

Flea Pit
A member of the mysterious ape-like race known as the Jokaero, Flegan-Pala has been kept as a slave for decades. Able to create advanced weapons and gadgets from piles of junk, the orange-furred alien escaped his cage when the Necrons attacked Targian. Grumpy and cantankerous, Flegan-Pala doesn’t trust Zelia and her band of Targian refugees, his mood only worsening when Talen gives the jokaero an insulting nickname; Fleapit! With retractable fingers and toes, and a genius level IQ, Fleapit is the group's only hope for survival when they crash on an inhospitable world… but what secrets does he hide?

Realm Quest
Elio
Bearing the mark of Ghyran, the Realm of Life, thirteen-year-old Elio is a born healer. His knowledge of potions and cures is second to none, and he’s often to be found with his nose in a giant book of herblore. But he’s not just interested in plants: Elio has a keen fascination with all things living, from the tiniest biting insect to the mightiest man-eating manticore. He may not be much of a fighter, but Elio is clever, thoughtful and considerate.

Alish
Bearing the mark of Hysh, the Realm of Light, eleven-year-old Alish is restless, inquisitive and highly intelligent, with the instinctive ability to understand and repair almost any mechanical device. But her true passion is for inventing: in her workshop she has designed and built countless contraptions, from clocks and counting machines to a full-sized airship. The one thing Alish won’t make is weapons: she prefers a creative solution to any conflict.

Kiri
Bearing the mark of Chamon, the Realm of Metal, fourteen-year-old Kiri is as strong and steadfast as steel. Raised in the barbarian slave camps of Aqshy, Kiri learned to fight as soon as she could walk, honing her skills with a catapult. Somehow, this harsh life hasn’t made her cruel or resentful – Kiri is honest, stouthearted and brave. But she does struggle to trust other people, preferring her own company to that of a group.

Scratch
Bearing the mark of Ghur, the Realm of Beasts, twelve-year-old Scratch’s true name and background are unknown. For some time he’s been the pet and plaything of Kreech, a mean-spirited Skaven Packlord who has kept the boy alive for devious reasons of his own. Scratch has lived underground in Kreech’s warren, fashioning clothes to make himself resemble the rat-lord he both fears and admires: his hood has ears and a straggling tail, and he paints whiskers on his face with water and mud. He may have lost the ability to speak like a human, but Scratch is a sly, sharp-witted child, as cunning as any Skaven.

Thanis
Bearing the mark of Aqshy, the Realm of Fire, twelve-year-old Thanis is tough, hot-tempered and fiercely loyal to her friends. With her flame-red hair and imposing stature she can make newcomers feel nervous, but deep down Thanis is a gentle soul: vigilant, steadfast and determined to do good in the world. Growing up an orphan on the streets of Lifestone, she was forced to fend for herself from an early age. But she found companionship, first with her best friend Kaspar, then with Vertigan and the others at The Arbour, whose lives she’d do anything to protect.

Kreech
Bold, devious and cruel beyond measure, Kreech is the Packlord of Clan Quickfang, an increasingly powerful Skaven faction. Kreech is unusual among the Skaven in that he has a fascination with humans, or ‘man-things’, and particularly their ability to create and think imaginatively. Kreech sees himself as superior to his fellow Skaven, able to control his animal instincts and act rationally. He has now entered into partnership with an enigmatic noblewoman, who promises power and riches if Kreech will help her achieve her mysterious goals.

Worst part is these books have apparently been selling very well. If shit continues to look good for them, expect more content like this from GeeDubs in the future, maybe even female space marines. And there's also the fact that these characters and stories are apparently knockoffs of the WoW kids books but with big dashes of wokeness.
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Wait... Fucking hell. Another scifi/fantasy topic unrelated to Warhammer somehow devolves into a Warhammer shitposting scenario... Happens every time.
 
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Judge Holden

Corpsefucker
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
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Shadfan666xxx000

kiwifarms.net
Nigger dont...DONT fucking remind me of the day I accidentally cursed this shit into reality by asking what the next shit to be given the #woke fagarts treatment would be on that fucking thundercats thread last year

Seriously I was deathly sick with some kind of food poisoning at the time and in my feverish state that shit straight up broke my mind
Well damn it faggot, get your fucking food poisoning back and tank the sales before this cancer spreads so that your life will have meaning.
 

RomanesEuntDomus

May contain nuts.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I'd think anyone in the Warhammer Universe, Fantasy or 40k, would overcome their hatred of weapons fairly quickly, possibly just so they can jab something into their throat to escape the hellish slaneesh torture-sex-dungeon where they witnessed the rest of their family being raped to death by unholy abominations that make you lose your mind just from looking at them for too long.
 
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