Stupid things you thought as a kid - we were all dumbasses when we were kids

  • Despite what alcoholic retards are saying, there are no plans to shut down the Kiwi Farms.


Buying a Switch & Animal Crossing with Trump bucks
When I was kid everyone would have a big get together at the family cemetery, like hundreds of people grilling and hanging out at what is basically a massive graveyard in the middle of bumfuck nowhere Alabama. Anyways one of my hick cousins who was older swore that if I stepped on a grave the spirit of the ancestor buried there would haunt me forever. I kept my eyes on the ground for years.

Argh My Cigar

Knoxville World's Fair 1983
True & Honest Fan
I used to legitimately believe the Zords in Power Rangers actually existed instead of using animatronics and that the mech battles themselves were real as opposed to being just a bunch of underpaid Japanese stuntmen in costumes. I was determined that I would be able to own my own Megazord when I became an adult. Sadly I haven’t gotten around to it yet.


Anime Jacinda Ardern
When I was young around the time of the Iraq War I used to thought that the US was actually gonna take over Iraqistan (I got Afganistan and Iraq messed up often) and declare it as a new land (I'm guessing that was my young-self's meaning of state) where we were gonna have pyramids and camels.

Oh and find Osama's super secret mountain fortress.

Orion Balls

Sorry Wendy, I love my hat girl.
I completely misinterpreted the movie Batman. He was obviously the villain and the Joker was just a guy having fun. Who doesn't love a parade, some lightheated museum destruction, and a buzzer ring? It led to a recurring nightmare, where Batman would kidnap a bunch of people, and the Joker would save the day.

*Edit*- I was also completely convinced that I couldn't look up at the jaguar in my local zoo. Because it would fall on me. So, I walked around shielding my eyes everytime we went near its enclosure. Thanks, Winnie the Pooh!
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Your waifu hates cops! #BLM
I used to think Rilakuma was a sanrio character ( that was before I learned about San-X)
I also used to think Miffy the bunny (she had her a claymation show that used to air on Noggin back in 2004-‘05) was a sanrio character too.

brutal poodle
I thought the U.S. was the only landmass on Earth and that North and South was just an endless ocean, I'm not sure how I reconciled this with knowing places like China and Africa existed.
Lmao. This reminded me: for short period of time as a kid, when I saw flat maps of the earth, I thought “Yeah I know those continents, but what’s on the other side of the earth?” and I used to think the other half of the earth was undiscovered territory. It didn’t take long for me to have the embarrassing realization, and thankfully I never asked the question aloud...


I don't lift out of principle.
I thought gypsies were just whites who didn't wash. It didn't make me hate them though, I thought: Well, maybe they can't do it (:_( or have a good reason, we shouldn't hate them because of that. Maybe their moms never made them wash like mine did.

Kiwi Lime Pie

Tasteful even during lockdowns. 🥝🥧🐈
I used to think that retiring always meant quitting your job and living in an elderly home for the rest of your life. I thought it was pretty weird whenever I'd hear about a young person retiring from their job or something.
I forget where I saw it when I was young, but I saw a jar or tube of some sort of cream that I swear had a recommendation to use it for retirement parties. Young me couldn't understand what made this cream so special it could only be used upon retirement.

When really young, I thought floppy disks had to stay in the disk drive to run what's on them, sort of like a movie. (In reality, you can eject the disk once the data is loaded into the RAM.)
Sometimes, that worked, and sometimes that didn't. Here's a story about the latter:

In my 9th grade Introduction to Computers class, we had a half day before a holiday break, so the teacher let us play computer games in lieu of working on classwork during the limited time our class met that day. One particular game where the user played the role of a swashbuckling pirate who had to kill as many enemies before they weakened him to the point of death, was so popular that multiple people wanted to play it despite having a single floppy disk. Our teacher suggested what you did: one person loads the program and then passes the disk to the next person wanting to play the same game. That seemed to work. However, when the swashbuckler finally died, the program needed the disk to return back to the main screen for some reason. Needless to say, the four or five of us playing that game concurrently ended up with empty disk drives making noise when they needed the disk to continue the game.


Useful mask for exploring the Internet
I thought gypsies were just whites who didn't wash. It didn't make me hate them though, I thought: Well, maybe they can't do it (:_( or have a good reason, we shouldn't hate them because of that. Maybe their moms never made them wash like mine did.
Pretty sure that I thought something similar, that they were more of a subculture (like hippies) composed of fortune tellers and others, rather than an actual people group. Public school didn't help, of course...