Stupid things you thought as a kid - we were all dumbasses when we were kids

Save the Loli

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When I was a kid I never ate jelly donuts and my mom never bought them for me, so I thought the onigiri on Pokemon which the 4kids dub called jelly donuts were actually what jelly donuts looked like IRL and I was really confused when someone offered me jelly donuts somewhere and it looked nothing like that. But I was happy when I saw a white jelly donut that looked like an onigiri, but then I ate it and thought it was nasty compared to other donuts.
 

Bender

I bend the truth.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I was scared of being in the bathroom when I flushed the toilet, so I'd open the door, flush and bolted out of there. My memory's a bit hazy on this bit, but I think it had something to do with believing the ghost of the Elephant Man would appear from the cistern.

My mum went out to a friend's house literally across the road for a cup of tea and a chat, leaving me and my sister alone, I was like 6 and she was 4. I have no idea how it happened but my sister got stuck in the toilet so I did the rational thing and called 999. So less than 5 minutes after popping over a neighbour's house my mum sees a fucking ambulance pull up outside our house and the EMTs come running up to the door.

Edit: Oh ffs, of all of my posts why did this embarrassing shit get highlighted?
 
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Ligoskj

kiwifarms.net
I used to think that Naughty Dog would forever remain the best video game company in the world.
I also thought the Internet would never become such a shithole we are browsing today. I think pretty much all my kiddish and early teen hopes and dreams ended up being plain infantile and overly optimistic.
I apologize for writing this frank tediousness, I, unfortunately, wasn't not one of those children who thought that women piss and shit from one hole or something like that.
 
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Pitere pit

Yaniv are you ok? Are you ok? Are you ok Yaniv?
kiwifarms.net
I thought that Communism could be possible, but then I realize that it was impossible.
When I was a toddler looking in front a mirror, I imagined that there was a parallel universe where everything would just be opposite.
I thought that the Mary Poppins fly was real and could land safely with an umbrella.
 

MerriedxReldnahc

World's Okay-est Proctologist
True & Honest Fan
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For a long time it never occured to me that some radio programs were pre-recorded and featured on many different radio stations rather than all being live from your local station. This might have been partly due to the fact that one of our DJs claimed that Dee Snider's House of Hair radio show involved Dee himself showing up to the station when nobody was around and re-arranging all their furniture. I thought it was so cool that an 80's rocker came to OUR town and fucked around while eating unattended breakroom snacks in OUR local radio station. He would even say "You're listening to House of Hair on K-KIWI"! So clearly he was physically in that building, right?
 

John Titor

Pronouns: time/temporal/tempself
True & Honest Fan
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For a long time it never occured to me that some radio programs were pre-recorded and featured on many different radio stations rather than all being live from your local station. This might have been partly due to the fact that one of our DJs claimed that Dee Snider's House of Hair radio show involved Dee himself showing up to the station when nobody was around and re-arranging all their furniture. I thought it was so cool that an 80's rocker came to OUR town and fucked around while eating unattended breakroom snacks in OUR local radio station. He would even say "You're listening to House of Hair on K-KIWI"! So clearly he was physically in that building, right?
I think I had a similar belief but with TV stations. Syndication was not a thing I knew and thought all the local channels were the same nationwide.
 

Watermelanin

If it wasn't for date rape, I'd never get laid.
kiwifarms.net
When I was really young, some book my brother was flipping through had a picture of some horribly disfiguring disease. Dad was there and I asked him what caused that and he told me it was from "playing with your peepee." I didn't know what masturbation was and so concluded that touching my dick and not washing my hands would make that happen to me. So for YEARS I was terrified of touching my dick to the extent that I'd lean over the toilet to pee.
On another occasion, he told me that the reason you should wash produce before eating it is because Mexicans pee on it.
And then there was the time I asked him what a fag was: he described them as gross weirdos who wanted to suck my peepee for some unspecified reason.

My upbringing was kinda weird...
 

Overcast

Dat Booty Tho
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
For a long time it never occured to me that some radio programs were pre-recorded and featured on many different radio stations rather than all being live from your local station. This might have been partly due to the fact that one of our DJs claimed that Dee Snider's House of Hair radio show involved Dee himself showing up to the station when nobody was around and re-arranging all their furniture. I thought it was so cool that an 80's rocker came to OUR town and fucked around while eating unattended breakroom snacks in OUR local radio station. He would even say "You're listening to House of Hair on K-KIWI"! So clearly he was physically in that building, right?
Didn't people back in the day panic and even attempted suicide over aliens supposedly invading due to how well a radio drama was performed?
 
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Duncan Hills Coffee

Pees out the side of his dick
kiwifarms.net
Didn't people back in the day panic and even attempted suicide over aliens supposedly invading due to how well a radio drama was performed?
That was War of the Worlds in 1938. Those reports were actually greatly exaggerated, largely due to a fear of radio overtaking newspapers and traditional media. Even back then, journalists were making shit up just to make people look bad.
 

Save the Loli

kiwifarms.net
When I was a kid, some of my relatives lived next to an Indian family who owned a lot of Subways and hotels in that area. Because they didn't have cars parked in their driveway and I rarely saw lights on in their house (a pretty big, middle-class house) and because my parents mentioned "hotels" when talking about them I thought that they were very poor and lived their whole lives in a hotel room and felt sorry for them.

Then I met them when I was a lot older on the Fourth of July and they and my relatives shot off a shit-ton of fireworks that got the cops called on us all.
I thought all the cool science fiction technology I read about in books either existed, or was being developed. I guess I thought if someone had the idea, that was the hard part, and someone was going to make it soon.
When my cousin was a kid (this was like 2004) he told me there would soon be technology that would make Yugioh duels real like on the show.

But seriously fuck all the people who wrote about flying cars being available by the late 00s growing up, and those pop science articles about the Alcubierre drive saying we'd be building a warp drive "soon enough". Reminds me of how as a kid I thought all great inventions were done by some weirdo in a random workshop based on how in elementary school we watched these cartoon movies about Thomas Edison and the Wright Brothers and Christopher Columbus and shit, which made me think some guy in a nuclear silo would be able to build a warp drive or some other game-changing space tech like in Star Trek First Contact.
 
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