Stupid things you thought as a kid - we were all dumbasses when we were kids

Quixotic Son

13th Century Schizoid Man
I used to think slavery still existed. Yes, that kind. That was mostly due to my preschool that messed up and said MLK freed the slaves so I thought it was still practiced. I had no concept of money back then so I thought people (mostly black people) volunteered to do landscaping and stuff like that. I was a racist little shit


welcome to god's mosh pit
I learned a lot of words from reading first.

Macabre = MAC A BRE

Hors d'oeuvres = WHORES DEE O VORES

I still say Hors d'oeuvres like that because I don't think I have ever used it in a real sentence.
Banking off of this, I didn't see how Hors d'oeuvres was spelled until I was about fifteen years old. It'd been spoken around me plenty, however, so I always assumed it was spelled phonetically and so my brain called them "ourderves." It blew my fucking mind when I saw how it was actually spelled. French, man.

no way out
Used to think being "Turned on" meant being happy, was around when I was 8 or 9? I had started using the internet at this point and began finding out about a lot of new words, jizz also being one of them (Which i thought was another word for piss). But I have a vivid and painful memory of telling my dad that "Spongebob turns me on" and being confused when he got mad at me for it and to "Never say that again"


I'M not in lockdown YOU'RE in Lockdown
When I was about 5, I overheard my grandma talking to my mom about my great-grandma (who had Dementia but that wasn't mentioned during the convo) who always saw Jehovah's Witnesses hiding behind her trees all the time, so I thought that's what Jehovah's Witnesses were: people that hid behind trees.

Turns out I wasn't far off if you consider their pamphlets were once trees.

The Un-Clit

After the Dimensional Merge, pussy eats YOU!
True & Honest Fan
I thought all the cool science fiction technology I read about in books either existed, or was being developed. I guess I thought if someone had the idea, that was the hard part, and someone was going to make it soon.
Me too, fam. Me too. My best friend and I from grade 4 on (we still are today, decades later) were at that time massive astronomy geeks, and it all seemed so logical that there would be moon bases and a huge space base and shipyard at Lagrange point 5 and the start of a Mars colony by the time we grew up.

We were literally making plans to be Space Cadets. We were going to enlist in the space force or whatever it would be called by 1990 or so, because there was no way the two spacegoing powers were going to give up on manned exploration and space industries like asteroid mining, and just stick to building tin can space stations in low earth orbit and white elephant space shuttles and single use Soyuz rockets to to LEO and back. Right?

Well, at least my (hypothetical) grandkids stand a chance of something exciting to look forward to.


OMG Me too

Archive = Ar-Chive
Hyperbole = Hyper-bowl

several others I can't remember right now.
I think everyone has a word or two like that. For me it was 'Melancholy'

I had heard the word spoken, and read it written, but didn't associate it with it's written form because I pronounced it so completely different in my head. (maLENCH-olly) Luckily it was a word that dosent come up much in conversation so I never had to embarass myself before I finally got hit with the clue-bat well into adulthood.
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Kiwi Lime Pie

The tasteful summer treat. 🥝🥧🐈
Hors d'oeuvres = WHORES DEE O VORES
"mhhhhhh horse doo verrs."
As a kid, I called it "horses doovers" the first time I saw it -- much to the amusement of the adults present.

so I always assumed it was spelled phonetically and so my brain called them "ourderves." It blew my fucking mind when I saw how it was actually spelled. French, man.
As you've already learned, French doesn't sound like it's spelled.

Watching a baseball game on TV with my dad as a kid, I saw a player's batting average drop from .200 to .197 after he was put out during his at-bat. Until I eventually learned how batting average was calculated, I had the erroneous belief that batting averages were point based: outs subtracted .003 (unless someone was already batting .000), base hits added .001 for every base, and home runs/RBIs added .040 to a player's average.

A Clockwork Soybean
Black and white movies were originally in color, and in high quality HD at that. They had gradually faded to their current state after being constantly copied and recopied hundreds of times over. When people talked about restoring a film, they meant restoring the original color and clarity. I always wondered how they could figure out the original colors so easily.

Firefighters did not respond to reports by civilians, they tracked fires by using a device which could detect heat, smoke or both. This device was operational at all times, and would alert the firefighters by triggering the alarm at the station whenever heat levels jumped to unacceptable levels.

Skin color was determined entirely by lattitude. I lived in a mostly white neighborhood with a few blacks and latinos, mostly recent immigrants from Africa or Latin America. I assumed that their skin color would gradually lighten after a few generations, after which they would be nearly completely indistinguishable from whites.

Related to the above, I did not realize that white people were not native to North America. I had heard about Europeans, but never really thought of myself as one. I always imagined them as swarthy, black-eyed people, ironically similar to the American Indians.