Stupid things you thought as a kid - we were all dumbasses when we were kids

UnKillFill

You don't matter.
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I was pretty young the first time I ever heard the song "Baby got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot, and there's this line in the song where he says: "So Cosmo says you're fat, well I ain't down with that."
I had obviously never heard of the shitty gay Cosmopolitan magazine before, so I just assumed that "Cosmo" was some rival rapper/pimp to Sir Mix-A-Lot, and my imagination ran wild with that.

I even had a fairly concise mental picture of who this "Cosmo" guy was. He was a skinny tall black dude with a long beard who dressed up like a wizard. (I pictured him as wearing the stereotypical Fantasia Mickey Mouse wizard hat, somehow sideways, and also having a Flava Flav-style gold clock around his neck. Probably best not to ask more.)

Don't even get me started about when I first started watching Seinfeld (probably too young) and realized that Kramer's first name was "Cosmo"...
 

Reshiram Battle.mp3

dragon vore waifu
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father accidentally tore part of a stuffed animal i had as a wee bab. freaked the fuck out. he puts a bandage over it, and tells me not to mess with the bandaid so it could heal.

for some reason i thought this was true until i was fucking 17 and found it in storage. felt like a fucking tard after taking off the bandaid and seeing it was still torn.
 

Duncan Hills Coffee

Oww, my byaaack
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There was a bit in The Emperor's New Groove where Yzma and Kronk try to poison Kuzco. For an instant, they think they succeed and Kuzco's head falls into his plate. Yzma says, "Now, to get rid of the body!" I interpreted this to mean that Kuzco's head was dead but his body was still alive, as in it would be able to operate with a dead head and Yzma and Kronk would have to kill the body too.
 

Mr. ShadowCreek

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I used to think that banks had drawers for everyone's money there. If a robber happened to steal from yours you were broke.

As a toddler I thought a tornado was actually giant potatoes or tomatoes riding in a car though neighborhoods. The siren was to worn people to get away from them or they would kill you. I thought was from their car too and they were giving you a chance to live. But if you were out and about they would gun you down. I suppose I thought this because tornado, tomato, and potato all have "toe" sounds at the end.

I thought babies came out a woman's butt.
 

Overcast

#NotPuppets
True & Honest Fan
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I asked my mom about why Santa was overweight and why kids were encouraged to give him cookies and she said there was some correlation between his fat and his magic
To be fair, keeping an eye on every kid in the world, overseeing a bunch of elves AND maintaining a marriage would make me want a ton of cookies too.
 
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Spergichu

Oh wow, my own personal Hell #WhiteLivesAntiMatter
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I thought 9/11 happened during 1911, despite being old enough to actually remember 9/11. I for some reason never connected the two dots until 5th grade.

I always thought something was behind my shower curtains waiting for me to piss, then jumping out at me. I honestly have no idea where this fear originated.
I did that too, but because my brother did actually jump out of the shower when I went in to take a piss a couple of times.
 

Save the Loli

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When I like 5 I thought the Backstreet Boys were a street gang who also made music since I heard kids at school mentioning them and their name sounded all "urban". Like I imagined there were like 15-20 members (a mix of white and black guys) and they'd hang out in alleys with boomboxes and guns. I probably had heard their music at that point but didn't know who it was by so instead I thought they were pretty hardcore.
 
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Bender

I bend the truth.
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I used to be afraid if I looked out the window at night there would be a vampire out there and it would invite him in. I know exactly where this was from, it was from the Salem's Lot miniseries.
Pussy, you could be a vampire now, and with the added charisma and suave vampires naturally have you'd be the best attorney in America, dazzling everyone with your diamond skin as you walked into the courtroom. Sadly, you turned your back on the gift and only became the blood-sucking leech known as a "lawyer".
 
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