If anybody needs me, I'll be in the Angry Dome.
- Jun 3, 2019
I agree. I wish I could pick her brain to see exactly how her mind works because her level of avoidance and denial is simply incredible. When the fateful day comes where she eventually suffers a major medical emergency, I don't think she (nor Becky, nor Eric) understands that there's not going to be a guarantee that she can be saved. It makes her fear of death quite fascinating for someone who's doing absolutely nothing to slow down the inevitable.
ETA: it almost feels like she's waiting for a major emergency to happen and expecting that to be her official rock bottom/wake up call. The problem is her situation is already dire. And when that emergency takes place she's not going to have the luxury of time to reflect on her (very few remaining) options.
Watching her interact with Eric...it's sad how she's surrounded with such naive people who don't know any better. Eric just seems so incredibly blind to it all. I think, because she still manages to act vibrant and okay and like everything is alright, and not like she's in constant agony and suffering on the daily, he and others take her at face value and go along with it because it's placating and easy to do while ignoring her obvious deterioration.
What's it going to be like for him, I wonder, to wake up to a panicked Becky because she found Amber not breathing one day. Reality is going to be a bitch.
I don’t track my sleep but as far as heart rate it checks in every 10 minutes or so and you have three charts. One for the current rate, resting and walking. It displays the ups and downs throughout the day and you can get the data from the health app on an iPhone. There it breaks it down into days, weeks, months and yearly charts where it logs general vitals, heart rate variability and walking average. It’ll also tell you how many times you get an alert for high or lowheart rate or afib, and you can add things on to check ekgs and blood pressure. The best thing that could be done is using these tools for amber to share with her doctor so they could see the impact of her heart rate on a day to day basis. Of course, amber doesn’t regularly see doctors so it’s a moot point. But very useful if you care to keep track.
She's fucking terrified of feelings, responsibility, self control and well being a normal human. So while I'm sure she's aware of her mortality and does in fact fear the grim reaper every time she closes her eyes, the fear of change and the unknown of a life without slop buckets of fast food round the clock is more terrifying.
It's addict behavior. She says she wants to lose weight but off camera her bad feelings come and its time to consume more foods or stuff. She thinks she's invincible because nothing majorly bad has happened yet, but even if something bad happens that won’t change.That's just the thing and what's failing to compute in my mind: how are you more afraid of being sad and uncomfortable for a spell than you are of ceasing to exist?
That's just the thing and what's failing to compute in my mind: how are you more afraid of being sad and uncomfortable for a spell than you are of ceasing to exist? At least with life we know there's a chance for circumstances and situations to improve, even if only just slightly. No one except the dead knows what happens after we die--whether we continue on in another form or everything goes to black--why is that unknown the lesser of two evils and seemingly so untroublesome for her to bear? She's deeply afraid to die but still thinks the grim reaper is far enough away that she doesn't have to worry about it. Just mind boggling.
I want to take a whole class on her crazy.
Honestly I think Amber just has the same problem that a lot of Americans raised on fast food and poor life decisions have. Amplified to the extreme of course because this is just the perfect storm, but... This is literally all she knows.
What does happiness, fulfillment, joy, etc mean to Amber? Well as far back as she can remember that means a mcdonalds cheeseburger, it means greasy ass fries and orange chicken on a family size platter, it means candy and cola and all the bad things. As the only thing she knows to give life meaning and make her feel full (physically and metaphorically) she eats, and as the pain of existing in that blubber shell becomes greater she just eats more to compensate.
It's not just that life without all the fast food trash is scary to her, because let's be real she could still eat all that but just cut the quantities back and still lose enough weight to just be standard ameri-fat. No, she needs those huge portions, she needs to eat those things and constantly because it's what she lives for. Any time not spent eating trash means she's missing out on "happiness". I also think it's the same principle with the useless junk and clothes she can't wear. Just more consumption because she confuses consuming with emotions.
So while she could take steps to save her own life... she won't. My 'tistic speculation is that without the food she's got nothing. She's fucking terrified of feelings, responsibility, self control and well being a normal human. So while I'm sure she's aware of her mortality and does in fact fear the grim reaper every time she closes her eyes, the fear of change and the unknown of a life without slop buckets of fast food round the clock is more terrifying.
In my 'pinion of course.
Is the apple watch the heart doctor now?
Was it the watch that told her that the heart palpitations were because of the caffeine from all the diet soda she's been drinking?
Would a regular EKG even work on her?