Tabletop Roleplaying Games (D&D, Pathfinder, CoC, ETC.) -

40 Year Old Boomer

kiwifarms.net
That implies the existence of an "outie" pussy and it's far too early in the morning for me to be hitting the tequila so I'm trying very hard not to think about that. Fucking hell.
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knightlautrec

Keh heh heh heh…
kiwifarms.net
That implies the existence of an "outie" pussy and it's far too early in the morning for me to be hitting the tequila so I'm trying very hard not to think about that. Fucking hell.
I need to find the other sheet but this was their other character description:

Screenshot_20210408-115013_Drive.jpg



For the few who said this was not real and fake? You are wrong. It is a real game.
 

Corn Flakes

Battle Creek's Finest
kiwifarms.net
Ah... no. I've hung around furries long enough to know that the "biggest, roundest [...] ass you've ever seen" is a sight that requires brain bleach.

I'll give them this much: despite the crass attempt at purple prose, at least the text isn't packed with typos and grammatical errors. You know, like most things these mouthbreathing weirdos write.
 

Corn Flakes

Battle Creek's Finest
kiwifarms.net
How do you get "boobs the size of her head but with no sag?" That's literally physically (as in physics) impossible. I know what girls with big boobs have to go through to create "no sag" and holy hell those bras are industrial strength.
Easily. All you have to do is be a cartoon girl spawned out of a coomer's masturbatory fantasies.

I would post examples but... really, no matter what results that search query gives you, it'll get the point across.
 

EnemyStand

kiwifarms.net
Easily. All you have to do is be a cartoon girl spawned out of a coomer's masturbatory fantasies.

I would post examples but... really, no matter what results that search query gives you, it'll get the point across.
This is not my first day on the Internet, sir. I know I shouldn't have bothered with the question since it's not like these people have ever seen a real woman naked, much less one with huge tits, but these people are so jaw-droppingly stupid I can't help myself.
 

Corn Flakes

Battle Creek's Finest
kiwifarms.net
This is not my first day on the Internet, sir. I know I shouldn't have bothered with the question since it's not like these people have ever seen a real woman naked, much less one with huge tits, but these people are so jaw-droppingly stupid I can't help myself.
No, no, no. These people have seen plenty of real women naked, many of them with huge tits. PornHub exists, after all. It's not a matter of ignorance, no siree.

It's just plain old unhealthy escapism: when you surrender to the fact you'll never touch a real woman (or at least the kind of woman you fetishized as being your "type"), it's easier to disconnect from that realization by going after fictional women. And if you're already going for someone who doesn't and cannot exist, why not also give her physically impossible proportions? Or a two-foot dick, for that matter.

That's the path 99% of coomers out there go down. The only new thing about it is that recently the coomers have started demanding we respect their delusions that they are the bimbos they pretend to be online.
 

Orc Girls Make Due

Will likely suck your dick, Resident Schizo
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Finally, the hackers all have something to do while everyone else is busy smashing doors.
My Media, and our Netrunner are low level elves who keep getting camped in-game by some mysterious high level player. We don't know who it is IC. Turns out it's our silent and stoic Nomad who uses the game to cool off after gigs, and she's camping us while we try to level, the bitch.
 

Starscreams Cape

Read my posts in his voice
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Ive honestly stopped playing DnD if I dont have to. Too many great games out there. I just got my PDFs from the Abberant Kickstarter, so it looks like superheroess is my next campaign
Actually picked this up after reading your post. Not too bad so far. I had a fantastic M&M campaign about 15 years ago. It would be nice to rekindle some superhero magic again. Especially if doesn't involve giving those speds at Green Ronin any more money.
 

Thundermania

Last Autobot
kiwifarms.net
Got a story you guys might like. We had a guy in our group, wanted to do a Game of Thrones-esque campaign, he vowed that it wouldn’t devolve into silly nonsense like our others. Then he started making concessions to appease us and make us play it, allowing non-human player characters, not forcing us into a noble house and generally we whittled it down into more bog-standard fantasy.

It was large-scale, ten players. Five in not Westeros and five in not Essos. But things were thrown off when I convinced the nine other players to pull a “funny” to catch DM off his guard.

By the time character creation is done the DM has realized how badly we intended to fuck Game of Thrones into the dirt. All of us had made Orcs, five of us in one warband and five in the other, goal is to conquer your continent and krump the others.

Months of intricate political plot lines, characters, dialogue and set pieces were rendered useless because we just wanted to WAAAAAGH!

This was on 5th Ed by the way.
 
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Surtur

Destroyer of the Universe.
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
Actually picked this up after reading your post. Not too bad so far. I had a fantastic M&M campaign about 15 years ago. It would be nice to rekindle some superhero magic again. Especially if doesn't involve giving those speds at Green Ronin any more money.
1e was probably my favorite White Wolf game, new version looks pretty decent but I wont know till I run it.,
 

Gingervitis

kiwifarms.net
Got a story you guys might like. We had a guy in our group, wanted to do a Game of Thrones-esque campaign, he vowed that it wouldn’t devolve into silly nonsense like our others. Then he started making concessions to appease us and make us play it, allowing non-human player characters, not forcing us into a noble house and generally we whittled it down into more bog-standard fantasy.

It was large-scale, ten players. Five in not Westeros and five in not Essos. But things were thrown off when I convinced the nine other players to pull a “funny” to catch DM off his guard.

By the time character creation is done the DM has realized how badly we intended to fuck Game of Thrones into the dirt. All of us had made Orcs, five of us in one warband and five in the other, goal is to conquer your continent and krump the others.

Months of intricate political plot lines, characters, dialogue and set pieces were rendered useless because we just wanted to WAAAAAGH!

This was on 5th Ed by the way.
God. This reminds me of the first (and so far only) time I ever GMed.

So this was freshman year of college (about 3 years ago now). I watched some Matt Colville and decided to make a D&D 5e oneshot dungeon of my own. I knew it would be driven off the rails the second my players showed up with their two monks, Sandy Ravage (a half-orc) and Timmy Turnbuckle (a halfling), in a Wrestlemania inspired tag team.

The plot was simple. The duo were at a bar when a man came in and announced that his daughter was kidnapped by cultists looking for a virgin sacrifice, and that he was willing to pay anything to get his daughter back. Pretty bog standard stuff.

The two find out that the cultist base is an abandoned castle. When they get to the castle, the first thing they do is ask the guards what they're doing. Their response showcased how finely honed my improv skills are.

"We're guarding our secret base while the ones inside perform a virgin sacrifice to bring our dark lord into the world! But now that you know our secret, you must die!" *cue battle*

Several wrestling moves and two dead, loose-lipped guards later, and they're inside what appears to be a giant room with ornate decorations. This was where they learned that the head cultist's name was Jeff Flavors. This is important for later.

Besides that, there was nothing else of note other than a sphinx guarding what appeared to be a wall. Said sphinx demanded that the two of them answer this riddle:

"A lilypad doubles in size each day. In 28 days, the lilypad will cover the entire pond. In how many days will the pond be half covered?"

Timmy Turnbuckle's character guessed the answer to a riddle that took me several days to figure out, a feat which I'm still salty about to this day.
27 days

The next part I was particularly proud of when I was making the dungeon. Being a history major, I decided to take inspiration from Louis XIV's castle. There was a long hallway full of nothing but portraits of lords past. However, they eyes were cut out of the portraits, and there was a large indentation inside the portraits, meaning that a cultist would hide behind the portrait, watch them from the eye slots, and pop out and ambush them.

The problem was that, like an idiot, I had them ambush the party one at a time. So after the two monks took care of the first portrait, Sandy Ravage proceeded to stick his fist into every painting, the monks proceeding to beat the ever loving shit out of every innocent painting they came across, and a few zealots along the way.

Eventually, the two made it to a room with a horrible demon inside it. I believe it was the Hunger Maw from Volo's Guide to Monsters. This was the most normal part of the dungeon, with the two of them, in bad 5e encounter tradition, beating the ever loving crap out of a damage sponge while the monster tried to attack them.

Eventually, they entered the sacrificial chamber, where they saw some cultists and their head cultist trying to sacrifice a 6 year old girl to the demons. Upon hearing them burst through the door like the Kool-Aid Man, the head cultist turned to them and shouted, "How dare you disrupt our ritual! I, Jeffavorite Flavors, will strike you down!"

This is what I considered comedy. And no, nobody else laughed, despite the rest of the dungeon being treated like Mystery Science Arena 3000.

Anyway, they beat the boss with more painful wrestling moves, the girl was saved, and the tag team got some publicity. Though my dungeon was objectively awful, we all had a good laugh about it.
 

Seminal Ointments Lain

PRESENT SNEED | FORMERLY CHUCK'S | HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
kiwifarms.net
They actually do. But mostly 1 on 1 and with other women writers. Mostly not dudes.
They will if you pay them and wait 8+ hours for a reply. Or if they're men pretending to be women they'll bait you with decent writing and paywall you right before the good parts.
 

Thundermania

Last Autobot
kiwifarms.net
God. This reminds me of the first (and so far only) time I ever GMed.

So this was freshman year of college (about 3 years ago now). I watched some Matt Colville and decided to make a D&D 5e oneshot dungeon of my own. I knew it would be driven off the rails the second my players showed up with their two monks, Sandy Ravage (a half-orc) and Timmy Turnbuckle (a halfling), in a Wrestlemania inspired tag team.

The plot was simple. The duo were at a bar when a man came in and announced that his daughter was kidnapped by cultists looking for a virgin sacrifice, and that he was willing to pay anything to get his daughter back. Pretty bog standard stuff.

The two find out that the cultist base is an abandoned castle. When they get to the castle, the first thing they do is ask the guards what they're doing. Their response showcased how finely honed my improv skills are.

"We're guarding our secret base while the ones inside perform a virgin sacrifice to bring our dark lord into the world! But now that you know our secret, you must die!" *cue battle*

Several wrestling moves and two dead, loose-lipped guards later, and they're inside what appears to be a giant room with ornate decorations. This was where they learned that the head cultist's name was Jeff Flavors. This is important for later.

Besides that, there was nothing else of note other than a sphinx guarding what appeared to be a wall. Said sphinx demanded that the two of them answer this riddle:

"A lilypad doubles in size each day. In 28 days, the lilypad will cover the entire pond. In how many days will the pond be half covered?"

Timmy Turnbuckle's character guessed the answer to a riddle that took me several days to figure out, a feat which I'm still salty about to this day.
27 days

The next part I was particularly proud of when I was making the dungeon. Being a history major, I decided to take inspiration from Louis XIV's castle. There was a long hallway full of nothing but portraits of lords past. However, they eyes were cut out of the portraits, and there was a large indentation inside the portraits, meaning that a cultist would hide behind the portrait, watch them from the eye slots, and pop out and ambush them.

The problem was that, like an idiot, I had them ambush the party one at a time. So after the two monks took care of the first portrait, Sandy Ravage proceeded to stick his fist into every painting, the monks proceeding to beat the ever loving shit out of every innocent painting they came across, and a few zealots along the way.

Eventually, the two made it to a room with a horrible demon inside it. I believe it was the Hunger Maw from Volo's Guide to Monsters. This was the most normal part of the dungeon, with the two of them, in bad 5e encounter tradition, beating the ever loving crap out of a damage sponge while the monster tried to attack them.

Eventually, they entered the sacrificial chamber, where they saw some cultists and their head cultist trying to sacrifice a 6 year old girl to the demons. Upon hearing them burst through the door like the Kool-Aid Man, the head cultist turned to them and shouted, "How dare you disrupt our ritual! I, Jeffavorite Flavors, will strike you down!"

This is what I considered comedy. And no, nobody else laughed, despite the rest of the dungeon being treated like Mystery Science Arena 3000.

Anyway, they beat the boss with more painful wrestling moves, the girl was saved, and the tag team got some publicity. Though my dungeon was objectively awful, we all had a good laugh about it.
See, that’s some feel good goofy that you can look back on fondly.

The DM I was fucking with hated that, everything was uber serious, ridiculous amounts of complex systems, criticized everyone else’s attempts at DMing and to add insult to injury he had a penchant for femdom shit.

So when the boys in green decided to fuck up Game of Thrones he took it personally. He put me and four others in a much harder area than the other five “sheep” he would later call them and clearly intended to torture us. We were very far North, knee-deep in Wildlings, Walkers, Rangers and we were stuck due to that wall.

The first thing we did was establish which Orc was “da boss” and to do this we selected the tallest Orc and asked him what his plan was to get us beyond the wall, and two turns later our warband has allied with some Wildlings with intent to launch ourselves to freedom...... literally, we had their giant throw us onto (or into) the wall and after killing the rangers on the wall we just repurposed their defences against them.

An hour of fighting and the Rangers are killed to a man, Castle Black is in ruins, our Wildling allies are through the wall ready to rape and pillage the mainland and me, “da smart Orc” is turning the wall into a fortress, complete with spawning pits to make more boys.

DM is fuming as we start cutting our way into the wall and hollowing it out, at this point we’ve built up a horde of 200+ Tundra Orcs and we start raiding, screaming “WAAAAAAGH!” As we rampage across the countryside, all while churning out 20 new Orcs a day.

We had an unspoken gentleman’s agreement that if you found a main character from the show it was your job to brutalize them if they were male or to use them as breeding stock if female. Our boys in the east found Daenerys...... what happened happened and Targaryen-Orc hybrids were a thing now. Setting is in tatters and DM is at a loss, announces a week long break until next session.
 

Randall Fragg

Tran Ranch is under siege!
Global Moderator
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Got a story you guys might like. We had a guy in our group, wanted to do a Game of Thrones-esque campaign, he vowed that it wouldn’t devolve into silly nonsense like our others. Then he started making concessions to appease us and make us play it, allowing non-human player characters, not forcing us into a noble house and generally we whittled it down into more bog-standard fantasy.

It was large-scale, ten players. Five in not Westeros and five in not Essos. But things were thrown off when I convinced the nine other players to pull a “funny” to catch DM off his guard.

By the time character creation is done the DM has realized how badly we intended to fuck Game of Thrones into the dirt. All of us had made Orcs, five of us in one warband and five in the other, goal is to conquer your continent and krump the others.

Months of intricate political plot lines, characters, dialogue and set pieces were rendered useless because we just wanted to WAAAAAGH!

This was on 5th Ed by the way.
Me as a GM: “man, fuck you”
Me as a player: “ha ha Ork go WAAAUUUGGGHH”
 
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