Taglines for Lolcows - We clickbait now

[Cuck Norris]

I thought it might be fun to come up with taglines you would use to get normies interested in a lolcow. Like CWC for example could be something like "Grown man ruins life attempting to get laid on the internet". Or StrikerWolf: "Morbidly obese man shares his fetishes with anyone who will listen".

My examples kind of suck, but let's make some funny.

 

[Cobra_Kaijewe]

I dont want normalfags to discuss this stuff, as it would encourage more attention whores.
Also hearing them constantly talk about this stuff would make the whole lolcow topic more bland.
That being said, if you want them to get interested in something, put a red circle or a pair of tits in the thumbnail.

 

[BILLY MAYS]

Brianna Wu: WHERE'S THE GAME JOHNNY

 

[chimpburgers]

ADF - Homeless glutton with an Attitude Problem and Addiction to Horrible Tattoos

 

[Feline Darkmage]

Ghost: The Angry Right-Wing Radio Texan That ISN'T Alex Jones

 

[Sperglord Dante]

Sophie Labelle - Preachy Tranny Who Thinks He Deserves YOUR Cis Dick

 

[Lorento]

DSP: Ten things YOU WON'T BELIEVE he's done in the last year.

 

[Feline Darkmage]

Nick Bate: Really Gross Man Goes to Prison for Gross Things

 

[Begemot]

RAED: Rapper without a rhyme scheme threatens casino for record deal.