Taking bets for Jonathan's fate -

[Second Hand Syringe]

Because he also can’t work out how to turn himself over.

He's almost a human version of a kayak in that respect. His blubber would probably provide flotation if you could keep him from flapping around. You could even fashion one of his wigs and a bra into a sea anchor if you wanted to stop for lunch.

 

[din365]

Hopefully his lawsuits all get tossed out, but I’m not too optimistic that he’ll face any serious consequences for his disgusting behaviour. He seems like too much of a delusional narcissist to off himself and I doubt he goes out in public enough for immigrants to get him, so he’ll probably just rot away and seek attention on the internet until everybody forgets he ever existed.

That's what I think is the most likely outcome, but what I hope happens is that he picks a fight with the wrong person. perhaps a wealthy immigrant's daughter or a company that's sue happy and has a damn good lawyer that smashes whatever blue-haired SJW fraud that JY dredges up from craigslist.

Also, I think he will end up homeless. not because of his lolsuits or anything, but because he will blow all of his money like an idiot and stupid things and end up there anyways.

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

Strikes it big on a lawsuit, retires from TrustedNerd. Invests in crypto with the lawsuit money, becomes a millionaire. Gets a 13-year-old wife. Divorces her when she turns 18, and she then has to pay Yaniv alimony because he's a protected minority. Continues to invest in various ventures. By retirement age he has about $50m to his name. He buys out the salon that refused to wax his balls and turns it into a trannies-only ball-waxing salon. Smokes only the finest weed there is, hand-delivered by 13-year-old girls. Discovers the cure for Munchausen syndrome but throws it away because the trans community would disappear overnight if it got out. Dies aged 181 trying to remove a tampon with his teeth.

 

[2nd_time_user]

JY has a collision with a counter-orbiter. Some are as cray and narcissistic as he is.

 

[Teazel]

He finds a crazy FTM whose puberty is stunted thanks to puberty blockers and perpetually looks like a child. They move up north and start a small cult. Ew.

 

[Piga Dgrifm]

Yaniv is crowned Queen of Canada and is given a harem of ten year old concubines. A statue is erected in her honor and all must place offerings of tampons at its base.

 

[Spl00gies]

He'll finally get that bollock and taint waxing he's been after for so long, except he expects a medal and gushing praise.

He'll attempt to sue when he gets neither.

 

[Burd Turglar]

From what I hear on twitter, some of these nazis that are everywhere nowadays are going to throw bleach in JYs face and hang a noose around his neck. Probably screaming about MAGA regardless of it being in Canada. Just a theory though.

 

[Eris!]

I definitely think Yaniv will devolve into further madness as his jewish neuroses progress and when his mother dies he will have a nervous breakdown. After that he'll be similar to mobility mary: Alone and insane, wandering around desperately hoping someone will listen to him whine.

 

[Patricia Highsmith]

In scenes reminiscent of Boxing Helena, Jessica Yaniv is the victim of a series of slow motion scooty-puff transit accidents. Through a previously legislated and quite specific Yaniv Ammendment, she is expressly excluded from making any claim for compensation. Legless, relatively armless, doctors advise that to avoid gangrenous complications Jessica must have her balls cut off. As the scalpel descends the balls scream, they are sentient balls, and house the Yaniv consciousness. Surgery is halted whilst medicos try to consult with doctors of philosophy; unfortunately, Dr Rachel McKinnon is trapped under weights in a locked garage, and all they can find is Dr Louise Moody. The End.

 

[Gustav Schuchardt]

In scenes reminiscent of Boxing Helena, Jessica Yaniv is the victim of a series of slow motion scooty-puff transit accidents. Through a previously legislated and quite specific Yaniv Ammendment, she is expressly excluded from making any claim for compensation. Legless, relatively armless, doctors advise that to avoid gangrenous complications Jessica must have her balls cut off. As the scalpel descends the balls scream, they are sentient balls, and house the Yaniv consciousness. Surgery is halted whilst medicos try to consult with doctors of philosophy; unfortunately, Dr Rachel McKinnon is trapped under weights in a locked garage, and all they can find is Dr Louise Moody. The End.

The surgery is televised on pay per view and 'Big Dick' by Canadian Jazzcore group No Means No is played during surgery. Proceeds to Yaniv's victims, all of whom become millionaires.

 

[dismissfrogs]

I wanted to vote murder/suicide, since his mother is so involved.

 

[Gustav Schuchardt]

A homeless JY wanders the streets of Vancouver with his few remaining possessions in a shopping cart. Hunger has finally driven him to visit the soup kitchen set up by members of the Sikh community and cold has forced him to wear almost all the clothes he owns.

He approaches. He's apprehensive. Will they recognize him? Will they turn him away or even assault him. His cane and taser have been confiscated and he's too weak from cold and hunger to put up much of a fight. Since Miriam died and he was evicted he hasn't spoken to another human being.

Still, desperation drives him to approach, like a wild animal forced into the city to forage despite the danger from humans. Gurbinder, the man ladling out the soup, serves just like he serves everyone else in the queue. JY decides to say something. 'My name is Jonathan Yaniv. I'm sorry for what I tweeted about Sikhs'. Gurbinder looks him in the eye. 'I recognized you the first time I saw you a few days ago. I was going to tell you that you're welcome here but you disappeared before I could. Our religion tells us that we must do good works as part of our path to enlightenment, that the harm others do to us is caused by their inner pain and that we should help them to overcome that pain. All of us, my friend, are on the path to enlightenment and that path may sometimes be hard but we're all in this together. You are welcome here, my friend'.

JY is stunned and walks back to a table to eat his soup. It's vegetarian and pretty tasty, tastier even than the Tim Hortons junk food he used to buy when he had money. He thinks of Gurbinder's words about paths to enlightenment. 'Fucking turban fucker' he thinks to himself. He racks his brain for grounds to get around his vexatious litigant status and grounds to sue the soup kitchen.

 

[Patricia Highsmith]

A homeless JY wanders the streets of Vancouver with his few remaining possessions in a shopping cart. Hunger has finally driven him to visit the soup kitchen set up by members of the Sikh community and cold has forced him to wear almost all the clothes he owns.

He approaches. He's apprehensive. Will they recognize him? Will they turn him away or even assault him. His cane and taser have been confiscated and he's too weak from cold and hunger to put up much of a fight. Since Miriam died and he was evicted he hasn't spoken to another human being.

Still, desperation drives him to approach like a wild animal forced into the city to forage despite the danger from humans. Gurbinder, the man ladling out the soup serves just like he serves everyone else in the queue. JY decides to say something. 'My name is Jonathan Yaniv. I'm sorry for what I tweeted about Sikhs'. Gurbinder looks him in the eye. 'I recognized you the first time I saw you a few days ago. I was going to tell you that you're welcome here but you disappeared before I could. Our religion tells us that we must do good works as part of our path to enlightenment, that the harm others do to us is caused by the inner pain and that we should help them to overcome that pain. All of us, my friend, are on the path to enlightenment and that path may sometimes be hard but we're all in this together'.

JY is stunned and walks back to a table to eat his soup. It's vegetarian and pretty tasty, tastier than the Tim Hortons junk food he used to buy when he had money. He thinks of Gurbinder's words about paths to enlightenment. 'Fucking turban fucker' he thinks to himself. He racks his brain for grounds to get around his vexatious litigant status and grounds to sue the soup kitchen.

Pulling out his "phone" (it's actually a wrapped maxi pad) he taps out an imaginary tweet and tries to remember Blaire White's name. He "posts" his tweet, and looks around the room for someone to ignore.

 

[Junkail]

When he finally dies of complications from morbid obesity, a Jewish relative will probably visit one last time to say The Mourner's Kaddish over his dead body, although it'll probably go something like this:

 

[Damn Near]

Let me put $100 on "continued fat jewishness"

 

[Kaiser Wilhelm's Ghost]

I see two futures tied together for Jonathan.

Jonathan will indefinitely continue to try to file false claims and try to legally bully people in his quest for law suit bux, while pursuing a lifestyle that will leave him actually crippled due to obesity and so in-debt from his false law suits and poor spending habits that he is essentially a ward of the state, a true welfare queen which is where he will rot away in irrelevance.

Or the same as above, only he will eventually get caught soliciting children and get sent away and likewise be a boil on the ass of the system, only this time he'll at least be in an institution and have the term sex offender rightly applied to his list of existing titles.

 

[GenericReviewerDraco]

Either fading into irrelevance after losing his court cases or arrested for his pedophilic bullshit, sent to women's prison and his fat ass gets shanked to death by 5 Big Berthas within 2 months.

 

[huffysan]

He probably will commit suicide by inserting tampon in the wrong hole and choking on it.

 

[Kosher Salt]

Suicide, followed by a fake suicide attempt that gets him institutionalized, then a brief bout with homelessness before finally winning all of his lawsuits and becoming the Canadian Prime Minister.